Stacey A. Shannon is a freelance journalist and blogger who has been published internationally. She's also a Christian, a wife and a mom of two school-aged children. She started Families with Grace in 2019 to encourage Christian moms as they create homes filled with grace, love and faith.
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I’m excited to share this blog post about dealing with addiction in marriage with you. This isn’t something I’ve dealt with personally and appreciate Charlotte Walker of HomeSafetyHub.com taking on this difficult topic for Families with Grace. She has some helpful ideas for guiding your marriage through a struggle with addiction. Charlotte herself has been passionate about safety her whole life and enjoys writing about topics related to homes and home life. (Don’t miss her other guest post about house hunting with your family!)
While any relationship worth having takes effort, if you are dealing with addiction in marriage, then it’s going to take even more effort from you and your spouse to survive. Addiction is responsible for tearing many families apart, but that does not mean your marriage is destined for failure.
Discuss the problem
Having a conversation with your spouse about facing their addiction can be overwhelmingly scary; however, it is necessary in order to move forward. While the discussion may be uncomfortable for you both, some measure of discomfort is inevitable when seeking change. If you continue to choose not to speak up about the issue, your spouse may take your silence as condoning their behavior, which makes you an enabler.
Whether you decide to talk to your spouse alone or through a family and friend-assisted intervention, it’s best to do it when they are not under the influence, tired or upset. Keep in mind that your spouse may not be open to admitting they have a problem, and you can almost count on some type of denial or minimization at first. However, you must be persistent in your efforts to break down the walls and discuss how their substance abuse is hurting you and what needs to be done as far as recovery.
Once your spouse opens up and admits to having a problem, begin discussing their options for treatment. There are outpatient and inpatient treatment options available, but if this is their first time being treated for addiction, encourage them to stay at a residential drug rehab facility for a minimum of 30 days. An inpatient facility will give them time away from distractions and bad habits while providing a safe space for them to detox and begin the recovery process.
Forgive them
Undoubtedly, your spouse’s addiction has caused you a lot of pain and turmoil, which doesn’t make it easy to forgive. However, if you really want to save your marriage, then it’s necessary to get to the root of the issue, let it go and move forward. Even if you and your spouse decide to temporarily separate to sort through the issues, forgiveness is imperative to repair and reestablish the relationship.
Your first step to forgiveness is to gain an understanding of the addiction and start looking at it as a disease that is separate from the actual addict themselves. It may be necessary for this breakthrough to come in marriage therapy. Even though your spouse may have hurt you or made poor decisions while under the influence, remember it was the addiction that caused them to lose control of their actions. You may be hurting, but keep in mind that your partner is plagued by guilt as they realize their mind and body has been consumed by addiction.
Understanding the process of addiction will help you gain clarity and compassion for your spouse, which will make it easier for you to forgive them. While being empathetic toward your spouse does not minimize what you have been through, remember that forgiveness also benefits you by giving you a mental sense of wellbeing.
Be supportive
In order for your spouse to have a fighting chance at beating their addiction, they will need your full support. Having your support will give them the confidence needed to trust themselves and regain control of their lives. You can offer support by attending group meetings with them, which will also give you a deeper look into the reasons behind their addiction and ways you can help them cope in the future.
Also support them making healthy decisions, like creating a healthy work-life balance. By learning to say “no,” delegating tasks at work and prioritizing your tasks, you can develop a routine that allows you to devote more time to personal matters.
A workout routine can really help battle addiction. It’s not easy to do physical activity in an altered state, and working out will help with sleep as well as help them feel good about being sober. It can also help manage stress, which is a big part of recovery.
Battling an addiction is never easy, and a substance abuse disorder can have detrimental effects on a marriage. You and your spouse will have to go through a painful healing process, but with patience, support and love, your relationship can survive this difficult time.
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I’ve got another simple summer dinner idea for you this week: slow cooker potato chili. It’s an easy recipe that has you using your stove before the day gets hot. Your slow cooker does the rest of the work.
I love making food in my slow cooker because I can do it early in the day and then basically forget about it. The last time I made this potato chili, for example, we had a play date at the park and came home hungry right at dinner time. It was perfect to come into our house with dinner ready for us. And this slow cooker potato chili recipe is a nice mix of meat and potatoes with just a hint of spice that is delish on a hot summer day (or a cold winter day!). Honestly, it’s a year-round weeknight family dinner you’ll love!
Prepping the ingredients
Start with getting your ground beef cooking. For us, I used 1/2 pound of ground beef. You can use up to 1-1/2 pounds if your family loves meat or you’re feeding a lot of people. My family isn’t big on eating meat, so using 1/2-pound to serve the four of us this potato chili was perfect. You want to crumble, brown and then drain your ground beef. (You could also use ground turkey or ground pork for this. I actually tossed in a small amount of mild Italian sausage with my ground beef that I had left from another recipe.)
Cooking the meat is the only active cooking you’ll do for this potato chili recipe. If you have cooked and crumbled ground beef in your freezer (like I often do), then you don’t even have to do this step!
While the meat is cooking, you want to prep your salsa and your potatoes. I use mild salsa for my family because the majority of us are not into spicy food, but you could certainly use medium or even hot salsa if you family likes spicy. A quirk of some of my family members is also that they don’t like things chunky. So when we have salsa at home for any reason, I puree it in my food processor. Using it in this recipe, I do the same thing, but you can totally skip this step if you don’t mind some chunks in your potato chili.
For the potatoes, you want to dice them up. I cut them relatively small, but they could have been even a bit smaller. You can use Yukon gold potatoes, but I love these petite gold potatoes. Even better, they come pre-washed, so all I have to do is cut them! In a pinch, you could also use southern-styled frozen hash browns just like in this easy slow cooker potato soup.
Putting it together in the slow cooker
The very first thing I do before making anything in my slow cooker is to line the slow cooker. It makes clean-up a million times easier! Making this potato chili recipe is no different.
If you don’t use slow cooker liners, give your slow cooker a bit of a light covering of non-stick cooking spray. Then pile all of your ingredients, except the cheese and sour cream, into the slow cooker. I add meat first.
Then add in the 1.5 pounds of potatoes.
Next, pour in 16 ounces of salsa (pureed or not).
After that, add in 1 can of condense cream of potato soup.
Finally, add 1 tablespoon of chili seasoning.
Give everything a good stir so it’s combined, put the lid on your slow cooker and set the temperature to low.
Cooking and serving the potato chili
Let your potato chili hang out on low in your slow cooker for about 8 hours until the potatoes are tender. I stir it every couple of hours because I work from home and can do so. Here is what it looks like about halfway through the day:
Finally, when it is all finished, it looks like this:
Spoon the potato chili out into bowls and serve it warm. It’s so yummy! My daughter and I like to add black beans to ours. So I open a can of them, strain them and then we add them in to our individual bowls. (The potato chili is so hot, that we don’t even need to heat the beans.) You can use any beans your family likes. If you want to add them into the slow cooker to cook all day, that also works. It just isn’t an option for my family.
We have also added frozen corn in with the potato chili and love the flavor it brings. You can put the frozen corn into the slow cooker from the beginning or steam it in the microwave and then add it in to individual bowls. So good!
And then my own philosophy is that cheese and sour cream make any chili better. That’s true for this potato chili as well, so I top mine with shredded cheddar cheese and a dollop of sour cream.
My family likes to eat this potato chili with corn chips that we can scoop the chili with, but you can also try it with tortilla chips or crackers if you prefer. Either way, it’s a hearty, filling dinner that won’t heat up your kitchen on hot summer evenings!
Slow cooker potato chili
An easy slow cooker potato chili perfect for weeknight family dinners
1/2poundground beef, pork or turkeycan use up to 1/1-2 pound depending on your family's preferences or to feed more
1-1/2poundgold potatoes, cubed
1 16 oz. jarsalsa
110.5 oz. cancondensed cream of potato soup
1tablespoonchili powder
115.25-oz. canblack beansoptional
112-oz. bagfrozen cornoptional
1/2cupshredded cheddar cheeseoptional
1/2cupsour creamoptional
Instructions
Cook ground meat in a large skillet until browned and crumbly. Drain the meat and put it into a 5- to 7-quart slow cooker that is lined with a slow cooker liner or lightly sprayed with non-stick cooking spray.
If desired, puree the salsa in a food processor to avoid chunks. If not, move on to the next step.
Add the diced potatoes, salsa, cream of potato soup and chili powder. If desired, add 1 15.25-oz can of strained black beans and/or 1 12-oz. bag of frozen corn. (You can also add the black beans and corn to individual bowls after the potato chili cooks. The beans can go in at room temperature, but heat the frozen corn before adding it.
Cook in the slow cooker on low temperature for 8 hours, until the potatoes are tender.
Serve with optional shredded cheddar cheese and sour cream on top.
20 ways Christian moms can encourage good sibling relationships
When my husband and I talked about having kids, we talked about sibling relationships and what we wanted for our kids. Before deciding for sure to add a second child to our family, we talked about it even more. Sibling relationships can be wonderful, but they can also be complicated.
Both my husband and I have older brothers, and we have different relationships with them. From the beginning of our parenthood journey, we have worked to be intentional in encouraging grace-filled sibling relationships for our kids. We want them to be friends. Our prayer and desire is for them to be close and be able to turn to one another throughout their entire lives.
Now 9 and 12, my children do get along well. They enjoy spending time together. (And they also enjoy spending time apart!) They aren’t perfect, but all-in-all they have a good, solid relationship. They look out for each other and often, my youngest has more courage to try new things with his big sister than with anyone else, including me! My husband and I continue to be intentional about encouraging their sibling relationship and helping keep it on the right track.
So today I’m sharing 20 ways to encourage good sibling relationships based on our experiences. I even talked to my kiddos for their input for this post!
1. Remind your kids that they have each other and always will.
From the time our youngest was born, we have told our kiddos they have to stick together. Reminding your children that they have a special bod in their sibling relationship is important. Friends will come and go, but siblings will be around for most of their life. And that’s a bond to celebrate and grow. After all, as we remind our kids, nobody else in the world knows what it’s like growing up with their dad and me as parents. So they can always bond over that!
2. Don’t compare your kids to each other.
I know this can be tricky. After all, our experiences as parents rest solely on our experiences with our own children. But our kids have their own strengths and weaknesses. Comparing them to one another only serves to drive a wedge between them, and that’s not at all what we want to do. It’s difficult to not resent someone who your parents are telling you is better at something than you are. With that in mind, be careful to not compare in subtle ways either. Praise and discipline as equally and fairly as possible.
3. Speak positively about their siblings to your kiddos.
A great way to encourage good sibling relationships is by saying good things about your kids to their siblings. Of course we have grouses and gripes with our kids, but focusing on those and complaining about them to their siblings is only going to weaken that relationship. Instead, mention to your daughter how funny her brother is. Or point out to your son how kind his sister is. This helps our kids learn to look for the positive attributes in one another rather than focus on the negative ones.
4. Don’t allow negative talk between them.
When it comes to positive language, don’t allow your kids to bad-mouth each other to each other or to other people. Your kids won’t always get along (mine certainly don’t), but there’s a difference between having a disagreement and being mean to each other. We don’t tolerate name-calling and putdowns in our family, including between our children. Our kids also aren’t allowed to bad-mouth their sibling to their friends or others. Doing so only hurts that sibling relationship.
One bonus we’ve found to this rule is that our kids’ friends treat the sibling kindly also. For example, the friends of my 12-year-old daughter are kind to our 9-year-old son and even say hello to him at school whenever they see him, regardless if our daughter is around.
5. Let them have a chance to work through conflicts but step in to help resolve the conflict when necessary.
Part of teaching our kids is helping them know how to work through conflict with other people. Managing sibling conflict is a great way to start, because our family should always be our safe place. But we want to make sure conflict is resolved in a positive way. Early on, my husband and I had to help our kids with resolving conflict much more often. Nowadays, however, I hear them have a disagreement and figure out a compromise without flying off the handle. There are still times we have to step in when someone is getting frustrated, but they are learning and growing. No relationship is perfect and learning how to resolve conflict in a positive way is important.
6. Create an attitude of grace throughout your home.
One of my biggest goals as a Christian mom is to create a home filled with grace, faith and love. And that attitude of grace extends throughout the entire family. We continue to work on helping our kids learn to give grace to each other (and us as well). One of the biggest ways we have done this is practicing a small attitude shift as a family in assuming the people we love are not intentionally trying to hurt us. Giving each other the benefit of the doubt goes a long way to forging better relationships.
7. Make opportunities for family fun.
The best relationships we have are those in which we have fun together. Sibling relationships are no different. Come up with ways to have fun as a family and put your kids together in fun ways. One of my kids’ favorite things right now is planning a family yes day. We pick a day and their dad and I have to say yes to whatever they ask us (with some rules). They work together to plan a fun day, and we all giggle together. Other times, it’s small ways that we have fun like having a water balloon fight, going out for ice cream as a surprise treat and playing games together.
8. Develop your own family traditions.
We often have family traditions for holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas, but having smaller traditions is just as important. Sometimes these traditions can look like routines. For instance, each evening before bedtime, our family gathers to pray and read. Usually we read chapter books. We’ve read through the entire Harry Potter series, part of Percy Jackson and are now nearly finished with “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe” from C.S. Lewis. We know that each evening, we have 15 to 20 minutes as a family that we don’t do anything else, and we love that time! These traditions and routines help our kids feel closer to each other as well as to my husband and me.
9. Pray together as a family.
That evening time we have to pray together is great for building sibling relationships as well. We don’t go for super long prayers that are highly personal and in-depth. Instead, we talk about people we know who need prayer. In joining together in prayer for someone or something, our children’s relationship only deepens and grows in ways that matter most.
10. Have dinner together at least a few nights a week.
If you can’t manage dinner together every night, then at least make it a priority a few nights a week. During the school year, we have dinner together at the table nearly every night. During the summertime, we are a little more lax and have dinner together while watching a favorite show or movie a couple of times a week. Having that time to eat and talk about what’s going on in our lives is important and helps grows our kids’ relationship. It gives them a chance to be more involved in each other’s lives and happenings. They learn more about each other and what’s important to each other.
11. Support each other’s activities and interests.
We do our best to encourage our kids to support each other’s activities and interests. If there is a school program or performance or anything else, we expect everyone to go and be supportive of the other. This past school year, for example, our daughter was a manager of the middle school track and field team. So, her dad, brother and I showed up for and even volunteered at some of the meets. While our kids go to the same school, their concerts are on different nights. We expect them to go along for their sibling’s performance and be just as excited for them. Knowing that you sibling supports you goes a long way toward bettering your sibling relationship!
12. Pray for their relationship.
We’ve got so many things to pray about for our kids, so it might be easy to overlook praying for their sibling relationships. But don’t forget that. I have prayed from the beginning that my kids have a good, strong and healthy relationship. I want them to enjoy each other and like each other, not just love each other. So I ask God for help in growing their relationship together and guiding my husband and me to raise them in a way that draws them together rather than apart.
13. Help them grow in their own relationships with God.
It’s important to help our kids grow in their own relationships with God as well. Their relationship with God impacts every part of their lives and all of their relationships. The closer they are to God and growing in Him, the more loving and caring they’ll be with everyone — including their siblings! (Don’t miss this free printable of a parents’ prayer to help you pray for yourself as you are raising your children.)
14. Watch and listen to wholesome content.
We don’t only watch and listen to Christian entertainment, but we are careful about what our kids are exposed to. Some movies and shows just aren’t appropriate for them due to bad language, inappropriate content and wrong attitudes. The more they are exposed to those things, the more normal those things seem and the more likely they are to behave differently. If we’re watching something and see siblings working against each other, we talk about it with our kids. What should the characters have done?
And I am a huge proponent of listening to Christian music. It’s hard for me to be grumpy with the kids or for them to argue with one another when praise music is playing. Sometimes if they start getting short with each other in the car, I turn up the worship songs until they can’t help but laugh and move on. It works!
15. Promote teamwork.
We’re big on family teamwork. And family teamwork includes giving our kids a chance to work together on tasks. They may grumble sometimes while cleaning their bathroom (hey, it happens!), but in the end they feel accomplished together for what they did. Having a chance to work as a team and take pride in what they do together strengthens sibling relationships.
16. Encourage playtime together.
When our children were younger, they were more inclined to play with each other because they didn’t have much choice. Nowadays, one of our kids is old enough that she’s not as into playing while the other is still at an age where he enjoys playtime. So sometimes we require them to play together. That can look like anything from pretend play to doing art together to building something together to even watching a certain series together. The goal is to make sure our kids get time to spend together in a playful way and enjoy each other’s company.
17. Protect their time together.
Speaking of spending time together enjoying one another’s company, we must protect our kids’ time together. I’m big on not over-scheduling our kids. I want my kids to have a chance to be bored and to find their own things to do. That also means we aren’t so overscheduled that they don’t have time to be with one another. Protect their time so they can have time together as well. Having time together in positive ways is an important part of building strong sibling relationships.
18. Have one-on-one time with them.
Spending time one-on-one with your kids can strengthen their bond with each other. No matter how old they are, our kids want our attention. They want to know we are listening and paying attention to them. Making sure to find ways to have one-on-one time with them helps them not be resentful of each other seeming to get more attention at different times. Our family has found a variety of ways to do this. Right now what’s working best for us is to allow each of our kids to have 20-30 minutes of one-on-one (or two-on-one) time with us after bedtime two nights a week. We read through special books or just talk during that time.
19. Travel together.
No matter how big or small the trip, traveling together is a great way to grow family bonds and strengthen sibling relationships. We have made memories on bigger trips like to Orlando, Fla., and the Grand Canyon as well as on smaller trips like camping in a nearby state park. Even day trips and staycations count. Basically any time spent out of the daily grind works!
20. Reminisce together — even the about the crazy moments!
Take time every so often to reminisce together. I love memory photos that come up on social media or through my Google Photos. I often show them to my kids as well. Showing them things we’ve done that they’ve forgotten or how they snuggled together when they were small help them feel closer. One of the fun things about family and siblings is having memories with them that nobody else in the world has. Don’t forget to help your kids remember those moments that connect them!
Continuing on with the simple summer dinner ideas, I must include a simple summer dessert idea: easy baked sopapillas! I have a sweet tooth all year long. But I don’t want to spend forever in the kitchen or hours with my oven on during hot weather. I love desserts that are easy and delicious — perfect for hot summer days.
One of my favorite summer desserts is this whipped pudding pie recipe my family loves. But lately we’ve also been loving these easy baked sopapillas using flour tortillas. My daughter, actually, is the person who usually makes them for us. They are a perfect ending to a summer meal, especially something Mexican like this stuffed peppers skillet recipe.
Another bonus to these baked sopapillas is that they use ingredients I always have on hand, so I don’t have to plan ahead for them. Win-win!
Getting started
Preheat your oven to 400-degrees. Line two baking sheets with non-stick aluminum foil or parchment paper. This makes for easier clean-up. If you don’t have either, then be sure to spray the baking sheet with non-stick cooking spray or grease it with butter.
Next, melt 3 tablespoons of butter. I usually do this in a small bowl in the microwave.
Place four flour tortillas on your prepared baking sheets. I use taco-sized flour tortillas for these baked sopapillas and can usually fit two per baking sheet.
Brush each tortilla with melted butter to cover the top well.
Sprinkle each with about 1 tablespoon of cinnamon sugar. I usually have premade cinnamon sugar to make life easier around here because we like it on so many things. But it’s super easy to make yourself if you don’t have it. Just mix 1/2 cup sugar with 2 tablespoons of ground cinnamon.
Baking the sopapillas
Put the baking sheets in the preheated oven and bake for about 8 minutes until golden brown and crispy. If you are using two baking sheets, switch them on the racks about halfway through for even more even baking. The baked sopapillas may bubble up a bit, which is completely fine!
Serve the baked sopapillas warm. Top them with whipped cream, cherries, chocolate syrup, vanilla ice cream and/or honey if desired. Usually we keep it simple with whipped cream and cherries. My son, however, loves them most just plain. No matter how you serve them up, these baked sopapillas are delicious!
4tablespoonscinnamon sugar (or mix 1/2 cup sugar with 2 tablespoons ground cinnamon)
whipped creamoptional
cherriesoptional
chocolate sauceoptional
honeyoptional
vanilla ice creamoptional
Instructions
Preheat the oven to 400-degrees.
Place 4 tortillas on a baking sheet(s) lined with non-stick aluminum foil or parchment paper. (Or at least sprayed with non-stick cooking spray.)
Brush each tortilla with butter.
Sprinkle the tortillas with the cinnamon sugar, about 1 tablespoon per tortilla. If needed, use your clean fingers or a spoon to make sure the cinnamon sugar is spread over the tortilla.
Put the tortillas in the oven for 8 minutes until golden brown and crispy.
Serve topped with whipped cream, cherries, chocolate sauce, vanilla ice cream and/or honey, if desired. Enjoy!
I originally wrote these words in May of 2013 when my son was 4 months old and my daughter was 3 years old. Having a baby changes everything and finding myself again after having a baby was challenging. Even now that my kids are 9 and 12, I still have trouble with loses my unique identity in the busyness of motherhood.
When my daughter was born 3-1/2 years ago, I remember once the fog lifted a bit, I wondered when or if I’d ever feel like myself again. In a way, I mourned the Stacey I once was. I didn’t know if I’d ever feel anything like her again. I was both OK with that and sad about that. But I had to wonder whether if finding myself again would ever happen.
I remember the first day I returned to my home office to work for a couple of hours while my mom watched my baby girl. Even though my breast pump came with me and I did a pumping session whilst typing away, I felt for those couple of hours like the me I used to be and it was glorious.
During her lifetime, I’ve found a way to sort of balance it all out. I’ve gotten breaks and chances to be a journalist. I’ve gotten breaks and chances to be a wife. And I’ve gotten breaks and chances to be more than a mom. Because, if all of us moms are honest, sometimes we need to be someone other than mommy. Sometimes we need to be more than a kleenex, jungle gym, dairy cow, bottom wiper, clothes changer, laundry doer and food maker. Sometimes we need to be a woman. We need moments to just be silent. And we need to have a moment to think in peace.
Losing myself again with a second baby
I knew I’d deal with these feelings again when I had a second baby. And I have. I love my son just as completely as I love my daughter, even when he’s being high maintenance as he sometimes is. I love him even now when he’s kicking me in the arm while I’m trying to type this blog post as my daughter is distracted working on a bracelet (and never you mind that they’re both still in their pajamas and it’s almost 11 a.m.). I’m now getting just enough sleep and have been in this mom-of-a-baby phase long enough that I’ve started on the journey of finding myself again. Or trying to.
Last week I had a chance to be in the car by myself for a few minutes while my children were at my parents’ house before our birthday celebration. It was just a few minutes. I realized I could not only listen to the music of my choosing but I could turn it up. I could sing along at the top of my lungs and not have to try and have an ongoing conversation with a constantly chatting 3-year-old. For those few minutes I realized that I was still me. And I also realized the old, old Stacey is gone. I am now Mom Stacey. Somehow I’m OK with it.
Finding myself in a new way
Though being a mom drains me sometimes. Though it sucks my energy and occasionally makes me want to run away screaming, it also makes me who I am now. And it makes me happy. I’d be lying if I told you I was happy every single moment of motherhood. I’m not. But at my very core, being a mother is now who I am.
Being with my children can also re-energize me. Looking at their faces and meeting their needs sometimes keeps me going and moving on days when I otherwise would want to just crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head. When I act strong and calm for them when I’m frustrated, I actually feel stronger and calmer. It turns out that if you fake it long enough, it rubs off on you. I want them to see me smile. So, I keep smiling even when I don’t feel like it. And I end up being happier in the end. It could have to do with their sweet smiles back at me.
This time around, I know there is no going back. I’ll never be the Stacey I was before having children. Being a mom changes you forever. And I will forever be their mother, no matter what. This time around I’m not longing for that old Stacey. I do still sometimes crave alone time. I do still need time alone with my husband. But, I also realize that when we are all together I feel the happiest and most complete. This is my family. We’re continuing the journey my husband and I started when we got married.
Just as I adjusted to the title and role of wife, I have now adjusted to the title and role of mother. It is my identity. It won’t ever be my complete identity, but it’s a big part of me. Right now Mommy is 95 percent of who I am and what I do. But there’s still 5 percent reserved for just Stacey. That percentage will wax and wane in the years to come, I’m sure. I’m sure I’ll have times of finding myself all over again. That’s how life works. For now, I’m fully embracing my role as mother. Now it makes me who I am.
I love summer dinner ideas that are pretty healthy while also being quick and easy. So I’m running a series for a few simpler summer dinner ideas over the next few Tasty Tuesdays. I’d love to hear from you and any suggestions you have for what you make for your family during the hot days of summer!
As we’re continuing our simple summer dinner ideas, I had to share this hot ham and cheese sub recipe. It does use the oven, which isn’t ideal for the hottest summer days, but it doesn’t need the oven long. Best of all, this simple summer dinner idea is quick and easy, which is perfect for busy (or lazy) summer days! It’s so simple, I often make one or two for lunches!
These hot ham and cheese subs with honey mustard are a lot like the pizza subs I make for my family. In fact, some of my family members who are more particular eaters don’t eat ham, so I usually make them pepperoni pizza subs whenever I made these hot ham and cheese subs. It’s easy enough to customize them for whatever your family likes most.
Getting started
Start off with preheating your oven to 400-degrees (F). Prep your baking sheet for your subs. I am a huge fan of non-stick aluminum foil to make for easy clean-up. Parchment paper also works as does spraying your baking sheet with a bit of non-stick cooking spray. Then, Split your sub buns in half.
Put the open, plain sub buns into your preheated oven for three to five minutes. You want them to start to toast a bit but not get brown. Basically, you’re firming them up. They should look like this:
Putting the sandwiches together
Once your sub buns are ever so lightly toasted, you’re ready to start building your sandwiches. First, spread mayonnaise on both sides of the bun. I squeeze mine on, but I think it’s about 1 teaspoon per side.
Next, put the honey mustard right on top of the mayonnaise. Again, I estimate about 1 teaspoon per side, but I kind of just dollop it on out of the bottle. It looks like this:
Then you want to smear together the mayo and honey mustard. The two sauces mixed together are what take these hot ham and cheese subs up a notch!
Next up is stacking on the ham. Put 3 to 5 slices of deli honey ham on each side of the bun. The amount of ham you use really depends on how thick your ham is sliced and your own preferences.
Then you’ve got to add on cheese. I love Swiss cheese with ham, but cheddar or American also work. To be easier, I use slices, but shredded cheese would also work. And I split one slice per sub, so each half gets a half slice of cheese. But you can do it as you prefer.
Baking time
That’s all the prep needed. Your hot ham and cheese subs are ready to go into the oven. Bake them at 400-degrees (F) for 10 minutes until the cheese is bubbly and some of the edges of the ham are crispy. (If you are really in a hurry, bake them for about 6 minutes and then switch to broil on low for about 2 minutes. Only broiling leads to a soggy bun and burnt edges on top.)
These hot ham and cheese subs are best served right away. I usually put mine together as a sandwich and cut it in half to make eating easier. You can leave them open face if you prefer.
I suggest pairing the hot ham and cheese subs with an easy side to keep dinner easy for your family this summer — or any time! We often go with chips. A tossed salad or potato salad would also go well with these subs as would fresh vegggies and dip. Enjoy!
Split the sub buns in half so they are open. Place the buns on a baking sheet sprayed with non-stick cooking spray or lined with non-stick aluminum foil or parchment paper.
Put the buns in the preheated oven for 3 to 5 minutes until they are very lightly toasted and just barely starting to brown around the edges.
Spread about 1 teaspoon of mayonnaise on each side of the open faced buns.
Add about 1 teaspoon of honey mustard on top of the mayonnaise and smear together with a knife or spoon.
Place 3 to 5 slices of deli honey ham on top of each half of the buns, on top of the mayonnaise honey mustard mixture.
Add a half slice of cheese per half of side of each sub. (Or you a whole slice per side if you prefer for a total of two slices of cheese per sub.)
Put bake in the oven at 400 degrees (F) for about 10 minutes until the cheese starts to bubble, the edges of the ham are crispy and the buns are golden.
Put the buns together to make into sandwiches and serve immediately.
A couple of weeks ago I had an appointment with my urologist. I walked out of his office with tears in my eyes. I stood before the elevators and tried to grasp what had just happened.
This wasn’t the first time I’d felt teary and overwhelmed after leaving his office. I’ve been seeing the guy for two decades to treat my interstitial cystitis. I’ve seen his receptionist and nurse retire. At one point I went so often that I noticed any small change to the waiting room layout and pretty much the entire office knew me by name.
I’ve left there in significant pain. In the past, I’ve walked out of there disheartened because I knew there were not answers for my pain and discomfort.
But I had tears in my eyes following my recent visit for a different reason. After going down to yearly appointments to keep up with my medications, my urologist said something I truly never thought I’d hear him say. He told me it’s up to me whether I return to see him again. He was releasing me because I didn’t really need him any more.
Even now those words choke me up. This journey I’ve been on started when I was 3 years old. There have been highs and lows. I’ve had times that were miserable and a short period of time in high school and college when I was in a remission. But since my symptoms returned when I was 23, they have taken me on a journey I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
About healing
Being in your early 20s with health struggles is difficult. None of my friends really, truly understood where I was coming from. I sought out others with IC and others with chronic pain. We knew the struggle. We understood feeling left out, trying to juggle appointments, figuring out how to pay for everything and praying desperately for healing.
When I was younger, I thought cancer would be better. Cancer is something you either get better from or don’t. It doesn’t just continue indefinitely. Through the years I’ve learned that’s not even close to being the case, but when you are struggling with finding hope through constant pain that nobody has a solution for, thoughts get crazy.
I won’t bore you with details of all the various treatments and medications I’ve tried. However, I do want to share with you my journey about healing and my faith. In my mid-20s, God showed me I was putting my hope in the next line of treatment or medication instead of putting my hope in Him. I wasn’t truly living faith. I shifted my perspective and began keeping my hope in God and trusting that whether any treatment worked, God would be with me every moment. And He has been!
But then that begs the question of supernatural healing. I have seen God heal people. My dad is alive today thanks to the divine touch of our Heavenly Father. I know God has and can heal people. He wasn’t healing me, though, and that was something with which I struggled. A part of me thought since I’d put my hope in God more than in medicine, then I’d learned my lesson, and He’d heal me.
I’ve prayed for healing. I know others have prayed for healing on my behalf. However, God said no. Eventually, the Holy Spirit led me to pray for healing from the need to be healed. That sounds confusing, I know. I was just struggling so much with wanting to be healed that it was getting in the way of my relationship with God. It was affecting me in many ways, and none of them were good. When sermons were about being healed or I felt like other Christians were implying anyone would be healed with enough faith, then I got upset. My heart ached and I’d feel discouraged. I thought I was living faith, yet sometimes I didn’t feel like it.
My prayer for healing from the need to be healed was answered pretty quickly. Over time, I became OK with the fact that my healing would come in heaven rather than on earth. Of course I’d love to be healed before I die, but if not, then I was OK with that. I knew beyond a doubt that God would continue to be with me every step of the way. That was what living faith looked like to me.
And God has been with me every step. He has strengthened me when I was weak. He’s comforted me when I was alone because I didn’t feel up to leaving the house. God surrounded me with a loving, caring family who have been there through the difficult days. I am so blessed and thankful.
Learning from having a chronic illness
Having a chronic illness has taught me many things. I’ve made friends I wouldn’t have otherwise and I’ve done work I wouldn’t have otherwise. One of my best connections has come through the IC Network, a group who advocates for IC patients and works to educate and help us. I am blessed to write for them regularly as I have been for the past nearly 20 years.
My work has also given me the ability to do research about IC and learn about the latest treatments and theories. I’ve interviewed leading researchers in the field and listened to their presentations at various urology conferences. I spent my 40th birthday at a urology conference and loved it. Each urology conference I went to was overwhelming to me to see medical professionals working hard to find answers and help for us.
I’ve seen treatment for IC come a very long way through the years. I could give you all sorts of details and information that I geek out over, but I will refrain. However, this very research has led me to different urologists through the years. My local urologist has been so kind and good to me. I’ve seen a handful of them who have been far from kind and helpful. This urologist has been so compassionate and helpful, but he doesn’t specialize in IC.
So I have driven out of town and out of state in order to seek out urologists who are leading experts. I was more motivated to do this after having children when I had a newfound desire to feel the best I could to be able to do more with them. The Women’s Urology Center at Beaumont Hospital in Michigan blew me away. I’ve been there a few times and had a couple of surgeries there and am thankful for their help and compassion.
Doing article research, though, also led me to interview people in related fields. In researching an article about Pelvic Congestion Syndrome, I connected with an Interventional Radiologist. During the interview he said to me, “I think I’ve found a cure for IC.” I was polite, but internally I scoffed. I’ve heard promises of cures for years and none of them ever panned out.
After the article released, he and I stayed in contact a little bit. I mentioned to him that the patients he was describing had histories a lot like mine. He sent me his patient questionnaire. I completed it, and he told me over the phone that he suspected I had blocked veins in my pelvis that were causing my symptoms. He told me he truly thought he could help me feel better. I remained skeptical. I was wary of getting my hopes up and being disappointed yet again.
Undergoing another procedure
The doctor I interviewed referred me to his colleague who sent me for imaging to determine if I had blocked pelvic veins. Lo and behold, I did. My left iliac vein was 70% blocked. His solution was an outpatient procedure to put in a stent. By that time, I’d had three major pelvic surgeries and four minor ones. What was one more? So in March of 2021, I spent my kids’ spring break out of town having an 11 mm stent inserted into my left iliac vein.
I didn’t feel any difference at first. Of course at first my pain was much worse, but it was overall the least painful recovery I’ve had for any procedure. Life returned to my version of normal. Then about 10 months in, I started noticing that I hadn’t been having my usual bladder symptoms for a while. A couple of months later, I tried going off of the bladder medication I had been taking since I was 23 (other than while nursing or pregnant). It was the same medication I took for about a year during middle school as well.
That was six months ago. I haven’t had any trouble since then. None. I am going to the bathroom the same amount of times as a “normal” person. I’m not even having to be as vigilant about the things I eat. (Foods and beverages often flare IC symptoms.)
Remission or healing?
So where does that leave me now? Am I in remission or am I healed? Honestly, I’m not sure. I just know that I feel well. I still have other chronic health issues that have come up through the years that cause me trouble and pain, but for the first time, my bladder isn’t at the top of the list. That is so incredibly significant in my life.
When my local urologist told me a couple of weeks ago that I don’t need to come back unless I start having problems, it began to really sink in to me that this is real. I called my mom on the way home from the appointment, and we both cried. I had made peace with the fact that my healing would be in heaven. But here I am on earth right now not having to struggle as much.
While I’m perhaps in a bit of shock, but I just praise and thank God. He is the One who led me to connect with the work I do and the doctors I’ve met. He has been with me every single step of the way.
Can my symptoms return? Yes. I’ve certainly learned that nothing with my health is a guarantee. But maybe my bladder symptoms really were caused by the lack of blood flow to my bladder. Having that blood flow restored and allowing time for my bladder to heal itself may be what worked for me in the end.
Long ago I had to learn to enjoy the good days without stressing about the bad days that were sure to come. (It’s an important lesson when you have a chronic illness.) Right now, I’m going to enjoy the good days. I’m going to praise God for taking care of me as He always has. I’m going to bask in His goodness and rejoice over finding relief I never expected to come.
For years, I’ve waited for this. I keep thinking it is too good to be true, but recently seeing my urologist and his reaction helped me understand even more that this is real — at least for now. God was with me in the wait and surprised me beyond what I could have hoped for so many years later. My heart is full of gratitude today!
A series of easy, quick and healthy summer dinner ideas you’ll love
Summertime dinners often need to be quick and easy. Some days are busy with activities and others are just busy spending time as a family or even being a bit lazy! I love summer dinner ideas that are pretty healthy while also being quick and easy. We have central air conditioning, but I still like some dinner ideas for summer that don’t require use of the oven or stove.
So I’m running a series for a few simpler summer dinner ideas over the next few Tasty Tuesdays. I’d love to hear from you and any suggestions you have for what you make for your family during the hot days of summer!
With that in mind, I’m excited to share the first simple summer dinner idea my family enjoys: a DIY salad bar. One of the things I love most is that I can prepare ingredients ahead of time and then just pull them out at dinner for easy, quick serving.
DIY Salad Bar
For a DIY salad bar, put all the salad fixings out on your kitchen counter and let each family member build their own tasty salad. It’s pretty straightforward, and you can totally customize it with what you family likes. I like to get some special salad treats for us that we don’t always have like sunflower seed kernels or a salad topper mix. My husband also loves the crunch of chow mein noodles on his salad, so I include those as well. (And leftover chow mein noodles can be turned into yummy butterscotch haystacks!)
Our salad bar toppings often include the following:
Lettuce
Shredded cheese
Boiled egg
Diced onion
Diced bell pepper
Diced tomatoes
Shredded or chopped carrots
Diced cucumbers
Turkey or ham
Pepperoni
Croutons
Bacon bits
Chow mein noodles
Sunflower kernels
Various salad dressings
My salad bar toppings are often diced because that’s how I prefer them, but obviously you can do them however you like! As you can see from the photo below, I put out the ingredients and let each person fend for themselves. We are not at all fancy with this. In fact, sometimes if I’ve just cleaned the lettuce, it’s laid out on paper towels across the counter to air dry a bit!
You can make your life easier and buy pre-cleaned lettuce or salad mix if you want. I usually get a head of iceberg lettuce, which is what my family likes most, and then plan other meals around the same time that use lettuce like tacos or BLT pizza.
Salad bar sides
I do usually serve up something on the side when we do a salad bar at home. Check out these ideas to go along with your salad bar:
Crescent rolls
Garlic bread
Texas toast
Crackers (oyster, saltine, butter, etc.)
Fresh fruit
Homemade bread (This happens less often around my house!)
Basically, my favorite salad bar side is something I can use to scoop out the residual salad dressing that’s left in my bowl when I’m finished eating! I love a good salad dressing. My all-time favorite is poppyseed salad dressing. It’s so sweet and yummy!
Serving up salad for picky eaters
I’ve mentioned quite a few times that I have some particular eaters in my family. For example, when I make delicious pecan crusted chicken for dinner, my particular eaters would rather have frozen pizza or peanut butter sandwiches. Neither of them like chicken.
So for DIY salad bar nights, I get a little creative. My husband is a fan of salads and salad bars, so that only leaves my son as a picky eater. His biggest complaint is lettuce. He just doesn’t like lettuce. Instead I make him a deconstructed salad with some of his favorites like pepperoni, cheese and croutons. Usually I stick some baby carrots on his plate as well, but we were out of them for the most recent DIY salad bar night we had. And then he’s happy with whatever is on the side. This time it was crescent rolls.
Simple sweets
And then if you’re going with simple summer dinner ideas, you need a simple sweet as well. For DIY salad bar nights, it seems wrong to eat something heavy or rich. Plus hot weather calls for lighter foods, I think. So if I make a sweet for us, it’s usually either oat and honey granola or peanut butter honey nut cereal clusters. I’m a little partial to peanut butter honey nut cereal clusters for simple summer dinners because they only use the microwave and not the oven.
What are your family’s favorite simple summer dinner ideas?
Plus a free printable Father’s Day coloring card page!
Finding the right Father’s Day gift is often challenging for me. One of the things I’ve learned through the years is that personalized Father’s Day gifts are often the most memorable. My husband likes gifts that show we know him well and want to give him something related to his interests. On Father’s Day, that focuses on our kids!
So rather than try and come up with all sorts of generic Father’s Day gifts ideas this year, I’ve put together a list of last-minute personalized Father’s Day gifts that he’s sure to love. And I’m including a free printable Father’s Day coloring card page to get you underway as well. It works as a gift by itself or paired with another gift.
If you’re looking for a personalized Father’s Day gift that doesn’t have to be ordered in advance, doesn’t cost much and you can have immediately, then digital downloads (aka printables) are your best choice! Listen, I create printables that I both give away for free and sell on the Families with Grace Etsy store, so I am totally partial to them. But they make adorable gifts that you can easily personalize for the dad in your life. And they work incredibly well in a time crunch! I’ve pulled together a list of my best personalized Father’s Day gift printables that are inexpensive and memorable.
Father’s Day printable coupons
These Father’s Day printable coupons are adorable. Two pages come pre-filled with ideas, but they also come with a third page that is blank so you can write in whatever works best for the dad in your life! The prefilled coupons include things like: a quite morning to sleep in, a car wash, one day without chores, playing a game together and a made-to-order breakfast.
Father’s Day handprint art
Another great choice is handprint art. Not only is it adorable, but it’s fun for dads to hang on to and look back to how small their kiddos’ hands were. All you have to do is print them on cardstock, add your child’s handprint and give it to dad! You can put it in a frame for safe keeping.
Of course the handprints on this artwork is personalized, but you can also find Father’s Day handprint art that is personalized to your guy’s hobbies and interests. There’s handprint art pages for those who love baseball, fishing, gaming, superheroes, music and more.
Father’s Day coloring pages
Even better is to pair the handprint art with a matching coloring page to give dad two personalized Father’s Day gifts he’ll love without breaking the bank. You can give just the coloring page as a card as well — whatever works best for your family! Just like with the handprint art, you can also get a variety of hobbies to make the coloring page card even more personalized. There’s handprint art pages for those who love baseball, fishing, gaming, superheroes, music and more.
But if you’re not looking for a specific hobby, there are some more general coloring pages that work for many father figures and dads as well. They become a personalized Father’s Day gift when your kiddos color them!
And then there are also bundles of Father’s Day coloring pages that make great cards and can be a good activity for a Sunday School class or your own kiddos.
Another fun and easy printable that your kiddos can make a personalized Father’s Day gift is printable bookmarks they color in and make just right for dad.
A surprisingly easy weeknight chicken recipe your family will love!
When it comes to meat, chicken is my all-time favorite. I really like bacon, but chicken is what I can eat pretty much any time. I think that’s because it’s so versatile. During our recent home meal kit delivery service trial, I found quite a few chicken dishes I fell in love with. One of them was a pecan-crusted chicken recipe. But, the recipe and ingredients were harder to come by not using the meal kit, so I played around with it and figured out my own version that’s just as tasty!
Besides the chicken, you just need a few ingredients to pull of this super easy and delicious weeknight chicken dinner. This is the kind of dinner that makes me feel like I’m eating out.
When I make this recipe, I use two chicken breasts to serve just my daughter and me. My husband and son don’t like chicken, so they have something else. However, I’ve written this recipe to make four chicken breasts or servings to feed a family of four. You can adjust it up or down as needed for your own family.
Prepping for the chicken
Get your oven preheating at 450-degrees with the rack in the center. Then, since it’s pecan-crusted chicken, you may need to prep pecans. If you’ve bought pecan pieces, you don’t have to do anything. I got pecan halves most recently (I store them in the freezer to keep them fresh), so I had to break them up. You can use a knife, your fingers or even a food processor to break them into smaller pieces. You need 2/3-cup of roughly chopped pecans for four chicken breasts.
Once your pecans are ready, melt 2 tablespoons of butter in your microwave and then stir in the pecans, 1/2 cup Panko (I used seasoned Panko, but either works), salt and pepper. If you want a strong flavor, you can also stir in 1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon Montreal steak seasoning. While the mixture should be moistened, it should remain with a crumbly texture, like so:
Putting the chicken together
Once your pecan mixture is ready, it’s time to move on to the chicken. If your chicken is frozen, make sure it’s thawed. For even cooking times, I usually pound my chicken inside a paper towel or plastic wrap with my hand or rolling pin, because I have yet to get a meat mallet! Either way, I try to get the breasts to a similar thickness.
Pat your chicken dry with paper towels and place it on a baking sheet liberally coated with non-stick cooking spray or covered with parchment paper or non-stick aluminum foil. I went the non-stick aluminum foil route for easy clean-up of this pecan-crusted chicken recipe.
Season your chicken breasts with either 1 teaspoon total of Montreal steak seasoning or just use salt and pepper. When I made it the first time on my own, I used the Montreal steak seasoning because I had it for another recipe and figured I’d give it a try. It is a strong flavor, though, so spreading 1 teaspoon among four chicken breasts is more than enough.
Next is one of my favorite flavors to go with chicken: honey mustard! I use premade honey mustard salad dressing, because we eat it around my house anyway.
If you don’t have honey mustard, you can make your own with 4 tablespoons mayonnaise, 4 teaspoons honey and 4 teaspoons Dijon or yellow mustard. Either way, you want to top each chicken breast with honey mustard. I used about 1 teaspoon of honey mustard per chicken breast, swirled it on top and then used a spoon to spread it.
These photos are from when I over-seasoned the chicken with Montreal steak seasoning. Your chicken should not be this covered with seasoning!
Finally, you add the pecan crust to the chicken. Use a spoon to pile the pecan mixture on the top of each chicken breast and cover it well. Press down a bit to make sure it sticks. You only need to put the pecans on the top.
That’s it. Stick your pecan-crusted chicken into the preheated 450-degree oven for 15 to 20 minutes until the crust is brown and the inside middle of the chicken is at least 165-degrees.
Make it a dinner
While the pecan-crusted chicken bakes, I usually prep our sides to go along with it. One of our favorite pairings is oven-roasted broccoli and mashed potatoes. I have learned that scratch mashed potatoes aren’t nearly as difficult to make as I once thought, but to make weeknights easier, I usually make boxed or pouch mashed potatoes. It makes for a delicious plate of food!
1teaspoonMontreal steak seasoning or salt and pepper
4teaspoonshoney mustard salad dressingor mix 4 tablespoons mayonnaise, 4 teaspoons honey and 4 teaspoons Dijon or yellow mustard together
Instructions
Preheat your oven to 450-degrees (F) with the rack placed in the center.
If you are using pecan pieces, skip to the next step. Otherwise, use a knife, your fingers or a food processor to break your pecans into pieces. They don't have to be small, but they do need to be at least roughly chopped.
Melt the 2 tablespoons of butter in the microwave.
Stir the pecans, Panko and some salt and pepper into the butter. If you want an extra kick, sprinkle in some of the Montreal steak seasoning as well. It should form a moist, yet crumbly mixture. Set it aside.
Use your hand or a meat mallet to pound your chicken to the approximately same thickness. (A rolling pin also works. I suggest putting the chicken in paper towels or plastic wrap to do this.)
Pat the chicken dry with paper towels then place each chicken breast on a baking sheet liberally sprayed with non-stick cooking spray or lined with either parchment paper or non-stick aluminum foil. (I go the non-stick aluminum foil route for easy clean-up.)
Season the top of the chicken with the Montreal steak seasoning by spreading the 1 teaspoon among the four chicken breasts. Or season the chicken with salt and pepper.
Put about 1 teaspoon of honey mustard on top of each chicken breast; use a spoon to spread it over the top of the chicken.
Mound the pecan mixture on top of each chicken breast and press down gently so the mixture sticks. You only need to coat the top side.
Place the chicken in the preheated oven and bake for 15 to 20 minutes until the crust is browned and the inside center of the chicken is at least 165-degrees (F).
