Posts in the Parenting category offer a realistic and honest look at parenting with a positive attitude. Freelance journalist and blogger Stacey A. Shannon shares what she’s learning from raising two children. You’ll find helpful, practical, funny and encouraging topics for parents. Above all, Parenting posts equip families to create homes filled with grace, love and faith.
Ideas for mompreneurs to get started while welcoming a baby
I’m excited to share this blog post about how to start a new business as a new parent. Charlotte Walker of HomeSafetyHub.com has some great insights for mompreneurs to get started in a business or side hustle. Charlotte herself has been passionate about safety her whole life and enjoys writing about topics related to homes and home life.
When you make the decision to start or grow your family, you have so many exciting milestones to look forward to. At the same time, though, it can be a period of overwhelming responsibilities. To meet your evolving financial goals, you might come to the decision to start a new business. While doing so can make this period of your life even more turbulent, it is a challenge worth undertaking for the sake of your family’s well-being. By keeping a few helpful tips in mind along the way, you can lay a strong foundation of support that will help keep your new child happy and healthy for years to come.
Start with a great business plan
You can reduce the stress you place on yourself during this hectic time by having an actionable business plan that removes some of the uncertainty from the situation. A well-written plan outlines the goal of your business, as well as the processes you will follow to attain that goal and the funding options available to you.
Your business plan should also describe the structure you will choose for your enterprise. For example, you might decide to establish a limited liability company or LLC to protect yourself from potential litigation issues and excessive tax obligations.
Develop Marketing Strategies
In outlining a successful marketing plan as you start a new business, consider both long and short term goals, analyze current market trends, set a budget and define a target audience. You’ll want to identify what platforms you will use to reach potential customers and develop an argument that creates conversions by emphasizing the value of your product or service.
Content marketing entails creating and sharing meaningful content that resonates with the target audience of that business. With a well-thought-out strategy, an effective content marketing program can generate more leads and establish trust with potential customers while helping a new business develop its brand image. Content creation is essential when you start a new business.
Prioritize Work-Life Balance
Mental health experts claim that as many as one in four Americans feel the stresses of a poor work-life balance. The ability to strike this balance should be a given, not a luxury. As a parent welcoming a new baby, finding that work-life balance is a necessity for ensuring your family gets the attention they need.
The best way to find a healthy balance is by building out a schedule or routine that accounts for all of your responsibilities while also being sustainable for your own wellness. As another idea, consider setting up a space for your new baby close to your home office so you can respond quickly when parental action is required.
Invest in Comfortable Clothing
New moms need comfortable clothing that can easily transition from a busy day of running their new business, to feeding a baby and then to some much-needed rest and relaxation. Finding clothing that is both stylish and supportive isn’t always easy, but with the right combination of items it is definitely possible! Look for relaxed fits like ultra-soft T-shirts, tunic tops, easy pants, and drapey yoga sets that provide plenty of air ventilation and don’t cling in any areas.
Save Time With Efficient Business Practices
Using the best tools and methods available will help you cut down on your daily workload, giving you more time to spend with your family. Premium accounting software and other examples of cutting-edge tech may seem like unnecessary investments at first, but the amount of time and money you can save in the long run can make these solutions absolutely necessary.
Another way to save yourself some precious time is by implementing a thorough document management system. This is especially important if you need to share files with clients, employees or collaborators. Keep in mind that PDFs are often the preferred file format. A PDF converter will allow you to streamline your filing and recordkeeping by converting files that are in different formats.
Find Help When You Need It
If you find yourself in a situation where you simply cannot give your young children the attention they deserve, it may be time to seek outside help. Hiring a reputable babysitter or childcare service can give you peace of mind in knowing your child is safe and cared for at all times.
There are few things as fulfilling as starting a business or becoming a parent. Experiencing both at the same time can be uniquely challenging but also unparalleled in creating a sense of accomplishment. Write a business and marketing plan, purchase some comfortable clothing, prioritize work-life balance, learn about efficient business practices and find childcare help to become a successful mompreneur.
Looking for more resources to start a new business as a mom? Join me this year at the Monetizing Mompreneurs Summit!
Affiliate links are used in this post, if you make a qualifying purchase via my link, I receive a small percentage of the sale at no additional cost to you. I only recommend products and services I use and love. It helps support my blog, so thank you for your support! Read my full disclosure here.
When I think about whether I’d go back and tell my younger self anything if I could, sometimes I think I would. Other times, I think I wouldn’t. After all, the life I’ve lived has formed me into who I am today. However, as my daughter is officially in the teen years, I have been thinking more of advice to my younger self.
These nuggets of wisdom garnered over four decades of life have been hard-earned and oftentimes hard-learned. I want to pass along words of wisdom as much as I can to my children. I know they won’t always listen. Some lessons they’ll have to learn the hard way. And they’ll learn lessons that weren’t even relevant to me as a teen, especially as it relates to social media. As a xennial, social media wasn’t on the scene for me in middle or high school.
I also realize that neither of my children are replicas of me. I see parts of myself in both of them, but they are fully and uniquely their own people. So in thinking of advice to my younger self, I stayed away from specifics. Instead, I came up with 10 main points I wish all tweens and teens could embrace and take in.
1. Don’t take everything so personally.
Honestly, at the root of not taking everything so personally is more this message: Not everything is about you. Here’s what I mean. If you have a friend who isn’t as talkative one day, chances are he or she probably isn’t mad at your. Most likely your friend is tired or having an otherwise off day. If your mom snaps at your for something small, she is most likely just juggling multiple things or having a rough day. It doesn’t mean you’re awful.
I’ve always been incredibly good at taking things personally. I see the same attribute in one of my children, especially. But really and truly I’ve learned at least 90% of the time, the action or words I take so personally don’t really have anything to do with me specifically. I wish I would have learned that sooner. I could have saved myself a lot of grief and anxiety.
2. Learn to speak up for yourself.
It took me into adulthood to find my voice. And even now, I still struggle to speak up for myself. Advocating for yourself is important. If someone is treating you poorly, speak up for yourself and let them know it’s not OK before it’s too late.
In fact, I had a friend I was close with through middle school and most of high school. She would often say hurtful things that I let slide. And then one day, I’d had enough. I decided we were done. Our friendship ended (for this and other reasons) when it might not have had I spoken up for myself and worked out the issues sooner. Being a people pleaser never leads anywhere good. You can’t make everyone happy all the time. Don’t be afraid to respectfully speak up for yourself and your needs. And remember nobody can read your mind. If you have an issue with someone, talk to them plainly instead of passive aggressively.
3. Know you’ll find your people.
Some people make lifelong friends early on in life. My husband, for example, has a great friend who he met in fifth grade, and they have been friends ever since. But not all of us are those kind of people. When it comes to friend “luck,” in fact, I’ve struck out more often than not. If I were to give advice to my younger self, I’d tell her to hang in there.
During the tween and teens years, you’re mostly just with the kids you know from school. Maybe you’ve found your people during these years — and that’s awesome. But maybe you haven’t. Or maybe they are sort of your people but not quite. Know you will eventually find your people who “get” you and accept you for who you are. As you get older and into college and work, you’ll meet more people. Some will be part of your life for a season; others will remain for a lifetime. Don’t worry if you’ve not found your lifetime friends, yet. You still have plenty of time.
4. Stick with friends who stand by you.
Friendships are constantly shifting and changing when we’re in middle and high school. I have a plethora of stories just from my own middle and high school days! But, if you find a friend who sticks with you during hard times, keep them.
I will never forget the day in my senior year of high school when a group of “friends” spent the entire lunchtime talking negatively about me. One of my friends got up and left the table. She didn’t engage in the conversation and came to find me instead. She gave me support and encouragement. To this day, she is still one of the only people from high school I see on a regular basis. When you identify your true friends, hang on tight.
5. Ignore other people’s opinions of you.
During middle and high school, I was very aware of other people’s opinions of me. I think that’s pretty normal. But sometimes we need to just ignore what other people think and live our lives. Don’t be so busy worrying about what other people think of you that you let it shape the decisions you make. I know that can be easier said than done. I wish I would have learned sooner to not care about other’s opinions too much, though.
A great piece of advice I see floating around online is to not take criticism from people who you wouldn’t go to for advice.
6. Remember everyone has a story and a struggle.
To some degree, I think we all are aware everyone has more going on than we know about. Yet, we can easily forget that in the midst of dealing with our own challenges. In giving advice to my younger self, I’d remind her she doesn’t know everyone’s story. Some people need more grace than anyone gives them. Some people need to be loved. Others need someone to call them on their actions.
Remember if you’re going through a difficult time, it doesn’t mean your friends aren’t. We can be very good at acting like everything is fine when it isn’t. Sometimes the people who seem the happiest and most bubbly at school are the ones who cry themselves to sleep each night. Give grace, compassion and love to the people around you. Do they always deserve it? Nope. But, that’s what grace is – giving someone something they don’t deserve.
7. Don’t be so stressed about academics.
Growing up, I put so much pressure on myself to do well in school. I have theories about why I did this, but they don’t matter. What I’ve learned is nobody in my life as an adult cares what my high school GPA was. Did having a great GPA help me land a full scholarship to college? Absolutely. But, did I need to stress as much as I did over it? Definitely not.
My advice to my younger self would be to just let it go sometimes. To do well, do her best and get good grades, but don’t make that such an important part of life. I completely missed my 16th birthday because I had a band concert that night. My band director threatened to dock my grade to a “C” if I didn’t go to the concert. So instead of celebrating with my family as planned (and as I wanted to), I went to the concert. I didn’t want to risk my GPA. Looking back, I should have just stayed home and celebrated. And that leads to…
8. Relax and enjoy life.
I know life seems stressful and busy when you’re a tween and teen. I do remember that, but I can also promise you are in a phase when you can choose to just enjoy life. You have some responsibilities, sure. However, you aren’t in charge of everything in your life. While that is sometimes frustrating, it’s also freeing.
Middle and high school are the perfect times to enjoy life. Try new things. Take up a new hobby and see what you think. Spend a Saturday reading through an entire novel. Don’t get so caught up in the stress of life that you forget to also enjoy it!
9. Life will never go according to plan.
Poor younger me. She was a planner. In fact, I still am a planner. I love to have a plan and to-do lists. They make my heart sing. But my best advice to my younger self is to know that life won’t go according to plan, and that’s OK. Your tween and teen years are a great time to learn to embrace the unpredictability of life. Get upset about the change in what you had planned if you need to. However, don’t get stuck there. Move forward into a plan B, C, D or however many letters it takes!
One day, you’ll look back and understand why your original plan not working out was for the best. Or at the very least, you’ll see lessons you learned as a result. And more times than you would guess, you’ll be thankful your original plan fell through because the alternative was so much better. Make plans, but know they won’t always turn out exactly as you envisioned, and it really is OK.
10. Give yourself grace.
Yep. I do harp on this a lot, but it’s something I wish my younger self knew sooner. I’ve spent a lifetime excelling at being hard on myself. I’m nice to people around me. In fact, I love encouraging other people and always have, even as a tween and teen. But, whew! I am mean to myself. My inner voice says awful things and has no patience for mistakes.
I’m continually learning to quiet this voice and remind myself I’m doing the best I can. I truly wish I had learned this lesson from a younger age. It would have saved me from so many negative feelings and given me self-confidence.
Thanks to Sarah Bull from EconomyMom.com for sharing this guest post about becoming a mompreneur with Families with Grace! Sarah is a single mom of two, an entrepreneur and a penny pincher. She created her blog to share what she’s learned about growing a home-based business and making money online all while raising two awesome kids. Through her site, she hopes to inspire readers, especially fellow moms, to take their earning destinies into their own hands using her career and money-making advice. Be prepared to be inspired!
As a stay-at-home mom, you might not work a nine-to-five, but you certainly spend the day working. Household chores and childcare are enough to fill your time, but perhaps you have an entrepreneurial itch and you want to start your own business. If you aspire to join the ranks of successful mompreneurs,these six essential skills can help you succeed.
1. Business initiative
The most important skill of all is a sense of initiative. Even if you have a stellar business idea and a fully fleshed-out plan, you’re the only person who can make that plan a reality. Mompreneurs need to have the confidence and determination to start your business — and keep it going when challenges inevitably arise.
2. Ability to plan ahead
Planning ahead is another vital skill that entrepreneurs — and parents — must have, and you can plan ahead for your business by starting a limited liability company. An LLC can minimize the amount of taxes that you owe and protect your personal assets, and it may also reduce the volume of paperwork you have to complete.
Another great way to plan for your business’s future is by going back to school for a degree in Information Technology. And if you’re open to online learning platforms, you should consider this option which allows you to learn at your own pace as well as gain skills like networking and data management that are vital to modern businesses.
3. Knowledge of digital records
Successful mompreneurs need to know how to run a business efficiently — and maintaining digital records is a huge part of that. Digitizing paper files will save space, and it also allows you to save documents on your tablet or phone in a PDF format.
Keep important documents readily available when you’re on the go. PDFs are great because they can be accessed on a mobile device even if you can’t connect to WiFi. They’re also great for sharing documents without worrying about editing permissions.
4. Social media marketing savvy
Social media is a vital tool for connecting with your target customers and marketing to them directly. In order to take advantage of this potential, you need to learn how social media algorithms work. You also need an eye for aesthetics if you plan on creating marketing graphics to use on social media.
According to statistics, members of Facebook spend an average of 19.6 hours on the site each month. Using a Facebook ad maker can simplify the process of marketing to these users. It’s easy to edit a template with your own photos, fonts and other details. Download it immediately once your design is done.
5. Marketing smarts
Social media isn’t the only marketing tool you need to master. You should also familiarize yourself with local print advertising opportunities and other marketing channels that may be effective.
6. Balance between work and kids
Achieving work-life balance is a skill some people spend their whole life chasing. If you plan to be a stay-at-home mom and a small business owner, though, you need to master it sooner rather than later. You can start by clearly designating your time and splitting it between your business and your kids.
Moms make great business owners
Moms are some of the hardest-working people on the planet. If you’re ready to start making a profit from your work, starting a business could be the right path. Your business will benefit from forming an LLC, going back to school and devising a solid social media marketing scheme. Being a mompreneur can be your path to the successful work-life balance you want.
Families With Grace invites you to join in the journey to create a home filled with grace, love and faith. Questions? We’d love to hear from you!
Affiliate links are used in this post, if you make a qualifying purchase via my link, I receive a small percentage of the sale at no additional cost to you. I only recommend products and services I use and love. It helps support my blog, so thank you for your support! Read my full disclosure here.
I originally wrote this post back in April of 2011 when I had only one child who was 1-1/2 at the time. While I did some updating to refresh it, I still feel compelled to give advice for moms to be when I see them out and about. For now, I am still able to resist!
I’ve always been a quiet person. I’ve never had a need to give random advice to others (especially strangers). That is until I became a mother. Now it sort of makes sense to me why mothers dole out advice — both wanted and unwanted — to their kids and random strangers. It is just in you.
When I’m shopping at Target and see a woman with a big belly perusing the baby department with a scan gun for her registry, I want to stop her and chat. Anywhere I go and see a couple who is pregnant with their first child, I feel the urge to tell them things. When I read status updates on Facebook of friends or family who are expecting their first child, I fight the urge to type all sorts of thoughts and advice. And even when childless friends talk to me about wanting to start a family someday, I have to stomp down my urge to overshare.
I do manage to keep my mouth shut with complete strangers. And I try to take it easy on my friends and family. Hopefully, I succeed. But, I want to somehow explain to them that they really don’t know what they’re in for. Having a child is so much harder and so much more wonderful than you can ever expect. Becoming a parent changes your world completely.
Practical advice for moms to be
I definitely have practical advice for moms to be. I would share what to really expect from labor and delivery — the things no one tells you, not even in the birthing class at the hospital. For instance, you will be amazed at how little you care about lack of modesty during the birthing process and even learning to nurse if you go that route.
Moms to be also need to know to buy plenty of feminine hygiene products. Get the largest pads made, and buy twice as many as you think you’ll need. Consider getting at least one package of adult diapers, which are also great for postpartum moms.
I’d share things like which infant tub is best because it will work for newborns to toddlers. We had a few styles and found this one worked best.
Also, I’d tell her which big toys really come in handy and which take up more space than they are worth. A baby play mat is awesome. And my daughter spent a lot of time hanging out in her bouncy seat. It saved my sanity to know she was strapped in somewhere safe.
I’d let her know that big swings aren’t worth it for the cost and space they take up. Not all babies like swings, my daughter didn’t care for the swing so much. If your baby does like to swing, though, having a portable swing takes up less space and lets you move it around the house with you. [I had to add in the portable swing, because my second child loved swinging and the portable swing was a lifesaver!]
I’d tell both parents to be to take time to shower and relax in those first few months whenever they had a chance. I’d tell them to ask for help and let a trusted person (grandparents are ideal) watch the baby for a bit even just so they could nap, run errands or (dare I say it) see a movie.
Emotional advice for moms to be
And there are more abstract tips and ideas I’d share. I’d tell them how the baby will take all of your energy and just when you’ve about had enough he or she will give you a smile for the first time. Suddenly your energy renews and your heart melts, even if it is 3 a.m. and you’re up for the third time since going to bed at 10 p.m.
I’d share that it might take time, but you will eventually adjust to living life completely for someone else. Eventually you will be able to find pieces of your identity again and remember sometimes that you are more than just a mom.
For sure I’d get advice to moms to be to worry less and enjoy more. For the first couple of months, I lived in fear every time I put my daughter down at night to sleep that she wouldn’t wake up in the morning. She’s a happy, healthy almost 19-month-old now. [And now a 13-year-old!]
I worried that if she saw a television show for even one minute she’d have ADD. She couldn’t care less about TV, and she’s as smart as can be. [She’s tested as high ability from kindergarten on.]
So many times I worried that I wouldn’t produce enough milk, and then I ended up with a chest freezer full. All that worrying for nothing. When we’re new moms we can put so much pressure on ourselves and worry about every little thing. Do your best to remind yourself that humans have been surviving for thousands of years. You can do this!
The truth about becoming a mom
You see, all this advice (and more!) bubbles up within me as I encounter new moms. I have lots to say. Instead, I smile. Or I say “Congratulations” if I know them. Internally, I want to warn them. I want to prepare them. But, I also know that no one can prepare you. It just isn’t possible. I thought I was prepared and knew what I was in for. I didn’t and, frankly, I couldn’t have.
Then again, I guess that’s part of the whole parenthood experience. And so you’re left with lots of advice. I’m sure there is untold advice around me from parents of older children about what will be coming my way. On the other hand, I’m not sure I want to know, yet. I’m also pretty sure that I won’t really get it until I experience it for myself. That’s just the way life is.
Tips to stay safe online from a cyber security expert
As a child in the 1980s, I didn’t do much at all with technology. That’s not at all true for my own kiddos. They’ve been using tablets and computers since preschool. And that’s just at school. Unlike other parenting strategies my husband and I can draw from our own childhood experiences, online safety is all new. Parents like us have to figure out how to keep our kiddos safe online and navigate the challenges that come with technology. Knowing some cyber safety tips can help.
Let’s go a step further than basic cyber safety tips. Instead let’s take a deeper look into how to keep our kids safe online. I recently sat down with my husband, a cybersecurity expert who is a certified ethical hacker, and talked with him about cyber safety for families. These 15 cyber safety tips come through him and what works for our own family.
1. Be aware of what you post about your children.
We parents get the blame for everything. But the truth is when it comes to cyber safety, we have to be just as careful as our children. While social media may be your outlet, be aware that what you post about your kids can impact them and affect their safety. Gulp.
I have some strict rules in place for my family that we all adhere to. For example, I don’t share on any public platform our specific location, the name of my children’s school or even the full names of my children. I’m very protective of their information and their photographs. I try to always consider how what I post could impact my kids if the wrong person got that information. And I assume the wrong person will get any information I post publicly in order to keep myself on track.
2. Set up their email accounts to go to yours as well.
One of the settings offered in Gmail (and pretty much any email service you use) is mail forwarding. Our daughter, who is 13, has been using her email address for the past two years. The rule from the beginning has been that all messages are forwarded to her dad’s email address. She doesn’t get anything that he doesn’t get as well. While we trust her, we also want to be aware of what she’s doing and with whom she is interacting. The biggest thing we’ve found with getting her emails is what kinds of things she’s signing up for online, which is important.
While teens still email, they do much more when it comes to direct messaging. For any account our daughter has, she has to give us her username and password so that we can check in on it. Right now the only social media she has and uses is Pinterest. She and I are connected so I can see her boards, but I can also log in and check her stuff.
For a while, especially during quarantine, she was really into a writing app that I didn’t use. I had the app on my phone and set up with her account so any time she got a notification, I did, too.
4. Utilize YouTube Kids.
Kids love videos, and YouTube Kids is a great way to let them have access to videos without worrying as much. We started both of our children with YouTube Kids and only in the past two years let our daughter have access to regular YouTube. While it isn’t completely locked down, it does keep the content mostly child friendly and help keep your kids from accidentally (or intentionally) getting onto a video that is inappropriate.
Whether they are on YouTube Kids or the regular version, periodically check their search history and the videos they are watching. Last year, my daughter was talking about a pastor she really enjoyed watching on YouTube. I checked out the videos to make sure they were solid and was pleased that they were. In fact, when Sarah Jakes Roberts came to a city near us earlier this year, I got tickets and the two of us went to see her in person. But it could have been a different story if the “pastor” wasn’t Biblically sound or was otherwise a negative influence
5. Know their passwords.
Anything that requires a login and password is something that our kids are required to give to us as well. If there is ever a question, problem, issue or a need to do a random check, we are able to do so. The same is true for their devices. If they have a lock-screen, we have to know the passcode to get in. We haven’t had an issue with our kiddos (really just our 13-year-old right now) not sharing this information or keeping us updated, but if we did, the consequence is loss of technology.
When it comes to cyber safety tips, one of the most important things for both adults and kiddos is to keep passwords protected. Find a system that works for you. My husband trusts Bitwarden to manage passwords, so I use it as well. I like that I can have it installed as an extension on my laptop and on my phone, so I always have log-in information and passwords easily accessible. Consider using a password manager to more easily keep track of your kids’ passwords (and your own!).
6. Pick the correct usernames.
Usernames for apps and games are public. Help your kids choose an appropriate username that doesn’t reveal personal information. Our rule is that usernames can’t include their real name. My daughter uses favorite fictional characters to comprise her usernames. We have also used variations of favorite animals. Regardless, definitely don’t allow usernames that include their name or their full name for games, apps or social media.
7. Approve of their profile photos.
Many apps and programs require a profile photo, even if it isn’t social media. Be sure to approve of your child’s profile photo for apps before they post them. Our rule is photos of themselves are typically not allowed. There are so many fun alternatives they can use instead. In fact, my daughter’s Pinterest profile picture is a funny meme.
8. Talk about liars online.
A huge cyber safety tip for parents is to talk about online stranger danger. Most adults these days know to be cautious on who you trust online, because people aren’t necessarily who they say they are. But, kids don’t know that as well. Our 13-year-old has gotten tired of hearing it, but we still remind her that you never know who you’re talking to in many situations. Just because someone seems like a fellow fan of a book who is also in school doesn’t mean they are. Instead of being a 13-year-old girl, the person could be a 30-year-old man looking for an inappropriate relationship.
9. Remind them of the permanence of online content.
Just like we talked about in what we post about our kiddos, we all need to know that what we post is always online, even if we delete it. Someone can access it. My husband’s online philosophy is that he assumes anything he posts will eventually become public, even if he is sharing it to only friends on social media. Chances are that won’t actually happen, but it’s a good rule of thumb to make sure that you aren’t oversharing or posting inappropriate things. Our kiddos also need this information and reminder.
10. Utilize filters and device managers.
Figuring out what to use for filters and device managers can be a challenge. I’m fortunate in that my cybersecurity husband is on it. I can’t tell you what’s best, but I can tell you what works really well for us and both are free. Our kids’ computers have Microsoft Family Safety installed on them that filters internet content and generates reports.
What we use the absolute most, though, is Google Family Link. It works on both Apple and Android devices, including Chromebooks. This allows us to see what our kids are doing on their device, set time limits and prohibit them from installing apps (even free ones) without password-protected permission from us. The time limits include being able to set times that their device shuts down. For example, our son’s tablet is set so that he can’t use it before 7 a.m. or after 7:30 p.m. We can go in and modify that for one-time or ongoing instances.
11. Don’t allow them to install apps without permission.
I trust my kiddos. Neither of them have given me a reason to not trust them with technology, but for right now, neither of them are allowed to install apps on their devices without permission from us. Through Google Family Link (see the previous point), their devices are set so any app installed on their phone requires password-protected permission from us.
The biggest reason we’ve instated this policy is to keep them from installing apps that will fill up their devices or are otherwise spam-y. But it also serves to make sure they aren’t able to install nefarious apps to hide things. I know there will come a point at which they are allowed to be responsible for their own app management, but right now they are 9 and 13. I don’t see that happening any time soon.
12. Keep passwords and passcodes secret.
Our kids want to be good friends and trust their friends. And they should be able to, but they also need to understand that sharing passwords and passcodes is not OK. In order to stay safe online, our kids’ devices and accounts need to be controlled by them (and us). Allowing anyone else access to them is asking for trouble.
13. Don’t let friends have free reign on devices.
This goes right along with protecting passwords. Nobody else should have free reign on our kiddos’ devices. Again, friends should be trustworthy, but not everyone has the same rules and standards for cyber safety.
For example, a couple of years ago, a friend of my daughter’s nabbed her tablet and starting messaging with someone on a writing app my daughter was using. Our rule was that our daughter couldn’t use her real name on the app at all, even in private messages. Her friend started to send a message to someone that mentioned her real name. There wasn’t an issue in the end, but even just those sorts of things can happen without malintent.
14. Talk about what information is OK to share and what isn’t.
When it comes to cyber safety tips, this is sort of a no-brainer. We all know we shouldn’t share personal information online. But our kids don’t have those years of experience or even always think about how what they are sharing could be used against them. In our family, our kiddos aren’t allowed to share where they live any more detailed than the geographic region of the country. They also cannot share their school name or their real names. Those are our rules for their protection.
15. Keep lines of communication open.
Being able to talk with your kiddos about what they’re doing online and any issues they encounter is important. We want our kids to come to us with questions. We also talk with them about various situations and how to be safe online. Technology is part of their world, and we can’t pretend it isn’t.
My husband and I are doing our best to help our kids navigate technology and the internet in safe ways. That means giving them chances to use technology and not forbidding it. It means trusting them, but arming them with information about how to stay safe. And it also means having consequences in place for breaking our technology rules.
One of the other things we do in communicating with our kids about cyber safety is to be sure to praise them when they make the right choices. I’ve seen my oldest handle direct messages with well when the sender seemed suspicious or was telling her something required more help than she could give. I complimented her for her responses to highlight to her what she did well. Giving praise is just as important as doling out criticism and advice.
How privately breastfeeding my children is the right choice for us
I wrote these words originally back in April of 2013 when my youngest was a couple of months old and my oldest was 3. This is part of my story of breastfeeding and what worked best for my children and me.
Sometimes I read something that really irks me. This was the case last week when I came across a link to an article titled “If you don’t support breastfeeding in public, you don’t support breastfeeding” on Huffington Post. It made me roll my eyes. And it made my blood pressure rise a notch or two. Let me explain.
First, I’m proud that nursing is working for my son and me. I had to exclusively pump milk for my now 3-year-old and that left me with many mixed emotions. Forming a working nursing relationship with my son has been precious to me, even during the times when I’m exhausted and seriously doubting my decision to nurse. (I’d wager every nursing mother has had those moments and powered through them.)
However, I don’t feel like I have to nurse my son in front of everyone to be proud that nursing is working for us. It’s our own private journey we’ve taken together. Sure, at home I nurse him in front of my 3-year-old and my husband. I’ve nursed discreetly a couple of times in front of my mom, but that’s where I draw the line. If anyone else is at our house I go to another room with the door closed.
The main reason I breastfeed in private has to do with myself.
Here’s the important message why: I do this for my own comfort. My OWN comfort. I think my extended family would be supportive should I stay near them and nurse my son. However, I’m not comfortable that way, even with a nursing cover. For now, at just over two months in, I find the nursing cover almost creates more trouble than help. I still need to see him and what he’s doing. I would be too uncomfortable to nurse sans cover in front of others for my own modesty reasons and just plain comfort. (Just so you know, my own modesty includes not showing my breasts, cleavage or even bare belly.) And so, my boy and I head off on our own during feeding times.
Not everyone needs to be part of my breastfeeding journey.
Second, random strangers are not invited to be part of my breastfeeding experience. I long ago had to get over the judging looks I’d sometimes get in public when I gave my daughter a bottle. At first I wanted to scream at those people that I was giving her breastmilk. I wanted to scream even louder that they should mind their own business and just be happy I’m feeding my child. Please know that I have no problem with formula-feeding moms. We all do what is best for our babies. Keeping them fed is most important no matter how we do it. I worked through those feelings last time and I refuse to let them they creep up this time. My choice is to either nurse in the car, which I’ve done a couple of times, or to pump and take milk with me.
And I know that pumping and taking a bottle gets some moms in a tizzy. They decry the torture of the breast pump. As someone who has logged hours upon hours upon hours upon hours hooked to a breast pump, I can say I’ve never found it torturous. In fact, the pump has been kinder to me than my baby. It never turns its head away while still attached to me. It never gets mad and bites down. My breast pump just stays attached and keeps a steady rhythm.
They also decry supply issues. These are the same kind of women who would say that you can’t build and maintain a milk supply with a breast pump. They irritated me last time around, too. I have the proof that’s possible since my daughter got breast milk from me via a pump and bottle for her entire first year and just beyond. Yes. It can be done.
I know that right now my milk supply isn’t completely established, so I have to be careful. Supply is established at 12 weeks; I’ll hit 10 weeks tomorrow. I know these things even more so based on my previous experience. Because of that, I’m careful about pumping and making sure that if I miss a feeding from the tap with my little man that I’m pumping enough around that feeding time so my supply doesn’t suffer.
Just last week, for example, my husband and I had a chance to go to dinner and a movie. I took my pump along with the car adapter. We parked behind the movie theater so I could pump before we went in since my son was getting a bottle at home from my mom. This time around I’ve pumped extra milk to have a bit of a stash built up. So I’d daresay that pumping has actually helped me build and increase my supply in conjunction with nursing. And it gives me a bit of a cushion to know I have milk for my son in case something happens and we need it in a pinch.
My baby drinks faster from a bottle.
The other benefit to giving my son a bottle is that feeding him goes faster. He takes a bottle in 10 minutes. With nursing, he takes twice that or more by taking at least 10 minutes per side. Having 20 minutes to sit anywhere in public is often a challenge. So, I’m more comfortable with a bottle. Thus far he’s had a bottle at church, two restaurants and two doctor’s appointments. He’s not minded. He’s had a chance to actually get his fill before we had to switch activities, and I’ve pumped within an hour at most of each of these bottles. We’re both happier.
Most importantly, this makes me most comfortable and at ease so it benefits my baby the most. We’re both more relaxed. I know how I’d feel nursing in public. The thought of it makes me feel antsy. That’s never a good feeling to associate with nursing. And it’s sure not helpful to my son who picks up on my emotions and reacts to them.
Breastfeeding in public doesn’t change anyone’s mind.
To say that I don’t support breastfeeding because I don’t nurse in public is offensive and downright incorrect. I have proven that I support breastfeeding by tying myself to a pump for a year to make sure my daughter got breastmilk. I have proven it by allowing my son to latch on and use my breasts for sustenance when, quite frankly, sometimes I’d rather be doing something else — like sleeping. It’s not about me, though. It’s about my children getting breastmilk. I’m happy to provide that for them.
What I support most is feeding babies however works best and is most comfortable for them and their mommies. For some that’s with formula. For some it’s with pumped milk through a bottle. Others nurse directly at the breast. Still others use a combination of methods. For me, I am most comfortable giving a bottle in public or going to the car. If a nursing mama is comfortable nursing in public, she should go for it. I don’t have an issue with anyone else nursing in public. I just know that it’s not for me and I don’t feel I should be chastised for that.
And I am not keeping nursing on the back burner by not nursing in public. Seeing me nurse in the middle of the mall is not going to change anyone’s mind about breastfeeding just as seeing political posts on my Facebook News Feed is not going to change my mind about my own political views. I don’t owe it to society to nurse in public. It’s not going to further advance breastfeeding. I only owe it to my baby to make sure he’s fed. And I will choose to do that in a way that feels most comfortable to me.
19 Fun family activities for autumn with a free fall bucket list printable
As the saying goes, it’s fall, ya’ll! Autumn is my favorite season. I love the colors, weather and flavors. I’m on board with figuring out fun family activities to do throughout the fall season. After a hot Midwestern summer, we’re usually ready to head outside and start enjoying the cooler weather that accompanies fall.
This year, I decided to be more intentional about fall family activities. While my family has made a list of summer activities for a few years, we haven’t done so for fall. So I decided I’d put together a fall bucket list of family family activities this year. Some we have done regularly and some are new to us, which I think makes a perfect fall bucket list list!
One of the best aspects of fall is the colors and the leaves. Taking time to drive around and enjoy them is a great fall activity for families, no matter the age of your kiddos. Play some favorite music and just take in the beauty of God’s creation.
Head to a pumpkin patch and get your own pumpkin.
Fall and pumpkins go hand-in-hand. Head to a nearby pumpkin patch and get your own pumpkin(s). Even though I’m far from being a plant person, I still like the pumpkin patch visits. It just feels autumnal. And you get a bonus of supporting a local farmer, which is always a good thing!
Bake pumpkin bread together.
Pumpkin spice is one of the most popular flavors of fall. I enjoy my pumpkin spice most baked into a loaf of pumpkin bread. For me, pair a slice of pumpkin bread with a mug of hot chocolate, and I’m in heaven! While my favorite pumpkin bread recipe is easy enough I’ve made it with 40 kindergarteners at once, if you just don’t want to bake, pick up some pumpkin bread at the grocery store or bakery.
Go on a hike or nature walk.
Fall weather may not cool down everywhere, but for many of us, fall means temperatures start going down. And that’s why hikes or nature walks make for great fall family activities. You get to be outside, enjoying the crisp air and colorful leaves. Find somewhere nearby and make some memories!
Drink apple cider (warm or chilled).
Apple harvest happens in the fall, so it’s a great time to enjoy some apple cider either warm or chilled. My daughter and husband especially love apple cider. They both prefer it cold. Find it at the grocery store or a nearby orchard.
Play board games for at least an hour.
There’s never a bad time for board games when it comes to family activities. My family loves games, but making the time to play them can get tricky. Adding this to your fall bucket list will help remind you to have a game night or afternoon. If your kiddos are young, be sure to check out this list of games for non- and early readers!
Snuggle for a movie night with popcorn and snacks.
Honestly, fall weather can be downright unpleasant. On a chilly, wet evening, snuggle in as a family and enjoy movie night with popcorn and snacks. Our family tends to love this most on Friday nights when everyone is tired from a week of school and work. Do whatever works for you!
Go to the farmers’ market.
Autumn is a great time to visit the farmers’ market. The weather is cooler, which encourages you to stroll through for longer. Lots of produce is still fresh and vendors often have other items like home-baked goodies that would pair well with things like game or movie nights! You may be able to find some apple cider at your local farmers’ market as well.
Do a fall family photo shoot.
The colors in fall are perfect backdrops for family photos. I have paid for family photos in the fall, but these days I usually just take my kids outside and take a bunch of photos with my phone. They’re easy to edit and pick my favorites. My kiddos enjoy getting to come up with poses and usually I end up with more natural photos.
Attend a fall festival.
Fall is a great time for festivals. Find one (or two or three!) near you, and attend. Here in the Midwest we have things like covered bridge festivals and historic area festivals. Then there are harvest festivals. Find something and go just for the fun of it. We recently went to a Native American festival and had a great time.
Pick apples at an orchard.
Apples are fresh and delicious in the fall. If you have an orchard near you that lets you pick your own apples, then go for it! You can try different varieties and see what you and your family like best or stick with one trusty variety. Either way, it can be lots of fun as a family.
Navigate a corn maze.
This is sort of an essential part of the fall season for those of us who live where the corn pops up in rows (Tim McGraw songs, anyone?). If you’ve got a corn maze near you, hit it up and navigate your way to through it. Usually one of our kids leads us. Especially when they were younger, we would then end up suggesting turns they might want to take.
Paint or carve pumpkins.
Pumpkins are everywhere in the fall, and it’s a great time to get creative with them. We carve and paint pumpkins in our family based on each persons’ preferences. My daughter likes to paint pumpkins; my son likes to carve them. I’m the only member in our family who loves cleaning out pumpkins. All in all, it works out and is one of the great fall family activities during autumn.
Play charades.
Charades is one of my kids’ favorite games and has been for years. You can use themed charades games, like Halloween charades, general charades games or just let everyone come up with their own ideas. In my family, we play charades by having one person act out the clue and the rest of us guess. We don’t keep score and just have fun.
Donate to a local food bank.
Autumn is a great time to donate to local food banks who are preparing for the upcoming holiday season. We often contact the food bank and ask what sort of items they’re most in need of before buying things. Our kids usually use their “giving” money from their allowance to contribute to food banks. They take on the challenge of finding groceries or toiletries for cheaper prices to get the most for their money.
Eat a caramel apple.
Whether you make them yourself or buy them at the store, caramel apples are the quintessential fall treat. I like mine covered with chopped peanuts, while my husband prefers them plain. And if you just can’t get on board with caramel apples, buy some or make some caramel dip for apple slices or other favorite fruit.
Go on a hayride.
Hay rides can be a great family activity. We usually work in a hayride on a visit to the pumpkin patch. Beware that some hayrides have a scare factor with people “surprising” you. Definitely know what you’re getting into with younger children along.
Roast smores
Bonfires and firepits are great for chilly autumn evenings. And they’re a great excuse to roast some marshmallows as well. Add some chocolate and graham crackers. Smores aren’t just a summertime campfire treat!
Make a leaf collection
This is a great activity especially for younger kids who delight in all the various types of leaves they can find. But when it comes to autumn family activities, collecting leaves can also be fun. See who can find the biggest leaf, the most colorful leaf and so on.
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I wrote this post as encouragement for moms back in 2012 before my youngest child was even born. It may be 10 years later, but I still need this reminder just as much!
I’d guess that ever since Eve, moms have been questioning themselves and feeling like bad mothers when things go awry. My daughter was less than a couple of days old before I felt like a bad mom. It was so intense that my husband even suggested I talk with my own mother about whether it got better. My baby was crying all the time and nothing I did seemed to help. I cried. She cried. We saw a different pediatrician when ours was out who further laid the blame on me. I climbed into the backseat with my baby on the way home and cried some more. It was awful feeling so much love and so much helplessness. I felt like the world’s worst mom and I had barely even been a mom.
The end of the first week, my husband figured out the problem. The kiddo didn’t know what to do with her tongue to suck milk effectively. She was constantly hungry as a result. Once we knew the problem and were able to work on it by having me exclusively pump and then negotiate the bottle just so in her mouth, things got a lot better. I didn’t immediately feel like a great mom. I did at least feel better that my baby was happier.
Every mom has a different story, but we’ve all had those moments where we feel just awful. I’ve had many more moments since then like when my baby rolled off my bed, found a pair of scissors to play with, skinned her knee to pieces when she fell WHILE I was holding her hand and so much more. I have often said to my husband, “I’m such a bad mom,” and then lurched into a story about why.
Words of encouragement
Yesterday, though, a friend shared a quote on Pinterest that stopped me in my tracks a minute and got me thinking. It’s from “Unglued” by Lysa Terkeurst: “Bad moments don’t make bad mamas.” I like that way of thinking. Aside from needing to cut myself some slack (I have a lifetime of practice of being too hard on myself), I also need to change my way of thinking.
Instead of thinking, “I’m such a bad mom for losing my patience with her when she wanted to play,” I need to think, “That was a bad moment.” And then assess how I can fix it the next time that situation arises. We all have bad moments whether it’s in parenthood, at work, at home, wherever. They just happen. Life is far from perfect all the time. Life is far from happy all the time. But, bad moments really don’t make us bad people.
I suppose bad mothers exist, but the majority of us are doing the best with what we have. My own mom wasn’t perfect, but she was perfect for me. I have to believe the same is true for my children. I’m not a perfect person. I’m not a perfect mother. We’re going to have bad moments. But, I’m not a bad mother. Bad mothers don’t try. They don’t care. I try very much and care about being a mom above almost everything else. I’m hopeful that one day my children will be able to look back and know that I did my very best for them and, above all, loved them unconditionally with my whole heart.
And one of these days, I hope we can sit around together and laugh at some of the bad moments. Sometimes in hindsight things are much more humorous than they feel at the time they happen. I still haven’t been able to always employ a college professor’s theory of, “If you’re going to laugh at it later, you might as well laugh at it now.” But, I do see humor in some things now that weren’t one bit funny at the time they happened.
Maybe one day I’ll sit and joke with my daughter about how she had to figure out eating from the start. Or maybe we’ll joke about the time she rolled off the bed and survived to tell the tale. I’m guessing, though, that there are lots more bad moments that will happen between now and her adulthood that we’ll have to joke about. That’s a part of life, I suppose. And it will be all right. We’ll survive together. As long as I keep trying and keep loving her (and soon her brother), I’m pretty sure I can’t go all that wrong.
The first part of this post is one I wrote back in 2014 when my kids were very small. Eight years later, I still understand the power of smiling and do my best to use that power wisely — just like my own mama has!
My mom has a beautiful smile that comes easily. When I was growing up, I even had friends remark about how it seemed like my mom was always smiling. Truthfully, there were times in my grumpy adolescence where it annoyed me. But then again, there were times in my adolescence when everything annoyed me no matter what. (Man, I dread that stage with my kiddos.)
My mom’s smile was always there. It still is. I didn’t give it a second thought as a kid. Now as a mom myself, I’ve been thinking about the power of a smile in the lives of my children. When I smile at them, they smile back. When I smile at them, I’m communicating happiness. And when I smile at them, I’m letting them know they aren’t a bother or a burden. That is exactly what I want them to know.
Smiling through the work of motherhood
My children aren’t a bother or a burden. Changing countless diapers throughout the day, wiping noses, making food, playing pretend games, reading books, driving to preschool and back, giving baths, removing fuzz from baby mouths and so much more isn’t a burden. Well, it shouldn’t be. Sometimes I get caught up in myself. Sometimes I get caught up in what I’d really like to be doing like napping, reading a grown-up book or watching a show not on Disney Junior. Other times, I get caught up in the chores I’d like to be able to do in peace from unloading the dishwasher without the baby trying to help or finishing the laundry (which is in the garage) without worrying what the baby is getting into inside. Then I get grumpy. I start to think of my motherhood tasks of burdensome. I stop smiling.
That’s not the kind of mom I want to be. I don’t want to be sighing every time my children ask me for something with words or actions. I don’t want to be rolling my eyes all the time that they need one more thing in my already busy day. Certainly, I don’t want to huff around the house irritated because I’m not getting done what I wanted to get done. I want to be the happy, smiling mom who makes her kids feel secure that they can ask for help when they need it because she will always be there. The power of smiling is great and I want to wield it wisely. I want my children to know the treasures they are to me. I want to honor the role of motherhood that God has blessed me with.
And so I smile. I don’t know if this is why my mom smiled. I think partly she inherited her easy smile and gentle attitude from my grandpa who was such a loving, kind-hearted man with a terrific smile. And I think partly she enjoyed being a mom. I see the light that sparks in her even now when she’s with her grandchildren. She gets excited to give them baths or change their diapers. I’m not at that level, yet, and probably won’t be until I’m a grandma myself.
But, I do want to be the smiling mom for my children. I have learned that smiling, even when I don’t always feel like it, often lifts my spirits. That’s the power of smiling. Sometimes being the smiling mom on the outside allows me to become the smiling mom on the inside. You know on those days when everybody has needed something all day and you were up multiple times the night before with different kiddos at different times for different reasons. That’s when I need the power of smiling to lift my spirits and remind me that this really is a blessed task I have been given. And that it is a task I will one day miss.
For now I’m just going to keep smiling, even and maybe especially at times I don’t really feel like it. Maybe one day my kids’ friends will comment about it. They’ll probably roll their eyes, but that’s OK. In spite of themselves, they’ll at least know how loved they are.
Quotes about the power of smiling
“The world always looks brighter from behind a smile.” — Unknown
“Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.” — Mother Teresa
“A warm smile is the universal language of kindness.” – William Arthur Ward
¨Use your smile to change the world but don’t let the world change your smile.¨ — Unknown
¨A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.¨- Phyllis Diller
¨If we are not able to smile, then the world will not have peace.¨- Thich Nhat Hanh
“You don’t have to be happy to smile.” — Daniel Willey
¨What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but scattered along life’s pathway, the good they do is inconceivable.¨- Joseph Addison
¨I have many problems in life. But my lips don’t know that. They always smile.¨- Charlie Chaplin
“Smiling doesn’t necessarily mean you’re happy. Sometimes it just means you’re strong.” — Unknown
7 Simple first day of school traditions to kick off the school year
Back-to-school season can be exciting, stressful and downright overwhelming — all at once! In fact, I recently shared a short video about how overwhelmed I felt with the back-to-school to-do list for my kiddos! There are so many things for us moms to do to get ready for the first day of school. But one of the things I don’t want to miss each year is making it a good day for my kiddos. So, we have a few simple first day of school traditions we do each year.
I’m emphasizing the word “simple” here, because not only are simple traditions easier to keep, but the first day of school is exhausting. Nobody wants added stress and pressure — kids or parents! Plus the first day of school tends to bring along a lot of emotions as well, so it’s easy to get overwhelmed. Honestly, I get back-to-school blues each year as my kids return to school.1. Interview your kids.
OK. I know this sounds a bit weird. But, listen, I’m a journalist by trade and I love interviewing my kids each year a day or two before they start school. I ask them about their favorites (food, books, movies, etc.), what they want to be when they grow up and what they’re most excited about for the new school year. Later on, it’s so fun to go back and see their answers. I video these interviews as well. I also do a little something else with them that you’ll find in tip number four!
And you can make the interview a keepsake as well with a decorative interview page like these I have in the Families with Grace Etsy store.
2. Prayer together for the new year.
Another first day of school tradition just before the first day is praying together about the school year. Our family has prayer time each evening as part of our bedtime routine. So, on the night before the first day of school I pray for the kids and their new school year. I also start praying weeks before on my own that God is with them throughout the school year and for specific concerns I have about the upcoming year for each of them.
3. Let them wear something new.
I always felt special getting to wear new clothes on the first day of school when I was a kid, so I’ve continued the tradition with my own kiddos. It doesn’t have to be an entirely new outfit, but just something new. For example, our school year starts mid-August which is still hot here in the Midwest. So my kids usually wear the shorts or pants they’ve been wearing all summer, but we pair it with a new shirt and new sneakers. (By the time their sneakers have survived summer, they are worn out and need to be replaced anyway!)
4. Turn first day of school photos into a cool “magazine” cover.
Every year I love making a “magazine” cover for my kiddos. I have done this since the year my daughter first started nursery school and have one for each of them for each year. It’s our version of a first day of school sign. I usually share the cover digitally with friends on social media and then print out a copy of it to go in their folder for the school year that I use to organize their school papers.
Along with a photo of the kids that I take in the morning before we leave, I include a lot of the information from their interview in tip one as well as other things like their shoe size and teacher’s name. (Seasoned mom tip: Get everyone up 10 minutes earlier than necessary on the first day of school so you aren’t super rushed through photos!)
I’ve got a template for sale in the Families with Grace store on Etsy if you want to make magazine covers part of your family’s first day of school traditions. Check it out:
5. Send a sweet lunchbox note.
If your kids take their lunch to school, send along a sweet lunchbox note. Honestly, I send notes daily because I really enjoy it. But I know that’s not everyone’s thing. However, I encourage you to send one on the first day to help your kids feel special and have a sweet token from home on their first day back to school.
When it comes to first day of school traditions, this is not too hard to pull off. Our tradition has been to pick the kids up from school and take them for an early dinner at Fazoli’s, because it is their favorite restaurant. Fazoli’s is pretty quick, which is what we’re looking for. If you’d rather, though, plan to make their favorite dinner at home. Or have a special treat to commemorate the day. I have a cousin whose first day of school tradition involved a cookie cake each year. Go with what your kids will like, but keep it low-key. They’ll be hungry and tired. The biggest goal is to have time together to hear all about their days. For our family, letting someone else do the cooking means we get to have those conversations all together easier. And going out for dinner on a school night is a treat!
Everyone is tired on the first day of school, no matter how much you’ve been preparing for it. When my kids were little and just getting into the school groove, we’d start a week ahead of the first day and practice getting up earlier each day and making sure we were ready on time. Now they are older, and we’ve been at this longer. So, we have our school morning system down pretty well. (It also helps that they go to a K-12 school and always have the same start time!)
But no matter what, the first day back is exciting and exhausting. Planning some big celebration that night is just not going to go well. Let them be low-key on their first day back to school. Maybe even plan to watch a movie together!
What are your family’s first day of school traditions?
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