Posts in the Parenting category offer a realistic and honest look at parenting from a Biblical perspective. You’ll find helpful, practical, funny and encouraging topics for Christian moms.
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I originally wrote these words in May of 2013 when my son was 4 months old and my daughter was 3 years old. Having a baby changes everything and finding myself again after having a baby was challenging. Even now that my kids are 9 and 12, I still have trouble with loses my unique identity in the busyness of motherhood.
When my daughter was born 3-1/2 years ago, I remember once the fog lifted a bit, I wondered when or if I’d ever feel like myself again. In a way, I mourned the Stacey I once was. I didn’t know if I’d ever feel anything like her again. I was both OK with that and sad about that. But I had to wonder whether if finding myself again would ever happen.
I remember the first day I returned to my home office to work for a couple of hours while my mom watched my baby girl. Even though my breast pump came with me and I did a pumping session whilst typing away, I felt for those couple of hours like the me I used to be and it was glorious.
During her lifetime, I’ve found a way to sort of balance it all out. I’ve gotten breaks and chances to be a journalist. I’ve gotten breaks and chances to be a wife. And I’ve gotten breaks and chances to be more than a mom. Because, if all of us moms are honest, sometimes we need to be someone other than mommy. Sometimes we need to be more than a kleenex, jungle gym, dairy cow, bottom wiper, clothes changer, laundry doer and food maker. Sometimes we need to be a woman. We need moments to just be silent. And we need to have a moment to think in peace.
Losing myself again with a second baby
I knew I’d deal with these feelings again when I had a second baby. And I have. I love my son just as completely as I love my daughter, even when he’s being high maintenance as he sometimes is. I love him even now when he’s kicking me in the arm while I’m trying to type this blog post as my daughter is distracted working on a bracelet (and never you mind that they’re both still in their pajamas and it’s almost 11 a.m.). I’m now getting just enough sleep and have been in this mom-of-a-baby phase long enough that I’ve started on the journey of finding myself again. Or trying to.
Last week I had a chance to be in the car by myself for a few minutes while my children were at my parents’ house before our birthday celebration. It was just a few minutes. I realized I could not only listen to the music of my choosing but I could turn it up. I could sing along at the top of my lungs and not have to try and have an ongoing conversation with a constantly chatting 3-year-old. For those few minutes I realized that I was still me. And I also realized the old, old Stacey is gone. I am now Mom Stacey. Somehow I’m OK with it.
Finding myself in a new way
Though being a mom drains me sometimes. Though it sucks my energy and occasionally makes me want to run away screaming, it also makes me who I am now. And it makes me happy. I’d be lying if I told you I was happy every single moment of motherhood. I’m not. But at my very core, being a mother is now who I am.
Being with my children can also re-energize me. Looking at their faces and meeting their needs sometimes keeps me going and moving on days when I otherwise would want to just crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head. When I act strong and calm for them when I’m frustrated, I actually feel stronger and calmer. It turns out that if you fake it long enough, it rubs off on you. I want them to see me smile. So, I keep smiling even when I don’t feel like it. And I end up being happier in the end. It could have to do with their sweet smiles back at me.
This time around, I know there is no going back. I’ll never be the Stacey I was before having children. Being a mom changes you forever. And I will forever be their mother, no matter what. This time around I’m not longing for that old Stacey. I do still sometimes crave alone time. I do still need time alone with my husband. But, I also realize that when we are all together I feel the happiest and most complete. This is my family. We’re continuing the journey my husband and I started when we got married.
Just as I adjusted to the title and role of wife, I have now adjusted to the title and role of mother. It is my identity. It won’t ever be my complete identity, but it’s a big part of me. Right now Mommy is 95 percent of who I am and what I do. But there’s still 5 percent reserved for just Stacey. That percentage will wax and wane in the years to come, I’m sure. I’m sure I’ll have times of finding myself all over again. That’s how life works. For now, I’m fully embracing my role as mother. Now it makes me who I am.
When I learned I was pregnant with my first child, I was excited. I was also overwhelmed and nervous. Some people are just naturally great with all kids. (In fact, that same first child of mine is that way!) I was never that way. I was not sure what motherhood would actually be like, but I was excited to be part of it. Not once did I think about how grumpy I’d be with my baby. Instead, I planned to be a grace-filled parent. I planned to be calm, have a sense of humor and show lots of love.
The reality of parenthood sets in quickly. Those first few months were exhausting and an adjustment beyond anything I could ever have prepared for. Parenthood is a total upheaval of life. Added to the exhaustion is stress and pressure and it’s a perfect mix for cranky parents. But none of us what to be those cranky parents. We desire to be a grace-filled parent who is patient, caring and loving.
I’ve never been a perfect parent, just as I’m not a perfect person. I have stories about my behavior that make me cringe and feel ashamed. However, I’ve also worked (and had God work in me!) to become a more grace-filled parent. I’ve learned through my years as a mom that my kids need grace from me as much as I need grace from them. Today I’m sharing 10 lessons I’ve learned about how to be a more grace-filled parent.
1. Listen to your children.
From the time they are babies, our kids are using their voices to tell us what is going on with them. True, they start out with crying that can be perplexing. (I remember the days of trying to sort out what could possibly be making my baby unhappy when they were clean, fed and well rested and still crying sometimes!) But once they start talking and expressing themselves, we get to learn about them and their point-of-view.
Understanding where they’re coming from can help you have more patience with your kiddos and give them more grace as a result. I remember when my daughter was 3 and spilled an almost full bottle of hand soap on the hallway carpet. I was angry that she’d made a mess and didn’t understand why in the world she was carrying the soap dispenser out of the bathroom. She explained to me that she wanted to show our new Minnie Mouse soap dispenser to the Minnie Mouse toys in her bedroom. Oh my heart!
She still got in some trouble, and we definitely talked about how soap dispensers stay in the bathroom, but her punishment wasn’t as severe because I understood where she was coming from. She wasn’t just carrying around soap for no reason and trying to make a mess. Listening to her helped me understand her and address what was really going on.
2. Observe your kids.
But, kids don’t always express themselves with words. Sometimes their feelings are too big or they just plain don’t have the words. I mean, I’m just over four decades into my own life and still can struggle to find the right words to explain how I’m feeling sometimes! Sometimes we need to stop and observe our kids to figure out what is really going on with them and why they are behaving a certain way.
Recently my parents were in town for a visit. (They moved away last winter.) We made a quick trip to the grocery store for just a couple of things. My son stood in the chip aisle and argued with me for a moment about buying Cheetos. I get it. I love Cheetos, too, but I told him we had some at home and to stop being difficult. Indeed I was frustrated. Later that evening, my dad mentioned to me that my son had noticed all the rest of us had picked up some sort of snack or something to purchase and seemed to be feeling left out. It made perfect sense as I looked back on the situation. I wasn’t a very grace-filled parent in that moment, but I did at least understand my son a bit. He never said he was feeling left out; however, his actions told the story if I’d have just paid closer attention.
No matter what, of course my son shouldn’t be allowed to argue with me. If I had realized what was really going on with him at the time, though, I could have reacted differently and resolved the situation in another way. I could have suggested he pick another snack instead. Just two minutes after the Cheeto disagreement, I did concede to getting a box of Cheez-Its at my son’s request that both my kids love. His attitude disappeared after that.
3. Communicate with your kids.
Another way to be a more grace-filled parent is to communicate with your kids. Listen, my kids talk a lot. A lot. But, what I mean is to actually communicate with them. Let them know what plans are for after school or what you expect from them on an outing. Just a few sentences ahead of time can help them also understand you better and allow you both to have more patience with and grace for each other. It helps you avoid yelling at your kids or getting otherwise upset with them.
For example, as my children have gotten older, they have had more plans for what they want to do during their downtime. My daughter may be planning to come home after school and spend a couple of hours writing. Or my son might be looking forward to playing with a friend in the neighborhood when he gets home on a nice day. If I throw a wrench into their plans with an extra activity, that can lead to grumpy attitudes at the least and meltdowns at the worst. Simply communicating about plans ahead of time helps tremendously.
My husband and I also talk with our kids about why they are being punished or when we observe a behavior we don’t like. Of course there are times they get in trouble immediately, but other times we have found it’s helpful to communicate with them about why we are unhappy with what’s happened. Communication really does go a long way!
4. Know when to discipline and when to hug.
The definition of grace is not getting what you deserve. Meaning if I do something wrong, you show me kindness instead of anger. Being a grace-filled parent means that sometimes when our kids do something wrong, we let it slide or give them a hug instead of a punishment.
I mentioned in point two that my parents moved away last winter. Their move a few states away has been a big adjustment for all of us. So when they headed back out after visiting us recently and my youngest had a difficult attitude the next day, I gave him a bit of grace. He needed grace and love more than discipline in that moment.
When we are listening to and observing our kiddos, we can more easily discern when they are just out of sorts and need love and attention more than punishment.
5. Remember that you are a teacher.
One of the biggest jobs we have as parents is to be our kids’ teacher. We teach them everything they know about navigating life through our words and actions. Remembering that we are teaching them is an important part of being a grace-filled parent. Our kids are still growing and learning. If we take the time to teach them rather than just get mad at them, we’re all happier in the end.
Our goal is to help them grow and learn. Growing and learning are difficult when we’re being yelled at or in trouble. Instead, use some mistakes as teaching moments. I’ve also learned to expect that I will have to repeat myself and repeat lessons. My kids are kids. They aren’t perfect and they’re not going to always remember what to do in a moment.
6. Set realistic expectations.
When I expect more from my kids than they are capable of, then I lose my patience and my feelings of grace. One trick I’ve learned is to remind myself how old my kids are when I start to impose unrealistic expectations on them. If I stop to think that my daughter is only 12 or my son is only 9 when they mess up, then I can realize when I’m expecting them to act like adults.
I also set expectations out loud to my kids when we are going into situations. For example, if we are going to visit a friend, I remind them I expect them to help clean up toys and not give me a hard time when I say it’s time to leave. When they know what I expect of them, they are more likely to behave accordingly.
7. Guard your time.
I cannot say enough how important guarding your time is. I’m an introvert, so finding downtime comes naturally to me. Both introverts and extroverts need to be wary of overscheduling. Who can be a grace-filled parent when you are stressed out trying to get everyone in multiple places at the same time every night of the week? (Maybe some of you can, and that’s awesome. But I know I sure can’t, and I don’t think I’m alone.)
I’d rather say no to an activity than lose my patience with my kids. We started in elementary school with the rule our kids can do only one regular activity per week. That changes as they get older and can both handle more and stay up later. But it’s what works best for us, and I gladly stick to it.
8. Have fun together.
Eight months old. That’s the age that babies start getting more interactive and you can have a bit of fun with them. (Or at least that was our experience.) From that point on, find ways to have fun with your kiddos. Do things they enjoy with them and let yourself go and enjoy them, too. Now that our kids are older, we enjoy playing games together. When we go to the playground, I swing with the kiddos (unless the swings are busy or other kids want to swing). Just have fun.
We are much more inclined to give grace when our children need it when we have good feelings of making good memories with them. Find ways to sincerely enjoy spending time with your kiddos. Parenting is a lot of work and requires a lot of us, but don’t forget to enjoy moments along the way!
9. Ask for help.
Another important thing to remember about being a grace-filled parent is that you aren’t meant to do it alone. Start always with asking God for help. I pray daily to be the mom my children need. In fact, this parents’ prayer is a great place to start.
Other times you need to ask for help from those around you: your spouse, your extended family, friends and even your kids! For example, I am the one mostly in charge of laundry in our family. Sometimes I get overwhelmed, more frustrated and certainly less grace-filled when I am sitting with a pile of laundry surrounding me that needs to be folded. I’ve learned to make laundry a family chore. I get it gathered, washed and dried, then we all fold it together and everyone is responsible for putting away his or her clothes.
10. Apologize when you mess up.
Being a grace-filled parent doesn’t mean you always have it together. You aren’t perfect. Along the way, you’re going to mess up. Let your kids see what it looks like to mess up gracefully. Apologize to them when you are wrong, because sometimes you are. I have gotten short with my kids for no good reason other than being tired or cranky or whatever. And then I tell them I’m sorry. I want to model asking for forgiveness for them as well as reminding them none of us are perfect.
Looking for more grace-filled posts? Don’t miss these!
10 Tips to make your family vacation more fun for everyone!
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Ah. The family vacation. We have dreams and ideas of how it should go. We plan for happy moments, all the time. But reality is often different. Each trip I’ve been on with my family has had at least one snafu. It started immediately with the very first trip my husband and I took together. We set out for our honeymoon and were so excited, we forget to get gas. So, we ran out. In the 22 years since then, we’ve had many other vacation adventures and added two kids into the mix as well. When it comes to family travel advice, I’ve got a decent amount to help make your next family vacation more fun for everyone.
1. Talk about destination choices ahead of time with everyone.
This is one of my best tips. If you want plan a family vacation everyone will enjoy, then get everyone’s input on the trip. You need to set some parameters ahead of time for this to be successful. When it comes to family travel, my husband and I have the final say-so for our family of four. During the years we had babies through preschoolers, we didn’t ask for any input from the kids on where we went. But we did always think about what would work best for them.
As they got older, our kids were able to be part of the decision-making process. My husband and I talk ahead of time and come up with two or three trip ideas for our family. We look up general things to do in those places. Then we give the kids a presentation. Well, that sounds way fancy. We sit in the living room, give them options and use the TV to show photos or videos we find. Then as a family, we discuss what we’d most like to do.
We don’t always agree, but we do agree that the majority rules. And, honestly, we’ve not had an issue in the past. Usually we can all work around to being on board with the same trip. Because what we really want is to go on a vacation and spend time together. That’s the best family travel advice you can get: remember a family vacation is about being together more than it is about where you’re going!
If you are traveling with extended family or friends, then talk among yourselves about ideas so that everyone is on board and excited for the trip. After all, no matter how frugal you are, traveling is going to cost money. Nobody wants to spend money on a trip they dread!
2. Make lists.
I am a HUGE fan of lists. I make lists for everyday life, so making lists for family travel just makes sense to me. Each member of my family has a packing list that comes in handy. I also make a list of things we want to do, places we want to eat and where we’re staying. Keeping track of confirmation information is a great idea in case you need it when you check in.
I usually put everything together in a file folder and take it along with us, whether we are flying or driving.
The more you organize ahead of time, the less you’ll have to worry about on the trip!
In fact, I am so into organizing for trips that I put together a 30-page family travel planner you can download and use yourself. It has everything you’ll need from brainstorming before you go to collecting memories when you return, including a daily planner, travel budget planner, flight information tracker, gift planner, travel log, packing lists and pages to organize what to do, see, eat and photograph. It’s an awesome planner to help keep you organized for your next family trip. Use the Coupon Code: FWGFAN to receive 10% off!
3. Plan downtime.
Another great piece of family travel advice is to plan for downtime. We learned pretty early on that our kids love to see and do things, but they also need a break. In fact, both of them talk about how much fun they have just hanging out in our hotel room together. Be intentional about finding downtime for breaks and rest, even if your kids are past napping age.
When our kids still took naps, we did our best to make sure they were able to have a chance to nap around their usual time because it just made for happier kiddos. Now, we plan for downtime as we go. Over spring break, for instance, we traveled to Las Vegas and the Grand Canyon. We planned for two days in Vegas, two days at the Grand Canyon and then two more days in Vegas. The days “off” at the Grand Canyon were more laidback and restful. We all need a break. Little legs get tired from walking a lot. Little minds get overwhelmed and overstimulated.
We also sometimes institute family nap time even now. On the same spring break trip, we went to a magic show one evening. It didn’t start until 9 p.m., which was late for us, especially considering the three-hour time difference. So we planned for less activities during the day and headed to our room in the afternoon for a couple of hours to all four rest and nap. It made the evening more enjoyable.
4. Allow for flexibility.
I love to plan, but anyone who has kids knows that life can be unpredictable at best. That remains true even on family vacations. Some things we just don’t know until we’re in the moment. On the same spring break trip, we planned to go to certain hotels to see sights on our first day. We opted to go to hotels closer by where we were staying and have an early night instead because we were all tired by the afternoon. Shifting your plans is sometimes necessary. Going into your vacation with general ideas of what you want to do each day is great. But being flexible to move things around is necessary. You want everyone to enjoy the trip. Sometimes that means changing plans last minute.
5. Keep your kids’ schedule close to usual.
Schedules and routines keep our kids happy. As a schedule-oriented person myself, I’ve had a basic schedule and routines for our kids from very early on. Vacation means those schedules and routines might be changed around a bit, but the younger the kids are, the more we try and keep routines the same no matter where we are.
If you always read a book before bed, bring some along. If your kids are usual in bed by 8 p.m., then don’t plan for too many late nights. For kids who are used to a daily nap, find a way to make that happen. My kids are 9 and 12 now. They are more flexible. But I remember the days that wasn’t as true. Sometimes it meant making a sacrifice on what my husband and I wanted to do, but the days of little ones really don’t last forever. Keeping kiddos on schedule and happy makes everything better.
Nowadays, we try to keep bedtime reasonable on trips. We make sure to have meals at pretty usual times or have snacks if needed to make it through. And if we are having a late night, we plan for it ahead of time by scheduling downtime during the afternoon of that day.
6. Take along grandparents or friends.
Sometimes the best family travel advice you can have is take along others on your trip. Grandparents, siblings, other relatives or friends can make a trip more fun in multiple ways. (And I say that as an introvert who values her alone time to recharge!) Obviously babysitting is a bonus in having others along. You can trade off babysitting kids so you can have a dinner out with just your spouse. You can also save money by sharing a bigger space and splitting the cost.
In March of 2019, we took our kids to Orlando for the first time. We went to Disney World and Universal Orlando. We invited grandparents to join us. My parents did so, and it worked out even better than expected. Halfway through the week, my daughter got sick with strep throat. We immediately took her to urgent care and got antibiotics for her. Since my parents were along, they stayed back with her and we took our son to a day at Universal Orlando alone. (We had three days planned at the park and this was the first of them.) Even now, a few years later, my daughter has fond memories of that down day with her grandparents. They got her ice cream and catered to whatever she wanted. My son had a blast being the only kid picking what we did for the day. It worked well for everyone. By the next day, my daughter was well enough to join in on the fun again.
7. Ask everyone for his or her priority activities.
Before we go on a trip, we talk about things to do on the trip (see tip number 1). Once we have decided on our destination, then we start talking about what we’re going to do. We ask our kids what their priority activities are. My husband and I think about that for ourselves. Since it’s pretty much impossible to do absolutely everything you want to do, knowing what is most important to everyone on your trip helps make everyone’s trip better. You are able to make sure you do the activities your family really wants to do!
I have been surprised by what my kids prioritized. I know my kids well and think I know what will most interest them, but they surprise me sometimes! During our spring break trip to Las Vegas and the Grand Canyon, my son really wanted to go up in the Eiffel Tower at the Paris Hotel. It was one of his priorities for the trip that I didn’t really expect. It had been more at the bottom of my to-do list.
Another thing we do when we talk about everyone’s priorities is remind our kids that we are going to do fun things for everyone. We tell them we expect them to be patient and kind during all of our activities, even if it’s something they don’t necessarily want to do. Usually when that happens, though, we all end up having more fun. If one family member is beyond thrilled, then that excitement passes along to all of us.
It goes right along with one of our family’s mottos: What is good for one of us is good for all of us.
8. Have the gear you need.
You can’t offer family travel advice without talking about gear. When our kids were babies and toddlers, we had so much gear. Planning ahead really helps. Think about how your kids are going to sleep. Do you need to bring a pack-and-play and sheets? Sleeping bags? Does your kiddo need a highchair and one won’t be available (like on a camping trip)? Pack a travel highchair/booster seat.
Make sure you have enough of the supplies you’ll need to take care of little ones from diapers to burp cloths to feeding supplies. I’ve even taken along kids’ bowls and utensils before. Even now, my son takes a medicine every other day to help with reflux. He can’t swallow a pill, so I break it up into applesauce for him. Most trips, I pack some applesauce pouches (which we always have at home), disposable 2-ounce dip cups and plastic spoons so we are prepared no matter where we are.
Don’t forget to think about yourself. Aside from needing toiletries and other essentials, what do you need to make the trip more enjoyable? Sunglasses? Sunscreen? A hat? A sweatshirt? One of the best choices I made on our recent trip was buying a fanny pack. (My 1980s child self is pretty happy these have made a comeback. Though I did opt for a plain black one instead of neon pink.) We did a LOT of walking in Las Vegas, and I knew that even a lightweight purse would hurt my shoulder thanks to my fibromyalgia. The fanny pack worked great!
9. Keep a sense of humor.
Motherhood definitely requires a sense of humor, and that’s just as true on family vacations! Be sure to pack your sense of humor as well. Sometimes plans go awry or things fall apart and usually the best thing you can do about it is laugh.
During our same spring break trip to Las Vegas and the Grand Canyon, we ended up being at the West Rim of the Grand Canyon during one of the very few times a year that it snows. It snowed so much and so hard that we literally couldn’t see the Grand Canyon while we were standing beside it, shivering in our hoodies. We made the best of it and ate lunch at the restaurant. We bought a book and then hung out in our rented Jeep for a while with the heat on, reading while we waited for the weather to clear out. It wasn’t what we planned, but we kept a sense of humor. After all, how often do you get to see snow in the desert when you’re from the Midwest?!
10. Don’t put pressure on yourself to have a perfect vacation.
Even though we all know that perfect doesn’t exist, we sure do like to strive for it and put pressure on ourselves. But the best family travel advice is to just relax and remember why you’re on the trip to begin with. We travel to let our kids experience new things and to make memories together. They learn how to react gracefully when plans change and we go to plan B.
Over spring break, they saw us figure out transportation to the Grand Canyon after our first car rental fell through at the last minute. Make the best of every moment. Remember that often the best memories are made in the small moments. Let your kids experience small pleasures like sitting in bed, eating Froot Loops, watching cartoons in a hotel room. Snuggle in with them and embrace the moment. Forget the perfect vacation and settle instead for the best company you could ask for — those you love!
Planning a road trip? Don’t miss this helpful post!
Raising boys and girls shouldn’t be totally different
I first wrote this post back in 2014 when my son was 1-1/2. Now he’s 9 and no longer plays with dolls. But as the youngest child with only a big sister, dolls were around when he was a toddler. And he played with them. I don’t regret it for a moment. Raising boys and girls shouldn’t always be different. It’s OK for boys to play with dolls. This post explains why.
My son has a new obsession that began last week: a baby doll nearly as big as he is dressed in a pink floral outfit sporting a tiny pacifier dangling from a white ribbon attached to her clothes. This is his first real toy obsession. He’s certainly played with, thrown around and chewed on plenty of toys in his short lifetime, but he’s not had one that he constantly wanted until this baby doll. She was a Christmas gift for his big sister last year. Fortunately, his big sister isn’t obsessed with this doll and doesn’t mind sharing.
As I’ve watched him cart that doll all through our house and into the car and weep for her when we take her away at bedtime or mealtime, I’ve smiled. I mean, he’s just so cute the way he hugs her and pats her. He’s learning to be gentle. He’s learning to take care of her. I see him mimicking some of the things my husband and I do to take care of him. And I’m not going to put a stop to it.
The teaching power of toys
I have no issue with my son playing with a doll and one that is so very feminine at that. I’m not a raging feminist myself. I see the differences between men and women, boys and girls. I appreciate those differences and try to celebrate them. My husband and I have different strengths and different ways of thinking. Together it works quite nicely for our family.
I tend to be more gentle with our children; he turns them upside down and tickle them. (He’s also gentle and loving with them as well.) We’re different and it works. The kids love both. I love both kissing their heads as we snuggle and hearing their laughter as they play with dad. I celebrate that my son already works differently than my daughter, both because of his personality and because of his gender. He is more physical; she is more verbal. Raising boys and girls is different in some ways, but not so much in others.
When it comes to toys, I don’t have much preference in what they want to play with. My daughter plays with superheroes, Ninja Turtles and cars. She also plays with princesses, baby dolls and Barbies. It’s up to her what she picks. I feel the same with my son. He loves helping his sister cook in the play kitchen (though he’s not super great at following her instructions, yet, much to her chagrin). And he loves playing with baby dolls. He carries them, he pats their backs and he is gentle with them like he isn’t with other toys. This one baby doll in particular has become his favorite. He also plays with cars, balls and blocks.
Toys are just toys, but they are also something more. They are what my children first use to develop and learn about the world around them. I make sure they have appropriate toys (as in their toys are safe), but otherwise, I’m hands off. I want them to be free to explore and to learn. For instance, I want my son to have a chance to explore his more gentle side in taking care of a baby doll as well as explore his more aggressive side in splashing the water in the bathtub as hard as he can.
Raising boys for the future
I very much want and plan to raise a strong, confident man. I also want to raise a man with a good heart who has compassion. He won’t learn that if I only let him play with “boy” toys. He can’t explore gentle play if I forbid him from playing with his sister’s dolls. Neither can my daughter learn to assert herself if I teach her only to be gentle. I want her to be gentle and caring, but I also want her to be confident in herself and be aggressive when she needs to in order to fulfill her life’s purpose. She can’t explore those aspects by only playing with dolls.
I’m not a fan of labeling toys as gender specific. I’ve long balked at that idea. I don’t think my son will be less of a man because he spent a few weeks as a toddler lugging around a pink baby doll. In fact, I think he’ll be a better man for having had the opportunity to do so. He’ll be a better father one of these days if he knows how to be gentle and loving.
8 tried-and-true strategies for being a calm parent
Nobody goes into parenthood thinking how irritated and grumpy they’ll be. We have visions of being a calm parent. But then the baby is born. You add up no sleep, a huge adjustment to taking complete care of another person and the pressure you feel on all sides and all calmness goes flying right out the window. And that’s just the early days! Parenthood is a hard gig. If anyone tells you it isn’t, they either aren’t a parent or they’re flat-out lying!
Being a calm parent is challenging, even for naturally calm folks. I think I’m a pretty naturally calm person. I don’t get angry easily. My husband is the same way. But parenthood definitely puts that to the test. We’ve failed and messed up. However, in the past 12-1/2 years of parenting, I’ve learned a few strategies that help me be a calmer parent.
1. Pray about it.
Everything starts with prayer, right? Well, at least it should. Sometimes we get off track and try to do things on our own first. It never works out so well. Even being a calm parent is something we can ask God to help us with. He blessed us with these children. He knows their hearts and our hearts. Our Father knows our challenges and struggles. He is just waiting to help us!
You can literally pray before you start the day for God to help you be a calm parent that day. I pray that God helps me to be the mom my children need each day. Calmness is included in there!
Praying in the moment is also important. I can’t say that I do this every time my irritation starts forming, but I try to pray in the moment as often as possible. Sometimes it’s just a short, “God help me to deal with this,” prayer. A bonus to that is in the time it takes me to pause for a few seconds to pray, it also breaks the momentum of my irritation.
2. Listen to the right music.
Music is powerful. I’ve shared a few times the difference that music makes in my life. The right music helps me to be a calm parent. That might sound a bit lame, but it’s true! My go-to music is contemporary Christian music. (If that’s your jam, too, check out the free Families with Grace playlist on Spotify.) Or maybe you enjoy hymns. Maybe country gospel music speaks to your heart. (I truly love all three types of music I’ve mentioned!) Whatever it is, listen to something that calms you and helps you focus on God.
In the car after school, I usually have Air1 Radio or The Message on Sirius XM playing. My kids can sing along to almost every song that comes on. When they were younger, I’d leave the kitchen radio turned on almost all the time to Christian radio. It’s really difficult to yell at or lose patience with your children when you are singing or humming along to Christian music.
Even now, I listen to it while I work most of the time. (For articles that require more concentration, I usually switch to classical.) Then even when I’m not listening to music, the songs are still running through my head. It helps me be a calmer parent.
3. Remind yourself how old your kids are.
Have your ever gotten mad at your child for acting their age? I sure have! We definitely have to teach our children how to grow and behave, but we also need to understand what they are truly capable of. For example, I’d love to tell my 9-year-old to go organize his room. But he still needs some guidance. He knows toys can’t be all over the floor and that dirty clothes go to the laundry room. However, he is 9. He also needs specific instructions for where to put some toys or reminders of the organization we helped him create for them.
My 12-year-old is mature for her age and always has been. Sometimes I have moments that I start to get irritated with her for doing something irresponsible and then I remember, she’s 12. It calms me down. I know that she is still learning. Expecting our children to act more responsible than they are able to be is only asking for trouble. We can remain a calm parent when we stop before we snap at them and remember their age.
Remembering their age helps me switch from anger and irritation to teaching mode. That’s what my kids need most anyway. Our kids need us to take time to teach them rather than just get upset with them for not doing something correctly.
4. Set reasonable expectations for your children.
I get frustrated by people who don’t do their jobs well. We’ve all had times when we had to do a task we shouldn’t have had to do because someone slacked off. When someone doesn’t do the job we expect them to do, it is incredibly frustrating.
The same is true with our kids. When we set expectations for what we’ve asked them to do, we get frustrated when they don’t follow through. Sometimes it is completely their fault, and they didn’t do what they are fully capable of doing. Those times, they need to have consequences. Other times, though, we expect them to do a better job than they are able to do. Before we start getting upset we need to be sure we have reasonable expectations for what our children can and should be able to do.
Over the weekend, my kids were working together to clean up after dinner like I had asked them to. My youngest didn’t complete his task completely. My daughter started to just sigh and do it for him. I stopped her and we showed him how to complete the task. It was a win-win, because now he knows how to do the task and we can expect he can do it in the future. And nobody got upset in the process.
5. Take a breather.
It’d be nice to say that if you use these strategies you will always be a calm parent. But that’s not true, because you’re human and so are your children. Some days are hard when you’re exhausted and your children seem to find every button you have and push it over and over and over and over. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is take a breather.
If your children are babies or toddlers, this may mean just putting them in their crib for 5 minutes while you go to another room and just pause. (Been there, done that!) If you have preschoolers, this may mean you sit them down with a 20-minute show and you don’t interact. For older kids, you can send them to their rooms or tell them you need time alone for a few minutes.
I’ve sometimes taken an extra couple of minutes switching out or hanging up laundry just for a breather. Taking a couple of minutes away from the moment can help you calm down. Add in some deep breathing and prayer time and it works even better.
6. Ask for help.
You weren’t made to parent alone. Asking for help is OK. I was fortunate when my children were small that both my parents and in-laws lived within a few minutes of us and loved having time with grandkids. I utilized that help. If you don’t have that, maybe you have a friend you could trade off babysitting with.
Don’t forget to ask your spouse for help as well. Nope. It shouldn’t be the case that one of you is “helping” the other when you’re both in this together. But at the same time, your spouse doesn’t know what you need without you asking. Sometimes my husband has noticed my need for time away before I have. He’ll encourage me to go to our room or leave the house or whatever I need to do to regroup. Other times, I ask him to take over so I can have a minute. The same has been true in reverse.
Sometimes to be a calm parent, you have to ask for help and get away from it all — even just for 20 minutes in the shower alone. Other times to be a calm parent, you need someone to take items off your to-do list and fold the two loads of laundry sitting by the dryer. Just ask!
7. Try to embrace an attitude of gratitude.
Nothing impedes our calmness like getting angry with our family. Sometimes we get angry because of all we have to do for them that they don’t seem to appreciate. I’ve struggled with this before and still do from time to time. Have you ever had a thought starting with “Why does nobody else around here ever….?” Then you know what I’m talking about.
Yes, our families need to pull their weight. We shouldn’t let chores go undone or do them all ourselves. However, shifting our perspective helps alleviate anger and, in turn, makes us a calmer parent. For example, as you’re conquering that ever-growing pile or laundry, take a moment to thank God for the family you have who wear those clothes. Start adding in other things, too, like thanking Him for the clothes themselves and the ability to wash them in a washing machine.
It may be cliché, but once we start counting our blessings, we calm down. Our attitude shifts and we are more at peace.
8. Apologize when you lose your cool.
Chances are really good that you aren’t going to be a calm parent all the time. I’m certainly not. Sometimes our children need us to not be calm to get a point across. Other times, they don’t deserve our wrath. And it’s those times that we need to go back to our children and apologize. It’s a learning moment for our kids and helps us remember the lesson we learned as well.
Our children learn nobody is perfect, how to apologize when we mess up and that love covers it all. We have a memorable moment in feeling bad about acting out of anger so we are more likely to stop ourselves before doing so again. Simply saying “I’m sorry for how I reacted” goes a long way.
Find more resources to help you be a calm parent in these posts as well:
Take your family on a fun, food truck adventure with God!
Affiliate links are used in this post, if you make a qualifying purchase via my link, I receive a small percentage of the sale at no additional cost to you. I only recommend products and services I use and love. It helps support my blog, so thank you for your support! Read my full disclosure here.I was given a free copy of the book “The Bible Food Truck” to review; all opinions are my own.
I love food, God and books. Something that combines all three makes this mama happy! “The Bible Food Truck” by Vanessa Myers does just that. I’m excited to not only be part of the blog tour promoting this, but to also review the book and give away a copy! Super exciting stuff!
I first connected with Vanessa through a Christian blogger group back in 2019 when I shared about her family devotion book, “Breakfast with Jesus.” This time I am partnering with her again to tell you about her latest family devotion book, “The Bible Food Truck.” She sent me a copy of the book for me to peruse ahead of time and it’s pretty great.
The theme
“The Bible Food Truck” serves up 75 food-themed devotions for kids. Myers said when she started putting the book together, she had no idea how many Bible verses talked about food! While she didn’t cover them all, the book works its way from the Old Testament to the New Testament. Each devotion has a focus verse, called “God’s Daily Special,” that talks about food.
The devotions are done well for families. Food might be the underlying theme, but God is the overall focus. And that’s just what a family devotion book should be.
Devotion details
Each devotion has a focus verse and also suggested further reading in the Bible. Then “The Bible Food Truck” talks about the passage in a fun, child-centered way. Myers gives facts and information kids will love while also bringing the focus always around to God. The devotions are a good length — neither too short nor too long.
A “Faith To-Go” section is part of each devotion as well. I love these practical suggestions for ways kids can serve God, tell others about Him and grow in their faith.
As a mom of two and long-time children’s ministry director, Myers knows children learn well being hands-on. So throughout “The Bible Food Truck,” children complete various tasks to create their own food truck idea by the time they make it to the end. They think about what they’d serve, to whom, the name of their food truck, the Bible verse to represent their food truck, what their logo would be and much more. It’s a fun and creative way to get kids involved and excited.
Get your own copy
Whether you want to go through “The Bible Food Truck” as a family or let an older child go through it solo, you’ll want to pick up your own copy. The book is for sale exclusively on Amazon in both Kindle and paperback formats. Bulk pricing options are also available for children’s ministry groups.
You can also enter for a chance to win your own copy of “The Bible Food Truck” now through 12 a.m. EST on April 5, 2022. I know! It’s exciting!
To enter, you MUST “like and follow” Families with Grace on Facebook. You can earn up to two extra entries by following Families with Grace on Pinterest and signing up for the Families with Grace email list. You don’t have to be new to Families with Grace to qualify. Just complete the form.
I will announce the winner on Facebook and Instagram on April 5, 2022 at 2 p.m. EST. The winner will receive the book through postal mail. It is open to residents of the United States only. Enter here or scroll down and click the button to enter through the Rafflecopter website.
Vanessa Myers is passionate about teaching God’s Word to children. She loves writing books for kids as well as blogging about children’s ministry. Her website has more information about her, including links to other resources from her, that are designed to equip families on their faith journeys.
Low-key toddler activities for when you need a break
Affiliate links are used in this post, if you make a qualifying purchase via my link, I receive a small percentage of the sale at no additional cost to you. I only recommend products and services I use and love. It helps support my blog, so thank you for your support! Read my full disclosure here.
I wrote this post about toddler activities at home back in 2012 when I was pregnant with my second child, feeling miserable and figuring out how to best entertain my toddler. Some of these activities we still enjoy and use even now! These low-key toddler activities will help you stay sane and maybe even allow you a bit of downtime.
My kiddo has lots of energy. She has a lot more energy than I do. This is especially true when I’m not feeling well or didn’t get enough sleep or whatever. I totally admit there are times when letting her watch an extra episode of Doc McStuffins, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse or Jake and the Neverland Pirates is easier because I’m tired or have things to do.
I’m not a fan of that. I don’t have a problem with her watching some age-appropriate television. She’s learned many things, in fact, but I certainly don’t want to just park her in front of the television on days I’m not feeling well.
Combining that thought with my love for lists and I decided to make a list for myself of low-key activities that don’t require much energy from me, would be fun for her, would maybe be educational for her and would be a great way to spend time together. I had a few ideas. Then I turned to some mom friends online and got some even better ideas. These ladies are seriously creative and smart.
These low-key toddler activities at home are perfect for times when you’re exhausted or sick or you can’t go outside and play. The best part is most are cheap or free and none of them require much more from mom than to sit or lie down. (I’ve included links for products to show you some of our favorites, but you can easily work with what you have!)
Low-key toddler activities at home
1. Coloring with crayons and coloring book pages. Check out this 13-piece set from Crayola that has crayons and 12 toddler coloring books. Or you can print free coloring pages from a variety of web sites.
2. Coloring with Color Wonder markers. I love these because your kiddos get to use markers without possibly making a mess. The markers only mark on the special Color Wonder paper. Clearly this was invented by the parent of a toddler! This Nursery Rhyme Color Wonder set is a great starting place.
3. Blowing bubbles. We do bubbles outside together with a bubble machine, but I also blow bubbles inside for her.
4. Playing dollhouse. If you don’t have a dollhouse, then find another kind of pretend play with toys like Fisher-Price Little People, stuffed animals or whatever you have around.
5. Playing with busy bags. If you aren’t familiar with busy bags and you have a toddler, you need to be! These are awesome and portable ideas to keeps toddlers entertained and learning. I’ve done two exchanges of busy bags with other moms and they are some of my kiddo’s favorite things to play with. Go to Pinterest and search for “toddler busy bags” for all sorts of great ideas. Even as a non-crafty mom, I found quite a few that would work!
6. Doing puzzles. We’ve found our favorite puzzles at the Dollar Tree. Right now 24-piece puzzles work best for my kiddo.
7. Having a pretend picnic. Spread out a blanket, invite stuffed animals and chow down on pretend food (plastic or imaginary).
8. Playing with a baking sheet and magnets. Before vacation, I read that a baking sheet with magnets is good car entertainment. My kiddo loved playing with it more once we got there. I have magnets saved back specifically for the baking sheet. An added bonus of using alphabet and number magnets is it’s teaching her as well. Animal magnets are also fun for her. (Look for magnets with a full magnetic backing instead of small magnetics attached to avoid a potential choking hazard.)
9. Reading books. We love reading books together. Not only is reading to my daughter good for her brain and language development, it’s also great snuggle time! (Don’t miss this list of more than 100 children’s books worth reading!)
10. Playing with Princess Dominoes. Any dominoes work. We happen to have the Disney Princess ones. Sometimes we match up the princesses in a row like a domino game and every so often, we use them like building blocks.
Available in wildlife (shown), dinosaur, outer space and unicorn
11. Playing with Play-Doh.Play-Doh can be a bit messy, but if you are sitting with your kiddo and playing that helps keep the mess down. I also use Glad Press-n-Seal on the table (tape it down if it doesn’t stick well) for my kiddo to play on. It makes for easier clean up. Whether you use a Play-Doh set or just dough, it’s a fun activity that lets you sit down.
12. Building things with Legos or other building blocks. Right now this means making towers or rudimentary shapes; we’re not building fancy Lego models of any sort.
13. Drawing on her magnetic drawing board. Surprisingly, my daughter is impressed with my stick figures when she asks me to draw things like our family. I also use the magnetic drawing board to show her what her name looks like. She’ll often ask me to write other names. She now knows the first two letters of her name as a result. Of course, she also draws on it herself.
14. Cutting paper with safety scissors. I just bought some safety scissors for the kiddo along with a pad of construction paper. She’s not super great at cutting just yet, but she loved the idea of it. We laid on the living room floor for a good 45 minutes alternating between cutting the construction paper and drawing on it.
15. Playing under a blanket. Sometimes I sit on the floor and put a blanket over our heads. This tickles my toddler. It’s like we have our own clubhouse. Sometimes it turns into peek-a-boo, and sometimes we just play under there. She loves it. It tickles her even more when the dog joins us under the blanket.
Even more low-key toddler activities at home
16. Fill a dishpan with dry beans and give the kiddo cupcake pans, spoons, measuring cups, plastic Easter eggs, etc., to move the beans around. It’s not totally clean (you will have some beans on the floor), but it’s not bad and will keep the kiddo entertained for a while.
17. Playing with stickers. Buy some stickers, peel off the sticky part that surrounds the stickers (to make them easier for little fingers to remove) and give the kiddo a sheet of paper. Just keep an eye on your toddler to make sure the stickers go on the paper and not themselves, their baby brother or all over your house!
18. Playing with baby dolls. Pretend play is always a good thing. If you don’t have baby dolls or if you have a boy, then find something else similar to play with that you can take care of together. Playing house/real life is a great toddler activity!
19. Having a tea party. You don’t even have to serve real beverages or snacks (though you totally can). Just sit together and pretend to have a tea party or snack time.
20. Brushing the dog. The kiddo does like to help with this. The dog isn’t quite as sure, but he loves the treat she gives him afterward!
21. Painting finger or toenails. My kiddo isn’t allowed to have paint on her fingernails until she totally stops putting her thumb in her mouth (feel free to judge me), but I’m thinking of trying her toenails this summer.
22. Playing “beauty parlor.” Let the kiddo brush your hair, put clips in it, etc. You can do funny hairstyles for her, put makeup on her, etc. (My curly hair is a bit nervous about the potential tangles on this one, but I already do this a bit.)
23. Make sun prints. Use sunscreen to paint on a piece of dark colored construction paper, then put in the sun to dry for a few hours. The sunscreen will keep the paper from fading, but the areas without sunscreen will fade.
24. Playing nap for mommy. The kiddo came up with this game on her own a month or so ago. Now a couple of times a week she will pretend to tuck me in, give me a doll or stuffed animal to sleep with and want me to be quiet. She tells me to let her know if I need anything, so I have to pretend to need drinks of water every so often. It’s a pretty nice gig that she actually enjoys!
25. Playing doctor with a doctor’s kit. This happens all the time around here. If your toddler isn’t into doctor’s kits, you might let him/her watch an episode or two of Doc McStuffins. Sitting for a checkup is pretty easy, even when you’re not feeling well. My daughter also loves for us to hold her toys while she examines them.
26. Playing with tools. A friend lets her kids bring in a ride-on toy then they turn it upside down and sit on the floor with their play tools pretending to fix it. Pretty much any relatively large toy could use some sort of repair with a play toolkit! Plus many toddler toolkits come with things to work on as well.
27. Playing with paper or magnet dress-up dolls. Paper dolls can be a bit more fragile, so use your best judgment for them. We love magnetic dress-up dolls!
28. Playing with Mr. Potato Head. Sometimes a classic is a classic for a reason. Mr. and/or Mrs. Potato Head are fun toddler activities!
29. Playing with puppets. Whether you have hand puppets or finger puppets, you can have fun with them. We don’t get fancy or carried away with puppets. We just sit together and have our puppets interact with each other. Easy and fun!
30. Playing with a reusable sticker pad. The great thing about reusable sticker pads is that sticker fun continues for more than a few minutes. And you don’t have to worry about stickers getting put other places that are hard to remove.
Bonus tips for playing at home with toddlers
Consider heading to a local teacher supply store or learning tools store for great ideas. For example, a friend of mine found some awesome wipe-off boards and books with dry-erase crayons
And, finally, just change the scenery and play in different rooms in the house. One of my kiddo’s favorite places to play is our long bedroom hallway. Sometimes we go there to play and shake up our routine so we aren’t always playing in the living room.
How we prioritize the birth of Jesus and celebrate with Santa Claus
I originally wrote these words in December of 2013. My kids were 4 and almost 1 that Christmas. Now they are 12 and almost 9. We have had a conversation about Santa with our oldest who now enjoys sharing Santa with her little brother. Our Santa holidays are winding down, but I don’t regret them one bit. This post explains why.
Santa Claus. The jolly figure incites a variety of feelings in various folks. Some insist that they won’t let their kids believe in Santa. They contend that they won’t lie to their children or that Santa isn’t the reason for the season. Others insist that Santa is a huge part of their Christmas celebration and even as adults they believe in him to some degree.
Affiliate links are used in this post, if you make a qualifying purchase via my link, I receive a small percentage of the sale at no additional cost to you. It helps support my blog, so thank you for your support! Read my full disclosure here.
What Santa is like at our house
Around my house, my kids believe in Santa Claus. However, they also know the full truth of the Christmas season. Well, at least the 4-year-old does, but the baby will learn about Jesus’ birthday one of these days, too. The Santa that exists around here is one who brings some gifts on Christmas morning. He is one we go to visit at the mall and smile for a photo. He is one for whom we leave out cookies and milk. Our Santa is one who leaves a letter for the kiddos and sometimes sends a video message. And that’s pretty much our extent of celebrating with Santa.
We don’t threaten that if behavior isn’t good then he won’t bring gifts. We expect good behavior year-round just because that’s what is expected. Our children must learn obedience as simply the right thing to do. We have a trust relationship in that way. We won’t lead them astray if they follow our instructions. (That’s the theory, anyway. The practice is just that — practice!)
My history with Santa
My husband and I both grew up believing in Santa. I very distinctly remember finding out that he wasn’t real. My mom was drying my hair. I asked her if Santa really existed. I think she tried to change the subject, but I was as persistent with my questions then as a child as I am now as a journalist. She told me gently that he was pretend. It didn’t traumatize me at all. I just understood that I was old enough to know and be in on the other side of the fun secret. I understood the tradition of Santa as well. In fact, I continued to leave out milk and cookies for him into my teen years and quite enjoyed doing so.
One of my family’s traditions of Santa included a letter from him. I do remember noticing that his handwriting looked a lot like my mom’s the year before I found out the truth. (Thank goodness for computers! I now type the letters for my kiddos.) My mom was creative and I looked forward to those letters, even after I knew the truth.
The real meaning of Christmas
So, I will let my children continue to believe in Santa Claus as long as they can. While we didn’t really introduce Santa to my daughter from the start in a very tangible way, she learned about him and fell in love with him. But she also learned about Jesus’ birth and fell in love with Him. That’s the most important part. In our slew of Christmas books, the vast majority focus on the birth of Jesus. My daughter can tell you all about how Jesus was born in a manger because there was no room in the inn and that a bright star lead shepherds to find Him. For example, last week we were outside after dark and she saw a bright star. She thought that was the Star of David.
Even better to me, my child fully understands why the birth of Jesus is so great. We read the story of Jesus’ birth the other day. Then she turned to me and said, “Now let’s read the other story of when Jesus grows up and goes back up into heaven.” She gets it as much as a 4-year-old can get it. Believing in Santa and the fun that comes with that belief hasn’t impeded on her understanding the true meaning of Christmas.
We also very much enjoy the VeggieTales story of St. Nicholas. St. Nicholas, in whom Santa is rooted, is a testament to giving to those in need. That gives us a chance to talk about giving gifts as a celebration of Jesus’ birth. We talk about how Santa is good. After all, what I like most about Santa is his spirit. He has a spirit of kindness and generosity. He has a touch of magic with flying reindeer, laying his finger beside his nose and disappearing. And he has a spirit of fun and laughter with his jolly “Ho, ho, hos!” Santa offers a wonderment that enhances a Christmas season with little ones.
The future
One of these days, my children will learn the truth. We’ll talk about it. I’ll answer any questions they have and I will tell them some of these very things. I will tell them that the spirit of Santa is very real in spite of his lack of corporeal form. I’ll tell them that they are now old enough to be in on the secret and help share in the wonderment of the little ones that come after them. And we’ll continue any holiday traditions they enjoy. At the end of the conversation, they will still trust me. I am their mother. A trusting relationship is of the utmost importance to me.
Even by now, my almost 11-month-old knows he can trust me to take care of his needs. If he’s crying in his crib, he stops as soon as I enter the room. He’s learned I’m on it and will take care of him. Believing in Santa and later learning the truth isn’t going to change the innate trust and relationship we’ve built.
And so this year, my kiddos will believe in Santa Claus. I make no apologies for that and am not ashamed of that. I look forward to the excitement that will come in picking cookies to leave out for him and see what he’s brought come Christmas morning.
An update from the present (2021)
In the years since I first wrote this post, some things have changed. My kids have gotten older. When she was 10, my oldest had a few experiences that led her to believe maybe Santa wasn’t real. My husband and I took her out to dinner to her favorite restaurant and we chatted one-on-one.
She wasn’t devastated. Of course she had some questions, but she was fine about it. And she was super excited to help continue the spirit of Santa with her younger brother.
My youngest will be 9 in a couple of months. I know it won’t be much longer until we’ll have a similar conversation with him. We have had some great family memories made over these past few Christmases that I am thankful for.
A few years ago, we also introduced our version of Elf on the Shelf. Much like Santa, the elf isn’t about monitoring behavior in our family. He is about having some clean fun. (Check out “14 Ways we made Elf on the Shelf work for our family” for more info. You can also find some elf pose ideas and a free Santa letter printable.)
How we’ve kept Jesus the focus of Christmas
We have also worked to make sure that from the beginning our kids knew Christmas was more about celebrating the birth of Jesus. One of the first ways we did this was by reading a Bible verse or two a day from Dec. 1 through 25 that led through the birth of Jesus. Each night, we’d review what had happened in the story so far. (Check out “8 Simple Christmas traditions to bring your family closer” for more info on how we did the verses as well as free printable verses your family can use.)
The verse tradition has grown into a devotion time each evening in December. We started with “A Family Christmas, Volume 1” and are now moving on to “A Family Christmas, Volume 2.” Both books have 5-minutes daily devotions for Dec. 1 through 25 to go through the Christmas story.
A giveaway of a faith-based way for moms and daughters to connect
Affiliate links are used in this post. If you make a qualifying purchase via my link, I receive a small percentage of the sale at no additional cost to you. I only recommend products and services I use and love. It helps support my blog, so thank you for your support! Read my full disclosure here.
A couple of years ago, my daughter and I discovered shared journals. We fell in love with the idea of being able to write back-and-forth to each other. It was a great way to connect, but we were disappointed that we couldn’t find one like us: a bit serious and a bit silly. So, we decided to create own. Thus the idea for “Connecting with Grace” was born.
And now “Connecting with Grace” is completed and ready just in time for the Christmas season!
What is a mother and daughter shared journal?
A mother and daughter shared journal is a journal that a mom and daughter both write in. Instead of all blank pages, however, the journal includes writing prompts and questions to get the conversation flowing. The mom and daughter then pass the journal back and forth to each other after they’ve written in it.
Lexi and I usually leave it on the other one’s bed for them to see it. We read what the other one wrote and then write as well. Sometimes we make comments specifically on what the other one wrote, but mostly we move on to the next prompt.
Mother and daughter journals can be a great way to connect without having to sit and talk face-to-face. It gives you a chance to think about your words before you write them. You can be more contemplative and honest. Though Lexi and I both enjoy writing, the benefit of a mother and daughter shared journal is that the writing prompts make sure we have something to talk about each time we write so we don’t get repetitive or somehow run out of things to say.
How “Connecting with Grace” is different
Faith is a big part of our lives, so we wanted to have a mother and daughter shared journal that included a faith component. But at the same time, we didn’t want something all serious, all the time. Because we are a mix of serious and silly. And sometimes we are seriously silly!
When we were working on “Connecting with Grace,” we wanted to make it something we would love and use. Most prompts include a Bible verse. A few have inspirational quotes instead. And each topic has a page for a mother and a page for a daughter. (If you have more than one daughter you want to do this with, you can always use “Connecting with Grace” with a separate journal or notebook as well.)
The 50 different prompts include topics like school, the Bible, relationships, friendships, womanhood and more. We also added in some blank journal pages throughout that you can use for whatever you most want to do. And there are five Q&A sections throughout to help you get to know each other even better.
Lexi and I know each other well, so we tried to come up with things that we didn’t actually know about each other. We worked well together in writing questions. For example, Lexi let me know when my questions sounded too much like a Sunday School teacher!
We also didn’t want to add pressure to busy schedules, so we didn’t date the journal in any way. That way you can complete on your own timeframe. We have written in ours daily sometimes and weekly other times. It really just depends on what’s going on in our lives.
Another component we really wanted to include was ideas for one-on-one time together. We’ve called them “Face-to-face with Grace” and included 10 of them throughout the book. Because while we love the idea of getting to share with one another through writing, we also think it’s important to be intentional about spending time together.
Where to buy “Connecting with Grace”
Right now “Connecting with Grace” is available on Amazon as a paperback for $12. It is part of Amazon Prime, so it will ship quickly and free to you if you are an Amazon Prime member. The journal is 8.5 x 11 inches so you have plenty of space to write. We went with white paper to make writing with any writing utensil easy to show up.
A chance to win a “Connecting with Grace” gift basket
We’re so excited to share “Connecting with Grace” with the world. So, we are doing a giveaway to get it into the hands of a lucky winner. And we’re adding in some other items for a perfect mother and daughter bonding gift basket!
(This giveaway is in no way sponsored by the makers of the products we are including in the gift basket along with our book.)
Along with a paperback copy of “Connecting with Grace,” the winner will also receive the following:
A set of 6 magnetic inspirational bookmarks to use for marking your page in “Connecting with Grace” and extras for any other book you’re reading.
A set of 4 glittery ink pens you can use to write in “Connecting with Grace.”
A box of Russel Stover chocolates to snack on while you’re journaling. (Or any other time, because there’s never a bad time for chocolate!)
A blank journal you can use to make additional notes, include a second (or more) daughter or even just to write your insights for “Connecting with Grace” in case you don’t want to write in the journal itself.
The giveaway starts at 12 a.m. EST on Nov. 2, 2021 and ends at 12 a.m. EST on Nov. 15, 2021. A winner will be randomly selected and, once confirmed that they fulfilled the mandatory guideline of “liking” Families with Grace on Facebook, will be announced on the Families with Grace Facebook page by 2 p.m. EST on Nov. 16, 2021.
What I want my daughter to know before her brother is born
I originally wrote these words two weeks before my son was born in January of 2013. I was preparing to become a mother of two. And I also tried to prepare my daughter for becoming a big sister. While we have grown and changed throughout these years, the message here remains the same.
As I get closer and closer to having our baby boy, I’ve been thinking about the things I want my daughter to know. I know that becoming a big sister will forever change her life. Because I am the youngest of two, I will never completely know her station in a family. I’ve never been an oldest sibling. I know my own older brother wasn’t too excited to have to share our parents with me when I was born, but I like to think he came around eventually.
Right now, my daughter is excited. She talks about the things she will teach Baby Brother. When my parents and in-laws were here painting his nursery just over a week ago, she sat at the kitchen table and painted him pictures to hang on his wall. With every stroke of her paintbrush, she talked about how he would love them. And he will one day. We will hang them on the wall in the midst of the superhero art we’ve chosen as the nursery theme.
However, she still doesn’t really know what’s coming. We’ve tried to prepare her as much as possible by explaining that Baby Brother will be small to start with and not able to play with her. We’ve explained that he might cry a lot, because that’s the only way babies can communicate (or “investigate” as she sometimes mistakenly says). I’ve even mentioned to her that he might wake mommy up a lot a night, so I might be more tired after he’s born. I’ve talked with her a little bit about nursing so she’s not utterly shocked or anything.
But, I can’t explain to her what having a newborn in the house is like. I can’t really explain to her what it’s like to go from an only child to a sibling because I’ve never done it. I was born a sibling. So was my husband.
I am incredibly excited to have this new member of our family. At the same time, I know it will be an adjustment for my daughter (and us!). I’ve been praying about it. And I’ve been thinking about what I want her to know before he’s born and she becomes a big sister. There are things I tell her, but there are other things that she just isn’t old enough to understand, yet. Some things I want her to know I will just have to show her and go without saying because she’s still only a 3-year-old.
I will always love you.
I want my daughter to know that no matter what, I will always love her. My heart is big enough to love two children. I have loved my husband for so long and love him so completely. I can’t imagine life without him. When our daughter was born, my heart grew to include a deep love for her that is complete and so strong it takes my breath away. Already my heart has grown to love this child along with my daughter. A mother’s heart has plenty of room for love. I never want my daughter to question that. I want her to always feel my love.
Having a sibling is cool.
I want my daughter to know that having a sibling is cool. My brother and I aren’t super close, but he’s my brother. He’s the one other person in this world who grew up with the exact same parents I did. We’ve been through challenges together throughout the years. We’ve learned how to work together to help our family through crisis as adults like we did back in 2005 when my dad had an accident and his life dangled precariously in the balance for weeks.
I want my daughter to know that her brother will be her brother for life. And she’ll always be his big sister. My prayer is that the two of them are close and have a good friendship and relationship. I want her to know that even when she has times he drives her crazy (and vice versa!) that at the end of the day, they will still have each other and the love of a sibling.
Being a big sister is an important job.
I want my daughter to know that she will be a role model. One thing I know as a younger sibling is how much we look up to our older siblings. I looked up to my brother and my cousin who was like another older brother for years. Her Baby Brother will do the same. It’s a cool responsibility to be a role model. She’ll be a good big sister with her compassionate heart and sensitive spirit. I’m excited to see how she rocks her big sister journey.
You don’t have to be a little mama.
I want my daughter to know that she’s a good helper, but she doesn’t have to be a little mother. She only has to be a big sister. My daughter loves to help around the house. With any task we’re working on, she’ll ask if we need help and try to help however she can. There have been many times I’ve carried the laundry basket lower through the house so she can hang on to one end and help me with it. She loves helping unload the dishwasher. Yesterday she wanted to help wipe down Baby Brother’s crib, so I armed her with a baby wipe and she had a great time. She just loves to help.
I will love for her to help and feel included with the baby, but I never want her to think she is responsible for him. First and foremost she is a little girl and I want her to enjoy being a little girl for as long as she can.
Life can be good, even when it’s difficult.
I want my daughter to know that even when life doesn’t seem fair, it’s still good. I know there will be struggles coming our way with who’s getting the most attention. Newborns are needy. They aren’t one bit understanding. Honestly, 3-year-olds aren’t super different in that department. There will be times she won’t think it’s fair for me to be doing something with the baby when she’d rather I was playing with her. I know that will happen. It can’t be avoided.
But I want her to know life is still good. I want her to come to understand that if she gives me a few minutes to take care of Baby Brother then I will have more time to peacefully play with her later. And when he gets older and does things like knock over the blocks she’s building or tears a page in her favorite book, I pray she’ll have compassion and understanding with him.
You will always be my baby girl.
I want my daughter to know that she will always be my baby girl. I tell her this often. She agrees that even though she’s a big girl now, she’s OK with still being my baby girl. But, she doesn’t really know what I mean. What I mean is that no matter how big she gets, I’ll never forget the first time I saw her after she was born. I’ll never forget looking deep into her eyes during middle-of-the-night feedings and wondering about the person she’d become. I’ll never forget snuggling close with her at all stages of her life thus far. Of course, I’ll never forget her first steps or her first words. I’ll never forget her own language she created for a while before she could really talk.
There are so many things that I’ll always remember every time I look at her. She is my precious girl. And just because I will have another baby with whom to experience so many of these things doesn’t make the times I shared with her any less precious.
Change is coming around these parts. It will be good, and it will bring challenges. My daughter continues to have lessons to learn as she navigates life and my son will be coming right behind her. Their dad and I have a big responsibility in raising them together. We’ve all got messages we need to hear from one another loud and clear, even when they come through actions. After all, that’s what being a family is all about.
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