Families With Grace

Helping Christian moms create homes filled with grace, love & faith

How to connect with your spouse while raising children

6 ways to connect in the busyness of raising kiddos

My husband and I were married for 10 years before our first child was born. We had 10 years of being able to do things like talk without interruption! Now as the parents to an 11-year-old and an 8-year-old life is different, and we can struggle to finish a conversation. Learning how to connect with your spouse in the midst of raising a family can be challenging. We’ve found a few strategies that work for us.

Connecting with your spouse is about more than going on dates. While date night is awesome and I highly encourage it, connection means taking the time to really listen to each other. You certainly can (and sometimes need to) share your deepest feelings, but you also should share the small stuff as well.

I mean all the things you think about in the shower that you mean to talk to your spouse about but don’t get a chance to. Or all the things you start to say and get interrupted. I’d say it even includes some logistical details sometimes that you just need to communicate and connect about. Connection is about sharing life together.

1. Find good times to talk.

One of the best ways to connect with your spouse comes by communicating well. I learned pretty early on in our just over two decades of marriage to start important conversations with the question: “Is this a good time to talk?”

That one question has saved us some grief and arguments in our marriage. Since my husband and I work from home together, we have plenty of opportunities to interrupt each other at inopportune times. So in order to connect with each other, we start with finding the right time to do so.

He may have something he wants to discuss with me and connect with me about right when I’m in the middle of trying to finish an article before my deadline. Or I might need to talk with him about something that happened right when he is preparing for a conference call.

By asking if it’s a good time (and being kind and honest with the question and response), our chance to actually connect improves. Some times are just not convenient times to listen — really listen — to what someone is saying to you.

2. Set boundaries with your kids.

This one looks different depending on your kids’ ages. We haven’t dealt with this with teenagers since our oldest kiddo is 11, but we’ve dealt with it through every stage previous.

The baby days are hard because babies are unpredictable. So, you have to get creative in order to connect with your spouse. When our youngest was a newborn, my husband knew I was struggling. While our daughter had always been a good sleeper, our son wasn’t. I had many nights where I was up the entire night only able to sleep about two hours before our 3-year-old was up for the day. I would literally fall asleep in the middle of saying something to my husband when he got home from work.

One night, my husband left an encouraging note on the changing table reminding me that I could wake him if I needed to. That short note, written on a piece of paper torn from a notebook was the perfect way to connect at that point in our lives.

As our children got older, we got into routines as a family. Their bedtimes coincided. Quiet or nap times overlapped intentionally. Even now they both have to be in their rooms for the night at the same time. So, my husband and I know that by 8:15 p.m., both kiddos should be settled in for the night. That’s important because those are times we know we can connect.

And then there are other times (especially right now with virtual schooling) that we stop our kids from coming into the home office during the day because my husband and I need a moment to connect. Sometimes we connect even by grousing about school assignments together!

3. Utilize kid-free time.

Kid-free time seems like it would be a no-brainer to connect with your spouse, but sometimes we get distracted and spend that time doing other things. I’m an introvert and recharge with quiet. I completely understand that sometimes kid-free time means you just want to not talk or do anything productive. And you need those breaks!

Just make sure that you allow some time for your spouse in the midst of it. Make some time to chat about what’s been going on in your lives or thoughts. My husband and I even end up spending kid-free time talking about the kids. We are in this parenting thing together and sometimes we need to connect about how we’re doing it to make sure we stay on the same page.

When it comes simply to connecting, no topic is taboo, not even your kiddos. The act of sharing your thoughts and concerns with each other connects you with your spouse.

4. Do something fun together.

One of the best ways to connect with your spouse is doing something fun together. This totally depends on what you guys find fun, but look for something you both enjoy.

That said, don’t be afraid to branch out and try what your spouse thinks is fun and vice versa. Since he was a kid, my husband has been a gamer. He enjoys both video games and tabletop games, specifically role playing games. While I played video games with him occasionally, I resisted tabletop role playing games for year.

When I finally tries role playing games with my husband, I found that I enjoy them as well. It’s something fun we love doing together and lets me see a whole different side of my husband and his creativity. And we end up with memories made together that we can talk — and usually laugh — about later.

We also enjoy watching movies together. While it doesn’t sound like something to connect us, we talk about them afterward. We usually don’t have in-depth discussions (though it’s happened and you totally could), but even just sharing what we each thought of the movie helps us connect with each other.

5. Go for a ride or run errands together.

The car can be the perfect place for connecting with your spouse when it’s just the two of you. Nobody can interrupt your conversations! My husband and I have done some of our best connecting on car rides and/or while running errands together.

We’ve connected and had fun while shopping for our kids’ birthday gifts. When we go on road trips for doctor’s appointments for me, we spend part of that time talking and going over topics we care about. We’ve talked through all sorts of things in the car.

Another way we sometimes connect on longer trips is listening to Podcasts together. My husband has some favorite ones he’ll listen to while I read or nap. But there are some we like listening to together as well. (One of our joint favorite Podcasts is a role playing game.) You could also listen to audio books together if that’s more your style.

6. Don’t forget the small stuff.

Finally, connect with your spouse in small ways that make big differences. The right words can make your bond stronger. Say thank you when you notice your spouse doing chores or taking care of something so you don’t have to. Stop and give your spouse a hug when he or she is folding laundry. Pick up their favorite treat at the grocery store.

Connection in marriage happens in small ways every day. You don’t have to have long discussions on deep topics. Your actions and facial expressions can connect you just as much as words. I love the feeling when my husband and I share “a look” about something adorable our kids have done or even something frustrating that’s happened. It reminds me we are on the same page and on the same team going through life. And that’s what connection is all about!

20 Lessons from life with a newborn

Life with a newborn is exhausting, challenging and rewarding

I wrote this back in 2013 when I was just starting to feel a bit human again after having our second baby. I’ve done some slight editing, but left it mostly the same. I share for new mamas who are overwhelmed and exhausted. I promise you will survive this phase! The 12-week-old baby is new a thriving 8-year-old boy and his big sister is now 11.

Just when you think you know everything as a mother, things change around and you realize that you don’t know nearly as much as you thought you did to begin with. Having a second baby has reminded me of this. My son is days away from being 12 weeks old. He’s not much like his big sister who is 3-1/2. I’ve learned a few lessons from life with a newborn. I’ve also been reminded of some lessons I learned last time around.

So, I decided to compile a list. It’s far from comprehensive, but it’s a few things that have been floating around in my mind and my life these last nearly 12 weeks.

1. Not all babies are the same. 

I can’t say this enough. I knew this in my head, but having a second baby really taught me this lesson. My daughter loved the bouncy seat; my son doesn’t like it. The swing didn’t interest my daughter; my son loves it. My daughter couldn’t sleep when someone was holding her. Sometimes my son will only sleep when someone is holding him.

2. Just when you think you couldn’t possible be any more exhausted, you realize you can. 

I’ve had plenty of times when I thought if I were any more exhausted I’d be dead. And then the baby spent the night crying and I got only two hours of sleep before preschooler was up and ready for the day to start. Turns out I was wrong. I could be more exhausted.

3. Dealing with reflux in a baby stinks. 

My daughter had other issues, but reflux wasn’t a problem for her. My son has mild reflux and it stinks. I feel a huge compassion for parents who have babies with more severe reflux.

4. Babies require patience. 

Lots and lots and lots of patience. I try to remind myself of this when I want to scream things like, “Stop crying and nurse already!” Or “Go to sleep!” So instead I do things like make shushing noises and sing lullabies. And when I can’t manage that, I just shut my trap.

5. Going anywhere takes a lot of effort. 

Going anywhere on time feels like a major undertaking. I travel with lots of stuff in tow, even with a second baby. While I’d like to say I’ve downsized from the first time around, the truth is I haven’t. In fact, my diaper bag now includes items for my 3-year-old as well. When she was a baby, I didn’t carry coloring books and portable toilet seats with us. 

Getting all of us ready to get out the door to go anywhere is a major undertaking and major accomplishment. If we get there on time, I’m pretty sure I deserve some sort of award.

6. Not sleeping in your bed for three months can really wear on you. 

While my daughter had her own issues in figuring out how to use her tongue to suck, she was a good sleeper. She slept first in her pack-and-play in our room and then in her crib in her room starting at 3 months. 

My son, thanks first to extra congestion after his delivery and then to his reflux, is not a good sleeper. He just starting sleeping in his crib and he’s not sleeping in there nearly as long as he was sleeping in the Boppy on the couch beside me. We’ll get there, I hope, because sleeping in a recliner is far from as comfortable as my bed.

7. Baby cuddles are sweet and should be enjoyed for no other reason than just to cuddle. 

I had trouble getting cuddle time with my daughter. Like I said she wouldn’t fall asleep in our arms. I also had to put her down quite a bit so I could pump milk for her. 

This time around in life with a newborn, I get lots more cuddles because our little dude is cuddly and because I’m nursing him. I really enjoy the snuggles. I just have to remember to cuddle sometimes just because baby cuddles are good for the soul and not just because I’m trying to get him to sleep or feed him.

8. Babies create lots of laundry. 

This is not different this time around. I had lots of laundry last time; I have lots of laundry this time. Before I had kids I always figured the laundry was for the baby. I’ve since realized that my laundry also increases when I get covered in spit-up and diaper blowouts. Fun stuff… 

(And let’s not pretend that I change my shirt every single time I get a teeny bit of spit-up on me, especially if I’m not leaving the house any time soon!)

9. Showers taken when other responsible adults are around are like mini spa days. 

I love my Saturday morning hot shower when my husband is home and making sure that the kiddos are fine. For 20 glorious minutes, I enjoy warm water cascading over me and nobody talking to me, crying for me or needing me to do something. It’s divine.

10. Trips anywhere alone are like mini vacations. 

This includes grocery shopping and doctor’s visits.  I’ve been disappointed when my doctor or dentist got me in fast enough that I didn’t have time to sit in the waiting room and read my book. Times have changed.

11. Toothless baby smiles make your heart melt — even when it’s 2 a.m. and you’ve not been asleep since 7 a.m. the day before.

It’s hard to stay mad, upset or any other negative emotion when you’re getting a toothless baby smile.

12. You can come up with all sorts of systems for how things work best.

For example, we learned pretty quickly that this little dude needs to be held more to go to sleep. My husband tests when our son is ready to be laid down by lifting his arm and seeing if it stays completely limp when he gently drops it. My test in the middle of the night has sometimes been when the sniffing from my exhausted tear-fest no longer makes him jump. Whatever works.

13. You are desperate to hear from other mothers of newborns. 

I have a small network of moms I enjoy talking with who have kiddos the same age as mine. We talk about shots, exhaustion, bottle size, diaper brands and all the stuff that comes in life with a newborn (and older kiddos). It helps me to know I’m not alone in my worries and frustrations.

14. On the flip side, unwanted advice from non-parents or those who haven’t had a baby for decades does not go over well. 

It’s a great way to annoy a new mom. And, honestly, we get tired of hearing how much we should enjoy these days because they go so fast. Having a 3-1/2-year-old, I’ve already learned this lesson a bit. 

However, there are most definitely parts of life with a newborn that I don’t enjoy and won’t miss. There are way more parts I do enjoy and will miss, but I don’t enjoy every single moment and can get tired of the suggestion that I should.

15. Hormones and exhaustion can combine in negative ways. 

I don’t mean to be grumpy, weepy or irritable. It just happens. And for that I’m sorry.

16. Mommy brain is real. 

We fully intend to remember what we were talking about or supposed to be doing and then we just don’t. This happens from being exhausted by life with a newborn and from being interrupted so frequently.

17. Babies smell good. 

I feel like I knew this before, but I almost forgot it. I think of Frank Barone, the grandpa on the old TV show “Everybody Loves Raymond.” He’d come in and smell his grandchildren’s heads and claim to be taking in their youth. I get that. Sometimes I smell my son’s head and just try to suck in that smell. He won’t smell like a new baby forever. It’s a special smell.

18. Mommy guilt is real. 

This isn’t something I had to learn anew. It’s something I’ve had from the moment I became a mom and I continue to struggle with it. I worry that I’m not doing enough for either child at any given time. I worry that I’m not making the baby do tummy time enough or playing enough games with preschooler. I worry if I leave them with their grandparents for a few hours to do something like see a movie with my husband that I shouldn’t be leaving them at all. I am good at mommy guilt.

19. Diaper changing time is sometimes the highlight of my day. 

Some of my favorite times with my daughter were on the changing table. She’d baby talk to me. She’d smile at me and look into my eyes. My son is the same way. Sometimes, in fact, we’ve been in the middle of really rough nights when his reflux is acting up and I’ll go to change his diaper and he’ll settle down and “talk” to me and smile at me. The changing table is sort of a magical place with my babies.

20. The rewards of life with a newborn are worth it. 

Just when I think I can’t possibly have the energy to go on another moment or just when I am so incredibly ready to give up, I look down at my baby’s precious little face and remember he depends on me so very completely for everything right now. He needs me. I’m irreplaceable to him (and to his big sister). 

And I love them both so completely. That love gives me the extra energy I need to press on and take care of their needs. (Some prayer for strength goes a long way, too!) Getting rewarded with baby smiles and coos makes my heart swoon and re-energizes me enough to keep going. 

It’s motherhood: long hours, crummy pay and tremendous rewards.

Looking for more on life with babies? Don’t miss these posts!

200 Easter basket ideas that aren’t candy

Easter basket ideas your toddlers to tweens will love that aren’t full of sugar!

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Hippity, hoppity, Easter’s on its way! And that means we need Easter basket ideas for our kiddos. Our Easter Bunny leaves some candy in our kids’ baskets and some small candy in the eggs he hides for them. But the Bunny also likes to fill their baskets with non-candy items they’ll love.

With that in mind, I’ve put together a list of 200 non-candy Easter basket ideas for toddlers through tweens to help out the Easter Bunny who visits your house. I focused on things kids would like and actually use but that also wouldn’t break the bank.

I’ve organized them based on age, but peruse other age groups than what you’re looking for. Some ideas work for multiple ages!

Easter basket ideas for toddlers and preschoolers

Board books

Check out this list of more than 100 children’s books worth reading for more ideas!
“I Love You Through and Through”
“Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?”
“Chicka Chicka Boom Boom”
“Hippos Go Berserk”
“Peek-A Who?”

Bubbles

Of course you can do a standard bottle of bubbles that has a wand, but there are some fun options as well!
Fubbles no-spill tumbler with bubble solution
Automatic bubble blower
T-rex bubble shooter (um, my 8-year-old would totally love this, too!)

Play-Doh

12 cans of Play-Doh (4 ounces each)
Play-Doh Kitchen rolled ice-cream set
Trolls World Tour Rainbow Hair Poppy Play-Doh set

Sidewalk chalk

Yoobi sidewalk chalk paint rollers (3-pack)
24-pack dustless colored chalk
10-piece chalk set with holder

Bath toys

4-piece mold free bath squirters
Wind-up swimming penguin (available in blue or pink)
Caterpillar stacking and straining cups
Basketball hoop with floating balls
Fishing pole with toys

Stuffed animals

Plush brown monkey
12-inch stuffed teddy bear
Unicorn (also comes in a dragon and pegasus)

Slap bracelets

4-pack “Frozen 2” slap bracelets featuring Anna, Elsa, Kristoff and Olaf
5-pack (or 8-pack) of superhero slap bracelets
Plush animal slap bracelets (a wide array of animals, including dinosaurs, are available)

Art supplies

Toddler scissors
Melissa & Doug jumbo triangular crayons (10-pack)
Alphabet coloring book
Melissa & Doug Felt Friends stickers
Paint with water coloring book of puppies
Melissa & Doug Make-a-Face sticker pad
Crayola Color Wonder coloring set (These are amazing because the markers really don’t show up anywhere except on the coloring pages!)

Balls

O-ball with circles for little fingers to easily grip

Knobby balls (pack of 12)

Expandable ball (set of 2)

Lego Duplos

Town pizza stand (ages 2 and up)
First fish (ages 18 months and up)
Construction bulldozer set (ages 2 and up)

Misc.

4-pack of dinosaur vehicles

Easter basket ideas for early elementary

Books

Check out this list of more than 100 children’s books worth reading for more ideas!
The boxed set of books 1-4 in the Junie B. Jones series
“Charlotte’s Web”
“The Big Book of Silly Jokes for Kids”
“Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing”
“Dog Man: Brawl of the Wild” (or any book from this series)
“Minnie and Moo Go to Paris” (or any Minnie and Moo book)

Silly putty

Original Silly Putty (3-pack)
Heat sensitive lab putty
Glow in the Dark Silly Putty

Legos

Lego Friends Olivia’s flower garden
Lego Creator 3-in-1 propeller plane
Lego City monster truck
Lego Friends heart box

Pool toys

Fish dive sticks
Water guns (2-pack — no pool needed for these!)
Scoop-a-Diving pool toys

Hot Wheels

5-pack of Batman vehicles
5-pack
1:24 scale monster truck

Sunglasses

Classic 1980s-style sunglasses (available in 12 colors)
Polarized sunglasses with straps (available in 17 colors)
Rhinestone cat eye sunglasses (available in 20 colors)

Swim goggles

Anti-fog eye goggles with nose and ear plugs and a case (available in 3 colors)
Anti-fog eye mask with a snorkle (available in 4 colors)
2-pack anti-fog eye goggles with nose and ear plugs (available 9 color combinations)

Watch

Digital Anna and Elsa watch
Digital Spider-man watch
Silicone analog watches (available in dinosaur, firetrucks and butterflies, each in a variety of colors)
Analog watches with the hour and minute hands labeled (available in Batman, Minnie Mouse and Disney Princesses)
Analog sea turtle slap bracelet watch

Arts and crafts

A how to draw animals book
A draw-and-write gratitude journal
A dinosaur or unicorn activity book
WikkiStix (wax sticks for creating)
Melissa & Doug Color by Numbers
A set of crayons, markers and colored pencils

Stickers

8 sheets of cute animal stickers
160 cars and trucks stickers
Paint by sticker zoo animals
Make-a-Face stickers

Dover sticker activity books (At $1.50 to $1.99, these are the cheapest item on the list and super cool! You can find a little sticker book for just about anything your kiddos would like including making ice cream sundaes, Noah’s ark, decorating Easter eggs, baby animals, dinosaurs and so much more!)

Barbies

Dolls
Barbie rhythmic gymnast doll with two batons and a ribbon (also in brunette with darker skin)
Babysitters Inc. baby (with blanket and bottle)
Fashionista Ken
Swimsuit Barbie (The swimsuit is painted on, so it’s ideal for the bathtub, pool or anywhere your kiddo wants to play in water!)
Rockstar Chelsea with guitar, microphone, headphones, VIP tickets and star-shaped glasses

Accessories
Barbie kitten with accessories
Barbie day spa accessories
Barbie barbeque grill with food
Barbie gardening accessories with plants and more
Barbie house cleaning supplies
Barbie breakfast tray with food

Games

Charades
The card game War for kids
Minecraft UNO
Simon micro series

Balls

6-pack of puffer balls
4-pack mesh squishy stress balls
Nee Doh stress ball

Blind bags

Ooey Gooey pickin surprise (slime)
My Little Pony Magical Surprise
Disney Princess Secret Style Surprise princess
Power Rangers Micro Morphers
Dreamsworks’ Trolls World Tour Tiny Dancers (wearable figures)

Polly Pocket sets

Dolphin trainer set
Barbeque set
Playground set
Rock star set

Water snakes

5-inch long water snake with glitter
Long 9.5-inch long water snake
4.75-inch water snake with dolphins inside

Action figures

12-inch superheroes like Spider-man, Superman and Captain America
7-inch Imaginext DC characters like Black Bat & Ninja Batman, Flash & his cycle or Joker & Harley Quinn
Pokemon figures like Pikachu and Grookey
2-pack Fortnite Battle Royale action figures

Misc.

Mighty Beanz
4-pack Hatchimals collectibles with 4 accessories
Magic ring bracelet toy

U.S. map 60-piece puzzle
A metal or plastic neon slinky
Melissa & Doug DIY wooden race car
DIY Scratch art bookmark kit (makes 12 bookmarks)

Easter basket ideas for tweens

Books

Check out this list of more than 100 children’s books worth reading for more ideas!
“Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone”
“The Girl Who Drank the Moon”
“The Lion, the With and the Wardrobe”
“A Wrinkle in Time”
“The Lightning Thief”
“The Best Kind of Magic”

Arts and crafts

How to draw books like Pokemon, Harry Potter or Unicorns, Mermaids and More
A fashion design sketch portfolio
4,000-piece set of multi-colored Perler beads (separated by color)
Create your own stepping stone: turtle, ladybug, sun and 5 others
Perler bead with patterns: Harry Potter, Spider-man, Zelda, emojis or a dog

Lip balm or gloss

6-count Sweet Tarts lip gloss canister
8-count M&Ms Lip Smackers
8-count Starbrust Lip Smackers
8-count Coca-Cola Lip Smackers
5-count Lip Smacker liquid lip gloss
8-count Sour Patch Kids flavored lip balm
8-count Skittles Lip Smackers

Blind bags

Funko Mystery Minis: Marvel Venom
Lego Unikitty collectibles
Mandalorian foam 3D clips

Jewelry

Necklaces: A cross necklace or an initial necklace
Bracelets: An initial charm bracelet, a leather charm bracelet (available in 36 options) or 6 colorful beaded bracelets
Earrings: ladybug earrings, cross earrings or 9-count earrings in various design options

Games

Monopoly Deal card game
Clue: the card game
Uno: Emoji

Wet Brush

(My daughter and I LOVE this brush for her ultra-thick hair. It works on both wet and dry hair to detangle without pulling and hurting. We have one upstairs and one downstairs!)
Floral design Wet Brush
Disney character Wet Brush

Puzzles

100-piece animal selfies puzzle
100-piece sea turtle puzzle
300-piece Pokemon fan favorites puzzle
350-piece puppies in sneakers puzzle

Water bottle

50 Strong Kids sports squeeze 22-oz. water bottle (available in 14 patterns)
Contigo auto spout straw water bottle (available in 24- and 32-ounce; 24-ounce bottles are under $11)
DIY Color stainless steel water bottle

Legos

Lego Technic toy tractor
Lego Marvel Avengers Ironman mech
Lego Star Wars Millennium Microfighter

Mad Libs

(All under $5)
“Dog Ate My Mad Libs”
“Sleepover Party Mad Libs”
“Camp Daze Mad Libs”
“Goofy Mad Libs”
“Unicorns, Mermaids and Mad Libs”
“Diary of a Wimpy Kid Mad Libs”
“Star Wars” Mad Libs”
“Marvel’s Avengers Mad Libs”

Misc.

Hair chalk
Headphones (multiple colors)
Zoya nail polish (free of harsh chemicals, lasts so long and comes in tons of colors) Some fav pinks for spring: light pink, medium pink and bright pink
Flying disc (multiple colors)
OMG Little Live Pets dogs in ballerina and rainbow pop

Looking for more Easter ideas? Don’t miss these easy DIY Resurrection Eggs with a free printable!

Become a happy family with one small attitude shift

Changing assumptions can lead to a happy family dynamic

One of the things I want most as a mom is to have a happy family. I want us to have a good relationship with each other and get along.

Yet, the truth is that nobody gets along all of the time. We get short with each other. My kids argue sometimes. My husband and I can get cranky with each other.

One of the biggest things that can trip us up in relationships is making assumptions about the other person or people. We’ve found a trick to help make those assumptions positive instead of negative. And it makes a big difference in how we treat each other.

Negative assumptions

We may not even realize it, but we can make negative assumptions about other people quickly and easily. In fact, we are more inclined to make negative assumptions about someone than positive ones.

When someone cuts us off in traffic, we may not consciously think, “That guy is just trying to make my drive more difficult!” But we react that way. We get angry and offended.

We do the same thing within our families and it can result in anything but a happy family. When your husband does the laundry then forgets to get it out of the dryer, we don’t consciously think, “He’s trying to make my life harder. He knows I’m busy!” But we react that way. We get upset with him. Our attitude shifts negatively and soon everyone in the family feels the effect of that negative assumption.

The root of negative assumptions

When it comes down to it, the root of negative assumptions is selfishness. Sometimes we are so caught up in ourselves and what we have going on that we subconsciously think the world revolves around us.

Of course most people would never admit to feeling that way at least sometimes, yet it can be how we act. What we are really feeling with our frustration at the guy who cut us off in traffic or the husband who didn’t complete a chore is that they are personally affecting us. And, gosh darn it, we deserve better treatment!

So many issues in relationships come down to the root of selfishness, because we can struggle to get over ourselves and think of others. God is clear in His Word that we are to think of others before ourselves and not do things out of selfish intent (Philippians 2:3-4). He knows we can’t have happy relationships or have a happy family if we are too focused on only ourselves.

Changing to positive assumptions

Making the shift to positive assumptions isn’t as difficult as you might think. For us, it started in our marriage before we had children. Since then, it has grown and expanded. We’ve put it into practice and gotten better at it so that now it’s our first reaction 90% of the time.

Instead of assuming that the other person is trying to be difficult or intentionally hurt you, assume they aren’t out to get you. What you really do is give them grace.

In the laundry example, instead of assuming my husband is trying to get out of folding the laundry, make my life harder or couldn’t care less about taking care of our family’s needs, I ask nicely. I know that most likely, he just completely forgot. Maybe we can fold the laundry together or he just has a friendly reminder to do so.

It sounds like such a small shift, but it makes a big difference in our relationships. We are able to more easily stay on the same team, so to speak, because we recognize that we’re not battling. We recognize that our loved one isn’t out to make our lives more difficult. We give grace.

Teaching children about positive assumptions

Our kids are still learning about positive assumptions, especially our youngest who just turned 8. He has a strong sense of justice. Sometimes he mistakenly assumes that his sister purposefully went to the bathroom when he needed to brush his teeth. The list could go on.

But we remind him to not assume she is trying to make his life more difficult or that she’s out to get him. She’s not trying to make him angry. It’s OK to talk and find solutions while keeping in mind we all have the same goal.

How positive assumptions make for a happy family

I’m not saying or implying that shifting to positive assumption is going to mean you always have a happy family. I’m also not implying that I always have a happy family — because I don’t!

But, I can tell you that it makes a difference. We don’t criticize others as much. We don’t get as upset and indignant over the small stuff. All of the stuff I’m talking about here is small stuff. Do I want to argue with my husband over laundry or my kids over dishes? Nope. I also don’t want my kids to argue over bathroom time or whatever else they come up with.

So, we do our best to assume that the members of our family only want good for us and not bad. We promote that as much as possible. Because when it comes to people you love, you do (and should) only want good for them. The challenge is living that our in the daily grind of family life.

Easy baked quesadilla recipe

Crispy, delicious quesadillas made in your oven

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I love easy recipes that are customizable for what my family likes. I’ve got a couple of particular eaters in my house. This easy baked quesadilla recipe fits that category.

Before we had kiddos, I came up with this recipe for my husband and me and I continue to make it now. This recipe is pretty straightforward and simple but you can switch it up to include whatever your family likes.

Preheat the oven to 400-degrees (F) and prepare your baking sheets. You can spray them with non-stick cooking spray or line them with sheets parchment paper or silicone baking mats.

I prefer to line my baking sheets for easier clean-up. I also like the parchment paper because then I can use a marker to write the first initial beside the quesadilla of who it belongs to since they are all different in some way.

Once you’re all set up then get out your tortillas. I use two tortillas per quesadilla, but you could also use one quesadilla folded in half.

Tortillas are where the baked quesadilla recipe starts. You could use wheat tortillas. I used flour. And you can pick the size. I made smaller soft taco-sized tortillas for my son’s quesadillas. I used the larger burrito-sized tortillas for my husband, daughter and me.

To help them crisp up nicely in the oven, I spritz one side of each tortilla with margarine spray. You can also use melted butter and your spray bottle to spritz the shells or lightly brush it on. I do around 10 squirts for the large burrito-sized shells. I spray the bottom first and then spray the top shell after I place it on top when the filling is in.

The spray margarine is the easiest for me to use, but you can also work with melted margarine or butter. Non-stick cooking spray works as well, but not quite as great.
Once the tortillas are sprayed, I use my clean hands and smear the margarine around a bit so most of the shell has a light coating.

With the buttered side face down onto the cooking sheet, put the filling in your quesadillas. Get creative with what your family likes. My son’s was just cheese. My husband’s had bacon and onion with a small amount of cheese.

This is my son’s quesadilla filled with only cheese. I use mostly Mexican cheese blend but also add in some Italian cheese blend.
My husband’s quesadillas are filled with precooked bacon cooked until it’s crispy and not too much cheese, because he doesn’t like cheese so much.

My daughter and I opted for a chicken bacon ranch version. It was so incredibly good. To make it easier, I used precooked refrigerated chicken, precooked bacon cooked to a crisp in the microwave, ranch dressing, tomato, onion and roughly chopped baby spinach.

The chicken bacon ranch quesadillas were quite delicious! Mine is on the left, because I like cheese much more than my daughter.

Put the quesadillas into the preheated oven and bake them for 6 minutes. Pull them out and flip them over. Put them back in the oven for another 6 minutes. Check and see if they are golden brown around the edges. If so, they are finished. If not, leave them in there and check again in 2 minutes.

Fresh from the oven!

Use a pizza cutter (or sharp knife) to slice the quesadillas and serve them warm. We always eat sour cream with ours, because our family LOVES sour cream!

Easy baked quesadillas

Ingredients
  

  • Flour or wheat tortilla shells soft taco or burrito size, depending on how big you want your quesadillas to be, 2 per quesadilla
  • Spray margarine can also use melted margarine or butter or, in a pinch, non-stick cooking spray
  • Shredded Mexican blend cheese
  • Shredded Italian blend cheese
  • Quesadilla fillings such as bacon, chicken, ground beef, steak, onions, peppers, tomatoes, etc.

Instructions
 

  • Preheat the oven to 400-degrees.
  • Prepare baking sheets with non-stick cooking spray or line them with parchment paper or silicone baking mats.
  • Get out one tortilla shells per quesadilla. Cover on side of it with the margarine or butter. (For spray margarine, I use 8 to 10 squirts and smear it around with my clean hands.)
  • Please the shells buttered side down onto your prepared baking sheet(s).
  • Put your filling ingredients onto the top of the shells. Top them with cheese. I use 3/4 Mexican blend or colby jack cheese and 1/4 Italian blend or mozzarella cheese. The amount of cheese varies based on the size of your shell and your family's preferences.
  • Then add whatever ingredients your family prefers. I love chicken bacon ranch using precooked, refrigerated chicken, precooked bacon cooked until crispy in the microwave, shredded cheese, ranch dressing, tomato, onion and roughly chopped spinach.
  • Place another tortilla on top. Lightly cover it with margarine or butter, just as you did the bottom shells.
  • Place into your preheated oven for 6 minutes.
  • Pull out the quesadillas and carefully flip them over.
  • Bake for 6 more minutes or until the edges are a nice golden brown.
  • Use a pizza cutter or sharp knife to slice and serve hot. We usually serve ours with sour cream because we love it!

The push and pull of motherhood

We can want to be away from and with our children at the same time!

I originally wrote this piece about motherhood in March of 2014 when my daughter was 4 and my son was 1. While they are now 11 and nearly 8 and some things have changed, the feelings of the push and pull of motherhood remain.

Not that long ago while my daughter was trying to prolong going to sleep by keeping me in her room, she stopped me as I got to the door and said, “But, I’ll miss you while I’m asleep.” I’m a sucker for her. I went back for yet another hug and told her I’d miss her, too.

At the time, it was the end of the day and I was tired. I’m not a night person. And by the time we manage to make it until bedtime, I’m usually quite ready and happy for the kiddos to go down so I can have an hour or two of downtime before I hit the hay, too. I wouldn’t necessarily say that I miss the kids at that point in my day. (I know. What a horrible mother I am!)

But, I’ve realized that in the mornings (now that they are both sleeping through the night more often than not), I really have missed them. When my daughter comes out of her room and comes to find me, I’m mostly happy to see her. (Full disclosure: sometimes I take a couple of minutes to feel this joy when my quiet morning time comes to a close.)

And I love morning snuggles. When my son wakes up and I get him out of his crib, we snuggle for just a moment before I change his diaper. Is he always on board? No. At 13 months, sometimes he’s squirming around in the snuggle to try and get a peek at his sister or dog, but that’s OK. I still live for these morning snuggles.

I feel like this is so much the truth of motherhood. So many times I long for a break from my kids. Like every night at bedtime, I’m happy to see them go to sleep so I can have just a minute to sit down and breathe. But then 12 hours later, I’m happy to see them and feel like I really have missed them somehow.

I love my quiet and alone times. I’m an introvert. These are the times that feed my soul. I wouldn’t be anywhere near a happy mom without some downtime, but I really am finding that I do (gasp!) enjoy my kids!

Motherhood is this constant pushing and pulling. We think about it from the beginning with kids trying to pull away when they can and gain independence, but I think it’s true for us moms, too. We sometimes want to push our kids away to get a break and then just as quickly, we want to pull them right back for a hug. It’s an odd dichotomy. And it happens often.

Earlier this week, I had to wheel the trash can to the curb for pick-up. My husband usually does that job, but he’s been sick for a week, so I did it after dinner. I had made dinner, fed the kids, made an alternative to the alternative for the toddler who threw most everything I gave him on the floor, cleaned the kitchen, fielded a barrage of questions and comments from the preschooler, sorted through some things in the freezer and bagged up the trash. I was tired.  

As I was about to head out the door, I smelled the dirty diaper on my son. I sighed and continued. It might have been the slowest walk to take out the trash anyone has ever done. The weather was nice and it was blissfully quiet outside. I wasn’t sure how much I wanted to go back inside at that moment. I knew what was waiting for me.

So, I took a deep breath and went back in. That minute break was needed. It wasn’t long enough. And then I told my son he needed a new diaper. His latest trick is that when we tell him this then he walks to his changing table. This time, he reached up to grab my hand before he started off to the changing table. My heart melted. I found myself refreshed in the midst of a long evening. Just one minute earlier, I’d been ready to just be alone for a while. But with one little hand reaching up for me, that melted away.

That’s motherhood. We long for breaks; we need breaks. However, we long for our children; we need our children. It’s a constant back and forth.  

Now, you’ll have to excuse me while I go.  While I’ve been writing this, my daughter has finished her breakfast and come over for a snuggle on the couch in our PJs.  I’m not about to miss out on that!

10 More virtual school success tips

More ways to set up for virtual school success

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Back in August, I shared virtual school success tips that we’d learned from spring until fall. Now, we are just over halfway through the school year and, as a family who has chosen to virtual school this school year, I have even more tips to share!

We’re in this for the long haul, and we know it. That’s a nice change from when virtual school was sprung on us in March 2020. We are also blessed in having an awesome school that gives us great virtual learning options for our second and fifth graders. We don’t have to come up with the curriculum but rather keep everything organized and running smoothly.

1. Use your phone alarms.

I love my phone alarms. When my kids were in school in-person, I had an alarm set for each day for when I needed to get ready and leave to pick them up.

This school year kicked that up a major notch. My son, our second grader, has a variety of Zoom calls throughout the day connecting with other virtual learners his age. Some calls are only on certain days and some are every day. He uses a few different Zoom meeting rooms for his calls. So, I set recurring alarms for the appropriate days that go off five minutes before each call. The five minutes allows us to finish what we were doing, get out his needed supplies and dial into the call.

My daughter in fifth grade is more independent and spends most of her day Zooming with her classmates who are both virtual and in-person. I don’t have to set alarms for when her calls start, but I do have other alarms set for her. I use an alarm for when she needs to head back to a call after lunch and gym a couple of days a week.

Speaking of lunch, I even set a daily alarm to start making lunch. My daughter, especially, has a more limited lunchtime.

2. Use your calendar.

This may sound like overkill, but I use my phone calendar and my paper planner. My phone pops up with reminders 10 minutes before calls start, but I have those same times written down in my planner for each day so I can easily see them if I’m scheduling something for us.

Honestly, using a calendar (or two) is one of my best virtual school success tips. With so many schedules to organize, including my own work schedule, having it all in one place is so helpful.

I set calendar appointments and reminders for just about everything in my life!

3. Prepare for calls.

My son’s teacher usually posts the day’s assignments around 6 a.m. each day. One of the first things I do when I get up is check what he has going on that day. It helps me plan in my head for times he needs help and times he can work independently.

But as we get our day underway, I also take that information and organize supplies and assignments for the day. We have different colored folders for each subject. So I make sure the papers he needs for each subject are in the correct folder for that day.

The prepared folders are great to pull out as he is logging into a Zoom call. He’s quickly and easily ready to go. And he isn’t scrambling around looking for what he needs and missing instructions or making his classmates have to wait for him.

4. Have a spot for storing extra and seldom used supplies.

In the previous post of virtual school success tips, I told you how we use baskets for each kiddo and their related school supplies and materials. We still do that and absolutely love it!

But we also needed somewhere to store extra supplies (hello, glue sticks and pencils!) as well as supplies we don’t use as often. I had an extra portable file storage container, so I just used it. You can use whatever you have on hand or even a cabinet.

Ours has some gym supplies, music supplies, extra school supplies (glue sticks, pencils, pens, markers, etc.) and even an extra math book we’ll need when we finish the current one.

The nice part about having a specific spot for extra and seldom used supplies is that we know where to go when we need them and can find them quickly. Our day doesn’t get interrupted searching all over the house to remember where the extra glue sticks are.

Our basic art supplies go in two drawers in our kitchen because we use them more often. That includes crayons, markers, watercolors, colored pencils, white art paper and construction paper. My son’s pencil box has twistable crayons, scissors and glue sticks as well as his pencils. And both kids have a stack of white paper in their art folders.

5. Communicate with the teacher.

I’m an introvert. And to boot, I’m also a bit on the shy side and don’t want to pester people. But, another of my top virtual school success tips is communicating with the teacher.

Virtual schooling is basically a partnership between parents and teachers. Our teachers have communicated well with us, but questions and problems arise. Sometimes one quick email can make all the difference on how well an assignment goes.

6. Communicate with independent learners.

My daughter works well on her own, but communicating with her is still important. If you have a kiddo who is older and working solo, check in with them regularly to see how things are going.

I love that we have lunch together and I can get updates about how things are going. We have navigated a few issues that have come up this year. As a fifth grader, my daughter has continued to work well independently. If that weren’t the case, she would have more oversight.

And my final thought on communicating well with independent learners means a certain level of trust between you and your kiddo. Even within that, stay on top of messages from their teachers to ensure work is turned in and completed as it should be. I have our school account settings so that messages my kids get from their teachers also come to my parent account and alert me on my phone.

7. Sometimes an attitude adjustment is necessary.

Working together all day every day means that you’re going to have grumpy moments — and so are your kids. My attitude directly affects my son’s attitude. If I’m grumpy and short, so is he.

I do my best to keep a good attitude as we are working. If I’m struggling, because some days are just hard, then I call break time. Recently, on a long school day, my son and I hung out on the stairs petting our pooch for a few minutes. We needed a school break to regroup.

And other times, I tell my son that I need him to change his attitude. We aren’t fighting each other, we are working together to get school done. Sometimes we all need that kind of reminder!

8. Ask for help when you need it.

Virtual schooling is often busy and overwhelming, especially if you are also trying to do work as well. Pay attention to what exactly you need help with and then work to figure out the best solutions.

My husband also works from home, so we’ve talked a few times about what I need for my own wellbeing. Earlier in the school year, he encouraged me to go to our bedroom and shut the door to get a break when I was overwhelmed and needed some quiet to regroup.

Now my biggest need is having time to get my own work done as my son’s work has gotten more involved and some of my work has gotten busier. So right now, we are having my husband take over schoolwork after lunch on Tuesdays and Thursdays. That gives me a few hours in the office to get work done.

9. Set realistic expectations all around.

As an adult, I want to hit tasks hard in the morning and work until they’re finished. That’s not what works best for my 7-year-old. He has to have brain breaks. Sometimes that means I set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes and he takes a complete break or we switch to something like an art project.

Another one of my best virtual school success tips is to set realistic expectations for yourself and what you can get done. My productivity level is lower while we are virtual schooling than when my kids are at school in person. (Go figure!)

To keep frustration at bay, I adjust my expectations for what I can do from household chores to work tasks.

10. Take care of yourself physically.

After the first week of school, I spent the weekend on the couch with horrible hip pain. While I have hip pain normally thanks to my fibromyalgia, this was above and beyond. I realized it was from how I was sitting while we were doing school.

My son and I sit at the kitchen table for school. Our table is counter height, so my feet were tucked a bit behind me on the rung of the chair all day every day, and it made my hip very angry. So, I moved a footstool under the table and that helped tremendously.

When I dealt with a sciatica flare, I realized sitting on the hard kitchen chair all day long wasn’t doing me any favors. I got a seat cushion and love it! Now I don’t feel as compelled to try and move school to the couch or somewhere more comfortable to sit.

The final thing I do to take care of myself is wear shoes all day. My low back and hips have been so much happier! I got a new pair of Brooks Ghost running shoes on the recommendation of my physical therapist. I only wear them at home, so I don’t have to worry about tracking in dirt or germs all over the place. Considering I’m home 99% of the time right now, it’s not so hard.

With virtual schooling, I am on my feet more often throughout the day than usual. I’m constantly getting up and down working with the kiddos. I spend more time on my feet even at lunchtime now that I’m making lunch for all of us rather than just for me. Since we don’t have carpet anywhere in our house except the stairs, the hard floors were doing me in.

The other bonus to wearing shoes is that it also makes me feel more serious about what I’m doing. I seem more purposeful somehow. And some days, I really need that!

Find more virtual school success tips here!

Valentine’s gift ideas for him

Sweet Valentine’s gift ideas your guy will love

Affiliate links are used in this post, if you make a qualifying purchase via my link, I receive a small percentage of the sale at no additional cost to you. I only recommend products and services I use and love. It helps support my blog, so thank you for your support! Read my full disclosure here.

Valentine’s Day is coming. My husband and I have spent more than two decades celebrating Valentine’s Day together. Yet, I can still have trouble coming up with Valentine’s gift ideas for him.

I want a Valentine’s gift that’s sweet and not something generic or usually even something I’d get him for Christmas or his birthday. I’d much prefer to come up with Valentine’s gift ideas for him that have more meaning and less price tag.

With that in mind, I went in search of gift ideas that were a good amount of sweet as well as things guys would actually like and use.

Get cozy

Since Valentine’s Day comes during the winter (at least here in the U.S.), cozy blanket can be great Valentine’s gift ideas for him. And it’s even better since the two of you can snuggle beneath it to stay warm! But you don’t want to give him just any boring blanket. Consider a weighted blanket, which is super popular these days.

Or go for something fun and cozy like some of these unique throws.

This fun throw would certainly keep your guy toasty on cold days. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist!)

If you’re married to a gamer who grew up in the 1980s like I am, these next two gaming throws would be a hit.

Game together

If you and your husband like playing games, couples-themed games are great Valentine’s gift ideas for him. It’s like two gifts in one. First you give the gift of the game and then you get the gift of time spent together playing it!

Picture this

Photo gifts are pretty fun, no matter how long you’ve been together. Find a photo (or a few) from a favorite memory, put it in a frame and you have a great Valentine’s gift!

Write it down

Take your Valentine’s card a step further by writing a book for your husband! With one of these fill-in-the-blank books, you can pretty easily write a sweet and sentimental book. And, unlike a card that’s easy to toss out, he can keep the book and go back to it time and again.

Laugh together

I have to be honest and tell you this final gift idea actually came from my husband. This is a book he got me for Christmas based on a series of comics that often remind him of us. Even better, he wrote on the inside cover a sweet note along with which comics reminded him most of us. It made me swoon!

Looking for more ideas on how to celebrate Valentine’s Day with your husband? Check out the easy Valentine’s tradition I do for my husband and kids to help them feel loved!

Introducing Girls with Grace

A blog for tween girls by a tween girl

For the past couple of months, my 11-year-old daughter, Lexi, and I have been talking about some writing projects we want to do together. One of the projects she’s been excited about is blogging. We decided 2021 is the year we kick off Girls with Grace!

Girls with Grace

Lexi is the mind and creativity behind Girls with Grace. In fact, she is the one who even came up with the name. For now, Girls with Grace will run new posts in a category all to itself on the Families with Grace blog. The posts will usually go live on Tuesdays.

Our plan is for her to have two to four new posts a month, because that seems manageable with her schoolwork and such she has going on.

To say that I’m proud of my kiddo is an understatement. She’s done some awesome things already in her 11 years. Working on Girls with Grace together has allowed me to get additional insight into her heart and mind that has been such a blessing. I know you’re going to be blessed by her heart and ministry as well!

Share Girls with Grace posts with the tween girls in your life and read them yourself. I let her take over today’s Families with Grace post to introduce her and let you hear what she has on her mind. This kiddo is wise beyond her years — and yes, I am totally partial!

Families with Grace: Why do you want to write a blog?

Lexi: I really enjoy writing and I enjoy God. I enjoy sharing. I enjoy blogs. I think it would be helpful.

I hope to help people who need it. I want to reach out to preteen and early teen girls. I want to help them in their walk with God by writing about it. There are lots of blogs saying to read your Bible and heres a schedule, but that feels like it’s too much. It doesn’t work well for everyone. I want to give practical tips for how to connect with God while still living your life.

FWG: What are some ways you’ve found to connect with God in the midst of schoolwork and friendships?

Lexi: I could talk forever about this! Every night when I can, if it’s not like 20-degrees or I’m not half asleep when I go up to my bedroom, I grab my Bible. Right now I’m reading Job. I didn’t go through the Bible in order. I found when I started doing that, some stories I already knew and some I wasn’t keen to re-read because I didn’t enjoy them very much.

Girls with Grace

I have a Bible where everything is split up into sections. I read one section a night for about five minutes. I meditate or pray. I get some fresh air and try to clear my mind and then go to bed. I’m finished with my homework and have no other distractions. I’m free and have time to just devote that time to God. It’s also incredibly quiet at night and easier to focus on the Bible and what I’m reading.

FWG: What advice so you have for other preteen girls who are working to find their place in the world and grow in their relationship with God?

Lexi: Don’t go searching for what your place is. It’s going to happen. You’re going to figure out what your place is with God. Go with what you think is right and what you think He would want you to do in your situation. You’re not going to just find your place in the world quickly and easily. You’ll find it eventually. It’s going to change, too. In different phases of life, your purpose can be different.

Naturally you will find what your supposed to be doing. Even if it seems like you figured it out to late, God knows when you need to know your purpose most because he knows what it going to happen the next day, and the next, and the next, and so on.

If you search for your purpose continuously, you aren’t going to have a nice childhood or great friendships. Live with and for god, but whilst you exist, you shouldn’t forget to live.

FWG: What is your favorite Bible verse? Why is that your favorite verse?

Lexi: I actually have a passage of verses that are my favorite.

“For no one is abandoned
    by the Lord forever.
Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion
    because of the greatness of his unfailing love.
For he does not enjoy hurting people
    or causing them sorrow.”

Lamentations 3:31-33 (NLT)

I was looking through my Bible. There was a wall I had dedicated to Bible verses. I had a hole and needed to find a new verse to go there. These verses really stood out to me. I think it sums up a good amount of the Bible really well. It reminds us that the Lord is always with us and even if things seem bad, He still loves us. He is always with us and it’s not going to be bad forever. God doesn’t enjoy our pain. That isn’t what He wants. He wants us to be happy. But sometimes to be happy, we have to get hurt first.

One of my favorite quotes that goes right along with this is, “It’s OK to be a glow stick; sometimes we have to break before we shine.”

Another one of my favorites is HOPE: Hold On Pain Ends.

FWG: Share a little bit about your faith journey. When do you first remember being aware of God on a personal level and not just someone your parents or Sunday School teacher talked about?

Lexi: One of the first things I really remember when I felt like God was in my life was when I was 4 or 5 and felt like I needed to start a food pantry ministry at my church to help a local food pantry.

We had donated to food pantries a couple of times. I used my giving money of my allowance to buy some food. We decided to go to a food pantry that was out of a local church that we hadn’t been to before. We learned they gave away food once a month and were dedicated to doing so, even when they didn’t have a huge amount of food.

They didn’t have the word about it out very well. I’m not sure what it was about this church that really spoke to me, but I knew I needed to do something about these people that couldn’t get their food. I didn’t have anything, but I started talking to my mom. We decided to do something at church. We can’t run our own food pantry, but we started a food collection at our church. We had bins and made an announcement. The food pantry collection is still going on now about seven years later.

Fun Fact: When I told my mother about the food pantry, I started with ” I have an idea…” which is the same exact way Girls with Grace came to life!

FWG: What is your faith history?

Lexi: I can’t remember a time I didn’t go to church. I can’t remember a time I wasn’t learning about God. I don’t think I can say there was something that stuck out to me without teachers.

I’ve been ministered very well from a young age. Since before I could walk or talk, I’ve learned about Jesus. I’ve read a children’s Bible and knew half of the stories of the Bible by heart by the time I was in kindergarten.

FWG: What have you done so far in your life that you’re most proud of?

Lexi: Last school year, I did a food drive in my grade for the food pantry. We were able to bring in a lot of non-perishable items for the food pantry.

FWG: What are you looking forward to about working on Girls with Grace?

Lexi: Honestly, I’m just excited to write. I’m excited to take these things that I’ve learned — because I’ve learned a lot — and write them down. I’m happy to explain my lessons so that you can learn from somebody else. Some of them were great things and then some of them weren’t so great things. I’ve dealt with anxiety during school years. I’ve learned from both the good stuff and the bad.

FWG: Do you have anything else to add?

Lexi: I could talk for years on making people happy. It doesn’t always go well, but it’s something I try to do. I don’t need to make people. It’s not something you should spend all your time trying to do or else you’ll make yourself miserable in the process. I have tried anyway and I’ve learned from it.

How to look back at a hard year

Learning to move on from the challenges

This year has brought challenges that most of us didn’t expect when we rang in the new year on January 1. My blog post published on January 2 talked about how I wanted to make sure I kept focused on the things that really matter in life like making memories with my family. I had no idea those memories would include months and months of being at home and helping my kids virtual school full-time.

Of course 2020 has been collectively a difficult and challenging year. Its challenges aren’t going to go away any time soon either. But, like all of us, I’ve had other difficult years. I’ve lived through years I thought really, truly might break me.

I recently went back and read something I wrote at the end of 2013. Even now seven years later, my husband and I still say the only good thing that came out of that year was the birth of our son — and that happened at the end of January.

The rest of the year included all sorts of difficult struggles. It was a year during which we survived. We certainly didn’t thrive. We dragged ourselves to Dec. 31, 2013 with hopes 2014 would be better.

Some years are like that. This year has been like that for many folks. We’ve survived the year, but we haven’t done a lot of thriving. I don’t think anyone is going to hate seeing 2020 finally come to an end.

Finding the good in the midst of bad

However, 2020 wasn’t only bad. Whenever I have a bad year, that’s what I’ve learned I must remember. Each year has both good and bad parts. For the years with more bad than good, we struggle to remember the good stuff sometimes.

Back at the end of 2013, I remember sitting down to write about it and deleting half of what I first typed. I didn’t want to focus on the negative. I wasn’t sure the positive would take many words. But I surprised myself with how many good memories I had from the year.

That’s the challenge for 2020. I know you have good memories from this year. I do. As we close out this year and say good riddance to it, what have been some of your best moments of the year? What are you thankful for?

I can’t speak collectively for all of us. Some moments this year were good for some and not for others. But I can speak for myself.

Good moments of 2020

My children have an early spring break, so we were able to have a spring break trip this year before things went completely sideways. We spent a couple of days at an indoor water park and then they went on a short trip with my parents. Those water park memories were good, but they are even better when viewed with the perspective of the rest of the year!

Being at home more, we did more fun things like playing games together.

We got creative in celebrating Easter this year and ate tacos for Easter dinner.

At the end of June, we spent a week at the lake with my parents and a few days with my brother and his family. My son caught his first fish. I delighted in watching my kids go tubing for their first time. My daughter and I pretended to be otters floating in the lake, completely relaxed. It was a restorative time and a bit of a break from reality. (We still only got food as take-out and made bathroom trips incredibly fast and masked up on the way there and back.)

My husband and I got to be a bigger part of our kids’ first day of school than usual, because we set up for school at home from the start of this school year.

We watched lots of movies and shows together at home.

Our family has laughed and come up with more inside jokes than usual.

We’ve had some great conversations as a family around the table and anywhere we are.

The puppy got in on the action with even more snuggles than usual, which has made all of us happy.

We’ve read through numerous books as a family and not only had more time to read them but also to talk about them.

We got creative for Halloween and hosted a party and Halloween hunt for our parents in lieu of trick-or-treating. We had such fun coming up with snacks and making decorations and games.

I played hostess for Thanksgiving this year with my parents and in-laws. We all contributed food and enjoyed each other’s company. Being together was a blessing!

The list could continue on of the good memories from this year!

Thankfulness in 2020

Along with good memories, the year has many things for which to be thankful. The first thing that pops into my head is that I’m thankful to end this year with a healthy family. My loved ones whom I have most been concerned for have had some other health issues not related to the pandemic, but we are all healthy overall.

I am also thankful for the strength God has given me to get through the year. We started out the pandemic with my husband completely incapacitated after having rotator cuff repair surgery. The first few weeks of quarantine and virtual school were quite intense.

This year I’ve become even more thankful for our new home and the space we have now to spread out for things like virtual schooling.

I’m thankful for our puppy as well. We celebrated his first birthday in May. He brought us lots of love, laughter and cuddles throughout everything this year has held.

I am very grateful for pick-up at stores. While I appreciated grocery pick-up before, I REALLY appreciate it now. I haven’t been inside a store to shop in months. I completed all my Christmas shopping online and had items delivered to me or picked them up without getting out of my car.

Above all, I am thankful for God. He has been faithful, as always, through every moment of this year. God wasn’t surprised or caught off-guard by anything in 2020. He remains faithful and good through every single moment.

Acknowledge the challenge

Looking back at a difficult year to find the positive doesn’t mean that we aren’t acknowledging the negative. This year has also held heart-wrenching moments. We do have to acknowledge those.

As we are doing so, though, we must also take note of what we learned and how we grew through those difficulties. I’ve learned some of the most important lessons of my life through hard times and difficulties. I’m thankful for those lessons, because they serve me well the next time a hard time comes around.

This year may also require mourning for what we lost. I am not even speaking of the loss of life. That is a whole other level of mourning and grief that doesn’t even compare to anything else. I know that. I pray for those who have lost loved ones this year whether because of COVID or because of other reasons.

What I mean by mourning in this instance is acknowledging what we missed out on this year. I think of family events that were canceled. Graduations that were different. Proms that weren’t held. I think of fun at recess that’s been missed. And school programs that were canceled. There were church services held online instead of in person.

So many things were challenging about this year. We had to change our way of life — and that doesn’t come without growing pains.

What I’ve learned, though, is that while we must acknowledge the hard times, we don’t want to get stuck there. Getting stuck in the hard stuff for too long is the problem. And that’s when we go back around to remember the good parts of the year. That’s when we start going through what we’re grateful for.

So let’s process what we went through in 2020 and look forward to what another year will bring.

Families With Grace
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