Advice from an introverted work-at-home mom on self-isolating

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In an effort to contain the COVID-19 virus and keep from overwhelming healthcare facilities and workers, a good portion of the U.S. population is at home for work and school right now. Along with that, health and government officials are recommending that we self-isolate — basically stay home and avoid contact with other people.

And that is pretty much a normal day in the life for me. I work from home and have since 2003. The last couple of years, my husband has joined me in working from home as well. Add in that I’m also an introvert who recharges with time alone and have chronic health issues that sometimes keep me from being able to get out, and I’m pretty much the poster child for self-isolation.

As my kids get older, I get out of the house more often to take and/or pick them up from school. They each also get to pick one extracurricular activity a week that we take them to, but even that my husband and I usually divide so we only are going to one activity a week.

But my happiest days are the ones where I never leave the house. I love to find ways to be productive and to be lazy. I feel most free at home.

Of course, my feelings are not shared by everyone. Statistically speaking, introverts are a minority (and even among introverts, my INFJ type is the least common). So I can only imagine that there are a lot of extroverts being told to stay home right now that are kind of at a loss.

Folks who are constantly on the go and seldom home. I once joked that our neighbors (who have since moved away) were a family who was almost never home and they probably thought we were a family who was always home. I’m sure we seemed different to them in the opposite way they seemed different to us.

So, I’ve been thinking about what to do at home. What do I enjoy about being in my own house with my husband and kids? What makes this my happy place? The answer has nothing to do with the actual house itself and everything to do with the people inside it, my attitude about it and the activities going on within it.

1. Do some work.

This is probably a no-brainer. Right now, people are working from home and schools are sending home assignments. So, clearly one of the the things you can do at home is work. One of the things your kids can do is schoolwork.

Finding the motivation to do that while at home can be a challenge for some, so I offer things I’ve learned through the years.

If your kiddos don’t have schoolwork sent home with them or need additional ideas, finding educational apps they can use or things you can print out for them to work on while you work. Check out the following:

– Scholastic Learn at Home
– Free weekly broadcast with do-at-home activities through the Cincinnati Zoo’s Facebook page
– 12 museums that offer virtual tours
– List of over 30 virtual field trips
–PBS Kids Daily weekday newsletter

2. Enjoy family meals.

Eating together for dinner can be a challenge for some families. Having a chance to eat breakfast and lunch together is impossible for a lot of families. Times at home are great for togetherness over food. Even if you’re just having bowls of cereal together for breakfast counts. Turn off electronics and chat.

3. Read together.

Even if you’re kids can easily read on their own, reading a book out loud together is special! Check out your local library’s website to download e-books or consider signing up for Kindle Unlimited through Amazon, which I LOVE! If you need ideas of books to read, check out this list of more than 100 children’s books worth reading; it has ideas for toddlers to tweens.

Another great option is Epic!. Right now, Epic! is offering a month free. It has all sorts of books for school-aged kids and includes the option to have the book read aloud, which is great for early readers and non-readers. We love Epic! so much that we’ve had a monthly subscription for a couple of years.

You can also have a nice time just sitting snuggled together or in the same room reading to yourself.

4. Watch movies together.

Thanks to streaming services like Netflix and Disney Plus, you don’t have to leave home to watch a movie together. We love movie nights at my house and having a chance to have them more often when we are all home together is nice. You can combine it with mealtime or snack-time with easy finger foods while you watch. And then, of course, you can also snuggle together!

5. Find new television shows to watch together. (Or watch family favs you are behind on!)

We’ve found a few shows our family enjoys watching together through the years. Recently “Green Eggs and Ham” on Netflix was something we all four enjoyed. We also like baking competitions, “America’s Funniest Videos,” “LegoMasters” and pretty much any of the Scooby-Doos series.

You can also get some culture in by watching one of the Metropolitan Opera’s free nightly broadcasts being offered right now.

6. Cook together.

My kids have loved helping in the kitchen since they were toddlers. They like a chance to bake with me in particular, but even doing meal prep can be fun for them. Cooking with kids usually takes a bit longer, so times being at home are ideal to do so. This is also a great time to try out new recipes or old favorites you haven’t had time to make for a while.

Some of our favorite foods to cook or bake together include the following:

Pumpkin bread
Whipped pudding pie
BLT pizza
Peanut butter honey nut cereal clusters
Brownies
Pizza subs
4-ingredient lemon squares
Cookies, especially toffee cookies

7. Organize or clean together.

Cleaning isn’t so fun, but the more time I have at home, the better condition my house is in. Time at home is great for cleaning and organizing. Work on tasks you need to do but never get around to. Clean out and organize your pantry. Sort through your kids clothes and pull out things that don’t fit. If you feel really ambitious, clean out toys!

In the end, you’ll all feel satisfied with a job well done and be able to do something fun afterward to relax like watch a movie and eat snacks.

8. Get creative together.

Remember all those Pins you saved on Pinterest of stuff you want to make with your kids? Being home together for a while is a great chance to do them. Or pull out craft kits your kids have forgotten about and finally have time to do.

If crafts aren’t your thing (they aren’t mine), then make art together in a low-key way. My family enjoys coloring together. We all work on pictures we want. I use crayons and don’t get detailed. My husband uses high-quality markers and adds lots of detail and shading. My daughter and son each have their own styles as well. But we all have fun!

9. Play games together.

We love games! Being home is a great time to pull out board games, card games and even video games you can play together. We have a wide variety of games our kiddos like. Various types of Uno card games are one of their favorites at the moment. (If you’ve got a younger kiddo, consider getting a playing card holder to help them out. My first grader loves it!)

My kids also love Story Cubes and Toilet Trouble, which are easy for non-readers to play as well! If your kids are solid readers, consider Fluxx, which is a fast-paced card game where the rules constantly change.

Another family favorite of ours is Mad Libs. These are bonus, educational fun because your kiddos have to identify parts of speech!

10. Have unstructured play time together.

Having time at home without other things going on is great for just playing together. My kids’ love any chance for one-on-one playtime with us. My husband and I will set a time for 30 minutes or an hour and play with one child during that time. When the timer goes off, we switch and do the same with the other kiddo. My kids absolutely love it!

11. Make a list of independent activities.

I’d love to say that having extra time at home means we will be doing fun and productive things with our family all the time. But that’s not reality. We still have to do things like work, shower, clean and even just relax! I’ve found having a list of ideas (either written or in my head) that my kiddos can do on their own helps when they come to me and tell me they’re bored.

This can include chores, things they want to do, activities you know they’ll like, etc. You could also encourage them to do something nice for others. Maybe they could make cards to mail to extended family members or those in nursing homes right now.

12. Shop online together.

Sometimes our downtime at home involves online shopping. With warmer weather coming, my kids are going to need some new clothes. While my 7-year-old son doesn’t care so much about his wardrobe, his 10-year-old sister does! Having a chance to look online at some clothes together is always good. Showing my son a couple of options to pick from or scrolling through items with daughter works.

You might not buy everything right now. (Hello, budget!) But, at least you’ll know what you need or want to order over the next couple of months. It can also be a good time for kids to plan what they want to save for or how they’re going to use their spending money.

13. Have spa time.

OK. Maybe not spa time, per se, but being home is a great time to do some beauty sort of stuff you don’t usually get to do or don’t always have time to enjoy. You can do this with or without kiddo involvement.

My daughter and I have recently started doing face masks together and it’s so fun! We also enjoy painting our fingernails. Once I did temporary hair color gel in my kids’ hair. It doesn’t have to be complicated or over-the-top. Just have fun with it!

14. Blare some music.

When my kids were toddlers, they loved dancing around the house with me. Even now at 7 and 10, they still do sometimes. If you’re bored or doing something physical, crank up some fun music and let loose. I can’t tell you how many times I have danced around while baking. One of my favorites is the soundtrack from the musical “Wicked.”

15. Just be.

My favorite thing about time at home is the chance to just be. I love having a chance to just fully be myself. Home is the place where I can be dorky, crazy, quiet, silly or anything else. I can be me.

Some of our best memories have been made during times we aren’t doing a darn thing. We all pile onto our bed or the couch and giggle over silly things. These days the puppy get into the mix and adds some craziness. We just have fun together.

My goal is to let my family just be themselves at home. Of course there are rules to follow and chores to do and all that responsible stuff. But above all, I want them to feel free to be who they are in their own spaces.

Profiles of moms who are making a difference

Affiliate links are used in this post; if you make a qualifying purchase via my link, I receive a small percentage of the sale at no additional cost to you. I only recommend products and services I use and love. It helps support my blog, so thank you for your support! Read my full disclosure here.

Years ago, I picked up a book called “What a Girl Wants” at my local library. While I had read more than my fair share of Christian fiction books, this was my first encounter with Christian Chick-Lit that held my attention, wasn’t trite, made me laugh out loud and had an underlying message reminding me of Who God is.

I proceeded to devour every Kristin Billerbeck book that she’d written. They’re just good books. I read so many books that I typically use the library or Kindle Unlimited, but I bought a few of Kristin’s books when they weren’t available. Now I buy them when they release so I don’t have to wait! They really are that good.

I follow a few of my favorite authors on social media. A few years ago, I came across Kristin on Facebook and had a friend from church who was friends with her. So I sent her a friend request. I had a total fan-girl moment when she accepted my friend request.

In being the casual Facebook friends we are, I have enjoyed getting to know more about her and keep updated when new books are released so I can buy them for my Kindle. I’ve learned that real-life Christian is like many of her heroines: she has a sense of humor and a passion for God.

Though she’s won many awards for her numerous books, Kristin’s biggest source of pride is her four young adult children. I knew she’d be a great fit for the Moms on a Mission series and was so excited when she replied that she’d be happy to answer questions for me.

You’re going to be inspired by her and adore her. You’ll want to read more of her words! Kristin’s website is filled with information about her and her books. It’s organized so you can find series and stand-alone novels to dive into.

Families with Grace: What is your God-given mission or passion?

Kristin Billerbeck: My God-given mission is to tell the world God is perfect — not His people. Though His people may let you down and cause harm, God is not like that. God is loving and compassionate and quick to forgive with repentance. My books all reflect that message. 

FWG: How do you work to live out that mission right now?

KB: I’m currently writing a book about five sisters with three mothers and the same father. I wanted to show the grace in the hardest of circumstances. It can be so hard to understand God is a loving father when your earthly father is harmful or even abusive.

FWG: What are some of your biggest challenges in living out your mission?

KB: Sitting down daily and putting everyday life aside to write. I also feel a huge responsibility to get things right Scripturally. For example, in my book “Swimming to the Surface” the heroine is married to an abusive man who is narcissistic. I told the publisher before I sold them the book this will end in divorce. I cannot tell an abused woman that she can love a narcissist enough to make him change. There is no psychological evidence that a narcissist is capable of changing. 

That one was tough for me because I know what the Bible says about divorce, but I also know women who have been ready to commit suicide to get away from their abuser. God doesn’t want a mockery of a marriage over a human soul. That was not His design for marriage. But I know there are legalistic people who will not see that point of view. I respect their viewpoint, but maybe they’ve never loved anyone in that situation. I think if it were happening to their daughter, they would want separation, if not divorce.  

FWG: What have been some of your biggest blessings in living out your mission?

KB: I’m very fortunate in that I’ve gotten to travel all over the United States and meet amazing people. Also, the Christian writing community is very close-knit and I’ve made lifelong friends with many.

FWG: How do you balance motherhood responsibilities with your work/mission?

My children are grown now, but when they were young, we had “Mommy time” which was their nap time. When they got older, I still kept those hours (1 p.m. to 3 p.m.) to write. I was fortunate in that I could be interrupted mid-sentence and go right back to where I was in the book when any crisis was over.

FWG: What’s the best advice you have for other moms who are following their passions?

“Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.”  (It’s a book title — great book, by the way.) But if you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will. Sometimes, if we are being called to a ministry, we have to make sure that is God’s call and follow through. 

I would also say, “Make time for yourself.” It doesn’t have to be a long stretch of time, but it is very important when you’re pursuing a passion that you understand, you do have a right to a life. Just because you’re a mom doesn’t mean you need to sacrifice who God made you to be. There are years in parenting where that is more difficult and your kids will always come first, but it’s OK to pursue what you’re passionate about. 

You can find Kristin’s most recent book, “The Theory of Happily Ever After,” on Amazon; it is available through Kindle Unlimited! Keep an eye out for her new release “Room at the Top.”

Read more from the series

Moms on a Mission: Dr. Karen Dowling

Moms on a Mission: Erin Mayes

Moms on a Mission: Mari Hernandez-Tuten

Moms on a Mission: Kathleen Brooker

Moms on a Mission: Sarah R. Moore

Moms on a Mission: Stacey Pardoe

Moms on a Mission: Crystal (aka InnieMom)

Moms on a Mission: Pastor Stefanie Hendrickson

Moms on a Mission: Amy Cutler

Sometimes laughing keeps you from crying — or screaming!

This is a post I wrote back in 2013, when my son was a few months old and my daughter was a preschooler. I recently shared this story with my son. We laughed about it as a memory. So, I had to share it with you guys. Though I am past the phase of tiny babies and their messes, I still stand by the importance of keeping a sense of humor in motherhood. It gets crazy!

Motherhood is a constant learning process that requires flexibility and a sense of humor. And just when you think you have it all figured out, your children like to remind you that you certainly don’t.

For example, a couple of weeks ago I had some time with just my baby boy while his big sister was with my parents. I decided to go shopping for some clothes I needed. Shopping with a baby is easier than shopping with a preschooler. He sits in his carseat in his stroller and dozes. She wants to look at and talk about everything. 

Sure enough, he fell asleep on our way to the first store. He woke up just as I was leaving the store. He needed to eat. I decided I was a capable and experienced at motherhood. I was going to be brave and feed him in the dressing room at the next store. It was too hot to sit in the car, and I really didn’t want to go back home, yet. I still needed a few things.

I picked a couple pairs of capris and hit the dressing room. Unfortunately, the large dressing rooms were taken, so I squeezed us and our stroller into a small one with a tiny bench. I was silently applauding myself for my flexibility and making due instead of freaking out. 

I got us settled and started nursing him. He was fussy. I put him on my shoulder to burp him thinking that could be the problem. What a good mom I was to know these things!

Things take a turn

And that’s when I felt the wetness on his back. The dressing room was warm. I wondered if it was sweat. I took a peek. Nope. Not sweat. It was a massive diaper blowout. 

He’s my second baby. I’m not new to diaper blowouts. But, holy moly! The little guy had been going through a growth spurt which means lots of eating and then, usually, a giant diaper. Our shopping trip was his choice for making the giant diaper.

I was determined not to be ruffled. I whipped out the changing table pad. It just barely fit on the tiny bench. I got to work. I opened up my wipe container and realized it was almost empty. OK. I could handle this. I wasn’t going to freak out. 

With sweat running down my back, I took care of his diaper. Bless my husband’s Aunt Shirley for having sent us diaper bags to put dirty diapers in. I used one for the diaper and wipes and another for his outfit. It was bad.

I got creative with my wipes I had and used every single square inch of those wipes and then pulled out some Wet Ones that I keep in the diaper bag for his big sister and cleaned off my hands and the changing table pad. 

Fortunately I carry a clean onesie with us, so I got the little guy all changed and settled in. I stuck him back in his seat and got everything put away. Then I sat for on the bench for a short breather. I was sweating and felt like I’d been running a marathon after all the work I’d just done dealing with that massive blowout. And then I started giggling.

Keeping a sense of humor

When I was new to motherhood, almost four years ago, I’m pretty darn sure I wouldn’t have giggled. But, I did. I’ve been a mom long enough to learn that a sense of humor is a must. Because sometimes when crap happens (yeah, pun intended! I couldn’t resist!), you have to learn to laugh when you really feel like crying and giving up. 

I had a professor in college whose philosophy was, “If you’re going to laugh about it later, then laugh at it now.” I’ve learned that and managed to do that a few times in my life, especially in motherhood.

Part of me that wanted to give up, throw in the towel and head straight home wondering why I even bothered to leave the house in the first place. But, a bigger part of me thought, “Man! This is a story I’m going to tell. This is a blog post I’m going to write. And it really is kind of funny!” I survived. So did my son.

I pulled him back out of his seat and finished nursing him. He was still a bit fussy, so I hurried through trying on capris. I found a pair I liked. We left the dressing room probably a good half hour since going in (all the while I was hoping and praying there were no security cameras watching us!). I even managed to peruse the children’s department and pick up a couple of things my daughter needed.

My shopping trip definitely went differently than I had planned. But, life and motherhood seldom go according to plan. In the end, my son and I were both fine and I even left my shopping trip having gotten what I set out to get — plus a good giggle and story to tell.

A simple DIY craft makes my family feel loved each February

Affiliate links are used in this post. If you make a qualifying purchase via my link, I receive a small percentage of the sale at no additional cost to you. I only recommend products and services I use and love. It helps support my blog, so thank you for your support! Read my full disclosure here.

Crafts aren’t my thing. Decorating my house isn’t really my thing either. But loving my family is definitely my thing! I especially love being able to show them love in simple, yet meaningful ways. And we have a Valentine’s tradition that does just that.

A few years ago, I ran across the idea on Pinterest. And when I say a few years, I know it was when my oldest (who is now 10) was too young to even read and my youngest was a baby. So it’s been going a good while.

How our Valentine’s tradition works

The night before Feb. 1, I tape a big heart made of construction paper on my kids’ bedroom doors that says their name and “We love…” in black Sharpie. Then I add a small heart on the door saying something we love about them. Each night from Feb. 1 through 14, they get a new heart of something we love about them.

I try to come up with different ideas each year. I cover a variety of topics from physical attributes (your beautiful smile or your big brown eyes) to behaviors (how well you play with your sibling) to academics (how well you read).

During the last week of January, I make a list of 14 things I love about each child. I show it to my husband and get his input. It isn’t hard to think of 14 things I love about each of my kids. Usually I have to make myself narrow it down and focus, because I’m a proud mama who loves her kiddos!

Then I make the hearts ahead of time and store them with Scotch tape in my nightstand drawer. I set a reminder on my phone for 9 p.m. each night so that I don’t forget. And I simply tape a heart on their doors each night. You could make the hearts each night if you wanted. I like doing them all ahead of time, because I’m drained by bedtime!

While you could totally get creative and crafty with your hearts (and feel free to do so if that’s your thing!), you can also keep them incredibly simple. I use construction paper. I totally do the “fold the page in half and cut out hearts” strategy that I learned way back in elementary school. Then I write on them with a black Sharpie. Easy peasy!

Including your spouse

Last year, I decided to include my husband on the fun. I used the back of our closet door so he’d see his new heart each morning.

It’s simple and easy, but everyone loves being told what is lovable about them. We all love being appreciated and noticed. While I try to tell my kids and husband these things frequently, life gets busy and I don’t get to share these things as often as I’d truly like.

I love having a couple of weeks set aside each year that they can read all the things we love about them. I keep the hearts short, sweet and simple. For the first time this year, I don’t think either of my kids will need help reading their hearts. It’s pretty neat to see how much they have grown from me reading hearts to my daughter before she could read and telling my son about them before he probably even understood what I meant.

I’m not sure how long this tradition will go on. It may evolve through the years. Maybe one of these days, I’ll text my kids each day Feb. 1 through 14 with something I love about them. It’s definitely something I’d like to continue to be intentional about loving my family out loud. What better time to do that than Valentine’s?!

Looking for more Valentine’s ideas? Check out these posts:

Comparing ourselves to other moms never ends well

Each school day, I send a note along in my children’s lunchboxes. Now that my daughter is older, we have started having theme days. Our notes have evolved into Motivation Monday (an encouraging or inspiring quote), Truth Tuesday (a Bible verse), Wacky Wednesday (a joke), Think or Thank Thursday (an interesting piece of information or something I am thankful for about her) and Fun Friday (something wacky and fun like stickers with speech bubbles).

I enjoy doing the lunchbox notes. I have even written a serial story a couple of times for my daughter with a new installment each day for a week. But, it makes sense this is my thing: I’m a writer. I always have been, and I love it. It’s one way I can pop into my kids’ lives in the middle of their school day and I enjoy doing so.

However, I also know that writing daily lunchbox notes — let alone theme notes — is not everyone’s thing. When a friend recently shared that his wife felt inferior for the stuff she saw on Pinterest (like writing lunchbox notes) but didn’t do, I understood that perspective. But I also thought about all the things his wife is good at that I’m not.

For example, she takes beautiful photos of their children in everyday life. Some of the photos she shares on social media are just precious. She has a knack and skill for photography that I do not.

Looking at other moms

I would bet that since the very first moms ever met one another, the mom comparison trap formed. We all have strengths and weaknesses and we may be OK with them in theory or even in other areas of life, but we can be left feeling like we fall short when we don’t measure up to moms we see around us or online.

I don’t even have to look far to find moms good at things I’m not. My own mother, for example, is a great housekeeper. I am mediocre — and that’s an improvement from a few years ago! She also can sew to repair my kids’ clothes when they get small tears. I can thread a needle, but am at a loss at what to do from there. I can’t even sew on a button.

I have another friend who is an art teacher and incredibly talented. For each of her children’s birthday parties, she draws a custom coloring page based on the theme. All the guests then color the picture and she hangs them up on display. I can barely draw a stick figure. The best I can do is stay in the lines coloring printed coloring pages and even then I don’t get fancy and do any shading or anything.

The moms of some of my kids’ classmates come up with and execute some very cool and elaborate parties and party ideas for class parties and birthday parties. I search Pinterest for the easiest thing I can find, and even that is stretching it for me.

I have another friend who can bake. She works as a professional baker. While I enjoy baking and do a very, very small amount of decorating, my skills are nowhere near her creations. Not even close!

Looking at yourself

I could go on and on and on. The thing is, I’m not those other women. I don’t have the same skillsets and natural talents that some of them do. Yes, I could take photography, sewing, drawing and decorating classes, but those aren’t things I enjoy enough to do so. I don’t want to spend the time, energy or resources on them.

And that’s OK. I am who I am. Who I am is the woman that God made. Who I am is the woman God gave my children to. The same is true for you. None of us are identical. My strengths and passions are different from yours. It is what makes us unique people. While we tell our kids to embrace their individuality and we try to do so in ourselves, we often fail at that when it comes to embracing our individuality as moms. We get caught in the mom comparison trap.

I’d bet right now you can tell me things you see other moms doing that you feel guilty you don’t do. I can make a LONG list of these things. I remember feeling it when my sister-in-law and I took our kids to a corn maze back when my oldest was only 11 months old. My sister-in-law stopped at a corn stalk and let her daughter (who was 3) and her triplet 1-year-olds feel the corn stalk. Of course, she let my daughter feel it as well.

It never once crossed my mind to let my daughter feel the texture of the corn stalk. Does that make me a bad mom? Nope. Does it make my sister-in-law a better mom? Also, nope. We are just different.

Coming up short in the mom comparison trap

Whenever we compare ourselves to other moms, we often come up short. We are judging their mom abilities at their best against our mom abilities at our worst. Instead we need to focus on how we love our kids and meet their needs. We don’t want to be so caught in the mom comparison trap that we miss out on what matters most!

We all do that differently. Written words are part of my life in so many ways that I’ve shared that with my children. We first started reading a bedtime story to our oldest when she was 3 months old. Now she is 10 and her brother is about to turn 7, and we still read together every night before bed.

I have moved that into lunchbox notes as well. My son doesn’t enjoy them so much, yet, but as he becomes a better and better read, that may change. If it doesn’t, that’s OK. I’ll find another way to show him love.

Motherhood isn’t about what we do and what we’re good at. It’s not about being perfect and excelling at homemaking, crafts, baking and everything else. Motherhood is about loving our kids. It’s about teaching them what they need to know to survive in the world. It’s about showing them what God’s love looks like in practice. It’s about guarding their hearts and their minds.

None of that has anything to do with your talents and hobbies or those of the moms around you. You bring your own unique way to love and teach your children to the table and it’s the perfect way for your children. God didn’t give you those babies on accident.

Snaring others in the mom comparison trap

Along with that, we must also be careful of the other side of the mom comparison trap. I’d like to say I’ve never done it, but I have. There is a side of comparison that is basically judging. Maybe it was a mom doing something differently than you at the park. Maybe it was a mom planning an elaborate birthday party for her kid. Whatever it is, we can sometimes be guilty of judging other moms for not doing things the way we do them.

We’ve got to stop that, too. Remember my art teacher friend? She and I had a discussion a couple of years ago about the difference in our parenting. I follow a pretty tight schedule for my kids. It works for us. She is more spontaneous and, at the time, didn’t have kiddos in school. Oftentimes their bedtimes were later than my kiddos got to stay up. She thanked me once for not judging her or giving her a hard time. My reply was that it worked for her family.

We are all different. And that’s OK. We all also make mistakes. Sometimes we just need to have someone come along us and say they have messed up, too, but it’s not the end of the world — even if the mistake they made isn’t one you’d struggle with.

Remembering Whose opinion really matters

We need to work to be the women and moms that God created us to be, and that’s it. Our measuring stick doesn’t come from other moms or the world. It doesn’t even come from ourselves. It comes from our Heavenly Father, and I promise you that He isn’t finding you lacking when your kids stay up an extra hour, their birthday party isn’t Pinterest-worthy and you haven’t managed to take a single photo this week that isn’t blurry.

God’s grace covers all your mess-ups. And His strength holds you up when you are wobbling. He created you, mama, just as you are. And THAT is definitely good enough, so stop comparing yourself to someone you weren’t made to be.

Profiles of moms who are making a difference

I am often awestruck at the women I see around me — both in real life and online — who are doing really amazing work in the midst of motherhood. These women are difference makers in the world who have identified and are living out their mission or God-given passion.

You need to know all about them, too! The Moms on a Mission series is all about these women. Once or twice a month, I’ll feature a mom who is living out her mission both inside and outside her home.

I’ve got a few other moms in mind, but I also would love suggestions. If you know a mom or are a mom who is living out her mission and God-given passion, I’d love to hear about it! Click on the “Contact” tab or send me a message through the Families with Grace Facebook page. I look forward to sharing stories that will inspire us all!

Today’s mom is Crystal, aka InnieMom. (For privacy, she chooses to not share her last name.) I started following the InnieMom blog on Facebook a couple of years ago. I’ve enjoyed her posts from the beginning as a fellow introvert. (We’re both INFJs even!) When her posts changed to include spiritual topics as well, I enjoyed her even more. I relate to so much of what she shares.

I was thrilled when she said yes to participating in the Moms on a Mission series. You’re going to be inspired and encouraged by her story!

FWG: What is your God-given mission or passion? 

Crystal: My passion is Jesus. There are many things I feel called to do, but He is absolutely at the root of all of it. I just want to grow to know Him more, to surrender more fully to Him each day and to share Him and what He’s done for me with others. My prayer at the start of every day is for Him to help me surrender more fully and to be obedient to whatever it is He calls me to do. That being said, let me explain a bit about where that has lead me. 

After I first became a Christ-follower, my husband and I had been trying to get pregnant. We tried for two years. The ups and downs in those few years were very, very difficult. Finally, we tried using fertility medicine and were able to conceive our fist child. We were so excited. We had a name picked out, and we had so many plans. 

When a woman finds out she’s pregnant, it’s not just the baby itself, but it’s the life she imagines for that baby that she begins to plan for in her heart.  Unfortunately, that pregnancy ended in a loss. My husband and I were both so heartbroken. I remember being angry with God. I didn’t understand why He’d allow me to experience that joy just to take it away from me. 

I remember driving down the road and asking Him out loud, “Why? Why did You do this? If You love me, why did You allow this to happen?” I glanced over just in time to see a pregnancy resource center out my window, and it just clicked for me in that moment: “That’s it. That’s how He will use this pain for good.” 

That year, I trained in that very center and coordinated their annual Walk for Life. Six years later — after losing three more babies and being blessed with two living children — once again the Lord called me to reach out to a local pregnancy resource center. I knew I was going to train to be an advocate. 

As an introvert, with pretty extreme social anxiety, I literally told Jesus, “I’ll do it because it’s what You’re telling me to do, but I have NO ability to do this on my own. So I’ll go, but YOU have to take over when I get there.” And that’s exactly what He’s done. I get to help mamas in crisis pregnancy situations, and I get to share Jesus with them as well. I’m so thankful I pushed through that initial anxiety, because I’m right where I’m supposed to be. 

FWG: How do you work to live out that mission right now?

Crystal: Volunteering. Aside from the PRC that I work with every week, I also volunteer at a local maternity home for pregnant and homeless young mothers. I get to babysit their little ones while they go out and work/go to school and assist with some of their big fundraising events.   

I also try to use my platform on InnieMom to give other moms who struggle with anxiety and depression a place to feel like they aren’t so alone in the world. I hope seeing how much I love Jesus, and how much He’s changed my life will help other moms know where to turn when they are in those crisis situations. I love encouraging others to seek Him above all other things. 

It’s also a goal of mine to bring a sense of “real-ness” and “human-ness” to the world of Christian blogs. I am not perfect; nobody is. I want to talk openly and honestly about my struggles, and I also want to have a bit of fun while doing it. Jesus has a wonderful sense of humor. 

FWG: What are some of your biggest challenges in living out your mission?

Crystal: Representing Him well, I think. I often times allow my own human fears or desires to cloud my judgement. I get angry or snarky far too easily. I can be very sassy. I’m learning to do a better job of apologizing when I mess up, whether it be as a mom, a wife, a friend or someone with a platform on social media.

I think that’s what my “page change” was all about. When I first created the InnieMom page, my goal was to have a voice. A lot of what I posted was funny, but I was compromising on my beliefs as a Christian for likes. Somewhere along the way, I realized that wasn’t what I wanted at all… nor what Jesus wanted for me. Now, everything I post is viewed through the lens of my faith in Christ. 

FWG: What have been some of your biggest blessings in living out your mission?

Crystal: My biggest blessing, by far, is growing closer to Jesus. The more I pursue Him, the more He leads me out into these crazy adventurous waters with Him. It’s amazing and terrifying all at the same time. 

Also, when people message me and tell me I’ve impacted them. I’ve had more than a few page followers say, “I’ve never found another Christian introverted mom with anxiety who isn’t afraid to talk about it.” That feels amazing. Like, hey, maybe I’m not so weird after all! 

The other thing that comes to mind are hugs. At the end of some of the sessions I have with moms in crisis pregnancy situations, I pray for them. Sometimes, if I’m lucky, they ask me for a hug. Those things keep me going through appointments that aren’t so easy. In that moment, I know we’ve connected and that somehow they’ve been impacted by our session. That means absolutely everything to me. 

FWG: How do you balance motherhood responsibilities with your work/mission?

Crystal: My boys keep me grounded. I’m a hyper-sensitive individual, so it’s easy to get in my head about different situations I’ve come across. I asked my kiddo what he wanted to be when he grew up and he said, “I want to be a Jesus follower like you,” which pretty much sealed the deal for me that I’m doing a pretty OK job as a mom. I try to be present in the moments when I’m with them. I try to take lots of one-on-one days with each of them. We have a lot of “slumber parties” and “snuggle nights.”  

I forgot to mention, I also own an IT company with my husband. So things are hectic around here most of the time. We love our crazy beautiful lives, though. Being a business owner gives us more control over how we’re spending our time. We’re able to be there for our kiddos far more than if we were working for someone else, like taking time off for field-trips and school events. It was a scary jump to make together at the beginning of the year, but it’s been an absolute blessing.  

FWG: What’s the best advice you have for other moms who are following their passions?

Crystal: Pray for an obedient heart. Lay yourself at His feet every morning and say, “Wherever You lead me, I’ll go.” Don’t be afraid to listen to what He’s telling you. Sometimes it can be scary or completely outside of your comfort zone, but “obedience is always followed by blessing” (a quote from my good friend Summer, who’s an editor for InnieMom). 

Read more from the series:

Moms on a Mission: Dr. Karen Dowling

Moms on a Mission: Erin Mayes

Moms on a Mission: Mari Hernandez-Tuten

Moms on a Mission: Kathleen Brooker

Moms on a Mission: Sarah R. Moore

Moms on a Mission: Stacey Pardoe

Moms on a Mission: Kristin Billerbeck

Moms on a Mission: Amy Cutler

Moms on a Mission: Pastor Stefanie Hendrickson

Asking for a break doesn’t make you a bad mom

My kids have spent most of this week with my in-laws. It started on Monday afternoon when I sent a message to my mother-in-law asking if she and my father-in-law could possibly pick up the kids from school, do homework, feed them dinner and even make lunches for the next day.

That’s a lot to ask of anyone, but I could barely be upright, let alone functional thanks to sickness. My husband is operating at half capacity still with broken ribs from a fall in mid December. (He still can’t lie down in bed.) We were a mess.

That one day turned into a few days. Finally, on Thursday evening the kids came back home. And, honestly, I didn’t even miss them until Wednesday, because I was just too sick on Monday and Tuesday to think very straight.

Here’s the thing. I know if needed, I could have managed with the kids at home. I’ve done it before. As someone with multiple chronic illnesses who has had three major surgeries since having my two kiddos, I know how to manage while not feeling my best.

I can push myself, but I also know my limits. And I am incredibly blessed to have both my parents and my in-laws in town and retired. They all love a chance to have our kids over. Both sets raised two children themselves and are no strangers to homework, dinner, lunchboxes and bedtime routines. I do not for one minute take that for granted.

I’d say this week has gone much better for my kiddos in being with their Nana and Papaw. I certainly haven’t been up to cooking. I know my temper would have been short from sheer exhaustion, because I have been utterly exhausted every day even without two children in my care.

In fact, on Tuesday evening, my husband took our son to his Ninja Zone class and then returned him to Nana and Papaw’s just in time for bed. My husband heard his mother instruct our son to get ready for bed and then he could choose a snack between ice-cream and a Nutty Buddy. I mean, what kid wouldn’t love that?!

(And I am upset at the late sugary snack? Nope. It’s not what I do and won’t happen at home, but sugary snacks before bed with grandparents on occasion is just fun when you’re a kid. Not to mention, I can’t be upset with the people who are helping me out by taking care of my children during a school week!)

They came home with backpacks full of clean clothes and lunchboxes already packed for Friday, complete with notes from my mother-in-law. It was such a blessing to me.

Being tempted to be a mom martyr

However, even knowing I have help readily available that my children would prefer, I still struggle to ask for it sometimes. When I realized I was getting sick, I suspected it was the same bug my husband had previously. While he was sick, I managed the kids, puppy and everything else.

I knew he’d do the same for me in usual circumstances, but with broken ribs and crummy sleep, he isn’t up to par right now. In no time, I started in on a pity party for myself as I dragged around the house on Monday morning making sure the puppy and kids were fed and ready for the day. I was bemoaning in my head about how even though I was sick, I couldn’t have the luxury to stop. I was a mom, for goodness sake, and we don’t get days off.

My pity party continued. I was really getting going about how no matter how bad I felt, my family wouldn’t care and would still need things done.

And then I realized it didn’t have to be that way. I DO have help available. I do NOT have to be a mom martyr. Sometimes I have no choice. For example, a year ago, my husband and his parents were out of town for a funeral. My parents were in Florida visiting my brother. I was dog-sitting for my in-laws. I got a stomach bug. It was just the kids and me. We survived. They ate peanut butter and Hawaiian rolls and way too many chocolate granola bars. They got to stay home from school an extra day because I was sick, but we survived.

The thing about motherhood is that we don’t get days off — not truly. Even when my kids were with my in-laws, my mom brain was thinking about them and what they needed. I wanted to make sure my daughter had her school library book to return and my son practiced his spelling words. I can never turn off my mom brain.

Good moms can ask for help

But sometimes being a good mother means you realize that asking for help is what is best for your kids, even if it hurts your pride. Even if you don’t want to admit to other mothers that you had days without your kids to recover. (And, honestly, this has been an exceptional sickness that has required days. I’m still out of sorts.)

Motherhood is a calling. It’s important work, but we don’t have to be mom martyrs. We can ask for help and still be good moms. We can ask for time off (even when we aren’t sick!) and still be good moms.

Our foremothers understood this even more back when families lived closer together and neighbors watched out for each other’s kids. We weren’t meant to raise our kids on an island alone. Embrace the community you have whether it is family or friends. Ask for help when you need it. It really does take a village to raise our children!

Profiles of moms who are making a difference

I am often awestruck at the women I see around me — both in real life and online — who are doing really amazing work in the midst of motherhood. These women are difference makers in the world who have identified and are living out their mission or God-given passion.

You need to know all about them, too! The Moms on a Mission series is all about these women. Once or twice a month, I’ll feature a mom who is living out her mission both inside and outside her home.

I’ve got a few other moms in mind, but I also would love suggestions. If you know a mom or are a mom who is living out her mission and God-given passion, I’d love to hear about it! Click on the “Contact” tab or send me a message through the Families with Grace Facebook page. I look forward to sharing stories that will inspire us all!

Today’s Mom on a Mission is Pastor Stefanie Hendrickson, who is a pastor and editor as well as a mom of three. She is on a mission to share God’s love inside and outside of her home. You’re going to be inspired by her story!

FWG: What is your God-given mission or passion?

SH: As a teenager, I felt called by God to serve Him, but I wasn’t sure what that looked like. I thought perhaps I would serve in missions and move overseas. I distinctly remember telling my youth pastor about my calling and being frightened at his suggestion that I would need to attend seminary after college!

During my time at Olivet Nazarene University, I served on a couple of mission trips (to Italy and Croatia) and helped in any way possible to learn more about ministry. In fact, I have a passion for the written word and received a degree in literature. I added a minor in missions in order to somehow figure out what God was calling me to be “when I grew up.”

After graduation, I was an intern with the Nazarene Publishing House and ended up enrolling in seminary a few months later. It was daunting, but I moved forward and ended up earning a Masters in Divinity. Seminary is also where I met my husband who has served as my co-pastor throughout our years in ministry.

I have always been a reader; I was the kid in class reading a book while everyone else was chatting away. My first job was at the local community library. (I really, really didn’t want to work in fast food.) I even considered getting a degree in library science. (I sometimes still think about doing that because what can be better than being surrounded by books all day?!)

In my undergraduate studies, I tried to figure out how to marry my passion for the written word with my calling to ministry. My first job out of college was a Sunday School curriculum editor. And since then I’ve had the privilege to be both a pastor in a local church and serve the Church through the written word. These two avenues have allowed me to be able to equip people both for life and ministry. I love it!

FWG: How do you work to live out that mission right now?

SH: My husband and I are currently planting a new church that meets in our home. We don’t necessarily look a lot like your typical church (we all—everyone from the babies to the oldest—meet in our upstairs great room on Sunday evenings), but we believe that as society changes, the Church needs to be able to live as faithful followers. It may mean that we have to sort out the essentials and non-essentials of the faith. Our parishioners are amazing, and we have all seen a lot of growth in our lives and church.

Our church has been meeting for several years and all the while we have been reaching out to people in our community, living life beside them and inviting them to join in the life God’s grace offers. We now have some couples coming who we have been ministering to for years. Years.

American society is quickly moving to post-Christianity. We followers of Christ can fight, kick and scream about it. Or we can get busy living the grace and Christ and loving our neighbors. The difficulty is that many times that ministry of grace and love takes a long time to sprout.

In my tradition, I report to a superintendent who oversees several churches. Each year we get together to talk business and vision. The easiest way to try to assess health is numbers: numbers of people, conversion, dollars, baptisms. You name it, we count it. The problem is, those numbers do not always reflect health. (A wise seminary professor once noted that “cancer grows fast, too.”)

Our neighbors, co-workers and community members don’t typically have any connections to church or, unfortunately, good opinions of it either. Working counter-culturally is difficult enough, and many times the Church is slow to adapt in ways that reaches the people she is called to love.

FWG: What are some of your biggest challenges and blessings in living out your mission?

SH: The balance of motherhood and ministry has been one many of my female colleagues have wrestled with. Being a female clergy presents its own challenges, but adding family to the mix makes it more difficult at times. The ministry is often difficult for families, because much is often expected of the ministry. And sometimes that is to the detriment of his or her family. I have been blessed with the ability to work part-time at home, but that can also make it difficult to get much done.

Our congregation is intergenerational—we all meet together for our service. It isn’t always easy, but I am continually amazed at how the children are learning that they are a part of the Body of Christ. They participate in the service. They listen to what is shared (even when it doesn’t seem like they are). They even teach the adults about the grace and goodness of God.

I think family life is a lot like that—we have to share life together, inviting our children to learn (and being willing to learn ourselves) as we guide them into maturity. Sometimes that’s messy. Other times it means we have to draw limits for ourselves.

The counseling professor at seminary once told us that as she was studying and working on her degree she had to decide what holiday traditions her family would observe. She knew she couldn’t do it all. She asked her children which things meant most to them in celebrating the holiday, and that’s what they did.

FWG: What’s the best advice you have for other moms who are following their passions?

SH: We need to give ourselves permission to not have to “do it all.” Around our house we call it, “giving each other some grace.” I think moms especially need to know they don’t have to do it all to be what God created them to be.

I often sign my correspondences with “Grace and Peace.” The peace that is spoken of in the Scriptures, shalom, isn’t peace in the sense of being without strife. It is wholeness. I think of it as being who God created you to be.

It’s hard to have that wholeness if we allow life and the world to tear us into a thousand different directions in an attempt to be the perfect mother. That comes at a cost that is too high for any of us–or our families–to pay.

Know a mom who needs to be featured in the Moms on a Mission series? Let us know through the “Contact” tab or through a message on the Families With Grace Facebook page!

Read more from the series:

Moms on a Mission: Dr. Karen Dowling

Moms on a Mission: Erin Mayes

Moms on a Mission: Mari Hernandez-Tuten

Moms on a Mission: Kathleen Brooker

Moms on a Mission: Sarah R. Moore

Moms on a Mission: Stacey Pardoe

Moms on a Mission: Kristin Billerbeck

Moms on a Mission: Amy Cutler

Moms on a Mission: Crystal (aka InnieMom)