Profiles of moms who are making a difference

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Years ago, I picked up a book called “What a Girl Wants” at my local library. While I had read more than my fair share of Christian fiction books, this was my first encounter with Christian Chick-Lit that held my attention, wasn’t trite, made me laugh out loud and had an underlying message reminding me of Who God is.

I proceeded to devour every Kristin Billerbeck book that she’d written. They’re just good books. I read so many books that I typically use the library or Kindle Unlimited, but I bought a few of Kristin’s books when they weren’t available. Now I buy them when they release so I don’t have to wait! They really are that good.

I follow a few of my favorite authors on social media. A few years ago, I came across Kristin on Facebook and had a friend from church who was friends with her. So I sent her a friend request. I had a total fan-girl moment when she accepted my friend request.

In being the casual Facebook friends we are, I have enjoyed getting to know more about her and keep updated when new books are released so I can buy them for my Kindle. I’ve learned that real-life Christian is like many of her heroines: she has a sense of humor and a passion for God.

Though she’s won many awards for her numerous books, Kristin’s biggest source of pride is her four young adult children. I knew she’d be a great fit for the Moms on a Mission series and was so excited when she replied that she’d be happy to answer questions for me.

You’re going to be inspired by her and adore her. You’ll want to read more of her words! Kristin’s website is filled with information about her and her books. It’s organized so you can find series and stand-alone novels to dive into.

Families with Grace: What is your God-given mission or passion?

Kristin Billerbeck: My God-given mission is to tell the world God is perfect — not His people. Though His people may let you down and cause harm, God is not like that. God is loving and compassionate and quick to forgive with repentance. My books all reflect that message. 

FWG: How do you work to live out that mission right now?

KB: I’m currently writing a book about five sisters with three mothers and the same father. I wanted to show the grace in the hardest of circumstances. It can be so hard to understand God is a loving father when your earthly father is harmful or even abusive.

FWG: What are some of your biggest challenges in living out your mission?

KB: Sitting down daily and putting everyday life aside to write. I also feel a huge responsibility to get things right Scripturally. For example, in my book “Swimming to the Surface” the heroine is married to an abusive man who is narcissistic. I told the publisher before I sold them the book this will end in divorce. I cannot tell an abused woman that she can love a narcissist enough to make him change. There is no psychological evidence that a narcissist is capable of changing. 

That one was tough for me because I know what the Bible says about divorce, but I also know women who have been ready to commit suicide to get away from their abuser. God doesn’t want a mockery of a marriage over a human soul. That was not His design for marriage. But I know there are legalistic people who will not see that point of view. I respect their viewpoint, but maybe they’ve never loved anyone in that situation. I think if it were happening to their daughter, they would want separation, if not divorce.  

FWG: What have been some of your biggest blessings in living out your mission?

KB: I’m very fortunate in that I’ve gotten to travel all over the United States and meet amazing people. Also, the Christian writing community is very close-knit and I’ve made lifelong friends with many.

FWG: How do you balance motherhood responsibilities with your work/mission?

My children are grown now, but when they were young, we had “Mommy time” which was their nap time. When they got older, I still kept those hours (1 p.m. to 3 p.m.) to write. I was fortunate in that I could be interrupted mid-sentence and go right back to where I was in the book when any crisis was over.

FWG: What’s the best advice you have for other moms who are following their passions?

“Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.”  (It’s a book title — great book, by the way.) But if you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will. Sometimes, if we are being called to a ministry, we have to make sure that is God’s call and follow through. 

I would also say, “Make time for yourself.” It doesn’t have to be a long stretch of time, but it is very important when you’re pursuing a passion that you understand, you do have a right to a life. Just because you’re a mom doesn’t mean you need to sacrifice who God made you to be. There are years in parenting where that is more difficult and your kids will always come first, but it’s OK to pursue what you’re passionate about. 

You can find Kristin’s most recent book, “The Theory of Happily Ever After,” on Amazon; it is available through Kindle Unlimited! Keep an eye out for her new release “Room at the Top.”

Read more from the series

Moms on a Mission: Dr. Karen Dowling

Moms on a Mission: Erin Mayes

Moms on a Mission: Mari Hernandez-Tuten

Moms on a Mission: Kathleen Brooker

Moms on a Mission: Sarah R. Moore

Moms on a Mission: Stacey Pardoe

Moms on a Mission: Crystal (aka InnieMom)

Moms on a Mission: Pastor Stefanie Hendrickson

Moms on a Mission: Amy Cutler

Sometimes laughing keeps you from crying — or screaming!

This is a post I wrote back in 2013, when my son was a few months old and my daughter was a preschooler. I recently shared this story with my son. We laughed about it as a memory. So, I had to share it with you guys. Though I am past the phase of tiny babies and their messes, I still stand by the importance of keeping a sense of humor in motherhood. It gets crazy!

Motherhood is a constant learning process that requires flexibility and a sense of humor. And just when you think you have it all figured out, your children like to remind you that you certainly don’t.

For example, a couple of weeks ago I had some time with just my baby boy while his big sister was with my parents. I decided to go shopping for some clothes I needed. Shopping with a baby is easier than shopping with a preschooler. He sits in his carseat in his stroller and dozes. She wants to look at and talk about everything. 

Sure enough, he fell asleep on our way to the first store. He woke up just as I was leaving the store. He needed to eat. I decided I was a capable and experienced at motherhood. I was going to be brave and feed him in the dressing room at the next store. It was too hot to sit in the car, and I really didn’t want to go back home, yet. I still needed a few things.

I picked a couple pairs of capris and hit the dressing room. Unfortunately, the large dressing rooms were taken, so I squeezed us and our stroller into a small one with a tiny bench. I was silently applauding myself for my flexibility and making due instead of freaking out. 

I got us settled and started nursing him. He was fussy. I put him on my shoulder to burp him thinking that could be the problem. What a good mom I was to know these things!

Things take a turn

And that’s when I felt the wetness on his back. The dressing room was warm. I wondered if it was sweat. I took a peek. Nope. Not sweat. It was a massive diaper blowout. 

He’s my second baby. I’m not new to diaper blowouts. But, holy moly! The little guy had been going through a growth spurt which means lots of eating and then, usually, a giant diaper. Our shopping trip was his choice for making the giant diaper.

I was determined not to be ruffled. I whipped out the changing table pad. It just barely fit on the tiny bench. I got to work. I opened up my wipe container and realized it was almost empty. OK. I could handle this. I wasn’t going to freak out. 

With sweat running down my back, I took care of his diaper. Bless my husband’s Aunt Shirley for having sent us diaper bags to put dirty diapers in. I used one for the diaper and wipes and another for his outfit. It was bad.

I got creative with my wipes I had and used every single square inch of those wipes and then pulled out some Wet Ones that I keep in the diaper bag for his big sister and cleaned off my hands and the changing table pad. 

Fortunately I carry a clean onesie with us, so I got the little guy all changed and settled in. I stuck him back in his seat and got everything put away. Then I sat for on the bench for a short breather. I was sweating and felt like I’d been running a marathon after all the work I’d just done dealing with that massive blowout. And then I started giggling.

Keeping a sense of humor

When I was new to motherhood, almost four years ago, I’m pretty darn sure I wouldn’t have giggled. But, I did. I’ve been a mom long enough to learn that a sense of humor is a must. Because sometimes when crap happens (yeah, pun intended! I couldn’t resist!), you have to learn to laugh when you really feel like crying and giving up. 

I had a professor in college whose philosophy was, “If you’re going to laugh about it later, then laugh at it now.” I’ve learned that and managed to do that a few times in my life, especially in motherhood.

Part of me that wanted to give up, throw in the towel and head straight home wondering why I even bothered to leave the house in the first place. But, a bigger part of me thought, “Man! This is a story I’m going to tell. This is a blog post I’m going to write. And it really is kind of funny!” I survived. So did my son.

I pulled him back out of his seat and finished nursing him. He was still a bit fussy, so I hurried through trying on capris. I found a pair I liked. We left the dressing room probably a good half hour since going in (all the while I was hoping and praying there were no security cameras watching us!). I even managed to peruse the children’s department and pick up a couple of things my daughter needed.

My shopping trip definitely went differently than I had planned. But, life and motherhood seldom go according to plan. In the end, my son and I were both fine and I even left my shopping trip having gotten what I set out to get — plus a good giggle and story to tell.

A simple DIY craft makes my family feel loved each February

Affiliate links are used in this post. If you make a qualifying purchase via my link, I receive a small percentage of the sale at no additional cost to you. I only recommend products and services I use and love. It helps support my blog, so thank you for your support! Read my full disclosure here.

Crafts aren’t my thing. Decorating my house isn’t really my thing either. But loving my family is definitely my thing! I especially love being able to show them love in simple, yet meaningful ways. And we have a Valentine’s tradition that does just that.

A few years ago, I ran across the idea on Pinterest. And when I say a few years, I know it was when my oldest (who is now 10) was too young to even read and my youngest was a baby. So it’s been going a good while.

How our Valentine’s tradition works

The night before Feb. 1, I tape a big heart made of construction paper on my kids’ bedroom doors that says their name and “We love…” in black Sharpie. Then I add a small heart on the door saying something we love about them. Each night from Feb. 1 through 14, they get a new heart of something we love about them.

I try to come up with different ideas each year. I cover a variety of topics from physical attributes (your beautiful smile or your big brown eyes) to behaviors (how well you play with your sibling) to academics (how well you read).

During the last week of January, I make a list of 14 things I love about each child. I show it to my husband and get his input. It isn’t hard to think of 14 things I love about each of my kids. Usually I have to make myself narrow it down and focus, because I’m a proud mama who loves her kiddos!

Then I make the hearts ahead of time and store them with Scotch tape in my nightstand drawer. I set a reminder on my phone for 9 p.m. each night so that I don’t forget. And I simply tape a heart on their doors each night. You could make the hearts each night if you wanted. I like doing them all ahead of time, because I’m drained by bedtime!

While you could totally get creative and crafty with your hearts (and feel free to do so if that’s your thing!), you can also keep them incredibly simple. I use construction paper. I totally do the “fold the page in half and cut out hearts” strategy that I learned way back in elementary school. Then I write on them with a black Sharpie. Easy peasy!

Including your spouse

Last year, I decided to include my husband on the fun. I used the back of our closet door so he’d see his new heart each morning.

It’s simple and easy, but everyone loves being told what is lovable about them. We all love being appreciated and noticed. While I try to tell my kids and husband these things frequently, life gets busy and I don’t get to share these things as often as I’d truly like.

I love having a couple of weeks set aside each year that they can read all the things we love about them. I keep the hearts short, sweet and simple. For the first time this year, I don’t think either of my kids will need help reading their hearts. It’s pretty neat to see how much they have grown from me reading hearts to my daughter before she could read and telling my son about them before he probably even understood what I meant.

I’m not sure how long this tradition will go on. It may evolve through the years. Maybe one of these days, I’ll text my kids each day Feb. 1 through 14 with something I love about them. It’s definitely something I’d like to continue to be intentional about loving my family out loud. What better time to do that than Valentine’s?!

Looking for more Valentine’s ideas? Check out these posts:

Comparing ourselves to other moms never ends well

Each school day, I send a note along in my children’s lunchboxes. Now that my daughter is older, we have started having theme days. Our notes have evolved into Motivation Monday (an encouraging or inspiring quote), Truth Tuesday (a Bible verse), Wacky Wednesday (a joke), Think or Thank Thursday (an interesting piece of information or something I am thankful for about her) and Fun Friday (something wacky and fun like stickers with speech bubbles).

I enjoy doing the lunchbox notes. I have even written a serial story a couple of times for my daughter with a new installment each day for a week. But, it makes sense this is my thing: I’m a writer. I always have been, and I love it. It’s one way I can pop into my kids’ lives in the middle of their school day and I enjoy doing so.

However, I also know that writing daily lunchbox notes — let alone theme notes — is not everyone’s thing. When a friend recently shared that his wife felt inferior for the stuff she saw on Pinterest (like writing lunchbox notes) but didn’t do, I understood that perspective. But I also thought about all the things his wife is good at that I’m not.

For example, she takes beautiful photos of their children in everyday life. Some of the photos she shares on social media are just precious. She has a knack and skill for photography that I do not.

Looking at other moms

I would bet that since the very first moms ever met one another, the mom comparison trap formed. We all have strengths and weaknesses and we may be OK with them in theory or even in other areas of life, but we can be left feeling like we fall short when we don’t measure up to moms we see around us or online.

I don’t even have to look far to find moms good at things I’m not. My own mother, for example, is a great housekeeper. I am mediocre — and that’s an improvement from a few years ago! She also can sew to repair my kids’ clothes when they get small tears. I can thread a needle, but am at a loss at what to do from there. I can’t even sew on a button.

I have another friend who is an art teacher and incredibly talented. For each of her children’s birthday parties, she draws a custom coloring page based on the theme. All the guests then color the picture and she hangs them up on display. I can barely draw a stick figure. The best I can do is stay in the lines coloring printed coloring pages and even then I don’t get fancy and do any shading or anything.

The moms of some of my kids’ classmates come up with and execute some very cool and elaborate parties and party ideas for class parties and birthday parties. I search Pinterest for the easiest thing I can find, and even that is stretching it for me.

I have another friend who can bake. She works as a professional baker. While I enjoy baking and do a very, very small amount of decorating, my skills are nowhere near her creations. Not even close!

Looking at yourself

I could go on and on and on. The thing is, I’m not those other women. I don’t have the same skillsets and natural talents that some of them do. Yes, I could take photography, sewing, drawing and decorating classes, but those aren’t things I enjoy enough to do so. I don’t want to spend the time, energy or resources on them.

And that’s OK. I am who I am. Who I am is the woman that God made. Who I am is the woman God gave my children to. The same is true for you. None of us are identical. My strengths and passions are different from yours. It is what makes us unique people. While we tell our kids to embrace their individuality and we try to do so in ourselves, we often fail at that when it comes to embracing our individuality as moms. We get caught in the mom comparison trap.

I’d bet right now you can tell me things you see other moms doing that you feel guilty you don’t do. I can make a LONG list of these things. I remember feeling it when my sister-in-law and I took our kids to a corn maze back when my oldest was only 11 months old. My sister-in-law stopped at a corn stalk and let her daughter (who was 3) and her triplet 1-year-olds feel the corn stalk. Of course, she let my daughter feel it as well.

It never once crossed my mind to let my daughter feel the texture of the corn stalk. Does that make me a bad mom? Nope. Does it make my sister-in-law a better mom? Also, nope. We are just different.

Coming up short in the mom comparison trap

Whenever we compare ourselves to other moms, we often come up short. We are judging their mom abilities at their best against our mom abilities at our worst. Instead we need to focus on how we love our kids and meet their needs. We don’t want to be so caught in the mom comparison trap that we miss out on what matters most!

We all do that differently. Written words are part of my life in so many ways that I’ve shared that with my children. We first started reading a bedtime story to our oldest when she was 3 months old. Now she is 10 and her brother is about to turn 7, and we still read together every night before bed.

I have moved that into lunchbox notes as well. My son doesn’t enjoy them so much, yet, but as he becomes a better and better read, that may change. If it doesn’t, that’s OK. I’ll find another way to show him love.

Motherhood isn’t about what we do and what we’re good at. It’s not about being perfect and excelling at homemaking, crafts, baking and everything else. Motherhood is about loving our kids. It’s about teaching them what they need to know to survive in the world. It’s about showing them what God’s love looks like in practice. It’s about guarding their hearts and their minds.

None of that has anything to do with your talents and hobbies or those of the moms around you. You bring your own unique way to love and teach your children to the table and it’s the perfect way for your children. God didn’t give you those babies on accident.

Snaring others in the mom comparison trap

Along with that, we must also be careful of the other side of the mom comparison trap. I’d like to say I’ve never done it, but I have. There is a side of comparison that is basically judging. Maybe it was a mom doing something differently than you at the park. Maybe it was a mom planning an elaborate birthday party for her kid. Whatever it is, we can sometimes be guilty of judging other moms for not doing things the way we do them.

We’ve got to stop that, too. Remember my art teacher friend? She and I had a discussion a couple of years ago about the difference in our parenting. I follow a pretty tight schedule for my kids. It works for us. She is more spontaneous and, at the time, didn’t have kiddos in school. Oftentimes their bedtimes were later than my kiddos got to stay up. She thanked me once for not judging her or giving her a hard time. My reply was that it worked for her family.

We are all different. And that’s OK. We all also make mistakes. Sometimes we just need to have someone come along us and say they have messed up, too, but it’s not the end of the world — even if the mistake they made isn’t one you’d struggle with.

Remembering Whose opinion really matters

We need to work to be the women and moms that God created us to be, and that’s it. Our measuring stick doesn’t come from other moms or the world. It doesn’t even come from ourselves. It comes from our Heavenly Father, and I promise you that He isn’t finding you lacking when your kids stay up an extra hour, their birthday party isn’t Pinterest-worthy and you haven’t managed to take a single photo this week that isn’t blurry.

God’s grace covers all your mess-ups. And His strength holds you up when you are wobbling. He created you, mama, just as you are. And THAT is definitely good enough, so stop comparing yourself to someone you weren’t made to be.

Profiles of moms who are making a difference

I am often awestruck at the women I see around me — both in real life and online — who are doing really amazing work in the midst of motherhood. These women are difference makers in the world who have identified and are living out their mission or God-given passion.

You need to know all about them, too! The Moms on a Mission series is all about these women. Once or twice a month, I’ll feature a mom who is living out her mission both inside and outside her home.

I’ve got a few other moms in mind, but I also would love suggestions. If you know a mom or are a mom who is living out her mission and God-given passion, I’d love to hear about it! Click on the “Contact” tab or send me a message through the Families with Grace Facebook page. I look forward to sharing stories that will inspire us all!

Today’s mom is Crystal, aka InnieMom. (For privacy, she chooses to not share her last name.) I started following the InnieMom blog on Facebook a couple of years ago. I’ve enjoyed her posts from the beginning as a fellow introvert. (We’re both INFJs even!) When her posts changed to include spiritual topics as well, I enjoyed her even more. I relate to so much of what she shares.

I was thrilled when she said yes to participating in the Moms on a Mission series. You’re going to be inspired and encouraged by her story!

FWG: What is your God-given mission or passion? 

Crystal: My passion is Jesus. There are many things I feel called to do, but He is absolutely at the root of all of it. I just want to grow to know Him more, to surrender more fully to Him each day and to share Him and what He’s done for me with others. My prayer at the start of every day is for Him to help me surrender more fully and to be obedient to whatever it is He calls me to do. That being said, let me explain a bit about where that has lead me. 

After I first became a Christ-follower, my husband and I had been trying to get pregnant. We tried for two years. The ups and downs in those few years were very, very difficult. Finally, we tried using fertility medicine and were able to conceive our fist child. We were so excited. We had a name picked out, and we had so many plans. 

When a woman finds out she’s pregnant, it’s not just the baby itself, but it’s the life she imagines for that baby that she begins to plan for in her heart.  Unfortunately, that pregnancy ended in a loss. My husband and I were both so heartbroken. I remember being angry with God. I didn’t understand why He’d allow me to experience that joy just to take it away from me. 

I remember driving down the road and asking Him out loud, “Why? Why did You do this? If You love me, why did You allow this to happen?” I glanced over just in time to see a pregnancy resource center out my window, and it just clicked for me in that moment: “That’s it. That’s how He will use this pain for good.” 

That year, I trained in that very center and coordinated their annual Walk for Life. Six years later — after losing three more babies and being blessed with two living children — once again the Lord called me to reach out to a local pregnancy resource center. I knew I was going to train to be an advocate. 

As an introvert, with pretty extreme social anxiety, I literally told Jesus, “I’ll do it because it’s what You’re telling me to do, but I have NO ability to do this on my own. So I’ll go, but YOU have to take over when I get there.” And that’s exactly what He’s done. I get to help mamas in crisis pregnancy situations, and I get to share Jesus with them as well. I’m so thankful I pushed through that initial anxiety, because I’m right where I’m supposed to be. 

FWG: How do you work to live out that mission right now?

Crystal: Volunteering. Aside from the PRC that I work with every week, I also volunteer at a local maternity home for pregnant and homeless young mothers. I get to babysit their little ones while they go out and work/go to school and assist with some of their big fundraising events.   

I also try to use my platform on InnieMom to give other moms who struggle with anxiety and depression a place to feel like they aren’t so alone in the world. I hope seeing how much I love Jesus, and how much He’s changed my life will help other moms know where to turn when they are in those crisis situations. I love encouraging others to seek Him above all other things. 

It’s also a goal of mine to bring a sense of “real-ness” and “human-ness” to the world of Christian blogs. I am not perfect; nobody is. I want to talk openly and honestly about my struggles, and I also want to have a bit of fun while doing it. Jesus has a wonderful sense of humor. 

FWG: What are some of your biggest challenges in living out your mission?

Crystal: Representing Him well, I think. I often times allow my own human fears or desires to cloud my judgement. I get angry or snarky far too easily. I can be very sassy. I’m learning to do a better job of apologizing when I mess up, whether it be as a mom, a wife, a friend or someone with a platform on social media.

I think that’s what my “page change” was all about. When I first created the InnieMom page, my goal was to have a voice. A lot of what I posted was funny, but I was compromising on my beliefs as a Christian for likes. Somewhere along the way, I realized that wasn’t what I wanted at all… nor what Jesus wanted for me. Now, everything I post is viewed through the lens of my faith in Christ. 

FWG: What have been some of your biggest blessings in living out your mission?

Crystal: My biggest blessing, by far, is growing closer to Jesus. The more I pursue Him, the more He leads me out into these crazy adventurous waters with Him. It’s amazing and terrifying all at the same time. 

Also, when people message me and tell me I’ve impacted them. I’ve had more than a few page followers say, “I’ve never found another Christian introverted mom with anxiety who isn’t afraid to talk about it.” That feels amazing. Like, hey, maybe I’m not so weird after all! 

The other thing that comes to mind are hugs. At the end of some of the sessions I have with moms in crisis pregnancy situations, I pray for them. Sometimes, if I’m lucky, they ask me for a hug. Those things keep me going through appointments that aren’t so easy. In that moment, I know we’ve connected and that somehow they’ve been impacted by our session. That means absolutely everything to me. 

FWG: How do you balance motherhood responsibilities with your work/mission?

Crystal: My boys keep me grounded. I’m a hyper-sensitive individual, so it’s easy to get in my head about different situations I’ve come across. I asked my kiddo what he wanted to be when he grew up and he said, “I want to be a Jesus follower like you,” which pretty much sealed the deal for me that I’m doing a pretty OK job as a mom. I try to be present in the moments when I’m with them. I try to take lots of one-on-one days with each of them. We have a lot of “slumber parties” and “snuggle nights.”  

I forgot to mention, I also own an IT company with my husband. So things are hectic around here most of the time. We love our crazy beautiful lives, though. Being a business owner gives us more control over how we’re spending our time. We’re able to be there for our kiddos far more than if we were working for someone else, like taking time off for field-trips and school events. It was a scary jump to make together at the beginning of the year, but it’s been an absolute blessing.  

FWG: What’s the best advice you have for other moms who are following their passions?

Crystal: Pray for an obedient heart. Lay yourself at His feet every morning and say, “Wherever You lead me, I’ll go.” Don’t be afraid to listen to what He’s telling you. Sometimes it can be scary or completely outside of your comfort zone, but “obedience is always followed by blessing” (a quote from my good friend Summer, who’s an editor for InnieMom). 

Read more from the series:

Moms on a Mission: Dr. Karen Dowling

Moms on a Mission: Erin Mayes

Moms on a Mission: Mari Hernandez-Tuten

Moms on a Mission: Kathleen Brooker

Moms on a Mission: Sarah R. Moore

Moms on a Mission: Stacey Pardoe

Moms on a Mission: Kristin Billerbeck

Moms on a Mission: Amy Cutler

Moms on a Mission: Pastor Stefanie Hendrickson

Asking for a break doesn’t make you a bad mom

My kids have spent most of this week with my in-laws. It started on Monday afternoon when I sent a message to my mother-in-law asking if she and my father-in-law could possibly pick up the kids from school, do homework, feed them dinner and even make lunches for the next day.

That’s a lot to ask of anyone, but I could barely be upright, let alone functional thanks to sickness. My husband is operating at half capacity still with broken ribs from a fall in mid December. (He still can’t lie down in bed.) We were a mess.

That one day turned into a few days. Finally, on Thursday evening the kids came back home. And, honestly, I didn’t even miss them until Wednesday, because I was just too sick on Monday and Tuesday to think very straight.

Here’s the thing. I know if needed, I could have managed with the kids at home. I’ve done it before. As someone with multiple chronic illnesses who has had three major surgeries since having my two kiddos, I know how to manage while not feeling my best.

I can push myself, but I also know my limits. And I am incredibly blessed to have both my parents and my in-laws in town and retired. They all love a chance to have our kids over. Both sets raised two children themselves and are no strangers to homework, dinner, lunchboxes and bedtime routines. I do not for one minute take that for granted.

I’d say this week has gone much better for my kiddos in being with their Nana and Papaw. I certainly haven’t been up to cooking. I know my temper would have been short from sheer exhaustion, because I have been utterly exhausted every day even without two children in my care.

In fact, on Tuesday evening, my husband took our son to his Ninja Zone class and then returned him to Nana and Papaw’s just in time for bed. My husband heard his mother instruct our son to get ready for bed and then he could choose a snack between ice-cream and a Nutty Buddy. I mean, what kid wouldn’t love that?!

(And I am upset at the late sugary snack? Nope. It’s not what I do and won’t happen at home, but sugary snacks before bed with grandparents on occasion is just fun when you’re a kid. Not to mention, I can’t be upset with the people who are helping me out by taking care of my children during a school week!)

They came home with backpacks full of clean clothes and lunchboxes already packed for Friday, complete with notes from my mother-in-law. It was such a blessing to me.

Being tempted to be a mom martyr

However, even knowing I have help readily available that my children would prefer, I still struggle to ask for it sometimes. When I realized I was getting sick, I suspected it was the same bug my husband had previously. While he was sick, I managed the kids, puppy and everything else.

I knew he’d do the same for me in usual circumstances, but with broken ribs and crummy sleep, he isn’t up to par right now. In no time, I started in on a pity party for myself as I dragged around the house on Monday morning making sure the puppy and kids were fed and ready for the day. I was bemoaning in my head about how even though I was sick, I couldn’t have the luxury to stop. I was a mom, for goodness sake, and we don’t get days off.

My pity party continued. I was really getting going about how no matter how bad I felt, my family wouldn’t care and would still need things done.

And then I realized it didn’t have to be that way. I DO have help available. I do NOT have to be a mom martyr. Sometimes I have no choice. For example, a year ago, my husband and his parents were out of town for a funeral. My parents were in Florida visiting my brother. I was dog-sitting for my in-laws. I got a stomach bug. It was just the kids and me. We survived. They ate peanut butter and Hawaiian rolls and way too many chocolate granola bars. They got to stay home from school an extra day because I was sick, but we survived.

The thing about motherhood is that we don’t get days off — not truly. Even when my kids were with my in-laws, my mom brain was thinking about them and what they needed. I wanted to make sure my daughter had her school library book to return and my son practiced his spelling words. I can never turn off my mom brain.

Good moms can ask for help

But sometimes being a good mother means you realize that asking for help is what is best for your kids, even if it hurts your pride. Even if you don’t want to admit to other mothers that you had days without your kids to recover. (And, honestly, this has been an exceptional sickness that has required days. I’m still out of sorts.)

Motherhood is a calling. It’s important work, but we don’t have to be mom martyrs. We can ask for help and still be good moms. We can ask for time off (even when we aren’t sick!) and still be good moms.

Our foremothers understood this even more back when families lived closer together and neighbors watched out for each other’s kids. We weren’t meant to raise our kids on an island alone. Embrace the community you have whether it is family or friends. Ask for help when you need it. It really does take a village to raise our children!