Holiday traditions should make good memories, not more stress

The holidays are almost here. I’ve already been thinking about which cookies I’m going to bake this year (my infamous toffee chip cookies are a must) and what gifts I need to order to cover everyone on my list. But I also don’t want to overlook the good parts of the holiday season.

I’m a person who likes holiday traditions. I’ve shared some of our favorite simple Christmas traditions here before, and we’ve done plenty of them through the years. My kiddos are both teens now, though, and a lot of what we do at Christmas looks different than it did when they were little.

Through the years, I’ve learned to evaluate our traditions and decide whether we should continue them or let them pass on by. Sometimes figuring out which holiday traditions to keep and which to let go can be challenging.

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Why it’s hard to let go of Christmas traditions

Traditions in and of themselves are things we have come to count on. Some traditions we’ve done for most of our lives, so we have strong feelings attached to them. And if those traditions are tied to family members who are no longer with us, it gets even more intense.

Traditions carry so much emotional baggage that they can be very hard to let go. We feel like we’re betraying our loved ones if we stop carrying on their traditions. Or we feel like our kids are missing out because we’re not continuing traditions we started or ones we did ourselves as children.

Plus, we often think we HAVE to do something because it’s ALWAYS been done. And traditions can be hard to let go because we’re creatures of habit who typically don’t like change. Change can be hard, especially for some of us (raising my hand high!).

How to decide which holiday traditions to keep

Nearly every year is a good time to evaluate holiday traditions. These are the questions I ask.

1. Does it still fit this season of our family?

For years, my kids unwrapped a Christmas book every night from Dec. 1 through 24. When I first wrote this post, I said I knew a year would come when neither of them would get excited to open a picture book each evening, and that it would be bittersweet.

The last couple of years we did the books, we asked the kids if they wanted to keep going. My son, my youngest, did for a while. But then one year we didn’t even get all of them opened. As the kids got older, we stopped our nightly story time, too. The books just sort of faded away as they grew out of them.

It didn’t fit our family anymore, and that’s OK.

2. How much stress does it cost?

For a few years when my kids were toddlers and preschoolers, we would bake sugar cookies and have our parents over to help us decorate them all together. We’d order pizza and make an evening of it.

But because that tradition relied on the cookies being fresh, it added a lot of stress at Christmastime. Then life changed. My parents moved to Florida and my mother-in-law’s health declined, so cookie decorating night went by the wayside.

Cookie making definitely still happens at our house, though. Nobody really enjoyed eating the sugar cookies anyway. We like other cookies I make better, especially my toffee chip cookies. And the last few years, we’ve done gingerbread house kits in place of decorating cookies.

Sometimes we let go of a tradition for just a year or a season, too. The Christmas I was pregnant with my youngest, I was on modified bedrest for intense pain. I had to let some traditions go because I physically couldn’t do them. Some years are just like that.

Letting go of one thing won’t ruin the holiday. In fact, I’ve learned that trying to do too much and stressing myself out ruins the season.

3. What do our kids look forward to?

Talk with your family and see what they think about your traditions. What’s important to them? What do they most look forward to each year? If your kids are old enough, have them pick their top three traditions. Prioritize those!

Years ago, my daughter and I started having cookies for breakfast on Christmas Eve. It was a small thing, and I didn’t think much of it, but it has become a pretty standard tradition that we all still enjoy. My kids would be appalled if we didn’t do it. The difference now is that it happens later because they sleep in more. We agree on a reasonable time the night before, which is usually around 9 or 9:30 a.m.

Driving around to look at Christmas lights is another one that has stuck. We’ve done it in the snow, and we’ve done it when we could roll down our windows without freezing our tails off. There’s one house near us with a huge display of lights and a path you can walk through to see all their decorations. Every year, we have to get out and walk the path at least once, whether we’re freezing or just chilly. Even as teens, my kids love going to “Christmas House.”

The best part is that both of these traditions are small and easy to keep.

4. Could we tweak it instead of dropping it?

While sometimes just letting go of an old tradition is best, other times changing it works well.

Ever since I was a kid, I have loved watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. It was a tradition I was excited to share with my kids. However, actually getting to watch the parade on Thanksgiving morning can be challenging.

One Thanksgiving, my husband was gone on a trip to help hurricane victims in Florida, and my kids had spent the night with my in-laws to help get everything ready for Thanksgiving dinner. I was alone during the parade. Instead of moping, I decided to record it so we could watch it later.

That evening, the kids and I had snacks and watched the parade together. We fast-forwarded through the performances we weren’t interested in. We still watch it that way now because it’s just easier for us.

5. Does it point us to what matters most?

Overall, traditions should highlight what’s important to your family. What are the things you’ll remember most in 10 years?

I want to make sure we focus on being thankful at Thanksgiving and remembering the gift of Jesus at Christmas. I also want to make sure we have fun together. Those things are most important to me. If any of our traditions don’t fall into one of those categories, then I’m fine to let them go.

New Christmas traditions to start with your kids

We’ve added a couple of new traditions in the last few years, too.

We started hosting Christmas dinner last year as my mother-in-law’s health declined. It was different being on the hosting side of things, but it has been good. We talk about menus and figure out what works best for everyone, and the kids pitch in.

A couple of years ago, my daughter started making monkey bread for us to eat on Christmas morning, and now it’s a tradition. The other day, my son said he really wanted some monkey bread, and his sister piped in that it was reserved for Christmas morning.

And easy is what any new holiday tradition should be. The simplest traditions are often the most memorable ones because they’re low-stress and easy to do. The less stressed you are, the more you enjoy them, and so does the rest of your family!

If you’re looking for more ideas, here are 8 simple Christmas traditions to bring your family closer.

Christmas traditions my teens still love

If you’re wondering which traditions will last once your kids are teens, here’s what has stuck at our house.

• Cookies for breakfast on Christmas Eve. It just happens later now that they sleep in, so we agree on a time the night before.
• Walking through “Christmas House.” We still get out and walk the path every year, whether we’re freezing or just chilly. Take them to see Christmas lights, even if they think they’re too old.
• Monkey bread on Christmas morning. My daughter makes it, and it’s strictly a Christmas morning thing.
• Gingerbread house kits. They took the place of our old cookie decorating night.
• Watching the Thanksgiving parade that evening. We record it, grab snacks and fast-forward through the parts we don’t care about.
• Hosting Christmas dinner together. We plan the menu as a family, and the kids pitch in.
• Opening pajamas on Christmas Eve. OK, they can groan a bit about this one, but they still love new PJs to wear on Christmas Eve.

When a tradition belonged to someone you’ve lost

This Christmas feels different for my family. My mother-in-law loved Christmas. It was her favorite holiday, and cooking was her favorite pastime. She loved my toffee cookies the most. At the beginning of October, she walked into the arms of Jesus.

One thing she and my father-in-law always did was give us holiday “books” of Life Savers candy. My father-in-law will keep that going, but knowing she’s not part of it this year is hard.

If you’re missing someone this Christmas, you don’t have to figure out every tradition right away. One thing we’ve learned, especially since my parents moved states away, is that we can celebrate Christmas however works.

We’re flexible, and we do our best to make the best out of the situation we have. We’ve done video calls to open gifts. When my parents are here for the holiday and stay overnight, we’ve included them in Christmas morning traditions that used to be just the four of us. This year, we may end up celebrating with them after the fact, and that’s OK, too.

As we lose people, we also learn to cherish the ones we’re with all that much more.

A simple way to sort your Christmas traditions

If you’d like to put all of this on paper, I made a one-page Keep, Skip and Savor list. There’s a spot for the traditions you’re keeping, a spot for what you’re letting go of without guilt and a spot for three small wonder moments you want to protect. It’s free for members of our Facebook group, Christian Moms with Grace. Join us, and you’ll find it in the group’s Featured section.

Our free December Bible reading plan, Simple Wonder, is in the group, too. You can also download Simple Wonder on Gumroad. It’s one short verse a day about the people on the edges of the Christmas story, and it’s a simple way to keep Jesus at the center of a busy December.

Traditions really should be all about making good memories. They shouldn’t cause unnecessary stress or be overly complicated.

Which traditions are staying at your house this year? Come tell us in the group! 💜

More for your Christmas season:

Christmas gift ideas for people who are hard to shop for

How to find peace at Christmas (even when you’re busy)

How to keep Christ in Christmas

15 Christmas gift ideas under $20 for almost everyone on your list