Families With Grace

Helping Christian moms create homes filled with grace, love & faith

Prayer envelope project for kids

How to help your kids pray for others

One of my favorite parts of each day is bedtime. We sit together as a family and read a devotion, the kids pray and we read a book together. The devotion has been added just in the last two years, but everything else we’ve been doing since our now 10-year-old was a baby.

I have loved hearing how my children’s prayers have evolved through the years as they get older. But sometimes they get stuck on repeat. A few years ago we used prayer envelopes for them. About four months ago, we decided it was time to use prayer envelopes again. And I’m so glad we did!

What are prayer envelopes?

Very simply, prayer envelopes hold slips of prayer requests the kids come up with. Each night, they draw out a new slip of paper of someone or something to pray for. While they can and do pray for other people and things as well, this gives them something specific to make sure to pray for.

I love that this reminds the kids of people they want to pray for that maybe they had forgotten. When we sat and made their lists a few months ago, I was flabbergasted by the topics and people they came up with. Of course there are expected names like grandparents, their dad and me, each other and the puppy.

We have encouraged them to pray for their teachers and friends, so those made the list. And we have talked about praying for our church and specific leaders at our church. Those made the list.

They both also decided they want to pray for the food pantry ministry that we work with, which blessed my heart. My kids are praying for the right president to be elected for our country this year. My daughter is praying about global warming. Their prayer requests are sincere, sweet and surprisingly insightful.

How to make and use prayer envelopes

You can certainly make the prayer envelopes look cool or fancy, and you might totally have a better idea for how to do them, which is great! I am not crafty and tend to be pretty darn simple. Here’s how we did ours.

First the kids made a list of their prayer requests. My daughter wrote hers out and then I typed them up. My son, who is newer at reading and spelling, just told me what he wanted to pray for and I typed it.

We printed out the lists and cut each request into a strip.

The strips went into a small envelope marked “To pray for.” We then put that envelope into a 5×7 size envelope with their name written on the outside.

Each evening, they draw a slip of paper out of their small envelope. That request then goes down into the larger envelope and the small envelope goes back into the larger envelope one as well. Basically, we keep the “prayed for” requests, so that when the small envelope is empty, we can refill it and rotate through the requests again.

And that’s really it. Prayer envelopes are a simple concept, but can have a big impact on our kids in teaching them how to pray!

More prayer resources from Families with Grace:

Moms on a Mission: Stacey Pardoe

Profiles of moms who are making a difference

You know how sometimes you “meet” someone online and feel a connection with them? That’s how I’ve been with Stacey Pardoe — and it’s not just because we share the same first name!

Stacey is a fellow blogger and freelance writer who I came across in faith-based blogging groups and gotten to know a bit. Stacey’s blog posts are encouraging and uplifting. Her blog, StaceyPardoe.com, is all about encountering God in the ordinary.

Along with being a blogger, Stacey is a certified special education and elementary education teacher. Right now she’s is taking a break from the classroom to focus on raising her three little ones. When she isn’t writing or taking care of her babies, Stacey also mentors other women.

I know her insights and journey will inspire you as well!

Families with Grace: What is your God-given mission or passion?

Stacey Pardoe: My passion is to walk in Christ’s love and make His love known to the world. I believe all ministry should flow from a personal relationship with Christ. My hope is to encourage others with the hope Christ gives to me on a daily basis.

FWG: How do you work to live out that mission right now?

SP: Right now, most of my energy goes into raising my own little flock of three blue-eyed children. Bekah is 9, Caleb is 5 and little Aiden will be a year old in May. While there are days that drag on – days when the mission of motherhood feels too hidden and humbling – I regularly remind myself that shepherding this little flock is among the highest callings in my life. 

In addition to long stroller walks down our country road, afternoons spent chasing frogs in creek bottoms and campfires under hemlock trees with the kids, I also lead Bible studies, mentor women and spend the in-between moments writing. 

Writing fuels my soul in a quiet way that fills me up while I pour out. I began my freelance writing career three years ago. This opportunity to share the hope of Christ with the world nourishes my soul as I follow Christ into vulnerability and the uncomfortable realm of authentic, heart-level sharing. I have learned that one of the greatest gifts I can offer the world is the gift of my vulnerable, authentic self.

FWG: What are some of your biggest challenges in living out your mission?

SP: I love being a mom, but if I’m completely honest, there are days when the mission of motherhood is very challenging. While I thrive on routines, the cyclic nature of performing the same tasks again and again sometimes wears on my soul. 

I thrive in the warm months of the year, when we can get outside for long days in the woods, but there are winter days when the walls close in. There are days when I lose my patience and forget all about being thankful for this calling. 

There are also times when I struggle with balancing the callings to write, mentor and parent. At times, I find myself stretched thin from ministering to the world and neglecting home; however, at other times, I am restless from too much time pouring exclusively into my own little flock. I’ll share more about this below.

FWG: What have been some of your biggest blessings in living out your mission?

SP: I am very blessed by this mission of motherhood. After seven years as a high school Life Skills Support special education teacher, I am grateful for this season of pouring into my own children. The miracles of watching them grow, teaching them about Jesus and simply enjoying them are true blessings to me.

I became a mentor somewhat by accident. Throughout my years as a high school teacher, I was also a youth group leader at our local church. I led countless Bible studies and joined teens on mission trips and retreats across the country and beyond. Most of the younger women I currently mentor are now in their 20s; they are the teens who once helped in my classroom and bunked next to me on mission trips. I am blessed to count these young women as friends in this season of life. 

When I picked up writing a few years ago, it quickly became a wonderful ministry that fuels my soul in a different way. God uses writing to nudge me to look at what He’s teaching me and articulate it in a way that speaks to the needs of others. I am deeply blessed by writing.

FWG: How do you balance motherhood responsibilities with your work/mission?

SP: There are certainly times when I struggle to keep a balance between how much I’m ministering to people outside my family and how much I’m pouring into my own family. This is a week-by-week journey. I generally find that God whispers to my soul based on how stretched I’m feeling. 

I can tell when I’m pouring out too much outside the home. I snap at my kids, feel a low level of anxiety and feel like I’m always in a hurry. 

In the same sense, I can tell when I’m not reaching out enough. I have a restlessness in my soul and deep desire to connect in community. That can mean heading to the local university campus to take a walk and mentoring a younger woman or slipping to a quiet spot in the house to work on a writing project.

FWG: What’s the best advice you have for other moms who are following their passions?

SP: Don’t lose sight of your passions. There will be seasons when you might need to put them on the back-burner as you tend to your family, but this doesn’t mean you have to throw them away altogether. There is no formula for finding the balance between ministering to the world and ministering to your own family.

The key is to stay close to the heart of the Father.  He will whisper to you – through his written Word but also through your energy levels, or just a deep place of “knowing” – about when it’s time to push out and offer more to the world and when it’s time to pull back and give more to your family. The key is a relationship with Him. Keep your love for Him first, and He will help the rest fall into place.

Read more from the series

Moms on a Mission: Dr. Karen Dowling

Moms on a Mission: Erin Mayes

Moms on a Mission: Mari Hernandez-Tuten

Moms on a Mission: Kathleen Brooker

Moms on a Mission: Sarah R. Moore

Moms on a Mission: Kristin Billerbeck

Moms on a Mission: Crystal (aka InnieMom)

Moms on a Mission: Pastor Stefanie Hendrickson

Moms on a Mission: Amy Cutler

15 Ideas for spending time at home with your family

Advice from an introverted work-at-home mom on self-isolating

Affiliate links are used in this post; if you make a qualifying purchase via my link, I receive a small percentage of the sale at no additional cost to you. I only recommend products and services I use and love. It helps support my blog, so thank you for your support! Read my full disclosure here.

In an effort to contain the COVID-19 virus and keep from overwhelming healthcare facilities and workers, a good portion of the U.S. population is at home for work and school right now. Along with that, health and government officials are recommending that we self-isolate — basically stay home and avoid contact with other people.

And that is pretty much a normal day in the life for me. I work from home and have since 2003. The last couple of years, my husband has joined me in working from home as well. Add in that I’m also an introvert who recharges with time alone and have chronic health issues that sometimes keep me from being able to get out, and I’m pretty much the poster child for self-isolation.

As my kids get older, I get out of the house more often to take and/or pick them up from school. They each also get to pick one extracurricular activity a week that we take them to, but even that my husband and I usually divide so we only are going to one activity a week.

But my happiest days are the ones where I never leave the house. I love to find ways to be productive and to be lazy. I feel most free at home.

Of course, my feelings are not shared by everyone. Statistically speaking, introverts are a minority (and even among introverts, my INFJ type is the least common). So I can only imagine that there are a lot of extroverts being told to stay home right now that are kind of at a loss.

Folks who are constantly on the go and seldom home. I once joked that our neighbors (who have since moved away) were a family who was almost never home and they probably thought we were a family who was always home. I’m sure we seemed different to them in the opposite way they seemed different to us.

So, I’ve been thinking about what to do at home. What do I enjoy about being in my own house with my husband and kids? What makes this my happy place? The answer has nothing to do with the actual house itself and everything to do with the people inside it, my attitude about it and the activities going on within it.

1. Do some work.

This is probably a no-brainer. Right now, people are working from home and schools are sending home assignments. So, clearly one of the the things you can do at home is work. One of the things your kids can do is schoolwork.

Finding the motivation to do that while at home can be a challenge for some, so I offer things I’ve learned through the years.

Get dressed. You’ll be more likely to be productive in clothes versus PJs, even if it is yoga pants and a T-shirt.

Designate a work area. If you have a space dedicated to work then your mind will go to work when you get there.

Work together when you can. While I usually work in my home office, when the kids are doing e-learning, working at the kitchen table is easier so I can help them. (Plus it creates a feeling of solidarity that we are all working together!)

Minimize distractions. Keep the TV off and, if you play music, go for something not distracting. Instrumental music works really well!

Have set work times to help you stay motivated to start working when you’re supposed to. Set work time also helps you stop and switch to home mode.

Communicate with your family. If you have a time busier than others or calls scheduled, let your family know ahead of time. Work out a system for what they should do if they need you during that time.

Keep realistic expectations. When my kids are home for e-learning or off on a break, I know that I will not be able to get quite as much done as when they are not here. I modify my priorities accordingly.

If your kiddos don’t have schoolwork sent home with them or need additional ideas, finding educational apps they can use or things you can print out for them to work on while you work. Check out the following:

Scholastic Learn at Home
– Free weekly broadcast with do-at-home activities through the Cincinnati Zoo’s Facebook page
12 museums that offer virtual tours
List of over 30 virtual field trips
PBS Kids Daily weekday newsletter

2. Enjoy family meals.

Eating together for dinner can be a challenge for some families. Having a chance to eat breakfast and lunch together is impossible for a lot of families. Times at home are great for togetherness over food. Even if you’re just having bowls of cereal together for breakfast counts. Turn off electronics and chat.

3. Read together.

Even if you’re kids can easily read on their own, reading a book out loud together is special! Check out your local library’s website to download e-books or consider signing up for Kindle Unlimited through Amazon, which I LOVE! If you need ideas of books to read, check out this list of more than 100 children’s books worth reading; it has ideas for toddlers to tweens.

Another great option is Epic!. Right now, Epic! is offering a month free. It has all sorts of books for school-aged kids and includes the option to have the book read aloud, which is great for early readers and non-readers. We love Epic! so much that we’ve had a monthly subscription for a couple of years.

You can also have a nice time just sitting snuggled together or in the same room reading to yourself.

4. Watch movies together.

Thanks to streaming services like Netflix and Disney Plus, you don’t have to leave home to watch a movie together. We love movie nights at my house and having a chance to have them more often when we are all home together is nice. You can combine it with mealtime or snack-time with easy finger foods while you watch. And then, of course, you can also snuggle together!

5. Find new television shows to watch together. (Or watch family favs you are behind on!)

We’ve found a few shows our family enjoys watching together through the years. Recently “Green Eggs and Ham” on Netflix was something we all four enjoyed. We also like baking competitions, “America’s Funniest Videos,” “LegoMasters” and pretty much any of the Scooby-Doos series.

You can also get some culture in by watching one of the Metropolitan Opera’s free nightly broadcasts being offered right now.

6. Cook together.

My kids have loved helping in the kitchen since they were toddlers. They like a chance to bake with me in particular, but even doing meal prep can be fun for them. Cooking with kids usually takes a bit longer, so times being at home are ideal to do so. This is also a great time to try out new recipes or old favorites you haven’t had time to make for a while.

Some of our favorite foods to cook or bake together include the following:

Pumpkin bread
Whipped pudding pie
BLT pizza
Peanut butter honey nut cereal clusters
Brownies
Pizza subs
4-ingredient lemon squares
Cookies, especially toffee cookies

7. Organize or clean together.

Cleaning isn’t so fun, but the more time I have at home, the better condition my house is in. Time at home is great for cleaning and organizing. Work on tasks you need to do but never get around to. Clean out and organize your pantry. Sort through your kids clothes and pull out things that don’t fit. If you feel really ambitious, clean out toys!

In the end, you’ll all feel satisfied with a job well done and be able to do something fun afterward to relax like watch a movie and eat snacks.

8. Get creative together.

Remember all those Pins you saved on Pinterest of stuff you want to make with your kids? Being home together for a while is a great chance to do them. Or pull out craft kits your kids have forgotten about and finally have time to do.

If crafts aren’t your thing (they aren’t mine), then make art together in a low-key way. My family enjoys coloring together. We all work on pictures we want. I use crayons and don’t get detailed. My husband uses high-quality markers and adds lots of detail and shading. My daughter and son each have their own styles as well. But we all have fun!

9. Play games together.

We love games! Being home is a great time to pull out board games, card games and even video games you can play together. We have a wide variety of games our kiddos like. Various types of Uno card games are one of their favorites at the moment. (If you’ve got a younger kiddo, consider getting a playing card holder to help them out. My first grader loves it!)

My kids also love Story Cubes and Toilet Trouble, which are easy for non-readers to play as well! If your kids are solid readers, consider Fluxx, which is a fast-paced card game where the rules constantly change.

Another family favorite of ours is Mad Libs. These are bonus, educational fun because your kiddos have to identify parts of speech!

10. Have unstructured play time together.

Having time at home without other things going on is great for just playing together. My kids’ love any chance for one-on-one playtime with us. My husband and I will set a time for 30 minutes or an hour and play with one child during that time. When the timer goes off, we switch and do the same with the other kiddo. My kids absolutely love it!

11. Make a list of independent activities.

I’d love to say that having extra time at home means we will be doing fun and productive things with our family all the time. But that’s not reality. We still have to do things like work, shower, clean and even just relax! I’ve found having a list of ideas (either written or in my head) that my kiddos can do on their own helps when they come to me and tell me they’re bored.

This can include chores, things they want to do, activities you know they’ll like, etc. You could also encourage them to do something nice for others. Maybe they could make cards to mail to extended family members or those in nursing homes right now.

12. Shop online together.

Sometimes our downtime at home involves online shopping. With warmer weather coming, my kids are going to need some new clothes. While my 7-year-old son doesn’t care so much about his wardrobe, his 10-year-old sister does! Having a chance to look online at some clothes together is always good. Showing my son a couple of options to pick from or scrolling through items with daughter works.

You might not buy everything right now. (Hello, budget!) But, at least you’ll know what you need or want to order over the next couple of months. It can also be a good time for kids to plan what they want to save for or how they’re going to use their spending money.

13. Have spa time.

OK. Maybe not spa time, per se, but being home is a great time to do some beauty sort of stuff you don’t usually get to do or don’t always have time to enjoy. You can do this with or without kiddo involvement.

My daughter and I have recently started doing face masks together and it’s so fun! We also enjoy painting our fingernails. Once I did temporary hair color gel in my kids’ hair. It doesn’t have to be complicated or over-the-top. Just have fun with it!

14. Blare some music.

When my kids were toddlers, they loved dancing around the house with me. Even now at 7 and 10, they still do sometimes. If you’re bored or doing something physical, crank up some fun music and let loose. I can’t tell you how many times I have danced around while baking. One of my favorites is the soundtrack from the musical “Wicked.”

15. Just be.

My favorite thing about time at home is the chance to just be. I love having a chance to just fully be myself. Home is the place where I can be dorky, crazy, quiet, silly or anything else. I can be me.

Some of our best memories have been made during times we aren’t doing a darn thing. We all pile onto our bed or the couch and giggle over silly things. These days the puppy get into the mix and adds some craziness. We just have fun together.

My goal is to let my family just be themselves at home. Of course there are rules to follow and chores to do and all that responsible stuff. But above all, I want them to feel free to be who they are in their own spaces.

How to make packing lunches easier

8 tips to reduce the stress of packing lunches

For the last 4-1/2 school years, I’ve been packing at least one school lunch a day. Since last school year when my son started kindergarten, I’ve been packing two.

Along the way, I’ve learned what works and what doesn’t. I’ve come up with ideas to keep things interesting and healthy.

While both my kiddos have regular go-to favorites, they also don’t want the exact same lunch every day, and I don’t blame them!

I don’t mind packing their lunches. It makes me feel connected to them and part of their day. And, well, taking care of them is part of my job!

My husband and kiddos have both participated in lunch packing as well, so it isn’t always just me making lunches happen. But no matter who is packing them, we’ve got a system down that works for us.

Affiliate links are used in this post, if you make a qualifying purchase via my link, I receive a small percentage of the sale at no additional cost to you. It helps support my blog, so thank you for your support! Read my full disclosure here.

Pack the night before when possible

My absolute best tip for packing lunches is to do whatever you can the night before. I am a morning person, and I usually don’t have to get myself ready until after my husband and kids leave for school drop-off, yet I still find it easier to do everything I can the night before.

The majority of the time I can pack everything except drinks the night before. Lunches are stored in the fridge and Thermoses are ready to be filled, so that in the morning, I only have to add the cold pack, fill the Thermos and put it all in their lunchboxes.

Napkins, notes and non-refrigerated items go into their lunchboxes the night before as well.

Buy good food containers for cold lunches

Finding the right lunch containers for cold lunches was a game changer for me. I’ve tried a few different options through the years, but by the second year in, I’d come across Rubbermaid Lunch Blox and haven’t looked back.

They are seriously awesome because they stack together with the ice pack, come in a variety of shapes and sizes and are incredibly durable. They wash well in the dishwasher, which is important to me!

The only time I’ve had to throw out these containers was when the lid fell down onto the heating element of the dishwasher (totally my fault on that one) and once my daughter threw away the lid to her lunch container.

Otherwise, we are still using the original containers along with the additional ones I’ve bought. I have enough cold lunch containers to get us through two school days without doing dishes.

Finding good reusable containers is not only cheaper in the long run but also better for the environment.

Along with the Rubbermaid LunchBlox containers, I also love silicone baking cups. I use them a few times a week to divide up food in the large container. I use them for boiled eggs, crackers, croutons and pretty much anything I need to keep separated in the same container.

Purchase good drink containers

My daughter was going into kindergarten before I thought to look for something that would keep her drinks cold. And, hands down, the best options we’ve found are Thermos brand.

My kids love the Thermos Funtainers. They start with the 12-ounce Thermos Funtainers with a straw. In third grade, I switched my daughter to the 16-ounce Thermoses and anticipate doing the same for my son.

My kids have only needed new Thermoses when they outgrew the characters on them. (But I still have Blaze and Paw Patrol Thermoses in my cabinet, because they come in handy around the house when the kids are sick and need cold water!) And with knowing that, I went with plain or long-lasting patterns for them when I bought new ones.

Outside of lunchtime, we use them in the car, for their weekly sports practices and more. They last so well and you can even replace the rubber parts if needed to make them last even longer, but I’ve not had an issue with them.

For cleaning, they are a bit trickier in that they aren’t dishwasher safe. The Thermos part (where the drink goes into) is stainless steel and dishwasher safe, but the lid and straw parts are not. They work so well and last so well, though, that I happily hand wash! All the components pull apart to make an easy, thorough cleaning possible.

Make a routine

To make my life easier, I’ve developed a routine for our lunches. My kids don’t like and eat many of the same foods, but I have a same basic plan for their lunches.

  • Mondays: sandwiches
  • Tuesdays: snacky lunch (think peanut butter and crackers or a boiled egg and croutons)
  • Wednesdays: hot lunch
  • Thursdays: sandwiches or snacky lunch
  • Friday: non-perishable lunch in disposable containers

Each week doesn’t always look exactly like this. In fact, this week is all out of sorts. We were out of bread for Monday’s lunch, so Monday was snacky lunch. Then today, I had an early appointment. So hot lunch switched to Tuesday instead.

But, no matter which option I choose, I go with it for both kids. They may not have the exact same items, but they have the same type of lunch. For example, my daughter may have a turkey sandwich while my son has a peanut butter sandwich.

When I’m trying to figure out what to pack, having a category to look for helps me.

The only day that is different for them is Friday, because my son chooses to buy school lunch on that day for pizza. I have opted to send my daughter lunch in all disposable containers most Fridays so I don’t have lunch dishes to deal with going into the weekend.

Figure out hot lunch options

To help give my kiddos more lunch options, I send hot lunch once a week. That works for us. Your schedule may be different, and that’s OK!

Again, Thermos brand food containers make hot lunch days easier. I eased my way into them during my daughter’s kindergarten year with a Disney “Frozen” Thermos Funtainer Food Jar for her.

By the time she was headed into third grade, my son was headed to kindergarten, so I decided to get hot Thermoses for both of them. I picked up some off-brand ones at a discount grocery store. They were awful and nearly impossible to open once they had hot foot inside.

So, I went back to Thermos Funtainer Food Jars and have been using the same ones for nearly two years now. I love that they have folding spoons in the lid so that I don’t have to remember to pack utensils!

Like the drink Thermoses, the Thermos food jars need to be hand washed — at least the lid and its components. But they wash up well and don’t stain.

I do follow the suggestion to fill them with hot water before putting hot food in them. Usually on hot lunch days, I leave the hot Thermoses on the counter and put a big measuring cup of water in the microwave for 3 minutes and 33 seconds (because I only have to hit one number that way!). I pour the hot water into their Thermoses and let them sit for 15 to 20 minutes while I’m doing other things.

I usually pack their hot lunches around 7 a.m. and when they eat at 10:30 or 11 (depending on the kiddo), they both report their food is still nice and warm.

Involve the kids

I don’t make my kids pack their own lunches every night, but I do like to involve them as much as possible. I will often talk with them about what I’ve been sending and ask for suggestions on what sounds good as I’m making my grocery list.

They have each come up with different ideas that have surprised me and weren’t what I would have thought of. My daughter has requested salads and wraps. My son has even asked for a slice of bread plain with the peanut butter in a dip cup on the side. He’s my particular eater, so I am always looking for ways to get him to eat. If a deconstructed peanut butter sandwich works for him, then I’m fine with it!

Keep easy food on hand

Figure out what lunch plan for the week as you go grocery shopping. Then also make sure to stock favorite items that can always fill in lunches like raisins, canned fruit, crackers, granola bars, gummies, gogurt, graham crackers, peanut butter crackers, yogurt covered raisins, string cheese, etc.

I’ve found that having a few staples for lunches always in my pantry keeps me from freaking out that I have nothing to pack the kids and getting stressed out about it.

Purchase the right disposable products

While I love reusable containers for the vast majority of what I pack, the other thing I use a couple of times a week is 2-ounce disposable dip cups with lids.

These are great for packing dips, dressings and even peanut butter. I’ve utilized them to make sure that carrots get eaten. (I am a big fan of Ranch chip dip versus salad dressing because it is healthier and less messy.)

For sending in a disposable lunch on most Fridays, I also love Glad Press’n Seal. It actually stays on the sandwich and keeps it well wrapped. Then it works as a handy placemat as well! (I use Press’n Seal for many things!)

Moms on a Mission: Kristin Billerbeck

Profiles of moms who are making a difference

Affiliate links are used in this post; if you make a qualifying purchase via my link, I receive a small percentage of the sale at no additional cost to you. I only recommend products and services I use and love. It helps support my blog, so thank you for your support! Read my full disclosure here.

Years ago, I picked up a book called “What a Girl Wants” at my local library. While I had read more than my fair share of Christian fiction books, this was my first encounter with Christian Chick-Lit that held my attention, wasn’t trite, made me laugh out loud and had an underlying message reminding me of Who God is.

I proceeded to devour every Kristin Billerbeck book that she’d written. They’re just good books. I read so many books that I typically use the library or Kindle Unlimited, but I bought a few of Kristin’s books when they weren’t available. Now I buy them when they release so I don’t have to wait! They really are that good.

I follow a few of my favorite authors on social media. A few years ago, I came across Kristin on Facebook and had a friend from church who was friends with her. So I sent her a friend request. I had a total fan-girl moment when she accepted my friend request.

In being the casual Facebook friends we are, I have enjoyed getting to know more about her and keep updated when new books are released so I can buy them for my Kindle. I’ve learned that real-life Christian is like many of her heroines: she has a sense of humor and a passion for God.

Though she’s won many awards for her numerous books, Kristin’s biggest source of pride is her four young adult children. I knew she’d be a great fit for the Moms on a Mission series and was so excited when she replied that she’d be happy to answer questions for me.

You’re going to be inspired by her and adore her. You’ll want to read more of her words! Kristin’s website is filled with information about her and her books. It’s organized so you can find series and stand-alone novels to dive into.

Families with Grace: What is your God-given mission or passion?

Kristin Billerbeck: My God-given mission is to tell the world God is perfect — not His people. Though His people may let you down and cause harm, God is not like that. God is loving and compassionate and quick to forgive with repentance. My books all reflect that message. 

FWG: How do you work to live out that mission right now?

KB: I’m currently writing a book about five sisters with three mothers and the same father. I wanted to show the grace in the hardest of circumstances. It can be so hard to understand God is a loving father when your earthly father is harmful or even abusive.

FWG: What are some of your biggest challenges in living out your mission?

KB: Sitting down daily and putting everyday life aside to write. I also feel a huge responsibility to get things right Scripturally. For example, in my book “Swimming to the Surface” the heroine is married to an abusive man who is narcissistic. I told the publisher before I sold them the book this will end in divorce. I cannot tell an abused woman that she can love a narcissist enough to make him change. There is no psychological evidence that a narcissist is capable of changing. 

That one was tough for me because I know what the Bible says about divorce, but I also know women who have been ready to commit suicide to get away from their abuser. God doesn’t want a mockery of a marriage over a human soul. That was not His design for marriage. But I know there are legalistic people who will not see that point of view. I respect their viewpoint, but maybe they’ve never loved anyone in that situation. I think if it were happening to their daughter, they would want separation, if not divorce.  

FWG: What have been some of your biggest blessings in living out your mission?

KB: I’m very fortunate in that I’ve gotten to travel all over the United States and meet amazing people. Also, the Christian writing community is very close-knit and I’ve made lifelong friends with many.

FWG: How do you balance motherhood responsibilities with your work/mission?

My children are grown now, but when they were young, we had “Mommy time” which was their nap time. When they got older, I still kept those hours (1 p.m. to 3 p.m.) to write. I was fortunate in that I could be interrupted mid-sentence and go right back to where I was in the book when any crisis was over.

FWG: What’s the best advice you have for other moms who are following their passions?

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.”  (It’s a book title — great book, by the way.) But if you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will. Sometimes, if we are being called to a ministry, we have to make sure that is God’s call and follow through. 

I would also say, “Make time for yourself.” It doesn’t have to be a long stretch of time, but it is very important when you’re pursuing a passion that you understand, you do have a right to a life. Just because you’re a mom doesn’t mean you need to sacrifice who God made you to be. There are years in parenting where that is more difficult and your kids will always come first, but it’s OK to pursue what you’re passionate about. 

You can find Kristin’s most recent book, “The Theory of Happily Ever After,” on Amazon; it is available through Kindle Unlimited! Keep an eye out for her new release “Room at the Top.”

Read more from the series

Moms on a Mission: Dr. Karen Dowling

Moms on a Mission: Erin Mayes

Moms on a Mission: Mari Hernandez-Tuten

Moms on a Mission: Kathleen Brooker

Moms on a Mission: Sarah R. Moore

Moms on a Mission: Stacey Pardoe

Moms on a Mission: Crystal (aka InnieMom)

Moms on a Mission: Pastor Stefanie Hendrickson

Moms on a Mission: Amy Cutler

Motherhood requires a sense of humor

Sometimes laughing keeps you from crying — or screaming!

This is a post I wrote back in 2013, when my son was a few months old and my daughter was a preschooler. I recently shared this story with my son. We laughed about it as a memory. So, I had to share it with you guys. Though I am past the phase of tiny babies and their messes, I still stand by the importance of keeping a sense of humor in motherhood. It gets crazy!

Motherhood is a constant learning process that requires flexibility and a sense of humor. And just when you think you have it all figured out, your children like to remind you that you certainly don’t.

For example, a couple of weeks ago I had some time with just my baby boy while his big sister was with my parents. I decided to go shopping for some clothes I needed. Shopping with a baby is easier than shopping with a preschooler. He sits in his carseat in his stroller and dozes. She wants to look at and talk about everything. 

Sure enough, he fell asleep on our way to the first store. He woke up just as I was leaving the store. He needed to eat. I decided I was a capable and experienced at motherhood. I was going to be brave and feed him in the dressing room at the next store. It was too hot to sit in the car, and I really didn’t want to go back home, yet. I still needed a few things.

I picked a couple pairs of capris and hit the dressing room. Unfortunately, the large dressing rooms were taken, so I squeezed us and our stroller into a small one with a tiny bench. I was silently applauding myself for my flexibility and making due instead of freaking out. 

I got us settled and started nursing him. He was fussy. I put him on my shoulder to burp him thinking that could be the problem. What a good mom I was to know these things!

Things take a turn

And that’s when I felt the wetness on his back. The dressing room was warm. I wondered if it was sweat. I took a peek. Nope. Not sweat. It was a massive diaper blowout. 

He’s my second baby. I’m not new to diaper blowouts. But, holy moly! The little guy had been going through a growth spurt which means lots of eating and then, usually, a giant diaper. Our shopping trip was his choice for making the giant diaper.

I was determined not to be ruffled. I whipped out the changing table pad. It just barely fit on the tiny bench. I got to work. I opened up my wipe container and realized it was almost empty. OK. I could handle this. I wasn’t going to freak out. 

With sweat running down my back, I took care of his diaper. Bless my husband’s Aunt Shirley for having sent us diaper bags to put dirty diapers in. I used one for the diaper and wipes and another for his outfit. It was bad.

I got creative with my wipes I had and used every single square inch of those wipes and then pulled out some Wet Ones that I keep in the diaper bag for his big sister and cleaned off my hands and the changing table pad. 

Fortunately I carry a clean onesie with us, so I got the little guy all changed and settled in. I stuck him back in his seat and got everything put away. Then I sat for on the bench for a short breather. I was sweating and felt like I’d been running a marathon after all the work I’d just done dealing with that massive blowout. And then I started giggling.

Keeping a sense of humor

When I was new to motherhood, almost four years ago, I’m pretty darn sure I wouldn’t have giggled. But, I did. I’ve been a mom long enough to learn that a sense of humor is a must. Because sometimes when crap happens (yeah, pun intended! I couldn’t resist!), you have to learn to laugh when you really feel like crying and giving up. 

I had a professor in college whose philosophy was, “If you’re going to laugh about it later, then laugh at it now.” I’ve learned that and managed to do that a few times in my life, especially in motherhood.

Part of me that wanted to give up, throw in the towel and head straight home wondering why I even bothered to leave the house in the first place. But, a bigger part of me thought, “Man! This is a story I’m going to tell. This is a blog post I’m going to write. And it really is kind of funny!” I survived. So did my son.

I pulled him back out of his seat and finished nursing him. He was still a bit fussy, so I hurried through trying on capris. I found a pair I liked. We left the dressing room probably a good half hour since going in (all the while I was hoping and praying there were no security cameras watching us!). I even managed to peruse the children’s department and pick up a couple of things my daughter needed.

My shopping trip definitely went differently than I had planned. But, life and motherhood seldom go according to plan. In the end, my son and I were both fine and I even left my shopping trip having gotten what I set out to get — plus a good giggle and story to tell.

An easy Valentine’s tradition your family will love!

A simple DIY craft makes my family feel loved each February

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Crafts aren’t my thing. Decorating my house isn’t really my thing either. But loving my family is definitely my thing! I especially love being able to show them love in simple, yet meaningful ways. And we have a Valentine’s tradition that does just that.

A few years ago, I ran across the idea on Pinterest. And when I say a few years, I know it was when my oldest (who is now 10) was too young to even read and my youngest was a baby. So it’s been going a good while.

How our Valentine’s tradition works

The night before Feb. 1, I tape a big heart made of construction paper on my kids’ bedroom doors that says their name and “We love…” in black Sharpie. Then I add a small heart on the door saying something we love about them. Each night from Feb. 1 through 14, they get a new heart of something we love about them.

I try to come up with different ideas each year. I cover a variety of topics from physical attributes (your beautiful smile or your big brown eyes) to behaviors (how well you play with your sibling) to academics (how well you read).

During the last week of January, I make a list of 14 things I love about each child. I show it to my husband and get his input. It isn’t hard to think of 14 things I love about each of my kids. Usually I have to make myself narrow it down and focus, because I’m a proud mama who loves her kiddos!

Then I make the hearts ahead of time and store them with Scotch tape in my nightstand drawer. I set a reminder on my phone for 9 p.m. each night so that I don’t forget. And I simply tape a heart on their doors each night. You could make the hearts each night if you wanted. I like doing them all ahead of time, because I’m drained by bedtime!

While you could totally get creative and crafty with your hearts (and feel free to do so if that’s your thing!), you can also keep them incredibly simple. I use construction paper. I totally do the “fold the page in half and cut out hearts” strategy that I learned way back in elementary school. Then I write on them with a black Sharpie. Easy peasy!

Including your spouse

Last year, I decided to include my husband on the fun. I used the back of our closet door so he’d see his new heart each morning.

It’s simple and easy, but everyone loves being told what is lovable about them. We all love being appreciated and noticed. While I try to tell my kids and husband these things frequently, life gets busy and I don’t get to share these things as often as I’d truly like.

I love having a couple of weeks set aside each year that they can read all the things we love about them. I keep the hearts short, sweet and simple. For the first time this year, I don’t think either of my kids will need help reading their hearts. It’s pretty neat to see how much they have grown from me reading hearts to my daughter before she could read and telling my son about them before he probably even understood what I meant.

I’m not sure how long this tradition will go on. It may evolve through the years. Maybe one of these days, I’ll text my kids each day Feb. 1 through 14 with something I love about them. It’s definitely something I’d like to continue to be intentional about loving my family out loud. What better time to do that than Valentine’s?!

Looking for more Valentine’s ideas? Check out these posts:

Don’t get caught in the mom comparison trap

Comparing ourselves to other moms never ends well

Each school day, I send a note along in my children’s lunchboxes. Now that my daughter is older, we have started having theme days. Our notes have evolved into Motivation Monday (an encouraging or inspiring quote), Truth Tuesday (a Bible verse), Wacky Wednesday (a joke), Think or Thank Thursday (an interesting piece of information or something I am thankful for about her) and Fun Friday (something wacky and fun like stickers with speech bubbles).

Don't get caught in the mom comparison trap

I enjoy doing the lunchbox notes. I have even written a serial story a couple of times for my daughter with a new installment each day for a week. But, it makes sense this is my thing: I’m a writer. I always have been, and I love it. It’s one way I can pop into my kids’ lives in the middle of their school day and I enjoy doing so.

However, I also know that writing daily lunchbox notes — let alone theme notes — is not everyone’s thing. When a friend recently shared that his wife felt inferior for the stuff she saw on Pinterest (like writing lunchbox notes) but didn’t do, I understood that perspective. But I also thought about all the things his wife is good at that I’m not.

For example, she takes beautiful photos of their children in everyday life. Some of the photos she shares on social media are just precious. She has a knack and skill for photography that I do not.

Looking at other moms

I would bet that since the very first moms ever met one another, the mom comparison trap formed. We all have strengths and weaknesses and we may be OK with them in theory or even in other areas of life, but we can be left feeling like we fall short when we don’t measure up to moms we see around us or online.

I don’t even have to look far to find moms good at things I’m not. My own mother, for example, is a great housekeeper. I am mediocre — and that’s an improvement from a few years ago! She also can sew to repair my kids’ clothes when they get small tears. I can thread a needle, but am at a loss at what to do from there. I can’t even sew on a button.

I have another friend who is an art teacher and incredibly talented. For each of her children’s birthday parties, she draws a custom coloring page based on the theme. All the guests then color the picture and she hangs them up on display. I can barely draw a stick figure. The best I can do is stay in the lines coloring printed coloring pages and even then I don’t get fancy and do any shading or anything.

The moms of some of my kids’ classmates come up with and execute some very cool and elaborate parties and party ideas for class parties and birthday parties. I search Pinterest for the easiest thing I can find, and even that is stretching it for me.

I have another friend who can bake. She works as a professional baker. While I enjoy baking and do a very, very small amount of decorating, my skills are nowhere near her creations. Not even close!

Motherhood isn't about being perfect and excelling at homemaking, crafts, baking and everything else. Motherhood is about loving our kids. -- Stacey A. Shannon

Looking at yourself

I could go on and on and on. The thing is, I’m not those other women. I don’t have the same skillsets and natural talents that some of them do. Yes, I could take photography, sewing, drawing and decorating classes, but those aren’t things I enjoy enough to do so. I don’t want to spend the time, energy or resources on them.

And that’s OK. I am who I am. Who I am is the woman that God made. Who I am is the woman God gave my children to. The same is true for you. None of us are identical. My strengths and passions are different from yours. It is what makes us unique people. While we tell our kids to embrace their individuality and we try to do so in ourselves, we often fail at that when it comes to embracing our individuality as moms. We get caught in the mom comparison trap.

I’d bet right now you can tell me things you see other moms doing that you feel guilty you don’t do. I can make a LONG list of these things. I remember feeling it when my sister-in-law and I took our kids to a corn maze back when my oldest was only 11 months old. My sister-in-law stopped at a corn stalk and let her daughter (who was 3) and her triplet 1-year-olds feel the corn stalk. Of course, she let my daughter feel it as well.

It never once crossed my mind to let my daughter feel the texture of the corn stalk. Does that make me a bad mom? Nope. Does it make my sister-in-law a better mom? Also, nope. We are just different.

Coming up short in the mom comparison trap

Whenever we compare ourselves to other moms, we often come up short. We are judging their mom abilities at their best against our mom abilities at our worst. Instead we need to focus on how we love our kids and meet their needs. We don’t want to be so caught in the mom comparison trap that we miss out on what matters most!

We all do that differently. Written words are part of my life in so many ways that I’ve shared that with my children. We first started reading a bedtime story to our oldest when she was 3 months old. Now she is 10 and her brother is about to turn 7, and we still read together every night before bed.

I have moved that into lunchbox notes as well. My son doesn’t enjoy them so much, yet, but as he becomes a better and better read, that may change. If it doesn’t, that’s OK. I’ll find another way to show him love.

Motherhood isn’t about what we do and what we’re good at. It’s not about being perfect and excelling at homemaking, crafts, baking and everything else. Motherhood is about loving our kids. It’s about teaching them what they need to know to survive in the world. It’s about showing them what God’s love looks like in practice. It’s about guarding their hearts and their minds.

None of that has anything to do with your talents and hobbies or those of the moms around you. You bring your own unique way to love and teach your children to the table and it’s the perfect way for your children. God didn’t give you those babies on accident.

Whenever we compare ourselves to other moms, we often come up short. We are judging their mom abilities at their best against our mom abilities at our worst. Instead, we need to focus on how we love our kids and meet their needs. -- Stacey A. Shannon

Snaring others in the mom comparison trap

Along with that, we must also be careful of the other side of the mom comparison trap. I’d like to say I’ve never done it, but I have. There is a side of comparison that is basically judging. Maybe it was a mom doing something differently than you at the park. Maybe it was a mom planning an elaborate birthday party for her kid. Whatever it is, we can sometimes be guilty of judging other moms for not doing things the way we do them.

We’ve got to stop that, too. Remember my art teacher friend? She and I had a discussion a couple of years ago about the difference in our parenting. I follow a pretty tight schedule for my kids. It works for us. She is more spontaneous and, at the time, didn’t have kiddos in school. Oftentimes their bedtimes were later than my kiddos got to stay up. She thanked me once for not judging her or giving her a hard time. My reply was that it worked for her family.

We are all different. And that’s OK. We all also make mistakes. Sometimes we just need to have someone come along us and say they have messed up, too, but it’s not the end of the world — even if the mistake they made isn’t one you’d struggle with.

Remembering Whose opinion really matters

We need to work to be the women and moms that God created us to be, and that’s it. Our measuring stick doesn’t come from other moms or the world. It doesn’t even come from ourselves. It comes from our Heavenly Father, and I promise you that He isn’t finding you lacking when your kids stay up an extra hour, their birthday party isn’t Pinterest-worthy and you haven’t managed to take a single photo this week that isn’t blurry.

God’s grace covers all your mess-ups. And His strength holds you up when you are wobbling. He created you, mama, just as you are. And THAT is definitely good enough, so stop comparing yourself to someone you weren’t made to be.

Moms on a Mission: Crystal, a.k.a. Innie Mom

Profiles of moms who are making a difference

I am often awestruck at the women I see around me — both in real life and online — who are doing really amazing work in the midst of motherhood. These women are difference makers in the world who have identified and are living out their mission or God-given passion.

You need to know all about them, too! The Moms on a Mission series is all about these women. Once or twice a month, I’ll feature a mom who is living out her mission both inside and outside her home.

I’ve got a few other moms in mind, but I also would love suggestions. If you know a mom or are a mom who is living out her mission and God-given passion, I’d love to hear about it! Click on the “Contact” tab or send me a message through the Families with Grace Facebook page. I look forward to sharing stories that will inspire us all!

Today’s mom is Crystal, aka InnieMom. (For privacy, she chooses to not share her last name.) I started following the InnieMom blog on Facebook a couple of years ago. I’ve enjoyed her posts from the beginning as a fellow introvert. (We’re both INFJs even!) When her posts changed to include spiritual topics as well, I enjoyed her even more. I relate to so much of what she shares.

I was thrilled when she said yes to participating in the Moms on a Mission series. You’re going to be inspired and encouraged by her story!

FWG: What is your God-given mission or passion? 

Crystal: My passion is Jesus. There are many things I feel called to do, but He is absolutely at the root of all of it. I just want to grow to know Him more, to surrender more fully to Him each day and to share Him and what He’s done for me with others. My prayer at the start of every day is for Him to help me surrender more fully and to be obedient to whatever it is He calls me to do. That being said, let me explain a bit about where that has lead me. 

After I first became a Christ-follower, my husband and I had been trying to get pregnant. We tried for two years. The ups and downs in those few years were very, very difficult. Finally, we tried using fertility medicine and were able to conceive our fist child. We were so excited. We had a name picked out, and we had so many plans. 

When a woman finds out she’s pregnant, it’s not just the baby itself, but it’s the life she imagines for that baby that she begins to plan for in her heart.  Unfortunately, that pregnancy ended in a loss. My husband and I were both so heartbroken. I remember being angry with God. I didn’t understand why He’d allow me to experience that joy just to take it away from me. 

I remember driving down the road and asking Him out loud, “Why? Why did You do this? If You love me, why did You allow this to happen?” I glanced over just in time to see a pregnancy resource center out my window, and it just clicked for me in that moment: “That’s it. That’s how He will use this pain for good.” 

That year, I trained in that very center and coordinated their annual Walk for Life. Six years later — after losing three more babies and being blessed with two living children — once again the Lord called me to reach out to a local pregnancy resource center. I knew I was going to train to be an advocate. 

As an introvert, with pretty extreme social anxiety, I literally told Jesus, “I’ll do it because it’s what You’re telling me to do, but I have NO ability to do this on my own. So I’ll go, but YOU have to take over when I get there.” And that’s exactly what He’s done. I get to help mamas in crisis pregnancy situations, and I get to share Jesus with them as well. I’m so thankful I pushed through that initial anxiety, because I’m right where I’m supposed to be. 

FWG: How do you work to live out that mission right now?

Crystal: Volunteering. Aside from the PRC that I work with every week, I also volunteer at a local maternity home for pregnant and homeless young mothers. I get to babysit their little ones while they go out and work/go to school and assist with some of their big fundraising events.   

I also try to use my platform on InnieMom to give other moms who struggle with anxiety and depression a place to feel like they aren’t so alone in the world. I hope seeing how much I love Jesus, and how much He’s changed my life will help other moms know where to turn when they are in those crisis situations. I love encouraging others to seek Him above all other things. 

It’s also a goal of mine to bring a sense of “real-ness” and “human-ness” to the world of Christian blogs. I am not perfect; nobody is. I want to talk openly and honestly about my struggles, and I also want to have a bit of fun while doing it. Jesus has a wonderful sense of humor. 

FWG: What are some of your biggest challenges in living out your mission?

Crystal: Representing Him well, I think. I often times allow my own human fears or desires to cloud my judgement. I get angry or snarky far too easily. I can be very sassy. I’m learning to do a better job of apologizing when I mess up, whether it be as a mom, a wife, a friend or someone with a platform on social media.

I think that’s what my “page change” was all about. When I first created the InnieMom page, my goal was to have a voice. A lot of what I posted was funny, but I was compromising on my beliefs as a Christian for likes. Somewhere along the way, I realized that wasn’t what I wanted at all… nor what Jesus wanted for me. Now, everything I post is viewed through the lens of my faith in Christ. 

FWG: What have been some of your biggest blessings in living out your mission?

Crystal: My biggest blessing, by far, is growing closer to Jesus. The more I pursue Him, the more He leads me out into these crazy adventurous waters with Him. It’s amazing and terrifying all at the same time. 

Also, when people message me and tell me I’ve impacted them. I’ve had more than a few page followers say, “I’ve never found another Christian introverted mom with anxiety who isn’t afraid to talk about it.” That feels amazing. Like, hey, maybe I’m not so weird after all! 

The other thing that comes to mind are hugs. At the end of some of the sessions I have with moms in crisis pregnancy situations, I pray for them. Sometimes, if I’m lucky, they ask me for a hug. Those things keep me going through appointments that aren’t so easy. In that moment, I know we’ve connected and that somehow they’ve been impacted by our session. That means absolutely everything to me. 

FWG: How do you balance motherhood responsibilities with your work/mission?

Crystal: My boys keep me grounded. I’m a hyper-sensitive individual, so it’s easy to get in my head about different situations I’ve come across. I asked my kiddo what he wanted to be when he grew up and he said, “I want to be a Jesus follower like you,” which pretty much sealed the deal for me that I’m doing a pretty OK job as a mom. I try to be present in the moments when I’m with them. I try to take lots of one-on-one days with each of them. We have a lot of “slumber parties” and “snuggle nights.”  

I forgot to mention, I also own an IT company with my husband. So things are hectic around here most of the time. We love our crazy beautiful lives, though. Being a business owner gives us more control over how we’re spending our time. We’re able to be there for our kiddos far more than if we were working for someone else, like taking time off for field-trips and school events. It was a scary jump to make together at the beginning of the year, but it’s been an absolute blessing.  

FWG: What’s the best advice you have for other moms who are following their passions?

Crystal: Pray for an obedient heart. Lay yourself at His feet every morning and say, “Wherever You lead me, I’ll go.” Don’t be afraid to listen to what He’s telling you. Sometimes it can be scary or completely outside of your comfort zone, but “obedience is always followed by blessing” (a quote from my good friend Summer, who’s an editor for InnieMom). 

Read more from the series:

Moms on a Mission: Dr. Karen Dowling

Moms on a Mission: Erin Mayes

Moms on a Mission: Mari Hernandez-Tuten

Moms on a Mission: Kathleen Brooker

Moms on a Mission: Sarah R. Moore

Moms on a Mission: Stacey Pardoe

Moms on a Mission: Kristin Billerbeck

Moms on a Mission: Amy Cutler

Moms on a Mission: Pastor Stefanie Hendrickson

Don’t be a mom martyr

Asking for a break doesn’t make you a bad mom

My kids have spent most of this week with my in-laws. It started on Monday afternoon when I sent a message to my mother-in-law asking if she and my father-in-law could possibly pick up the kids from school, do homework, feed them dinner and even make lunches for the next day.

Motherhood is important work, but we don't have to be mom martyrs. We can ask for help or time off and still be good moms.

That’s a lot to ask of anyone, but I could barely be upright, let alone functional thanks to sickness. My husband is operating at half capacity still with broken ribs from a fall in mid December. (He still can’t lie down in bed.) We were a mess.

That one day turned into a few days. Finally, on Thursday evening the kids came back home. And, honestly, I didn’t even miss them until Wednesday, because I was just too sick on Monday and Tuesday to think very straight.

Here’s the thing. I know if needed, I could have managed with the kids at home. I’ve done it before. As someone with multiple chronic illnesses who has had three major surgeries since having my two kiddos, I know how to manage while not feeling my best.

I can push myself, but I also know my limits. And I am incredibly blessed to have both my parents and my in-laws in town and retired. They all love a chance to have our kids over. Both sets raised two children themselves and are no strangers to homework, dinner, lunchboxes and bedtime routines. I do not for one minute take that for granted.

I’d say this week has gone much better for my kiddos in being with their Nana and Papaw. I certainly haven’t been up to cooking. I know my temper would have been short from sheer exhaustion, because I have been utterly exhausted every day even without two children in my care.

In fact, on Tuesday evening, my husband took our son to his Ninja Zone class and then returned him to Nana and Papaw’s just in time for bed. My husband heard his mother instruct our son to get ready for bed and then he could choose a snack between ice-cream and a Nutty Buddy. I mean, what kid wouldn’t love that?!

(And I am upset at the late sugary snack? Nope. It’s not what I do and won’t happen at home, but sugary snacks before bed with grandparents on occasion is just fun when you’re a kid. Not to mention, I can’t be upset with the people who are helping me out by taking care of my children during a school week!)

They came home with backpacks full of clean clothes and lunchboxes already packed for Friday, complete with notes from my mother-in-law. It was such a blessing to me.

Being tempted to be a mom martyr

However, even knowing I have help readily available that my children would prefer, I still struggle to ask for it sometimes. When I realized I was getting sick, I suspected it was the same bug my husband had previously. While he was sick, I managed the kids, puppy and everything else.

I knew he’d do the same for me in usual circumstances, but with broken ribs and crummy sleep, he isn’t up to par right now. In no time, I started in on a pity party for myself as I dragged around the house on Monday morning making sure the puppy and kids were fed and ready for the day. I was bemoaning in my head about how even though I was sick, I couldn’t have the luxury to stop. I was a mom, for goodness sake, and we don’t get days off.

My pity party continued. I was really getting going about how no matter how bad I felt, my family wouldn’t care and would still need things done.

And then I realized it didn’t have to be that way. I DO have help available. I do NOT have to be a mom martyr. Sometimes I have no choice. For example, a year ago, my husband and his parents were out of town for a funeral. My parents were in Florida visiting my brother. I was dog-sitting for my in-laws. I got a stomach bug. It was just the kids and me. We survived. They ate peanut butter and Hawaiian rolls and way too many chocolate granola bars. They got to stay home from school an extra day because I was sick, but we survived.

Motherhood is important work, but we don't have to be mom martyrs. We can ask for help or time off and still be good moms.

The thing about motherhood is that we don’t get days off — not truly. Even when my kids were with my in-laws, my mom brain was thinking about them and what they needed. I wanted to make sure my daughter had her school library book to return and my son practiced his spelling words. I can never turn off my mom brain.

Good moms can ask for help

But sometimes being a good mother means you realize that asking for help is what is best for your kids, even if it hurts your pride. Even if you don’t want to admit to other mothers that you had days without your kids to recover. (And, honestly, this has been an exceptional sickness that has required days. I’m still out of sorts.)

Motherhood is a calling. It’s important work, but we don’t have to be mom martyrs. We can ask for help and still be good moms. We can ask for time off (even when we aren’t sick!) and still be good moms.

Our foremothers understood this even more back when families lived closer together and neighbors watched out for each other’s kids. We weren’t meant to raise our kids on an island alone. Embrace the community you have whether it is family or friends. Ask for help when you need it. It really does take a village to raise our children!

Families With Grace
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