Families With Grace

Helping Christian moms create homes filled with grace, love & faith

An easy Valentine’s tradition your family will love!

A simple DIY craft makes my family feel loved each February

Affiliate links are used in this post. If you make a qualifying purchase via my link, I receive a small percentage of the sale at no additional cost to you. I only recommend products and services I use and love. It helps support my blog, so thank you for your support! Read my full disclosure here.

Crafts aren’t my thing. Decorating my house isn’t really my thing either. But loving my family is definitely my thing! I especially love being able to show them love in simple, yet meaningful ways. And we have a Valentine’s tradition that does just that.

A few years ago, I ran across the idea on Pinterest. And when I say a few years, I know it was when my oldest (who is now 10) was too young to even read and my youngest was a baby. So it’s been going a good while.

How our Valentine’s tradition works

The night before Feb. 1, I tape a big heart made of construction paper on my kids’ bedroom doors that says their name and “We love…” in black Sharpie. Then I add a small heart on the door saying something we love about them. Each night from Feb. 1 through 14, they get a new heart of something we love about them.

I try to come up with different ideas each year. I cover a variety of topics from physical attributes (your beautiful smile or your big brown eyes) to behaviors (how well you play with your sibling) to academics (how well you read).

During the last week of January, I make a list of 14 things I love about each child. I show it to my husband and get his input. It isn’t hard to think of 14 things I love about each of my kids. Usually I have to make myself narrow it down and focus, because I’m a proud mama who loves her kiddos!

Then I make the hearts ahead of time and store them with Scotch tape in my nightstand drawer. I set a reminder on my phone for 9 p.m. each night so that I don’t forget. And I simply tape a heart on their doors each night. You could make the hearts each night if you wanted. I like doing them all ahead of time, because I’m drained by bedtime!

While you could totally get creative and crafty with your hearts (and feel free to do so if that’s your thing!), you can also keep them incredibly simple. I use construction paper. I totally do the “fold the page in half and cut out hearts” strategy that I learned way back in elementary school. Then I write on them with a black Sharpie. Easy peasy!

Including your spouse

Last year, I decided to include my husband on the fun. I used the back of our closet door so he’d see his new heart each morning.

It’s simple and easy, but everyone loves being told what is lovable about them. We all love being appreciated and noticed. While I try to tell my kids and husband these things frequently, life gets busy and I don’t get to share these things as often as I’d truly like.

I love having a couple of weeks set aside each year that they can read all the things we love about them. I keep the hearts short, sweet and simple. For the first time this year, I don’t think either of my kids will need help reading their hearts. It’s pretty neat to see how much they have grown from me reading hearts to my daughter before she could read and telling my son about them before he probably even understood what I meant.

I’m not sure how long this tradition will go on. It may evolve through the years. Maybe one of these days, I’ll text my kids each day Feb. 1 through 14 with something I love about them. It’s definitely something I’d like to continue to be intentional about loving my family out loud. What better time to do that than Valentine’s?!

Looking for more Valentine’s ideas? Check out these posts:

Don’t get caught in the mom comparison trap

Comparing ourselves to other moms never ends well

Each school day, I send a note along in my children’s lunchboxes. Now that my daughter is older, we have started having theme days. Our notes have evolved into Motivation Monday (an encouraging or inspiring quote), Truth Tuesday (a Bible verse), Wacky Wednesday (a joke), Think or Thank Thursday (an interesting piece of information or something I am thankful for about her) and Fun Friday (something wacky and fun like stickers with speech bubbles).

Don't get caught in the mom comparison trap

I enjoy doing the lunchbox notes. I have even written a serial story a couple of times for my daughter with a new installment each day for a week. But, it makes sense this is my thing: I’m a writer. I always have been, and I love it. It’s one way I can pop into my kids’ lives in the middle of their school day and I enjoy doing so.

However, I also know that writing daily lunchbox notes — let alone theme notes — is not everyone’s thing. When a friend recently shared that his wife felt inferior for the stuff she saw on Pinterest (like writing lunchbox notes) but didn’t do, I understood that perspective. But I also thought about all the things his wife is good at that I’m not.

For example, she takes beautiful photos of their children in everyday life. Some of the photos she shares on social media are just precious. She has a knack and skill for photography that I do not.

Looking at other moms

I would bet that since the very first moms ever met one another, the mom comparison trap formed. We all have strengths and weaknesses and we may be OK with them in theory or even in other areas of life, but we can be left feeling like we fall short when we don’t measure up to moms we see around us or online.

I don’t even have to look far to find moms good at things I’m not. My own mother, for example, is a great housekeeper. I am mediocre — and that’s an improvement from a few years ago! She also can sew to repair my kids’ clothes when they get small tears. I can thread a needle, but am at a loss at what to do from there. I can’t even sew on a button.

I have another friend who is an art teacher and incredibly talented. For each of her children’s birthday parties, she draws a custom coloring page based on the theme. All the guests then color the picture and she hangs them up on display. I can barely draw a stick figure. The best I can do is stay in the lines coloring printed coloring pages and even then I don’t get fancy and do any shading or anything.

The moms of some of my kids’ classmates come up with and execute some very cool and elaborate parties and party ideas for class parties and birthday parties. I search Pinterest for the easiest thing I can find, and even that is stretching it for me.

I have another friend who can bake. She works as a professional baker. While I enjoy baking and do a very, very small amount of decorating, my skills are nowhere near her creations. Not even close!

Motherhood isn't about being perfect and excelling at homemaking, crafts, baking and everything else. Motherhood is about loving our kids. -- Stacey A. Shannon

Looking at yourself

I could go on and on and on. The thing is, I’m not those other women. I don’t have the same skillsets and natural talents that some of them do. Yes, I could take photography, sewing, drawing and decorating classes, but those aren’t things I enjoy enough to do so. I don’t want to spend the time, energy or resources on them.

And that’s OK. I am who I am. Who I am is the woman that God made. Who I am is the woman God gave my children to. The same is true for you. None of us are identical. My strengths and passions are different from yours. It is what makes us unique people. While we tell our kids to embrace their individuality and we try to do so in ourselves, we often fail at that when it comes to embracing our individuality as moms. We get caught in the mom comparison trap.

I’d bet right now you can tell me things you see other moms doing that you feel guilty you don’t do. I can make a LONG list of these things. I remember feeling it when my sister-in-law and I took our kids to a corn maze back when my oldest was only 11 months old. My sister-in-law stopped at a corn stalk and let her daughter (who was 3) and her triplet 1-year-olds feel the corn stalk. Of course, she let my daughter feel it as well.

It never once crossed my mind to let my daughter feel the texture of the corn stalk. Does that make me a bad mom? Nope. Does it make my sister-in-law a better mom? Also, nope. We are just different.

Coming up short in the mom comparison trap

Whenever we compare ourselves to other moms, we often come up short. We are judging their mom abilities at their best against our mom abilities at our worst. Instead we need to focus on how we love our kids and meet their needs. We don’t want to be so caught in the mom comparison trap that we miss out on what matters most!

We all do that differently. Written words are part of my life in so many ways that I’ve shared that with my children. We first started reading a bedtime story to our oldest when she was 3 months old. Now she is 10 and her brother is about to turn 7, and we still read together every night before bed.

I have moved that into lunchbox notes as well. My son doesn’t enjoy them so much, yet, but as he becomes a better and better read, that may change. If it doesn’t, that’s OK. I’ll find another way to show him love.

Motherhood isn’t about what we do and what we’re good at. It’s not about being perfect and excelling at homemaking, crafts, baking and everything else. Motherhood is about loving our kids. It’s about teaching them what they need to know to survive in the world. It’s about showing them what God’s love looks like in practice. It’s about guarding their hearts and their minds.

None of that has anything to do with your talents and hobbies or those of the moms around you. You bring your own unique way to love and teach your children to the table and it’s the perfect way for your children. God didn’t give you those babies on accident.

Whenever we compare ourselves to other moms, we often come up short. We are judging their mom abilities at their best against our mom abilities at our worst. Instead, we need to focus on how we love our kids and meet their needs. -- Stacey A. Shannon

Snaring others in the mom comparison trap

Along with that, we must also be careful of the other side of the mom comparison trap. I’d like to say I’ve never done it, but I have. There is a side of comparison that is basically judging. Maybe it was a mom doing something differently than you at the park. Maybe it was a mom planning an elaborate birthday party for her kid. Whatever it is, we can sometimes be guilty of judging other moms for not doing things the way we do them.

We’ve got to stop that, too. Remember my art teacher friend? She and I had a discussion a couple of years ago about the difference in our parenting. I follow a pretty tight schedule for my kids. It works for us. She is more spontaneous and, at the time, didn’t have kiddos in school. Oftentimes their bedtimes were later than my kiddos got to stay up. She thanked me once for not judging her or giving her a hard time. My reply was that it worked for her family.

We are all different. And that’s OK. We all also make mistakes. Sometimes we just need to have someone come along us and say they have messed up, too, but it’s not the end of the world — even if the mistake they made isn’t one you’d struggle with.

Remembering Whose opinion really matters

We need to work to be the women and moms that God created us to be, and that’s it. Our measuring stick doesn’t come from other moms or the world. It doesn’t even come from ourselves. It comes from our Heavenly Father, and I promise you that He isn’t finding you lacking when your kids stay up an extra hour, their birthday party isn’t Pinterest-worthy and you haven’t managed to take a single photo this week that isn’t blurry.

God’s grace covers all your mess-ups. And His strength holds you up when you are wobbling. He created you, mama, just as you are. And THAT is definitely good enough, so stop comparing yourself to someone you weren’t made to be.

Moms on a Mission: Crystal, a.k.a. Innie Mom

Profiles of moms who are making a difference

I am often awestruck at the women I see around me — both in real life and online — who are doing really amazing work in the midst of motherhood. These women are difference makers in the world who have identified and are living out their mission or God-given passion.

You need to know all about them, too! The Moms on a Mission series is all about these women. Once or twice a month, I’ll feature a mom who is living out her mission both inside and outside her home.

I’ve got a few other moms in mind, but I also would love suggestions. If you know a mom or are a mom who is living out her mission and God-given passion, I’d love to hear about it! Click on the “Contact” tab or send me a message through the Families with Grace Facebook page. I look forward to sharing stories that will inspire us all!

Today’s mom is Crystal, aka InnieMom. (For privacy, she chooses to not share her last name.) I started following the InnieMom blog on Facebook a couple of years ago. I’ve enjoyed her posts from the beginning as a fellow introvert. (We’re both INFJs even!) When her posts changed to include spiritual topics as well, I enjoyed her even more. I relate to so much of what she shares.

I was thrilled when she said yes to participating in the Moms on a Mission series. You’re going to be inspired and encouraged by her story!

FWG: What is your God-given mission or passion? 

Crystal: My passion is Jesus. There are many things I feel called to do, but He is absolutely at the root of all of it. I just want to grow to know Him more, to surrender more fully to Him each day and to share Him and what He’s done for me with others. My prayer at the start of every day is for Him to help me surrender more fully and to be obedient to whatever it is He calls me to do. That being said, let me explain a bit about where that has lead me. 

After I first became a Christ-follower, my husband and I had been trying to get pregnant. We tried for two years. The ups and downs in those few years were very, very difficult. Finally, we tried using fertility medicine and were able to conceive our fist child. We were so excited. We had a name picked out, and we had so many plans. 

When a woman finds out she’s pregnant, it’s not just the baby itself, but it’s the life she imagines for that baby that she begins to plan for in her heart.  Unfortunately, that pregnancy ended in a loss. My husband and I were both so heartbroken. I remember being angry with God. I didn’t understand why He’d allow me to experience that joy just to take it away from me. 

I remember driving down the road and asking Him out loud, “Why? Why did You do this? If You love me, why did You allow this to happen?” I glanced over just in time to see a pregnancy resource center out my window, and it just clicked for me in that moment: “That’s it. That’s how He will use this pain for good.” 

That year, I trained in that very center and coordinated their annual Walk for Life. Six years later — after losing three more babies and being blessed with two living children — once again the Lord called me to reach out to a local pregnancy resource center. I knew I was going to train to be an advocate. 

As an introvert, with pretty extreme social anxiety, I literally told Jesus, “I’ll do it because it’s what You’re telling me to do, but I have NO ability to do this on my own. So I’ll go, but YOU have to take over when I get there.” And that’s exactly what He’s done. I get to help mamas in crisis pregnancy situations, and I get to share Jesus with them as well. I’m so thankful I pushed through that initial anxiety, because I’m right where I’m supposed to be. 

FWG: How do you work to live out that mission right now?

Crystal: Volunteering. Aside from the PRC that I work with every week, I also volunteer at a local maternity home for pregnant and homeless young mothers. I get to babysit their little ones while they go out and work/go to school and assist with some of their big fundraising events.   

I also try to use my platform on InnieMom to give other moms who struggle with anxiety and depression a place to feel like they aren’t so alone in the world. I hope seeing how much I love Jesus, and how much He’s changed my life will help other moms know where to turn when they are in those crisis situations. I love encouraging others to seek Him above all other things. 

It’s also a goal of mine to bring a sense of “real-ness” and “human-ness” to the world of Christian blogs. I am not perfect; nobody is. I want to talk openly and honestly about my struggles, and I also want to have a bit of fun while doing it. Jesus has a wonderful sense of humor. 

FWG: What are some of your biggest challenges in living out your mission?

Crystal: Representing Him well, I think. I often times allow my own human fears or desires to cloud my judgement. I get angry or snarky far too easily. I can be very sassy. I’m learning to do a better job of apologizing when I mess up, whether it be as a mom, a wife, a friend or someone with a platform on social media.

I think that’s what my “page change” was all about. When I first created the InnieMom page, my goal was to have a voice. A lot of what I posted was funny, but I was compromising on my beliefs as a Christian for likes. Somewhere along the way, I realized that wasn’t what I wanted at all… nor what Jesus wanted for me. Now, everything I post is viewed through the lens of my faith in Christ. 

FWG: What have been some of your biggest blessings in living out your mission?

Crystal: My biggest blessing, by far, is growing closer to Jesus. The more I pursue Him, the more He leads me out into these crazy adventurous waters with Him. It’s amazing and terrifying all at the same time. 

Also, when people message me and tell me I’ve impacted them. I’ve had more than a few page followers say, “I’ve never found another Christian introverted mom with anxiety who isn’t afraid to talk about it.” That feels amazing. Like, hey, maybe I’m not so weird after all! 

The other thing that comes to mind are hugs. At the end of some of the sessions I have with moms in crisis pregnancy situations, I pray for them. Sometimes, if I’m lucky, they ask me for a hug. Those things keep me going through appointments that aren’t so easy. In that moment, I know we’ve connected and that somehow they’ve been impacted by our session. That means absolutely everything to me. 

FWG: How do you balance motherhood responsibilities with your work/mission?

Crystal: My boys keep me grounded. I’m a hyper-sensitive individual, so it’s easy to get in my head about different situations I’ve come across. I asked my kiddo what he wanted to be when he grew up and he said, “I want to be a Jesus follower like you,” which pretty much sealed the deal for me that I’m doing a pretty OK job as a mom. I try to be present in the moments when I’m with them. I try to take lots of one-on-one days with each of them. We have a lot of “slumber parties” and “snuggle nights.”  

I forgot to mention, I also own an IT company with my husband. So things are hectic around here most of the time. We love our crazy beautiful lives, though. Being a business owner gives us more control over how we’re spending our time. We’re able to be there for our kiddos far more than if we were working for someone else, like taking time off for field-trips and school events. It was a scary jump to make together at the beginning of the year, but it’s been an absolute blessing.  

FWG: What’s the best advice you have for other moms who are following their passions?

Crystal: Pray for an obedient heart. Lay yourself at His feet every morning and say, “Wherever You lead me, I’ll go.” Don’t be afraid to listen to what He’s telling you. Sometimes it can be scary or completely outside of your comfort zone, but “obedience is always followed by blessing” (a quote from my good friend Summer, who’s an editor for InnieMom). 

Read more from the series:

Moms on a Mission: Dr. Karen Dowling

Moms on a Mission: Erin Mayes

Moms on a Mission: Mari Hernandez-Tuten

Moms on a Mission: Kathleen Brooker

Moms on a Mission: Sarah R. Moore

Moms on a Mission: Stacey Pardoe

Moms on a Mission: Kristin Billerbeck

Moms on a Mission: Amy Cutler

Moms on a Mission: Pastor Stefanie Hendrickson

Don’t be a mom martyr

Asking for a break doesn’t make you a bad mom

My kids have spent most of this week with my in-laws. It started on Monday afternoon when I sent a message to my mother-in-law asking if she and my father-in-law could possibly pick up the kids from school, do homework, feed them dinner and even make lunches for the next day.

Motherhood is important work, but we don't have to be mom martyrs. We can ask for help or time off and still be good moms.

That’s a lot to ask of anyone, but I could barely be upright, let alone functional thanks to sickness. My husband is operating at half capacity still with broken ribs from a fall in mid December. (He still can’t lie down in bed.) We were a mess.

That one day turned into a few days. Finally, on Thursday evening the kids came back home. And, honestly, I didn’t even miss them until Wednesday, because I was just too sick on Monday and Tuesday to think very straight.

Here’s the thing. I know if needed, I could have managed with the kids at home. I’ve done it before. As someone with multiple chronic illnesses who has had three major surgeries since having my two kiddos, I know how to manage while not feeling my best.

I can push myself, but I also know my limits. And I am incredibly blessed to have both my parents and my in-laws in town and retired. They all love a chance to have our kids over. Both sets raised two children themselves and are no strangers to homework, dinner, lunchboxes and bedtime routines. I do not for one minute take that for granted.

I’d say this week has gone much better for my kiddos in being with their Nana and Papaw. I certainly haven’t been up to cooking. I know my temper would have been short from sheer exhaustion, because I have been utterly exhausted every day even without two children in my care.

In fact, on Tuesday evening, my husband took our son to his Ninja Zone class and then returned him to Nana and Papaw’s just in time for bed. My husband heard his mother instruct our son to get ready for bed and then he could choose a snack between ice-cream and a Nutty Buddy. I mean, what kid wouldn’t love that?!

(And I am upset at the late sugary snack? Nope. It’s not what I do and won’t happen at home, but sugary snacks before bed with grandparents on occasion is just fun when you’re a kid. Not to mention, I can’t be upset with the people who are helping me out by taking care of my children during a school week!)

They came home with backpacks full of clean clothes and lunchboxes already packed for Friday, complete with notes from my mother-in-law. It was such a blessing to me.

Being tempted to be a mom martyr

However, even knowing I have help readily available that my children would prefer, I still struggle to ask for it sometimes. When I realized I was getting sick, I suspected it was the same bug my husband had previously. While he was sick, I managed the kids, puppy and everything else.

I knew he’d do the same for me in usual circumstances, but with broken ribs and crummy sleep, he isn’t up to par right now. In no time, I started in on a pity party for myself as I dragged around the house on Monday morning making sure the puppy and kids were fed and ready for the day. I was bemoaning in my head about how even though I was sick, I couldn’t have the luxury to stop. I was a mom, for goodness sake, and we don’t get days off.

My pity party continued. I was really getting going about how no matter how bad I felt, my family wouldn’t care and would still need things done.

And then I realized it didn’t have to be that way. I DO have help available. I do NOT have to be a mom martyr. Sometimes I have no choice. For example, a year ago, my husband and his parents were out of town for a funeral. My parents were in Florida visiting my brother. I was dog-sitting for my in-laws. I got a stomach bug. It was just the kids and me. We survived. They ate peanut butter and Hawaiian rolls and way too many chocolate granola bars. They got to stay home from school an extra day because I was sick, but we survived.

Motherhood is important work, but we don't have to be mom martyrs. We can ask for help or time off and still be good moms.

The thing about motherhood is that we don’t get days off — not truly. Even when my kids were with my in-laws, my mom brain was thinking about them and what they needed. I wanted to make sure my daughter had her school library book to return and my son practiced his spelling words. I can never turn off my mom brain.

Good moms can ask for help

But sometimes being a good mother means you realize that asking for help is what is best for your kids, even if it hurts your pride. Even if you don’t want to admit to other mothers that you had days without your kids to recover. (And, honestly, this has been an exceptional sickness that has required days. I’m still out of sorts.)

Motherhood is a calling. It’s important work, but we don’t have to be mom martyrs. We can ask for help and still be good moms. We can ask for time off (even when we aren’t sick!) and still be good moms.

Our foremothers understood this even more back when families lived closer together and neighbors watched out for each other’s kids. We weren’t meant to raise our kids on an island alone. Embrace the community you have whether it is family or friends. Ask for help when you need it. It really does take a village to raise our children!

“Breakfast with Jesus” book review and giveaway!

“Breakfast with Jesus: 100 Devotions for Kids About the Life of Jesus” by Vanessa Myers

Affiliate links are used in this post. If you make a qualifying purchase via my link, I receive a small percentage of the sale at no additional cost to you. I only recommend products and services I use and love. It helps support my blog, so thank you for your support! Read my full disclosure here. I was given a free copy of the book “Breakfast with Jesus” to review; all opinions are my own.

For years I’ve enjoyed having a daily devotion book to go through on my own. In fact, these days I use two. I pick one out for myself for the year and then also use the devotion book that is put out by my denomination and given out at my church.

But something newer to me is devotion books with my kids. We have read through the Bible and Bible stories many, many times. We have done short devotion series for toddlers and read through one or two verses a day during Advent. Going through an actual daily devotion book together wasn’t on our radar until last year.

How my family uses a devotion book together

We started the year with my daughter and I each using the same devotion book, “Grace for the Moment” by Max Lucado. I had the adult version; she had the children’s version. We found that just before bed was her best time to read it, but it was also a difficult time for her because it got her thinking about serious stuff that caused her to have trouble relaxing.

So we decided about a third of the way through the year to change it up and read the devotion book together each evening before we did our bedtime book. That format has worked so well for us.

While our kids have always prayed at bedtime, having the family devotion time each evening has been a blessing. Our kids, who are 6 and 10, have come up with terrific questions and insights that have lead to great family discussions.

All about “Breakfast with Jesus”

Heading into 2020, I have been thinking about what we’ll do during family devotion time. We don’t want to go through the same devotion book again. But it is also tricky to find a good devotion book for kids younger than teenagers. When fellow blogger Vanessa Myers mentioned a blog tour for her new devotion book for kids in a blogging group I’m a part of, I was excited to participate.

As a graduate of divinity school, children’s ministry director and mom of two girls, Myers knows a thing or two about sharing Jesus with children. While she had previously written two devotion books for adults, “Breakfast with Jesus” is her first devotion book for kids and, frankly, she’s done a great job.

I started reading through the devotion book on my own first to see what I thought about it and whether it would be a good fit for my family. I’m not interested in vague stories covering board topics. I shy away from writing that talks down to kids or talks above their understanding. I want something with a life application for them for now.

I was reading with a critical eye. And I ended up reading twice as many devotions as I planned to. They drew me in. The devotions go through the four Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John and focus on the life of Jesus from his birth to his death to his ascension into heaven.

Each day has a short Bible reading, a focus verse, a devotion and a suggested activity that can be personal (starting a prayer journal) or community-oriented (donating to a food pantry). They were all practical ideas that worked or could be easily tweaked to work for most families.

(For example, one of the first suggestions is to go on a hike with your family and thanking God for the beauty of nature. If the weather isn’t agreeable for a hike, the car ride to school or even looking at photos of nature online could work the same way.)

While this is a book that my 10-year-old could read through on her own, it’s more than my 6- year-old could handle just yet. However, the book lends itself well to reading as a family.

My 10-year-old daughter read through a few on her own to give me feedback and really liked it. Her input was that she felt like Myers knew what she was talking about and made it relevant to her daily life. She liked that each devotion had a related prayer as well as feasible activities to live it out.

Myers suggests starting the day with the book, hence its title “Breakfast with Jesus.” The book even includes some breakfast recipes. It could be read at the family breakfast table. One Amazon reviewer said her kids read it out loud on the way to school. I think those options would work, but reading it in the evening would also be OK if that works better for your family. (It does for mine!)

The point is to help our kiddos develop a habit of getting into God’s Word and applying it to their lives in relevant ways that are based on sound doctrine. “Breakfast with Jesus” accomplishes that.

Giveaway details

You can buy “Breakfast with Jesus” on Amazon as a paperback for $13.99 or for Kindle for $8.99. But, you can also enter for a chance to win a complimentary copy from Vanessa Myers just for Families with Grace readers! You have a week to enter through the link below. Paper copies can be mailed within the United States while international copies can be sent digitally.

In order to enter the giveaway, you MUST “like” Families with Grace on Facebook and complete the giveaway form (below). You can earn extra entries by signing up for the Families with Grace email list (which will also give you a free copy of the 7-Day Acts of Grace Challenge Devotion AND 10 Ways to Start Living as a Family with Grace Now!), follow Families with Grace on Instagram, follow Families with Grace on Twitter and follow Families with Grace on Pinterest. Just indicate those options on the giveaway form. (You do not have to be new to Families with Grace to participate!)

a Rafflecopter giveaway

The giveaway starts at 12 a.m. EST on Dec. 30, 2019 and ends at 12 a.m. EST on Jan. 6, 2020. A winner will be randomly selected and, once confirmed that they fulfilled the mandatory guideline of “liking” Families with Grace on Facebook, will be announced on the Families with Grace Facebook page by 2 p.m. EST on Jan. 7, 2020.

Find the next stops on the “Breakfast with Jesus” blog tour on Jan. 6 at Fruitful Vine Woman and Homeschooling One Child.

Moms on a Mission: Pastor Stefanie Hendrickson

Profiles of moms who are making a difference

I am often awestruck at the women I see around me — both in real life and online — who are doing really amazing work in the midst of motherhood. These women are difference makers in the world who have identified and are living out their mission or God-given passion.

You need to know all about them, too! The Moms on a Mission series is all about these women. Once or twice a month, I’ll feature a mom who is living out her mission both inside and outside her home.

I’ve got a few other moms in mind, but I also would love suggestions. If you know a mom or are a mom who is living out her mission and God-given passion, I’d love to hear about it! Click on the “Contact” tab or send me a message through the Families with Grace Facebook page. I look forward to sharing stories that will inspire us all!

Today’s Mom on a Mission is Pastor Stefanie Hendrickson, who is a pastor and editor as well as a mom of three. She is on a mission to share God’s love inside and outside of her home. You’re going to be inspired by her story!

FWG: What is your God-given mission or passion?

SH: As a teenager, I felt called by God to serve Him, but I wasn’t sure what that looked like. I thought perhaps I would serve in missions and move overseas. I distinctly remember telling my youth pastor about my calling and being frightened at his suggestion that I would need to attend seminary after college!

During my time at Olivet Nazarene University, I served on a couple of mission trips (to Italy and Croatia) and helped in any way possible to learn more about ministry. In fact, I have a passion for the written word and received a degree in literature. I added a minor in missions in order to somehow figure out what God was calling me to be “when I grew up.”

After graduation, I was an intern with the Nazarene Publishing House and ended up enrolling in seminary a few months later. It was daunting, but I moved forward and ended up earning a Masters in Divinity. Seminary is also where I met my husband who has served as my co-pastor throughout our years in ministry.

I have always been a reader; I was the kid in class reading a book while everyone else was chatting away. My first job was at the local community library. (I really, really didn’t want to work in fast food.) I even considered getting a degree in library science. (I sometimes still think about doing that because what can be better than being surrounded by books all day?!)

In my undergraduate studies, I tried to figure out how to marry my passion for the written word with my calling to ministry. My first job out of college was a Sunday School curriculum editor. And since then I’ve had the privilege to be both a pastor in a local church and serve the Church through the written word. These two avenues have allowed me to be able to equip people both for life and ministry. I love it!

FWG: How do you work to live out that mission right now?

SH: My husband and I are currently planting a new church that meets in our home. We don’t necessarily look a lot like your typical church (we all—everyone from the babies to the oldest—meet in our upstairs great room on Sunday evenings), but we believe that as society changes, the Church needs to be able to live as faithful followers. It may mean that we have to sort out the essentials and non-essentials of the faith. Our parishioners are amazing, and we have all seen a lot of growth in our lives and church.

Our church has been meeting for several years and all the while we have been reaching out to people in our community, living life beside them and inviting them to join in the life God’s grace offers. We now have some couples coming who we have been ministering to for years. Years.

American society is quickly moving to post-Christianity. We followers of Christ can fight, kick and scream about it. Or we can get busy living the grace and Christ and loving our neighbors. The difficulty is that many times that ministry of grace and love takes a long time to sprout.

In my tradition, I report to a superintendent who oversees several churches. Each year we get together to talk business and vision. The easiest way to try to assess health is numbers: numbers of people, conversion, dollars, baptisms. You name it, we count it. The problem is, those numbers do not always reflect health. (A wise seminary professor once noted that “cancer grows fast, too.”)

Our neighbors, co-workers and community members don’t typically have any connections to church or, unfortunately, good opinions of it either. Working counter-culturally is difficult enough, and many times the Church is slow to adapt in ways that reaches the people she is called to love.

FWG: What are some of your biggest challenges and blessings in living out your mission?

SH: The balance of motherhood and ministry has been one many of my female colleagues have wrestled with. Being a female clergy presents its own challenges, but adding family to the mix makes it more difficult at times. The ministry is often difficult for families, because much is often expected of the ministry. And sometimes that is to the detriment of his or her family. I have been blessed with the ability to work part-time at home, but that can also make it difficult to get much done.

Our congregation is intergenerational—we all meet together for our service. It isn’t always easy, but I am continually amazed at how the children are learning that they are a part of the Body of Christ. They participate in the service. They listen to what is shared (even when it doesn’t seem like they are). They even teach the adults about the grace and goodness of God.

I think family life is a lot like that—we have to share life together, inviting our children to learn (and being willing to learn ourselves) as we guide them into maturity. Sometimes that’s messy. Other times it means we have to draw limits for ourselves.

The counseling professor at seminary once told us that as she was studying and working on her degree she had to decide what holiday traditions her family would observe. She knew she couldn’t do it all. She asked her children which things meant most to them in celebrating the holiday, and that’s what they did.

FWG: What’s the best advice you have for other moms who are following their passions?

SH: We need to give ourselves permission to not have to “do it all.” Around our house we call it, “giving each other some grace.” I think moms especially need to know they don’t have to do it all to be what God created them to be.

I often sign my correspondences with “Grace and Peace.” The peace that is spoken of in the Scriptures, shalom, isn’t peace in the sense of being without strife. It is wholeness. I think of it as being who God created you to be.

It’s hard to have that wholeness if we allow life and the world to tear us into a thousand different directions in an attempt to be the perfect mother. That comes at a cost that is too high for any of us–or our families–to pay.

Know a mom who needs to be featured in the Moms on a Mission series? Let us know through the “Contact” tab or through a message on the Families With Grace Facebook page!

Read more from the series:

Moms on a Mission: Dr. Karen Dowling

Moms on a Mission: Erin Mayes

Moms on a Mission: Mari Hernandez-Tuten

Moms on a Mission: Kathleen Brooker

Moms on a Mission: Sarah R. Moore

Moms on a Mission: Stacey Pardoe

Moms on a Mission: Kristin Billerbeck

Moms on a Mission: Amy Cutler

Moms on a Mission: Crystal (aka InnieMom)

6 tips for protecting your teens on social media

Ivana Davies, from Find Your Mom Tribe, has some practical ideas for keeping kids safe online.

This guest post is part of the Families with Grace’s Social Media Savvy series that covers a commonsense approach to handling social media as a parent.

Social media has its positives, but like pretty much anything else online, it also has dangers. Scammers and predators are always on the prowl, and online bullying has risen significantly in recent years. Teens are constantly bombarded with ads, threats, frauds and general bad influences.

If you’re a parent, you’re probably familiar with the little gnaw of worry whenever you think about the darker corners of the web. How do I keep my child safe? What can I do to protect them without smothering them?

You aren’t alone. Many parents have these concerns, but a few tips and tricks can help keep your teen safe online.

1. Get familiar with social networks.

Most teenagers don’t use Facebook. Studies have shown that it’s less popular than sites like Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram and Snapchat. Teens also do most of their browsing on their phones rather than traditional computers or laptops.

Knowing these things are important if you want to understand what your child is doing on social media. You don’t have to be a technological genius, but you should have a working knowledge of the problem if you want your actions or advice to carry any weight.

To put it another way, your child isn’t going to let you deal with Snapchat bullies if you don’t know about or can’t even operate Snapchat. Your first step in becoming a social media warrior is learning what the battlefield looks like.

2. Protect their identity.

We live in a world where our GPS-enabled smartphones can track and analyze our locations. Our social media accounts are full of names, addresses, schools, workplaces and family pictures. Most people don’t even think twice about letting an app announce who they are or where they’re going. They might even help with things like vlogs and livestreams!

Make sure your child understands the danger of giving out too much information on the web. For example, they might complain about a late ride, but they shouldn’t share street names or broadcast the fact that they’re a stranded minor at a particular location without any adults around. Don’t let them ask their followers for a lift or accept any offers from accounts they don’t know.

You should also warn them against divulging personal information just because people ask for it. You might be stunned to realize how easily teenagers are willing to share their bank information just because someone claims to need it to resell them some concert tickets.

“Could a weirdo use this against me?” is the golden rule of posting things on social media. Tell your child to memorize it and ask it of themselves before they post anything. A little diligence today can save them a lot of trouble tomorrow.

3. Remember the internet is forever.

People don’t always understand the permanency of things posted online. While this applies to both kids and adults, impulsive, short-sighted teenagers are particularly vulnerable to it.

If they make a questionable post that gets taken out of context and publicly shamed, they could be haunted by the screenshots for years to come. If they share racy selfies that get passed around, both sender and receiver could be in trouble under child pornography laws.

The “delete” button is pretty much useless on the Internet. Make sure your child understands this. If necessary, remind them of all of the silly or embarrassing things that they might’ve posted before, and ask if they would still want to be known for these things five years down the line. Remind them that whatever they post today will have to pass the five-year test someday.

4. Watch out for stranger danger.

Unfortunately, lots of predators are on the web. Some are scammers or identity thieves; others have more nefarious purposes, especially for young people.

The simple truth is you can’t protect your teenager from every creep on the Internet. You can, however, teach them how to recognize the signs of one, and make sure they’re comfortable coming to you if they suspect someone is trying to take advantage of them.

Here are a few danger signs:

  • Anyone who offers to send them money or buy them things
  • Deals that are too good to be true
  • Deals that require them to give personal or financial information to strangers
  • Weird links, ads, promos or direct messages

You should also teach your kids to never trust a profile of someone they don’t know. It’s way too easy for a 40-year-old man to pretend to be a 16-year-old girl! It’s called catfishing, and people do it for money, power, influence, sexual gratification or personal amusement.

If your child doesn’t understand the dangers of catfishing, try registering for a fake account yourself to show them how little effort it takes to lie on the Internet.

5. Install controls and blockers.

Lots of parental control software is on the market and doesn’t have to be a bad thing that your child rails against.

For example, your teen might not appreciate any programs that monitor his web activity or limits her screen time, but he or she shouldn’t be bothered by adblockers or virus blockers. As long as you’re not butting into their conversations, they probably won’t care if you know who’s on their friends list.

Content filters are usually the biggest argument. Teenagers don’t want to be restricted from seeing “inappropriate” content like they’re little kids being denied access to an R-rated movie. Try sitting down with them and seeing if you can agree on reasonable content filters for things like violence, pornography and hate speech. R-rated sites might be okay for older teenagers, but you can draw the line at X-rated.

You should probably stay away from things like keyloggers. Unless your child is being punished, that level of scrutiny is only going to foster resentment.

6. Always be willing to listen.

At the end of the day, there’s only so much that you can do to protect your child on social media.

Your best bet at staying “in the know” is to keep an open line of communication with them. Emphasize that you’re always available if they want to chat, discuss, whine, rant or ask questions about something that they’ve seen. Even if it’s just complaining about spam accounts or a bad website design, it’ll build trust between the two of you, and they’ll be more likely to seek you out if and when they have a real problem.

Rome wasn’t built in a day. You won’t have a rapport with your child after a single conversation. Just like parenting classes would tell you, it takes consistent, everyday effort to maintain an open and honest relationship about their online activity, but it can definitely be done.

About the author:
Ivana Davies is an educator turned stay-at-home mom to a beautiful 7-year-old girl and a playful 5-year-old boy. She found so much parenting information online that she started her own blog, Find Your Mom Tribe, to share her experiences and struggles as a mom. You can connect with her on Facebook and Pinterest.

This post is part of Families with Grace’s Social Media Savvy series that covers a commonsense approach to handling social media as a parent. Check out these other posts from the series:

How to decide which holiday traditions to keep

Holiday traditions should be about making good memories and not be stressful and over-complicated.

The holidays are fast approaching. I’ve been thinking of things like getting my kids dress clothes for their programs at school, what cookies I’m going to bake this year and what gifts I need to order to cover everyone on my list. But, I also don’t want to overlook the good parts of the holiday season.

I’m a person who likes holiday traditions. In fact, last November, I told you all about 8 simple Christmas traditions that will bring your family closer. In that post, I included two free printables of traditions my family does yearly: an Advent calendar and a daily Bible verse that leads us through the Christmas story.

We will maintain those holiday traditions this year along with other things like unwrapping a Christmas book each evening Dec. 1 through 24, having a cookies for breakfast on Christmas Eve and driving around to look at Christmas lights.

Through the years I’ve learned to evaluate traditions and whether we should continue them or let them pass on by. Sometimes figuring out which traditions to keep and which to let go can be challenging.

Why it’s hard to let traditions go

Traditions in and of themselves are things we have come to count on. Some traditions we’ve done for most of our lives, so we have feelings strongly attached to them. And if those traditions are associated with family members who are no longer with us, it gets even more intense.

Traditions carry so much emotional baggage that they can be very hard to let go. We feel like we are betraying our loved ones if we stop carrying on their traditions. Or we feel like our kids are deprived because we’re not continuing traditions we started or we did ourselves as children.

Plus we often think we HAVE to do something because it’s ALWAYS been done. We can treat traditions like if we don’t do them, the world will come crashing to a halt and all will be ruined. We can take them very seriously.

And then traditions can also be hard to let go because we are creatures of habit who typically don’t like change. Change can be hard, especially for some of us (raising my hand high!).

How to evaluate traditions

Nearly every year is a good time to evaluate holiday traditions. For example, my family’s tradition of unwrapping a Christmas book every night Dec. 1 through 24 has been something my kids have enjoyed. However, I am also aware that the year will come when neither of them get excited to open a picture book to read each evening. This isn’t that year; it will be bittersweet when that time comes.

As we head into the holiday season, we need to think about the traditions we do and evaluate whether they are still important to our family. If they aren’t, then it’s time to let them go.

We also need to consider how much stress a tradition is causing us. Sometimes traditions can be stressful. For a few years while my kids were toddlers and preschoolers, we would bake sugar cookies and have our parents over to help us decorate the cookies all together. We’d order pizza and make an evening of it.

Last year, that didn’t happen. Because this tradition relies on baked goods to be fresh, it added too much stress into our lives at Christmastime. This year it may work out to do or it may not, but I’ve realized that either way we’ll have a good holiday season. Letting go of one thing won’t ruin the holiday. In fact, trying to do too much and stressing myself out ruins the season.

And sometimes we let go of a tradition for even just a year or a season. The Christmas I was pregnant with my youngest child, I was on modified bedrest for intense pain. I had to let some traditions go because I physically couldn’t do them. Some years are just like that.

In evaluating holiday traditions, we also should consider how our family feels. Talk with them and see what they think about certain traditions. What’s important to them? What do they most look forward to each year? If your kids are old enough, ask their opinions. Have them pick their top three traditions they love. Prioritize those!

Remember that Christmas Eve cookie breakfast I told you about? That’s one of those traditions. It was a small thing that I had done with my daughter and didn’t think much of it. It has become something she looks forward to every year. I’m glad I asked her to know what she liked most. And the best part is that it’s a small, easy tradition to maintain!

Consider tweaking a tradition or creating a new tradition

While sometimes just letting go of old traditions is best for us and our families, other times changing them can work well. Maybe nobody is so interested in driving around to see Christmas lights, but instead they’d love a Christmas movie night in with hot chocolate and PJs.

Thanksgiving Day has brought one such tradition for me. Ever since I was a kid, I have loved watching the “Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.” As an adult, I continued doing so. I have a photo of my 3-year-old daughter and me watching the parade together the Thanksgiving I was pregnant with her baby brother. It was a tradition I was excited to share with my kids.

However, getting to actually watch the parade on Thanksgiving can sometimes be challenging. Last Thanksgiving was particularly out of sorts. My husband was gone on a trip to help hurricane victims in Florida, and my kids spent the night with my in-laws to help get everything ready for Thanksgiving dinner. I was alone on Thanksgiving morning and during the parade. I decided that instead of moping, I’d record it and we’d watch it later.

So Thanksgiving evening, the kids and I had snacks and watched the parade together. We fast-forwarded through some of the performances we weren’t interested in. My mom stopped by. We tweaked a tradition with great results.

This Thanksgiving my husband will be here. But I’m guessing that parade watching on Thanksgiving evening will stick with us. It’s just easier for us right now.

And easy is what any new holiday tradition should be. Traditions that are easy to do are easier to maintain. The most simple traditions are often the most memorable ones because they are low-stress and easy to do. The less stressed you are, the more you enjoy them and so does the rest of your family!

Focus on what’s important

Overall, traditions should highlight what is important to your family. You need to decide at the holidays what you most want to remember and focus on. What are the things you’ll remember most in 10 years?

I want to make sure that we focus on things like being thankful at Thanksgiving and remembering the gift of Jesus at Christmas. I also want to make sure that we have fun together. Those things are most important to me. If any of our traditions don’t fall into one or both of those categories, then I’m fine to let them go.

If we’re deciding to change a tradition or add a new one, I evaluate it with the same criteria as well.

Traditions really should be all about making good memories. They shouldn’t cause unnecessary stress and be overly complicated.

This post is part of The Blogvember Challenge on Forever Beloved!

Looking for more Christmas ideas? Check out these posts!

Moms on a Mission: Amy Cutler

Profiles of moms who are making a difference

I’m so excited to kick off another series that you’re going to love. I am often awestruck at the women I see around me — both in real life and online — who are doing really amazing work in the midst of motherhood. These women are difference makers in the world who have identified and are living out their mission or God-given passion.

You need to know all about them, too! The Moms on a Mission series is all about these women. Once or twice a month, I’ll feature a mom who is living out her mission both inside and outside her home. I’ve got a few other moms in mind, but I also would love suggestions. If you know a mom or are a mom who is living out her mission and God-given passion, I’d love to hear about it! Click on the “Contact” tab or send me a message through the Families with Grace Facebook page. I look forward to sharing stories that will inspire us all!

Our very first Mom on a Mission is fellow blogger, Amy Cutler, who writes about marriage on her blog, Forever Beloved. You’re going to be inspired by her passion for marriages. She is a wife, mama, writer, blogger and homesteader.

And starting tomorrow (Nov. 1, 2019), you can head over to her blog to read a different post each day as part of a Blogvember Challenge she has organized. You’ll find great content from her and links to other inspiring blogs as well (including a couple from yours truly on Nov. 12 and 21)!

FWG: What is your God-given mission or passion?

AC: Years ago my husband and I endured a rough season in our marriage that ended with the sweetest restoration. Through our love being restored by God I began feeling a gentle nudge on my heart to help other marriages in crisis. That nudge has now became my passion. Many of my blogs are geared towards those marriages.

FWG: How do you work to live out that mission right now?

AC: I have tried to not only live it out through my blog but also in person. There have been times God has asked me to stand in the gap for a marriage in crisis — which can really be uncomfortable when it’s someone you aren’t really close with. And though I drag my feet at first, God always wins in the end.

My husband and I also strive to have a marriage that others can look up to. We aren’t perfect, and we try to be vulnerable and allow others to see that. The social media world we live in allows the comparison game to flourish, which is right where Satan wants our marriages. We want others to see that marriage is never perfect, but it can be thrive when it has God at the center.

FWG: What are some of your biggest challenges in living out your mission?

AC: I think the biggest challenge has been finding the courage to answer God’s call. It’s easy to sit behind a computer and write a blog, but when He tells you to reach out to a certain couple that is struggling, that’s where He has to step in and give me courage. The fear of rejection could easily overcome me in those moments if I wasn’t leaning into Him.

FWG: What have been some of your biggest blessings in living out your mission?

AC: My biggest blessings have been in the messages I’ve gotten from wives thanking me. Perhaps it was a blog post I wrote that felt like I was talking directly to them, a wife who felt so alone in her struggles or a marriage on the brink of divorce before God rescued them.

FWG: How do you balance motherhood responsibilities with your work/mission?

AC: That was a challenge at one point. While I felt God calling me to help couples in crisis, that wasn’t necessarily my children’s calling. With lots of long heart-to-hearts they began to understand. At this point in my life, my babies are adults — one married and living with his wife and one still at home. So it’s much easier now.

FWG: What’s the best advice you have for other moms who are following their passions?

My advice would be to be open and honest with your children and have lots of open conversations. Allow them to tell you how they feel and just sit and listen. Don’t allow your passion to take the place of your parenting. I know I could easily get so wrapped up in something I’m passionate about that my children would end up feeling hurt and neglected. I had to make a conscious effort not to allow that to happen.

Read more from the series:

Moms on a Mission: Dr. Karen Dowling

Moms on a Mission: Erin Mayes

Moms on a Mission: Mari Hernandez-Tuten

Moms on a Mission: Kathleen Brooker

Moms on a Mission: Sarah R. Moore

Moms on a Mission: Stacey Pardoe

Moms on a Mission: Kristin Billerbeck

Moms on a Mission: Pastor Stefanie Hendrickson

Moms on a Mission: Crystal (aka InnieMom)

12 tips to contain sick germs

How to keep sickness from going through your whole family

Affiliate links are used in this post. If you make a qualifying purchase via my link, I receive a small percentage of the sale at no additional cost to you. I only recommend products and services I use and love. It helps support my blog, so thank you for your support! Read my full disclosure here.

Last Thursday, I was in my home office working away when I got a call from the school nurse that my son was sick and needed to be picked up. I walked into her office right in time to find him throwing up in the bathroom.

So we headed straight home. I got him into PJs and settled into the living room couch with his pillow and a blanket. Our house was officially in sick kid mode.

Through the years, I’ve learned a few things about how to best contain germs when sickness comes to our house. Whether it’s a common cold, stomach bug or strep throat (as was the case last week), a few tricks I’ve learned along the way can usually stop the spread of germs from going through our entire family. Last spring I was the one who started off with a stomach bug, and it went through our entire family. I think it was in part since I was sick first, I wasn’t able to enact sick protocol because I was barely able to function!

1. Give the sick person their own towel.

My mom is the one who did this first. I have to admit, I thought it was kind of crazy initially. I’m talking about the towel you use in the bathroom after you wash your hands. Since it’s the towel you use AFTER you’ve washed your hands, I didn’t think it could even spread germs.

But, it seems to, especially when kids are sick. When our kids are sick, they’re washing their hands as quickly as possible because they don’t feel well. Honestly, I’m probably not as thorough as I should be in washing my hands when I don’t feel well and just want to lie back down.

So I designate a sick person towel for hand-drying in each bathroom that person uses. I always do it in our downstairs half bath, which we all use all the time and then either the master bathroom or kids’ bathroom upstairs, depending on who is sick. I use two different colors so it’s easy to remember.

Last week, for example, my son was using a blue towel both downstairs and upstairs, which was easy for everyone to remember since blue is his favorite color.

My kids will also wipe their mouths on their hand-drying towel in the bathroom after brushing their teeth, which is also a huge way to spread germs. Giving the sick person a separate towel really does help.

2. Use plastic bags and trash cans.

Aside from just being miserable, throwing up is also a great way to share germs. Yuck! It can be hard for kids to always make it into the bathroom before throwing up. We learned really quickly when our kids were little to have a stand-by container for throwing up that traveled with them wherever they went while they were in that stage of sickness.

We use a small trashcan from the bathroom or kids’ bedrooms. I line it with a plastic grocery bag and change it out whenever they use it. I tie it off and throw it — and the germs — away.

This also works well for colds and using lots of tissues. The trash can being near the sick person lets them throw their tissues right into the trash and it’s easy to bag up and toss out frequently to get the germs out of the house.

And then when the person is all better, I wipe the entire thing down with bleach wipes to get rick of any residual germs.

3. Consider using baby wipes.

My youngest kiddo is 6. It’s been a few years since anyone in our house has worn diapers, but I still keep unscented baby wipes on hand. They help for cleaning up messes when kids are sick. They can help with wiping bottoms or with wiping mouths after someone gets sick. (Do NOT flush them!)

The best part is that they can be thrown away and not have a worry of spreading germs. I have used wet washcloths in the past, but quickly learned that baby wipes can be more sanitary. I often throw them into that plastic bag I mentioned above and toss it all out together. The more I can get germs out of our house, the better!

4. Keep your kitchen sink area clean.

The kitchen sink is the biggest area that is affected and overlooked when you have a sick family member. It’s where drinks get poured out and dishes get rinsed or washed. So it’s fair to assume that germs are hanging out in the kitchen sink.

During times I have a sick person, I wipe down my sink and all around it with bleach wipes often. Any time I’m ready to wash dishes in the sink, I wipe it down first. It takes just a few minutes and helps contain germs. (I love bleach wipes for their convenience, but you can use whatever you prefer that kills germs.)

I am also careful with my dishcloth. I have some things that need to be washed by hand that we use when the kids are sick — mostly their drink Thermoses for keeping cold water easily on hand in a container that is spill proof when closed. I either change my dish cloth out after hand-washing items the sick person has used or use a paper towel instead of a dishcloth for washing.

5. Manage bedding.

When my sick family member is better and no longer contagious, I change their bedding. Depending on the sickness, I may just change their sheets (like for a common cold). For other things, though, I also make sure to wash all their blankets as well. I wash them in hot water to get all the germs.

I also have a white blanket I use for my kids when they are sick and want a blanket in the living room. I got it for my daughter’s first twin-sized bed and we stopped using it a couple of years after. I have since designated it the sick blanket for a couple of reasons. First, the blanket is large and keeps them covered well even as they move around on the couch. Secondly, since the blanket is solid white, I can bleach it as well as wash it in hot water to get rid of germs.

If they are hanging out in the living room, I also let them use their bed pillow as well. Not only do they find it more comfortable, but it also keeps the germs from spreading to toss pillows they lie on. It’s much easier to wash a pillow case than a toss pillow.

6. Minimize physical contact with other family members.

This rule applies mostly to my kids interacting with each other and sometimes with us. At bedtime, we usually have hugs and cheek kisses all around. When someone is sick, we squash that. Of course we don’t keep our kids from snuggling into us or being with us when they are sick. But we do encourage them to avoid kissing each other and such.

7. Don’t share dishes or utensils.

This one isn’t so surprising, but not sharing cups or plates with someone who is sick is a great idea. We are not a family who shares dishes at all. I am probably a bit of a germaphobe, but you never know when someone is on the brink of getting sick and is contagious with something without even having symptoms. It really happens and has actually affected us in the past a couple of times when we did decide to share.

8. Clean the bathrooms.

Once the contagious stage is over, I clean the bathrooms. (Sometimes with stomach bugs, it may be necessary to clean throughout the sickness as well.) It doesn’t have to be hard core cleaning, but wiping down the counter, sink (especially where they’ve been spitting out their toothpaste!) and toilet is a great plan. In just a couple of minutes, you can get rid of any germs hanging around. Bleach wipes come in handy for this, too!

9. Clean other areas of the home.

Depending on what the sick person is using, I also clean other things in the house, too. For example, the remote control for the television tends to get used by the sick person. So I often wipe it down with bleach wipes just like I do everything else. I have sprayed Lysol on doorknobs and even on the couch. I figure anywhere I can think of that could have a germ is a great place to tackle, especially when dealing with a stomach bug. Those are always so contagious — and so miserable!

10. Maintain good hygiene.

Kids aren’t always great at thinking of hygiene when they’re sick and I don’t blame them! So, I usually help mine remember to at least change PJs and underwear daily. (And I promise I’m not mean. I bring the clean PJs and undies to them wherever they are settled and even help them with changing.)

As soon as the kiddo is better, we also do a bath or shower. First of all, I know how much better I feel whenever I have a shower after being sick. But secondly, it also works to get rid of any extra germs hanging around.

11. Keep yourself clean.

I realized early on in having two kids that even if I keep them relatively separated while one of them is sick, I can carry germs between them. Keeping my hands clean is the biggest tool to help with this. (And it helps keep me well, too!) I clean my hands after helping someone who threw up. I clean my hands after giving them medicine or after picking up their dish and putting it in the dishwasher. Basically, after I am finished interacting with the sick family member or their belongings, I wash my hands or use hand sanitizer to get rid of germs on me.

Many times, I move a bottle of hand sanitizer to my end table when someone is actively sick and I need to clean my hands often but also be near to whoever is sick.

And just like hygiene with my kids, I often pull out comfy clothes for when they are sick because we are home and they need to snuggle and I want to be comfy. While sometimes wearing the same yoga pants a couple of days in a row is fine, I’m aware of it more when the kids are sick. Did someone wipe their nose on me? Did I encounter other bodily fluids or germs on my clothes? I don’t mind doing some extra laundry and switching out my clothes if it helps avoid the spread of germs!

12. Keep your sick person medicated if need be.

The final tip for containing germs is keeping the sick person on their medicine schedule to take all of their medicine they’re prescribed. Not all sickness requires a prescription, but some do. I am a HUGE fan of medicine charts. They help me remember to give medicine.

This was especially important when my son was a toddler and went through some tricky years of croup that we had to manage antibiotics, breathing treatments and steroids at different times throughout the day. But even if it’s just an antibiotic twice a day, keeping a chart still helps me remember to give the medicine, long often they start feeling better.

I made a chart in Microsoft Excel that I update each time I need it, print out and put on my fridge. (You can download it below!) It takes one or two minutes and makes my life easier. The medicine chart also helps my husband and me keep track if the other one has given a dose of medication so we don’t end up double-dosing. That’s not as big of an issue now that our kids are older and can tell us, but it definitely was in younger years.

Taking all medication as prescribed gets the sick person totally better and squashes a chance for a relapse and more germs!