A look at God’s goodness on difficult days

I first wrote this post about how God is good back in June of 2014 when my kiddos were toddler and preschool age. Remembering that God is good is always timely. Considering this post talks about them both being sick is even more timely for me right now since they are again both sick at the same time. Thankfully right now they are just dealing with head colds and don’t need nearly as much help at 9 and 12 as they did at 17 months and 4 years!

About two years ago my son came down with a virus. Considering the dude is 17 months old, I might be exaggerating. It was actually last Friday, but since my daughter has since come down with the same virus and it lasts about a week, time is passing a bit slowly for me right now.

The good news is that neither kid has been hit super hard with this virus, just enough to make them tired, a bit grumpy and clingy. It could be way worse. However, it’s also highly contagious. Somehow they shared their germs with my mom who hasn’t seen them in more than a week. Fortunately no one else has come down with it. We’re staying in and missing out on a good week of activities to keep our germs to ourselves. Maybe by this weekend we’ll be all clear of contagions. I can’t wait. Sick kids aren’t super fun, but being sick isn’t super fun, so I don’t blame them.

The exhausting everyday moments of parenthood

Last evening, though, my son was feeling better but still grumpy. He started getting back into things he hasn’t in weeks, like the dog’s water dish, over and over again. Then he was climbing on the table. He wanted to simultaneously be in my lap and on the floor. My daughter wanted to play. Her ideas were having me mimic her dance moves. I was tired. It had been a long day. It was the kind of day that lasted longer than my patience. I debated about loading everyone in the car in their pajamas just to go for a ride. I didn’t care where, I just needed to be out of the house and not have someone hanging off of me.

It was also raining. My husband had recently repaired a gutter and went outside to check on it. Lucky duck, I thought. At least he got to get out of the house. (My son might not have been the only grumpy one!) He came back in and said he had something neat to show our daughter. She slipped on shoes with her nightgown. I scooped up the baby and we went out, too. It was raining, but we have a covered patio. The “neat thing” my husband had to show off was an intricate spider web. My son couldn’t care less, I didn’t care much and my daughter thought it was pretty cool. However, we were out of the house! We sat on the patio, listening to the rain on the metal roof for a little while. It was the change of scenery that I think we all needed.

Finding joy in the simple things

Sometimes it’s the simple parts in life that make it so good. I wouldn’t say that this has been an overall great week. It hasn’t be horrible and could definitely have been worse, but it also could certainly have been better. My daughter is missing out on her first experience with Vacation Bible School thanks to being sick. She has literally been counting down the days for a month and was looking forward to having me be with her leading around the preschoolers. I was looking forward to her having fun and learning more about God. She is so very interested in God and Bible stories right now. She has a love for Him that makes my heart burst. I don’t want to quash that. I want to encourage and nurture that. And I thought VBS would be one way to do that.

However, God had different ideas. I’d be lying if I said I understood completely or knew what He was thinking. I don’t. In fact, I’ve cried about it this week a couple of times. I’ve prayed about it. As soon as my son got sick, I prayed that somehow my daughter and I wouldn’t so we could still go. I firmly believe God heard my prayer; He just said no. Sometimes “no” is a hard answer to hear. I think I’m more disappointed than my daughter is. But, I do know that always God has a plan. God is good and always in control. I can trust Him even when hardships — whether small or big — don’t make sense.

I’ve learned that lesson time and again, even when I doubt. I’ve learned that in living with a chronic illness when I’ve not understood reasons for suffering. And I’ve learned that when proverbial doors not only closed on me but slammed shut in my face and smashed some fingers in the process. God doesn’t always make sense.

In my humanity, I sometimes get mad about it. Sometimes my feelings get hurt. Sometimes I get so frustrated that in trying to do the right thing and making choices God has led me to make that I still can get punched in the face with a hardship. It’s not always fair. But, God never said life would be fair and therein lies the rub. Therein lies the difficulty.

God is good

However, I have learned that even when life doesn’t make sense, God does make sense. I have told my daughter time and again that she doesn’t always need to understand why my husband and I ask her to do something, she just needs to do it because we said so. (Trust me, the girl wants us to explain everything all the time and sometimes she just needs to trust us.) Just like I’d never lead my children astray, just like I have valid reasons for disciplining them when they do something wrong, so God does the same for me. At the end of the long, hard day — even through my hurt, frustration and tears — all I have left (all I really had to begin with) is to trust God and lean fully on Him.

I can look back now other major hardships in my life and see how God worked them for my good. I can look back at other hard times and still not understand them, but I trust that just like I look out for my children, He is looking out for me. My toddler and preschooler can’t understand as much as I do at age 35. I can’t understand as much as God does as the maker of the universe and creator of everything in it. I just have to trust in One Who loves me more than I can fathom.

And so even in small hardships like having temporarily sick kiddos who are missing out on things they were looking forward to, I can trust. I can know that God really does work all things to the good of those who love Him even when little things (and big things!) don’t make sense.

While I wouldn’t mind a bit of a break in the craziness of life this week, I am working to be thankful in all circumstances at all times. Because God is good all the time. He is ever faithful.

A growing list of encouraging quotes will uplift and inspire you

I love quotes and Bible verses that encourage and uplift me. In fact, I have shared many through the Motivation Monday and Truth Tuesday posts. I collect and have used those posts in my children’s lunchbox notes.

Right now, though, I’m not writing lunchbox notes, and I sometimes find quotes and verses that really speak to me but are a bit more than my children would relate to. And every so often, I find one of these in my own writing as well.

So, I decided to put together a new post of some of my favorite encouraging quotes and Bible verses complete with images you can easily Pin or share on social media if you’d like. I will continue adding to it!

“There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask “What if I fall?”
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?”
― Erin Hanson

“Worship gets you through the hardest times in your life because it shifts your focus from the problem to the Problem Solver.” — Unknown

“We must cling to God’s love and promises most when life leaves us downtrodden and feeling dismal.” — Stacey A. Shannon

“God never intended us to live in worry and stress over whether we’re good enough. We can rest in His almighty power.” — Rev. Mark Dill

“It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness.” — Confucius

“If you try to make everyone happy all the time, you won’t succeed and will lose parts of yourself. And that’s a shame, because the world has only one you.” — Stacey A. Shannon

“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life. It goes on.” — Robert Frost

“Groanings which cannot be uttered are often prayers which cannot be refused.” — Charles Spurgeon

“Why is it the ship beats the waves when the waves are so many and the ship is one? The reason is that ship has a purpose.” — Winston Churchill

“Look for the positive in each day, even if some days you have to look a little harder.” — Unknown

“I don’t always feel His presence. But God’s promises do not rest upon my feelings; they rest upon his integrity.” — R.C. Sproul

“If you don’t have faith, pray anyway. If you don’t understand or believe the words you’re saying, pray anyway. Prayer can start faith, particularly if you pray aloud. And even the most imperfect prayers is an attempt to reach God.” — Cary Grant

“Sometimes when we ask God our Why questions, instead of giving us answers He gives us Himself.” — Mary Jane Worden

“Statistics are human beings with the tears wiped off.” — Paul Brodeur

“I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; I will not refuse to do the something I can do.” — Helen Keller

“Gratitude turns what we have into enough.” — Aesop

“It is the Holy Spirit’s job to convict, God’s job to judge, and my job to love.” — Billy Graham

“Life is too short to stress over things that don’t matter in the long run. Instead, choose to let them go so you have room for all the good in your life.” – Stacey A. Shannon

“If Jesus is calling you to do something that may seem as impossible as walking on water, take courage. The One Who calls you will be present with you.” – Lisa Samra in “God Sees Her”

“When we turn our eyes toward the beautiful face of God, we can find strength and comfort that sustain us even in the midst of unanswered questions.” – Amy Peterson in “God Sees Her”

“Each life is made up of mistakes and learning, waiting and growing, practicing patience and being persistent.” – Billy Graham

Encouragement for anyone who ever feels overlooked

I wrote these words on a Sunday afternoon almost six years ago. When I read this again recently, I had to share it again.

Today (Sunday) had a rocky start, but it ended up transforming my worldview just when I needed it most. God likes to do that. And He doesn’t disappoint.

I felt like I wrangled greased pigs to get us out the door and to church mostly on time. I do not like to be late, but we almost were. My husband was at home sick. My son was going back to the nursery for the first time in months. And this was the first time I was taking both kids to church on my own.

Finding God through chaos

As I drove, I explained to my daughter we were later than usual and she needed to cooperate and not dilly dally on the way in. She understood. Then I asked her if she would pray with me that her brother would not cry in the nursery. I drove and prayed out loud. She added her own prayer. We whizzed into the parking lot and were off.

As a complete answer to prayer, my son didn’t even whimper when I handed him over to the nursery worker. He just watched me go and was completely fine. I slid into a back pew feeling a bit shell-shocked. How had that just happened? I remembered our prayer from 10 minutes earlier and realized that God had answered my prayer.

Today was one of those days when my mama heart was just fragile and achy for a wide array of reasons. I couldn’t exactly put a finger on what was off and making me sad, but something was. I slowly began to revel in the fact that God had heard me and answered my prayer as we began singing worship songs. And almost as surely as if He’d been sitting in the pew beside me, God spoke to me.

“You have not been forgotten.”

What?

“You have not been forgotten.”

The forgotten mama

My heart was filled. Tears sprung to my eyes. Forgotten. I had a name for what I’d been feeling the last couple of weeks. Forgotten. I am in a season where my life revolves around other people pretty much all of the time. 

While eating my breakfast, I thought about how 90% of the time, I was fine that life wasn’t about me. But 10% of the time, it stung. I didn’t quite know how to best manage that. Sometimes I wanted to do something for me. I wanted it to be about me sometimes. And sometimes I wanted to feel seen for who I was and heard for what was in my heart.

When we become moms, we disappear a bit. I’ve written about this many times. We disappear as our lives become so consumed with this small person (or people) who needs us. Heck, even just interacting with other people showcases that fact.  

Have you walked into a room with a baby in your arms and had someone stop and sincerely ask you how you’re doing? Neither have I. The baby gets the attention. And that’s OK.

But, over time, we mamas really can feel a bit forgotten, whether we recognize it or not. Add in that we forget about ourselves (when was the last time I got my hair cut or decided what I wanted to eat simply because it sounded good to ME?), and we are left a bit adrift.

Never forgotten

However, I have good news. I have good news that just arrived as a fresh balm to my aching heart this morning: You are not forgotten, mama. I am not forgotten. No matter how little the rest of the world sees of us, no matter how little we see of ourselves, God sees us. He sees us. HE sees US! We have not been forgotten.

And that includes prayers we’ve been praying for years and waiting for answers to. That includes the desires of our hearts that sometimes seem so far from obtainable we cry in despair. It also includes the pieces of ourselves we chip away in order to take care of our families. And it includes all the sacrifices we make. It also includes the hurts He continues to let us endure to remind us how much we need Him.  

We’re not flailing around down here without Someone noticing. He notices. He hasn’t forgotten us. He loves us. He sees us. He doesn’t overlook us. We are the desire of God’s heart even more than our children are the desire of our hearts. He has not forgotten you, mama. He loves you.

Dwell on that today. Remember that today as you tend to everyone else except yourself. Remember that today when you feel like no one is listening to your heart, even if that’s only because you’re too tired to express your heart to someone who cares. Remember that today when you start to feel like nothing more than a cook, maid and bottom-wiper. Remember that God sees you. God loves you. God encourages you. And He has not forgotten you. He wants to meet you where you are.

You are not forgotten!

A lesson I learned as a little girl has served me well

Growing up, we had a long (to my perception), dark hallway in our house. As a child with a good imagination, my imagination could get the best of me in that hallway and leave me frightened. I’d hurry down the hallway to get through it as fast as I could.

When I was in third grade, my Sunday School teacher taught us the first part of Isaiah 41:10, “So, do not fear for I am with you.” (She might have taught us the entire verse, but that is the part that stuck with me.)

From then on, I’d repeat that verse over and over to myself when I walked down that hallway. I continued doing so for a year or two until I was older and no longer afraid.

For years, I didn’t tell anyone this story. I wasn’t ashamed of it, but it just didn’t come up. I first wrote about this story as a high school student for a church youth newsletter I started and edited.

After my mom read the story, she immediately told me she wished that I’d have told her and she could have put a light in that hallway. (In fact, later on she had put a light in that hallway.) I assured her it was fine.

In the years since then, though, this lesson has stayed with me. Isaiah 41:10 continues to be my favorite Bible verse. I’ve learned the entire verse and carried it with me through many situations much more frightening than that dark hallway in my childhood home.

Teaching my children to lean on God

Now that I’m a mom myself, I think about this lesson from a new perspective. Would I have learned to rely on God when I’m scared so early on without this experience? I’m not so sure. It was a small situation that was big to me and first taught me how when I’m scared I can turn to God.

I question whether I am instilling these lessons in my own children now. I am reminded that while I want to make their lives incredibly easy and without struggle, that isn’t always best for them because life doesn’t work that way.

Learning to lean on God when I’m afraid is a lesson I am so glad to have learned. Getting outside of our fear and clinging to the One Who holds us in His hand is sometimes quite difficult. I pray that my children will learn this lesson since our God can comfort and protect them in more ways than I can.

Feeling thankful for adversity

Paul tells us to be thankful for our adversities. That can be incredibly hard to do. I have had times in my life where looking back later, I completely understood and felt thankful for past adversities. This dark hallway fear is an adversity from childhood for which I am thankful. I learned how to lean on God in the darkness, and that’s served me incredibly well.

The darkness — both literal and figurative — can be such a scary place. We can feel alone and our anxiety can be intense. It’s easy to have our imaginations and thoughts spiral into a very dark place.

However, we do have One Who is with us in the darkness, even when we may not understand it or feel He is missing. He remains faithful and true in spite of our feelings. And God has given us His Word to encourage and remind us Who we most need to put our trust in, even in the darkest of times.

Finding truth in the Word of God

Each day, I send a note in my kids’ lunch boxes. We have come up with theme days. For example, on Motivation Monday I send an encouraging or inspiring quote. On Wacky Wednesday I send a joke. On Truth Tuesday I send a Bible verse.

The majority of the time, I am the lunchbox note writer. But sometimes my husband takes on note duty as we are divvying up tasks. This week, he wrote the kids’ Truth Tuesday notes.

He chose Psalm 55:22. I’ve read this verse in the NIV Bible many times, but this was my first time reading it in the ICB (International Children’s Bible), which is what I usually use for my kids’ verses.

The verse pierced my heart as I looked over it to make an image for the ongoing Truth Tuesday post I make of verses I send.

I was challenged by the last part of the verse that says: “[God] will never let good people down.” The truth is I have felt like God has let me down before when He was quiet in responding to my pleas or He said no to a fervent prayer that I thought was in line with His will.

The NIV Bible says it this way: “[God] will never let the righteous be shaken.” And again I feel challenged, because I have certainly felt shaken many times when life has tossed me a major curveball that not only pummeled into me but totally switched my reality in unexpected ways.

The infallible Word of God

However, I also believe the Bible is the infallible Word of God. That means this verse is true whether I always feel its truth or not.

I have learned throughout my life and various struggles that God is ever faithful. He doesn’t always work in ways that make sense to me, but He is always there. God has never let me down, because He has never let me go.

My attention wanders away from Him sometimes, but He’s never taken His eye off me. During times when I felt like a burden was too much to bear, God has reminded me that He will help me carry the burden and even carry me when I need Him to.

I’ve also had times I have felt shaken, as the NIV Bible says. I have felt like a major earthquake has happened in my life, in fact. But I have never been shaken out of His hand.

The truth is in the midst of my hardest times when I was in utter despair and didn’t see or hear God, He was there. Always — ALWAYS — He has held onto me and reminded me of His presence if only I paid attention. He has brought me peace and comfort in the midst of days I thought would be the end of me. He has been ever faithful.

Who God is

When I ponder on Who God is in reality and in my life, I can say that He hasn’t let me down and He hasn’t let me be shaken from His grasp. He is ever faithful and always good. He is always working for my good, even when I don’t understand what’s going on.

And that, my friends, is why we don’t need to worry. We have the freedom to lay down our cares and burdens and place them on the shoulders of Someone who can not only bear them but is in charge of it all.

God didn’t make us to carry the load alone. He will hold us close even when we feel alone and keep us steady and safe even when we feel shaken.

He doesn’t promise that life will be easy, but He does promise He will be with us every step of the way. I am so very thankful for that.

How God uses our past struggles to grow and strengthen our faith

Yesterday morning I drove my kids to school so my husband could sleep in a bit. The last couple of nights have been his most comfortable nights of sleep and being able to be in bed since he fractured his ribs in mid-December. If the guy can finally have a chance to get good rest, I will let him!

As I was driving the kids, we were chatting. I told them we may have to go to the store and figure out a new cell phone for me. It’s been a long time coming. My battery is slowly getting worse and worse. We’ve replaced it, and that didn’t matter. We have tried most everything, but something in my chemistry is hard on phones. (No joke!) Sunday night, my phone turned itself off overnight while plugged in. I powered it up on Monday morning and within a minute it went from 100% battery to 94% and only went down from there. Plus, it was slow to even come on.

My daughter joked with me about what is up with me right now, because my car is also broken down and unusable. We are working on that as well. It needs a repair my husband can do once he is back to normal and the weather cooperates. But, it also is just an older car and time for us to upgrade to something newer.

I told my kiddos that we’d figure it out. No worries. And, you know what? I truly meant that. We will figure it out. We don’t need to worry.

As I was driving home, I thought about these things. I’m not excited to pay for a new cell phone or new car. I know the other expenses our family has. However, I really am also not stressed, which is remarkable to me.

I’ve come a long way from the person I was when my husband and I were first married at 20 and 22. I remember a few times in our early years of marriage that unexpected expenses would come up, and I’d burst into tears.

The difference between Stacey 20 years ago and Stacey now is a lot of living that’s given me perspective. I’ve learned what really matters; money, cars and cell phones aren’t at the top of the list. I’ve had ups and downs. I’ve survived losses, heartaches and health struggles. And I’ve grown and matured.

Even more importantly, I’ve grown in my faith. I have seen God provide a way for us time and again. My husband, who is our main income source, was without a job for an entire year and somehow that entire year we were able to continue paying our mortgage. We didn’t come out unscathed, but we made it through. Whenever an unexpected bill came in, usually an unexpected income arrived as well and we were able to make it.

We aren’t in that situation now, thankfully. While there are other things I’d rather spend the money on or put it in our savings, having a phone and car that work are necessary.

Since we both work from home, my husband and I have had some leeway in getting a new car for me. But we’ve had to do some intentional planning to make sure everyone gets where they need to be. Add in that he sometimes has to go into his office that is an hour away, and we definitely need another vehicle for transporting our family.

We will make it. We will figure it out. I’ve been praying that God will guide us and lead us in making good choices for our family as we figure it all out. I’m praying that He opens and closes the right doors for us as we go along. I fully trust that He will.

And I’m thankful I’m stronger. I can see how all the hard times I’ve been through have helped me to grow and mature in general and in my faith walk. I have survived when I thought I wouldn’t make it. I’ve seen God show up every single time. He has never left me hanging.

Feeling thankful for trials and hard times isn’t easy. Some of them I wish I could change, but I am thankful for the lessons learned and the ways God has used them to grow me.

How to maintain your confidence when life goes sideways

About three years ago, I met some friends from college for lunch. All four of us knew each other when we were young adults ready to make our mark on the world. We each went on to get post-graduate degrees in our fields.

In the time since college, we also each started families and made lives for ourselves. While we had kept in touch in various ways and levels since college, this lunch was one of the first times we had all four been together in quite a few years.

As we chatted and ate pasta, we talked about what was going on in our lives. At the time, my youngest was a preschooler who was only away from me for a couple of hours three times a week. I was also dealing with an ongoing health flare. As the conversation turned to professional endeavors, I didn’t have much to add.

The other three ladies all worked full-time outside the home. They were all making their marks in their fields. I, on the other hand, spent maybe 40 hours a YEAR working as a freelance journalist. Having babies and having health problems had made my career take a definite break.

While my friends weren’t dismissive of me in any way, shape or form and while we had plenty of other conversation that I was very engaged in, I still left the meeting feeling like a failure. I remember pulling out of the parking lot, calling my husband and talking to him about it.

He was incredibly encouraging and gave me a much needed reality check. He reminded me that often I was over-sensitive to being left out and chances are I had perceived part of our lunch conversation as me being left out. He wasn’t wrong.

And we also talked about how I was doing what was best for our family and for me. Basically, he reminded me that I’m way more than my career or lack thereof. He continued and talked me down from thinking since I was having a health flare that it would always be that way. (He is such a good and patient man!)

I’d like to say that I never had those same feelings again or even that I hadn’t had them before, but I’d be lying! I have felt insecure in my identity more times than I could ever begin to count. If I was really honest with myself, I’ve probably felt insecure with who I am more than I have felt secure with who I am!

I’m pretty great at being awkward and unsure of myself. As I’ve gotten back to work more since my son started kindergarten last year, I’ve struggled to find my mojo and confidence again. I’ve had to sit and intentionally think about how I would describe my job to other people. I’m still working on it!

Along the way, though, I’ve learned a few things when I start to get down on myself and berate myself for all the things I should be doing or should have accomplished and haven’t. And, I can promise you that I am still working on this very strongly.

1. Know where you identity truly comes from.

For a few years, I have been reminding my children when they get frustrated with themselves that God doesn’t make junk. And since He made them, they aren’t junk. While my lips have been saying that for years, my head just got the message in the last couple of years. One day it hit me that what I was saying to my children is true for them AND for me.

God doesn’t make junk. So whatever failure I perceive myself as having or whatever issue I have, I’m still not junk. I am still worthy. I have worth just for being one of God’s creations.

It sounds so simple, yet it is also so profound. You have worth simply because of Who made you. People pay huge amounts of money for artwork because it was made by a master artist. And none of those artists hold a candle to the true Master Artist. His creations are priceless, and we are His most prized creations.

The Bible tells us that before we were even in our mother’s womb God knew us and had a plan for us (Jeremiah 1:5). His plan for us has nothing to do with our worldly success. It doesn’t have anything to do with how much money we make, how many degrees we have or what profession we are in. His plan has everything to do with us and who we are.

I have also learned that when I keep my focus on Him and doing what He has called me to do then I don’t care so much about the identity I have in the world. I can get sidetracked and distracted, but when I take time to talk to God about it and focus on Him, I gain perspective. Because the little stuff really doesn’t matter so much when I remember Whose I am.

2. Grieve for what wasn’t.

The plan I had for my life when I was 18 looked different than the reality of my life now that I’m 40. Some things are as expected: I married my high school sweetheart, have two kiddos and have a job as a writer. None of those things happened how I thought they would and a whole slew of other things didn’t happen at all.

When I graduated with my master’s degree in journalism, I was ready to get a job with a magazine and work full-time for a few years until we were ready to start our family. I felt that God had led me to go into journalism, so this was the plan. I never anticipated He’d have a different plan for me.

A few months before the end of graduate school, a bladder condition I thought had gone away for good turned out to only be in remission. It hit me hard. I couldn’t have held down a full-time job even if I had gotten one. I had to let go of the dreams I had and grieve for them before I could truly embrace the new path I was on and be able to move forward.

Sometimes life goes completely different than what we though it would — whether by our choices, someone else’s choice or just randomness. It’s OK to acknowledge the hurt of lost dreams. It’s OK to grieve for what isn’t to be.

3. Accept that life isn’t like you planned.

Just like with any kind of grief, in order to move forward, you have to accept the loss. It’s not easy and it can take different amounts of time, but at some point you have to acknowledge that life didn’t turn out how you planned. You aren’t doing what you thought you’d be doing. And then be OK enough with it to move on.

One of the things we talk about in the chronic illness world is a “new normal.” When life doesn’t go like you plan, you get a new normal. What you thought was reality has shifted and you have to shift with it until it becomes your normal. Sometimes new normals are crummy. Other times, new normals end up being blessings. Either way, when life shifts, you have to also or you’ll be miserable.

Along with accepting life isn’t like you planned, you have to also let go of unrealistic expectations and adjust those as well. Chronic illness has also taught me a lot about this as well. I have expectations for what I can and should be able to do. My body doesn’t always agree, and I have learned to accept that. Because if I don’t accept it, then I get angry, frustrated and sad. And that doesn’t help anybody.

4. Acknowledge your accomplishments.

When we feel insecure about who we are (preaching to myself here!), we start focusing on where we fall short and where we are failing or not doing what we thought we would be doing or what we think we should be doing. None of those things are good for our mental health!

Of course, you should assess if you can make changes for the better, but also don’t get so focused on what you perceive as wrong that you miss the good stuff. That day I left my friends from lunch, I ran an errand and then went back home to be with my kiddos. They couldn’t have cared less what my professional career was doing. They weren’t bothered that my health made us doing things like going on family bike rides impossible. They just cared that I was there, that I was loving them and that I was meeting their needs.

Those are big accomplishments. I’ve learned that in times when I can’t do even basic things that I need to appreciate when I can. I’ve also learned that my true accomplishments have nothing to do with what I do professionally and everything to do with honoring God in whatever it is I’m doing (Colossians 3:23).

The people around you may not understand the changes going on in your life. They may not see all of your accomplishments that really matter. Yet, you need to acknowledge them. You aren’t a failure. You are doing what God made you to do, even if it looks different than what you thought you would or different than what the world defines as success.

I challenge you to sit down and think of five things you’ve accomplished each week. I’d bet you can come up with more than that. Include everything from finishing the laundry to feeding the kids to finishing a new project for work to making an overdue doctor’s appointment.

5. Give yourself grace.

Think about what you would say to a friend of yours going through the same scenario. Would you beat her up and point out her faults? Would you remind her that while everyone else was working to get ahead in their careers she was at home changing diapers? Would you point out that she is doing work that she didn’t even get a degree in and that doesn’t make sense?

No. You’d encourage her. You’d reassure her that she was doing what God was leading her to do. You’d remind her that her identity doesn’t come from her work or bank account or health or whatever she is struggling with. You’d point out the things she’s accomplished that really matter. You’d give her grace and compassion.

Do the same for yourself. You’re not going to get it right every moment of every day. You’re still going to have times you get frustrated and want to give up because everything is sideways. Don’t beat yourself up for those feelings. Feel them. Deal with them. Then move on from them.

Not a one of us is perfect. None of us get it right all the time or always have it together no matter how it may look to the outside world. Inside, every person is struggling with some kind of insecurity and some kind of shift in how they thought life would be. We all need grace for each other and for ourselves.

What if we treated each other with more kindness and compassion?

Recently, my kids were telling me about how someone they thought was a cranky person had done something nice, and they were shocked. We chatted a bit more and I told them to remember that you never know someone’s story. You never know what has made them like they are.

I keep thinking about that conversation. We don’t need to excuse or accept bad behavior. But, this world could use so much more grace. A few years ago, I was driving with my grandma in the car. Someone pulled out in front of me, and I had to slam on my brakes. I honked at them. My grandma admonished me telling me they may be on their way to the hospital with a loved one. I pointed out they were going the wrong direction.

However, just because they weren’t heading toward the hospital didn’t mean they weren’t having an awful day. When I think back over my life to the days that were the worst and I was heartbroken, I don’t know how much attention I paid while driving, so maybe having some grace for other drivers isn’t such a bad thing.

We’ve all heard platitudes and reminders to be kind because everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. It’s easy to gloss over that or roll our eyes or certainly not live it out. But, imagine what the world would be like if we lived that way and people extended grace to each other freely.

What if we let a frazzled mom with a crying toddler checkout in front of us at Target and waited an extra 10 minutes? What if we let another car go first at a stop sign? What if we took the time to actually listen to the older gentleman in the grocery store who just needed someone to talk to? What if we were just plain kind? What if we modeled Jesus everywhere we went? Isn’t that what loving your neighbor ultimately means? Shouldn’t we have patience for one other and give grace to those around us?

I think about how different this world would be if people just tried to understand one another instead of being so internally focused. If everyone walked around wearing a sign telling you all of their struggles, you’d be more likely to show them compassion and grace.

That older lady who knocked into you with her shopping cart and didn’t apologize may have just gotten a cancer diagnosis seven months after burying her husband. That child having a meltdown in the middle of a restaurant (or your own house!) may have had an incredibly hard day at school and is struggling to make friends. People need grace, because not one of us is perfect.

And I would be remiss to not mention that some people are just jerks for no reason. I’ve encountered them, and I’m sure you have, too. There isn’t an acceptable reason for truly bad behavior. But that doesn’t mean the majority of people aren’t good. That doesn’t mean we should stop being kind and extending grace.

You never know if your one act of kindness or grace may change someone’s life for the better. At the very least, it will brighten their day. What are some small ways you can show grace and kindness this week? Join me in seeking them out, living them out and starting to change the world for the better!