This past Saturday evening was an exciting one around my house. My husband and daughter headed off on a date to a daddy/daughter dance. They had gone last year as well, and my daughter was excited to go again this year. The dance included princesses, face painting and yummy Chick-Fil-A food.

My son and I decided that we weren’t going to be left out. While there were no mother/son events going on, we made our own date night. I must say it was even better than I thought it would be, and I had pretty high expectations!

The dates started with my husband arriving at the door with a bouquet of pink roses for our daughter. A moment later, my son entered with a single pink rose for me. He was so excited to give it to me. He even took the photograph on the left to commemorate the event. He told me he wanted a photo so I can always remember the rose. Be still my heart!

After we said good-bye to my husband and daughter, I asked my son what he wanted to do. Earlier in the week, we had tentatively planned to go somewhere to eat and then hit up Chick-Fil-A for ice cream and its play place. (My son doesn’t like Chick-Fil-A chicken. I don’t understand it, but I really am doing my best to parent him in spite of that!) But, as the day had gone on Saturday, my son decided he wanted to make dinner for me. The problem is that he’s 5, and his culinary skills are limited. That doesn’t even count the fact that he is quite a particular eater, which made it even harder for him to think of something to prepare.

Hoping to ease his mind, I told him I’d take him anywhere he wanted to eat. I mentioned a few of his favorite places. But he insisted he wanted to eat at home and really wanted peanut butter and crackers that he’d make himself. Just as I finished spooning peanut butter out onto his plate beside some crackers, his two neighborhood buddies came knocking on our back door pleading with him to come and play. He told them no because he was about to eat. I made myself some peanut butter and jelly crackers then we sat down to eat and chat.

I told my son that if he wanted to just stay home and play with his friends, that was fine with me. I explained that I wanted him to have a good evening, no matter what that meant. But he didn’t want to do that. We talked about what he really wanted to do. His school has a new playground that he really wanted to have a chance to play on and show me closer up. It’d been finished for a week, but every time we were there, it was just after school and crawling with kiddos. I stayed on the sidelines. I told him we’d wear our warm coats and just go. Then I suggested that maybe we could stop by the frozen yogurt place and get some fro-yo with all our favorite toppings. He was excited! (Not going to lie, I was, too!)

When his friends returned to ask him to play yet again as we were getting ready to leave, he told them no. Here’s what warmed my heart the most of the entire evening: he picked me. He doesn’t get to play with his neighborhood buddies all that often. But he picked me. I felt honored that he’d make such a choice, even before he knew there would be fro-yo with toppings involved.

As we headed out for our adventures, he stopped me from opening my car door so he could open it for me. And then we went all over the new playground at school. It was a bit dirty thanks to some recent rain, but we explored every nook and cranny together. I climbed on things with him. We checked it all out, and I helped him try out a couple of things he’d been hesitant to do on his own. We had a great time that went much quicker than even I expected.

We headed off for fro-yo. He picked peanut butter yogurt (which was a shock because he is usually a vanilla guy) and opted for small amounts of various toppings. I chose chocolate yogurt and less variety of toppings, but my favorite ones. I then sprung an extra 25-cents so he could have a color changing spoon. He picked a blue one. The two of us smiled as we realized the blue turns purple when it’s cold, which was an appropriate combination since blue is his favorite color and purple is mine.

We sat at the counter table together and both got tickled at a song about gummy bears. As we ate and chatted, I looked at his sweet little face just as “The Time of Your Life” from the movie “A Bug’s Life” started playing. The lyrics stuck out to me: “This is the time of your life, so live it well.” I can’t think of a more appropriate sentiment for our evening. The entire time was just about my son and me. We enjoyed each other. I marveled at how big he is getting to be as a kindergartener. I laughed at his antics and listened to his stories. We really just enjoyed one another. It was good. It was the perfect low-key date, which are my favorite kind. We ended it at bedtime with me following his prayer with a prayer of my own thanking God for my son and how awesome of a kid he is.

This really is the time of my life. These days won’t last for long. I have a feeling that I’m going to blink a couple more times and my son will be taller than me, not wanting to hang out with his mom at the school playground and yogurt place. Even though my life isn’t perfect right now and has struggles, there are so many good things. While we plan big events and activities for the kids, it’s these simple moments that stay in my heart the most. They are the ones I want to hold on to and not let go. It is the time of my life, and I want to live it well!

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Family game night ideas for readers and non-readers alike!

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Family game night is one of our favorite activities around my house. Sometimes, however, it can be challenging to find games that all four of us like. Since our youngest kiddo is just in kindergarten and an early reader, we have to find games that don’t require much reading. Finding those games that are also fun for my husband and me along with our 9-year-old can be a challenge. While Candyland, for example, is a fun game with a little one, it quickly grows boring for older children and adults.

But we have found a few games that work well for all four of us. These are games that require either no reading or minimal reading and are actually fun. Even better, all of them are under $20! In fact, only two are above $10 and the last two are less than $5. Go ahead, pop some popcorn and prepare for a fun family game night for all ages!

Toilet Trouble

My son received this game from a friend for his 5th birthday. We weren’t sure if it would be too messy or what we would think about it, but my kids fell in love with it. In fact, when I told them I was writing about our favorite family games, this is the first one they both named! It’s a simple game where you spin a roll of toilet paper to see how many times you have to flush a toilet that is filled with water. At random times the flush will make water squirt out of the toilet, in which case the player is eliminated. The last player standing is the winner. It’s completely random and not skill based, so age and experience really don’t matter one bit.

I suggest keeping a dish towel on hand to wipe off the spills that happen sometimes as little ones excitedly pass the toilet back and forth and wipe faces when they get sprayed, but it isn’t too messy to play inside or even at a dining room table that has carpet underneath. Our whole family has enjoyed this game, including my parents who have played it with us as well. My mom got such a kick out of it with my kids that she purchased it for my brother’s kids, too!

Rory’s Story Cubes

This one is fun and simple. It could be played almost anywhere. In fact, this is one that we tend to play in the living room. Each player gets a couple of six-sided dice that have different images on each side. At the beginning of a round, everyone rolls their dice. The first person begins a story based around one of the images they rolled. We usually start with the youngest and then rotate who starts the story from there. Each person builds on the story based on their images on the dice. 

The nice thing with this game is that it’s fun (and can get silly!) but doesn’t have a winner. It’s a cooperative effort for the whole family. It’s one of those games where you never have to try and soothe the hurt feeling of a loser, because there are no losers!

Family Feud Strikeout Card Game

This is based off of the television show. This one works better if you have a few more players, but you can play it with four players. If it’s just the four of us, we play more often cooperatively. But when we played it with my parents a few months ago, we teamed up three to a team. It does require a bit of reading, but it wasn’t an issue to my son. Since we were on teams, we helped him with the words and then he was able to come up with some good answers for the questions.

Hungry, Hungry Hippos

This one is a classic, but it really is still a hit with my family. I will say that my husband and I tire of this one before the kids do, but we get in a few good rounds with it and play some variations sometimes. There is one yellow ball for the hippos to eat and the rest are red. One version is that whoever gets the yellow ball wins, but that doesn’t go over quite so well with my kiddos. We have modified it so that the yellow ball is just worth 2 points instead of one. We also take turns on who gets to say “Go!” on this one to help keep it fair.

Go Fish

While you can play Go Fish with a regular deck of cards, there are all sorts of variations that make it more fun for little ones. Years ago, we found a version that was dinosaurs that my kids have enjoyed, but there are so many versions for whatever your family enjoys!

For example, there is a sea life version, an educational learn the alphabet version, a safari animal version that includes instructions for Old Maid as well and even a Bible version!

My favorite kind of days are the ones where we don’t have to leave the house. That may be because I’m an introvert, or it may be because six days a week we have somewhere to be between school and church. It’s probably a combination of both.

Today we are having that kind of Saturday. We have gotten some tasks accomplished around the house. (We are still getting a few things unpacked from our move a few months ago.) And the kids have had a great time playing together. Last night we bought them a volleyball, which they’ve been wanting. So after lunch they headed out back to play with the volleyball. About 15 minutes later they came running in the door, excited to have discovered a fuzzy caterpillar. I have heard them called woolly worms, but I have since learned they are more often called woolly bears.

Both kids have had caterpillars in their classrooms to watch them make cocoons and turn into butterflies. So they were excited to capture this caterpillar and make him their own. I felt less enthusiasm. But they were so excited and had him in a metal lunchbox that I couldn’t help but agree. So I got out a container that had originally held takeout egg drop soup. My husband made air holes in the lid and suddenly, Willy the woolly bear became our pet. 

I told the kids to do some research on how to best take care of him. I decided to do some checking myself. And then I learned that the woolly bear does indeed make a cocoon and turns into a relatively pretty moth, but that he is cocooned all winter long. All. Winter. Long. I thought for sure this would deter my children as we talked about how they’ll have to make sure he has leaves and water drops every day until he cocoons and how they’ll have to take him out and clean out his habitat every couple of days for months on end. But they remained excited.

So, now Willy is on my front porch. (We learned they like cool weather best.) They even made him a little nest to put him in for a few minutes to get fresh air. They made a chart to keep track of the tasks that need to be done for him each day. They are excited. We are going to see about finding a more see-through home for Willy so they can see him without having to take off the lid of the container.

You never know what a Saturday will bring. I guess this will be a good chance for them to work on responsibility to take care of a pet. We’ve talked about getting a dog sometime soon since ours passed away in 2016. I’m not saying that if poor Willy doesn’t fare well that there won’t be a dog, but I am saying that if he does fare well, then I’ll be more confident in how much the kids can help with a pet.

And this is life with kids. I’ve never thought it’d be cool to have a caterpillar in my care. I still don’t think it’s all that awesome, but I love the enthusiasm coming from my kids. That is the story with parenthood. We may not always be thrilled — and I have already declared I’m not cleaning up Willy’s, ahem, output — but we do find times to compromise and go with something our kids are excited about. 

Now, you’ll have to excuse me. I need to make a trip to PetSmart to buy an insect habitat…

In May of 2016, our beloved family dog had to be put to sleep after a short battle with an aggressive cancer that couldn’t be treated. In May of 2017, my last remaining grandparent — my maternal grandmother — passed away after a few months battling varying issues. A couple of days ago, my uncle died after dealing with kidney cancer over the last year. While cancer makes you think we’d be prepared, we weren’t. His treatment had actually gone well overall. When complications started a couple of weeks ago, even those seemed to be resolved. Until overnight everything changed and within 12 hours, he was in heaven. 

Dealing with these loses has been difficult. Each time, in the midst of my own grief, one of my first thoughts has been, “How are we going to tell the kids?” Because grief with kiddos is hard, and they were very close to each of these loved ones. I want to protect them and shelter them from every hurt that can happen in this imperfect world. I want to make it all better for them. Yet, that isn’t one bit how it works. I know there are articles and books written on grief with kids. I know there are actual experts on the topic. I am certainly not, but I do know what dealing with grief looks like in our family. And from that experience, I offer some thoughts.

Give yourself time to process the loss.
I have found it’s important to not tell my children until I’m ready to have a conversation without sobbing. My husband and I need time to process the loss first before we can talk to them. This has happened in various amounts of time based on the situation. But usually, it has been within 12 to 24 hours. 

Use the right words.
Once we are ready to talk, then we sit down together as a family without distractions and try to be as straightforward as possible using words like “die” and “death,” so they understand what we mean. Little kids, especially, don’t understand or know euphemisms such as “passed away.”

Talk about heaven.
We talk about how our loved ones, especially in each of their situations, are no longer in pain. We talk about how they can run free. As the losses have continued to accumulate, we even talk about our loved ones interacting in heaven. We talk about how good it is for them there. We talk about how we can be happy for them but sad for us and that is OK.

Discuss different reactions and emotions.
My son is the youngest of our family. He was 3 when our dog died, 4 when my grandma died and now is 5. He processes things very matter-of-factly and doesn’t quite get all the feelings right away. My daughter was 6, 7 and 9 during these losses and understands them differently. She immediately tears up. We talk about how it’s OK to cry and it’s OK to not cry. We talk about how sometimes we feel like crying when it surprises us or sometimes we don’t cry when we think we would. There is no wrong way to have feelings during losing a loved one. Sometimes sadness comes out in tears and sometimes in other ways. My older brother, for example, was almost 4 when our paternal grandpa died and my mom said his first reaction was anger. And that’s OK, too.

Let kids see your emotions.
I don’t often cry in front of my children. I have times of getting teary or choked up, but outside of these losses, I’ve not really cried in front of them. I think it’s important for them to see my tears and be reassured that any sadness they are feeling is OK and they aren’t alone. My husband usually displays his sadness without as many tears, because that’s more his nature and that’s OK, too.

Let them ask questions. 
After we give them the information, talk about heaven and emotions, we also make sure to ask if they have questions. I have been surprised sometimes at where their minds go and the things they wonder about. We are also honest when they ask questions that we don’t know like “Why did God want them in heaven now?”

We also reassure them that if they think of questions later or just want to talk about it or whatever, they are free to come to us any time. And we keep that open. It has pierced my heart a couple of times as they have brought up things later on that brings that grief coming back fresh, but I want them to have the freedom they need to process it in whatever amount of time it takes them or in whatever way they need to.

Address their fears. 
Sometimes our kids have brought fears up, but sometimes we have brought them up first. For example, we are quick to remind them that the kind of sickness our loved ones had was more than just a regular sickness and they don’t have anything to worry about if one of us gets sick with a cold or virus. Since I’ve had a few surgeries in these last few years, we are also careful about correlating a surgical procedure to death. It’s a pretty quick and easy leap for kiddos to start thinking sickness or surgery equal death. 

Follow their lead. 
Kids are so very resilient. Each time we have dealt with a loss, I am amazed at how quickly they shift gears from being sad to wanting to do something else. While my husband and I still need to deal with our grief in different ways, we do our best to move on with them to another activity. We have learned to plan something as a distraction each time that we can offer to get everyone shifting gears, even if it’s just going out to dinner. 

Talk about ways to be proactive. 
We try to also talk about how grief is hard. We don’t diminish that, because grief is really stinking hard. But we also assure them that we will get through this and it will get easier. And we talk about something we can do. For example, when my grandma died, we talked about how my mom and aunt would be feeling sad and maybe the kids could give them extra hugs. This week we’ve talked about coloring pictures and making sweet treats for my aunt to remind her that she isn’t alone.

Don’t push; just be there. 
While I have been surprised by my kids’ resilience and ability to shift gears, I have also been surprised at various times they bring up the loss and how they are sad. It pops out at odd times sometimes, just like it does for grown-ups. While my daughter has been older and tended to cry a bit with the information, she has moved on pretty well during the day. But then bedtime comes and she tends to struggle more. Last night, she crept back downstairs and was feeling very sad. So we just sat snuggled on the couch for a while, neither one of us talking. Sometimes sitting together in silence is the best. And then I gently helped her think of some other things to help her be able to move forward into going to sleep. 

Know when they need grace. 
This one can be a bit tricky to assess sometimes, but my kids get extra grace for their behavior and words when we are dealing with a loss. I need extra grace for my behavior and words. I know I’m not at my best and that sometimes I get grumpier much more than I would usually. I don’t expect them to be any different. So sometimes when they do something that would usually merit a strict punishment, they get off lighter or get a reminder that isn’t how we are supposed to behave. If it keeps happening, especially in one day, we stop and ask them questions about how they’re feeling. They don’t get carte blanche permission to do whatever they want to without consequence, but they do definitely get some grace along the way. 

Losing a loved one hurts. Each time, I have wished I could take the hurt away from my children and told them as much. But we’ve also talked about how it hurts because we had so much love, and love is a good thing. We have talked about good memories and how we’ll always have those memories. We have mourned together and even found some laughter in the midst of mourning. I really do wish I could take the grief for them, but I also want to do my best to prepare them for loss since hurt and grief is a part of the world.

I don’t have all the answers and am not an expert at dealing with grief myself. Sometimes I’m good at distracting myself and pretending if I don’t think about it that it will go away. (That never works, by the way.) But I have learned more and more through the years that sometimes I have to just let myself feel all the feels and be broken down in order to start healing. I have shared that with my children to an extent according to their ages. I have also learned, though, that no matter how hard and painful this stuff is that God is always there. He is always ready to comfort me. He hears me when I get a phone call with news and can only pray “Jesus” over and over because my heart is broken. In the end, as always, Jesus remains the answer to grief whether it’s my own or my children’s. I pray that they realize that and see me living that out, in spite of the times when I mess up.