Finding truth in the Word of God

Each day, I send a note in my kids’ lunch boxes. We have come up with theme days. For example, on Motivation Monday I send an encouraging or inspiring quote. On Wacky Wednesday I send a joke. On Truth Tuesday I send a Bible verse.

The majority of the time, I am the lunchbox note writer. But sometimes my husband takes on note duty as we are divvying up tasks. This week, he wrote the kids’ Truth Tuesday notes.

He chose Psalm 55:22. I’ve read this verse in the NIV Bible many times, but this was my first time reading it in the ICB (International Children’s Bible), which is what I usually use for my kids’ verses.

The verse pierced my heart as I looked over it to make an image for the ongoing Truth Tuesday post I make of verses I send.

I was challenged by the last part of the verse that says: “[God] will never let good people down.” The truth is I have felt like God has let me down before when He was quiet in responding to my pleas or He said no to a fervent prayer that I thought was in line with His will.

The NIV Bible says it this way: “[God] will never let the righteous be shaken.” And again I feel challenged, because I have certainly felt shaken many times when life has tossed me a major curveball that not only pummeled into me but totally switched my reality in unexpected ways.

The infallible Word of God

However, I also believe the Bible is the infallible Word of God. That means this verse is true whether I always feel its truth or not.

I have learned throughout my life and various struggles that God is ever faithful. He doesn’t always work in ways that make sense to me, but He is always there. God has never let me down, because He has never let me go.

My attention wanders away from Him sometimes, but He’s never taken His eye off me. During times when I felt like a burden was too much to bear, God has reminded me that He will help me carry the burden and even carry me when I need Him to.

I’ve also had times I have felt shaken, as the NIV Bible says. I have felt like a major earthquake has happened in my life, in fact. But I have never been shaken out of His hand.

The truth is in the midst of my hardest times when I was in utter despair and didn’t see or hear God, He was there. Always — ALWAYS — He has held onto me and reminded me of His presence if only I paid attention. He has brought me peace and comfort in the midst of days I thought would be the end of me. He has been ever faithful.

Who God is

When I ponder on Who God is in reality and in my life, I can say that He hasn’t let me down and He hasn’t let me be shaken from His grasp. He is ever faithful and always good. He is always working for my good, even when I don’t understand what’s going on.

And that, my friends, is why we don’t need to worry. We have the freedom to lay down our cares and burdens and place them on the shoulders of Someone who can not only bear them but is in charge of it all.

God didn’t make us to carry the load alone. He will hold us close even when we feel alone and keep us steady and safe even when we feel shaken.

He doesn’t promise that life will be easy, but He does promise He will be with us every step of the way. I am so very thankful for that.

How God uses our past struggles to grow and strengthen our faith

Yesterday morning I drove my kids to school so my husband could sleep in a bit. The last couple of nights have been his most comfortable nights of sleep and being able to be in bed since he fractured his ribs in mid-December. If the guy can finally have a chance to get good rest, I will let him!

As I was driving the kids, we were chatting. I told them we may have to go to the store and figure out a new cell phone for me. It’s been a long time coming. My battery is slowly getting worse and worse. We’ve replaced it, and that didn’t matter. We have tried most everything, but something in my chemistry is hard on phones. (No joke!) Sunday night, my phone turned itself off overnight while plugged in. I powered it up on Monday morning and within a minute it went from 100% battery to 94% and only went down from there. Plus, it was slow to even come on.

My daughter joked with me about what is up with me right now, because my car is also broken down and unusable. We are working on that as well. It needs a repair my husband can do once he is back to normal and the weather cooperates. But, it also is just an older car and time for us to upgrade to something newer.

I told my kiddos that we’d figure it out. No worries. And, you know what? I truly meant that. We will figure it out. We don’t need to worry.

As I was driving home, I thought about these things. I’m not excited to pay for a new cell phone or new car. I know the other expenses our family has. However, I really am also not stressed, which is remarkable to me.

I’ve come a long way from the person I was when my husband and I were first married at 20 and 22. I remember a few times in our early years of marriage that unexpected expenses would come up, and I’d burst into tears.

The difference between Stacey 20 years ago and Stacey now is a lot of living that’s given me perspective. I’ve learned what really matters; money, cars and cell phones aren’t at the top of the list. I’ve had ups and downs. I’ve survived losses, heartaches and health struggles. And I’ve grown and matured.

Even more importantly, I’ve grown in my faith. I have seen God provide a way for us time and again. My husband, who is our main income source, was without a job for an entire year and somehow that entire year we were able to continue paying our mortgage. We didn’t come out unscathed, but we made it through. Whenever an unexpected bill came in, usually an unexpected income arrived as well and we were able to make it.

We aren’t in that situation now, thankfully. While there are other things I’d rather spend the money on or put it in our savings, having a phone and car that work are necessary.

Since we both work from home, my husband and I have had some leeway in getting a new car for me. But we’ve had to do some intentional planning to make sure everyone gets where they need to be. Add in that he sometimes has to go into his office that is an hour away, and we definitely need another vehicle for transporting our family.

We will make it. We will figure it out. I’ve been praying that God will guide us and lead us in making good choices for our family as we figure it all out. I’m praying that He opens and closes the right doors for us as we go along. I fully trust that He will.

And I’m thankful I’m stronger. I can see how all the hard times I’ve been through have helped me to grow and mature in general and in my faith walk. I have survived when I thought I wouldn’t make it. I’ve seen God show up every single time. He has never left me hanging.

Feeling thankful for trials and hard times isn’t easy. Some of them I wish I could change, but I am thankful for the lessons learned and the ways God has used them to grow me.

How to maintain your confidence when life goes sideways

About three years ago, I met some friends from college for lunch. All four of us knew each other when we were young adults ready to make our mark on the world. We each went on to get post-graduate degrees in our fields.

In the time since college, we also each started families and made lives for ourselves. While we had kept in touch in various ways and levels since college, this lunch was one of the first times we had all four been together in quite a few years.

As we chatted and ate pasta, we talked about what was going on in our lives. At the time, my youngest was a preschooler who was only away from me for a couple of hours three times a week. I was also dealing with an ongoing health flare. As the conversation turned to professional endeavors, I didn’t have much to add.

The other three ladies all worked full-time outside the home. They were all making their marks in their fields. I, on the other hand, spent maybe 40 hours a YEAR working as a freelance journalist. Having babies and having health problems had made my career take a definite break.

While my friends weren’t dismissive of me in any way, shape or form and while we had plenty of other conversation that I was very engaged in, I still left the meeting feeling like a failure. I remember pulling out of the parking lot, calling my husband and talking to him about it.

He was incredibly encouraging and gave me a much needed reality check. He reminded me that often I was over-sensitive to being left out and chances are I had perceived part of our lunch conversation as me being left out. He wasn’t wrong.

And we also talked about how I was doing what was best for our family and for me. Basically, he reminded me that I’m way more than my career or lack thereof. He continued and talked me down from thinking since I was having a health flare that it would always be that way. (He is such a good and patient man!)

I’d like to say that I never had those same feelings again or even that I hadn’t had them before, but I’d be lying! I have felt insecure in my identity more times than I could ever begin to count. If I was really honest with myself, I’ve probably felt insecure with who I am more than I have felt secure with who I am!

I’m pretty great at being awkward and unsure of myself. As I’ve gotten back to work more since my son started kindergarten last year, I’ve struggled to find my mojo and confidence again. I’ve had to sit and intentionally think about how I would describe my job to other people. I’m still working on it!

Along the way, though, I’ve learned a few things when I start to get down on myself and berate myself for all the things I should be doing or should have accomplished and haven’t. And, I can promise you that I am still working on this very strongly.

1. Know where you identity truly comes from.

For a few years, I have been reminding my children when they get frustrated with themselves that God doesn’t make junk. And since He made them, they aren’t junk. While my lips have been saying that for years, my head just got the message in the last couple of years. One day it hit me that what I was saying to my children is true for them AND for me.

God doesn’t make junk. So whatever failure I perceive myself as having or whatever issue I have, I’m still not junk. I am still worthy. I have worth just for being one of God’s creations.

It sounds so simple, yet it is also so profound. You have worth simply because of Who made you. People pay huge amounts of money for artwork because it was made by a master artist. And none of those artists hold a candle to the true Master Artist. His creations are priceless, and we are His most prized creations.

The Bible tells us that before we were even in our mother’s womb God knew us and had a plan for us (Jeremiah 1:5). His plan for us has nothing to do with our worldly success. It doesn’t have anything to do with how much money we make, how many degrees we have or what profession we are in. His plan has everything to do with us and who we are.

I have also learned that when I keep my focus on Him and doing what He has called me to do then I don’t care so much about the identity I have in the world. I can get sidetracked and distracted, but when I take time to talk to God about it and focus on Him, I gain perspective. Because the little stuff really doesn’t matter so much when I remember Whose I am.

2. Grieve for what wasn’t.

The plan I had for my life when I was 18 looked different than the reality of my life now that I’m 40. Some things are as expected: I married my high school sweetheart, have two kiddos and have a job as a writer. None of those things happened how I thought they would and a whole slew of other things didn’t happen at all.

When I graduated with my master’s degree in journalism, I was ready to get a job with a magazine and work full-time for a few years until we were ready to start our family. I felt that God had led me to go into journalism, so this was the plan. I never anticipated He’d have a different plan for me.

A few months before the end of graduate school, a bladder condition I thought had gone away for good turned out to only be in remission. It hit me hard. I couldn’t have held down a full-time job even if I had gotten one. I had to let go of the dreams I had and grieve for them before I could truly embrace the new path I was on and be able to move forward.

Sometimes life goes completely different than what we though it would — whether by our choices, someone else’s choice or just randomness. It’s OK to acknowledge the hurt of lost dreams. It’s OK to grieve for what isn’t to be.

3. Accept that life isn’t like you planned.

Just like with any kind of grief, in order to move forward, you have to accept the loss. It’s not easy and it can take different amounts of time, but at some point you have to acknowledge that life didn’t turn out how you planned. You aren’t doing what you thought you’d be doing. And then be OK enough with it to move on.

One of the things we talk about in the chronic illness world is a “new normal.” When life doesn’t go like you plan, you get a new normal. What you thought was reality has shifted and you have to shift with it until it becomes your normal. Sometimes new normals are crummy. Other times, new normals end up being blessings. Either way, when life shifts, you have to also or you’ll be miserable.

Along with accepting life isn’t like you planned, you have to also let go of unrealistic expectations and adjust those as well. Chronic illness has also taught me a lot about this as well. I have expectations for what I can and should be able to do. My body doesn’t always agree, and I have learned to accept that. Because if I don’t accept it, then I get angry, frustrated and sad. And that doesn’t help anybody.

4. Acknowledge your accomplishments.

When we feel insecure about who we are (preaching to myself here!), we start focusing on where we fall short and where we are failing or not doing what we thought we would be doing or what we think we should be doing. None of those things are good for our mental health!

Of course, you should assess if you can make changes for the better, but also don’t get so focused on what you perceive as wrong that you miss the good stuff. That day I left my friends from lunch, I ran an errand and then went back home to be with my kiddos. They couldn’t have cared less what my professional career was doing. They weren’t bothered that my health made us doing things like going on family bike rides impossible. They just cared that I was there, that I was loving them and that I was meeting their needs.

Those are big accomplishments. I’ve learned that in times when I can’t do even basic things that I need to appreciate when I can. I’ve also learned that my true accomplishments have nothing to do with what I do professionally and everything to do with honoring God in whatever it is I’m doing (Colossians 3:23).

The people around you may not understand the changes going on in your life. They may not see all of your accomplishments that really matter. Yet, you need to acknowledge them. You aren’t a failure. You are doing what God made you to do, even if it looks different than what you thought you would or different than what the world defines as success.

I challenge you to sit down and think of five things you’ve accomplished each week. I’d bet you can come up with more than that. Include everything from finishing the laundry to feeding the kids to finishing a new project for work to making an overdue doctor’s appointment.

5. Give yourself grace.

Think about what you would say to a friend of yours going through the same scenario. Would you beat her up and point out her faults? Would you remind her that while everyone else was working to get ahead in their careers she was at home changing diapers? Would you point out that she is doing work that she didn’t even get a degree in and that doesn’t make sense?

No. You’d encourage her. You’d reassure her that she was doing what God was leading her to do. You’d remind her that her identity doesn’t come from her work or bank account or health or whatever she is struggling with. You’d point out the things she’s accomplished that really matter. You’d give her grace and compassion.

Do the same for yourself. You’re not going to get it right every moment of every day. You’re still going to have times you get frustrated and want to give up because everything is sideways. Don’t beat yourself up for those feelings. Feel them. Deal with them. Then move on from them.

Not a one of us is perfect. None of us get it right all the time or always have it together no matter how it may look to the outside world. Inside, every person is struggling with some kind of insecurity and some kind of shift in how they thought life would be. We all need grace for each other and for ourselves.

What if we treated each other with more kindness and compassion?

Recently, my kids were telling me about how someone they thought was a cranky person had done something nice, and they were shocked. We chatted a bit more and I told them to remember that you never know someone’s story. You never know what has made them like they are.

I keep thinking about that conversation. We don’t need to excuse or accept bad behavior. But, this world could use so much more grace. A few years ago, I was driving with my grandma in the car. Someone pulled out in front of me, and I had to slam on my brakes. I honked at them. My grandma admonished me telling me they may be on their way to the hospital with a loved one. I pointed out they were going the wrong direction.

However, just because they weren’t heading toward the hospital didn’t mean they weren’t having an awful day. When I think back over my life to the days that were the worst and I was heartbroken, I don’t know how much attention I paid while driving, so maybe having some grace for other drivers isn’t such a bad thing.

We’ve all heard platitudes and reminders to be kind because everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. It’s easy to gloss over that or roll our eyes or certainly not live it out. But, imagine what the world would be like if we lived that way and people extended grace to each other freely.

What if we let a frazzled mom with a crying toddler checkout in front of us at Target and waited an extra 10 minutes? What if we let another car go first at a stop sign? What if we took the time to actually listen to the older gentleman in the grocery store who just needed someone to talk to? What if we were just plain kind? What if we modeled Jesus everywhere we went? Isn’t that what loving your neighbor ultimately means? Shouldn’t we have patience for one other and give grace to those around us?

I think about how different this world would be if people just tried to understand one another instead of being so internally focused. If everyone walked around wearing a sign telling you all of their struggles, you’d be more likely to show them compassion and grace.

That older lady who knocked into you with her shopping cart and didn’t apologize may have just gotten a cancer diagnosis seven months after burying her husband. That child having a meltdown in the middle of a restaurant (or your own house!) may have had an incredibly hard day at school and is struggling to make friends. People need grace, because not one of us is perfect.

And I would be remiss to not mention that some people are just jerks for no reason. I’ve encountered them, and I’m sure you have, too. There isn’t an acceptable reason for truly bad behavior. But that doesn’t mean the majority of people aren’t good. That doesn’t mean we should stop being kind and extending grace.

You never know if your one act of kindness or grace may change someone’s life for the better. At the very least, it will brighten their day. What are some small ways you can show grace and kindness this week? Join me in seeking them out, living them out and starting to change the world for the better!

Funny and poignant life lessons

In a couple of days, I will leave my 30s behind and turn 40. I’ve been pondering this decade shift for the last couple of months. I’ve concluded that I don’t mind the new number. And I’ve also concluded that I’ve learned a lot in my four decades of life from the serious to the silly.

1. Age is just a number.

It really is just a number. Once you are fully into adulthood, that number doesn’t matter so much. In fact, sometimes I have had to stop and really think (or do dreaded math) to remember my actual age. This year of turning 40 will be one of my easiest years to remember it, I think!

2. Pimples don’t care how old you are.

One of the biggest lies I ever believed were that pimples were only for teenagers. How fair is it to be dealing with both white hair AND blemishes? Not very!

3. Birthdays get less fun as you get older.

This has nothing to do with actually aging and more to do with missing people who are no longer around. Add in that your real wish list is filled with items that can’t be bought and birthdays lose some fun.

4. Nobody cares what I’m doing.

That sounds depressing, but what I mean is I don’t need to worry about what other people think of what I’m doing. They don’t care. They aren’t paying attention. They are too worried about what other people think of what they’re doing to care what I’m doing. So if I want to bring a book and sit and read while I let my son play on the playground after school instead of making small talk with other moms, it is OK. They’re not standing across the playground talking about the audacity I have to be reading.

5. God is always there.

While that’s something I’ve always known, it’s something I’ve learned even more. I’ve been through stuff now. I’ve seen Him at work. I have learned that even when He seems quiet, He is still there and still working. I have so many stories I could tell you!

6. I’m an introvert and that doesn’t make me weird.

When I was growing up, nobody talked about being an introvert or extrovert like they do now. I felt happiest in my own space doing my own thing and had no desire to go to big parties or surround myself with loads of friends. I didn’t know that wasn’t weird then, but I do now. It’s how I’m wired. And I’m not the only one who feels that way!

7. Everybody you talk to isn’t your friend.

I’ve also learned that extroverts like to talk and they’ll talk with anyone who is around them. Oftentimes they’ll open up about personal topics even though we aren’t all that close. That doesn’t mean we are becoming friends. It just means I was conveniently located to them for a chat. (And I have to add that sometimes they do become your friend.)

8. You never get too old for sparkles.

My 9-year-old daughter and I joke that one of our favorite colors is sparkle. It’s OK. I’ve embraced it. I’m typing this while wearing a sparkly watch, having nails painted with purple sparkly polish and drinking from a bright purple cup covered in glitter. Sparkles are just as fun for some of us at 40 as they were at 4!

9. You can not see a true friend for a while and catch back up right where you left off.

Adulthood is busy, especially with kids in the mix. Nobody has time to constantly be talking or meeting up. But your true friends are easy to catch right back up with even if you only see them every three or four months — and that’s OK!

10. The world keeps turning even when yours stops, but yours will start again, too.

Sometimes life hits you with something so hard that it stops your world from turning. You can barely breathe or even imagine how people around you are going on with life like normal. Yet, the world keeps turning. And no matter what happens or how long it takes, eventually your world will start turning again, too, even when it feels like it never will.

11. Find the right people to trust.

Not everybody has your best interests at heart. Not everybody who acts like a friend really is a friend. Be cautious. But find the right balance of caution so that you aren’t always closed off. I take a while to open up to people. I have lost a chance at making friends because I held back too long until I was comfortable to share, but that’s OK, too. Not everybody in your life is meant to be trusted.

12. Give grace and second chances.

Nobody is perfect. Everybody messes up. And sometimes people need grace and second chances more than anything else. Choosing to give them those things doesn’t make you weak. It makes you more like Jesus, which is the goal. I am so glad He gives me unlimited grace and second chances!

13. Give yourself grace.

I am still working on learning this lesson. I struggle with being a jerk to myself when I mess up. But I’ve made some progress on giving myself grace and recognizing when I’m doing the best I can versus when I need to get my act together!

14. Start getting ready to leave the house before you really need to in order to be on time.

If you have young kids, start five minutes before you think you need to start getting ready to go. If you have toddler or babies, start 15 minutes before you think you need to start getting ready to go. No matter what, something will happen to delay you almost every single time.

15. Sometimes you just need to eat the doughnut and shut up about it.

Maybe this is on my mind more right now because I’m working on eating healthier, but sometimes you just need a treat for yourself. Have your treat and shut up about it both out loud and in your head. Just enjoy it!

16. Never take your snow brush out of your car if you live in areas that get cold.

You’ll not remember to put it back in and find yourself trying to clean snow off your windshield in a parking lot with your gloves. Trust me.

17. Write it down or you’ll forget it.

If I have something I need to do, I write it down or set a reminder in my phone. Otherwise, it often gets lost in the jumble of everything else I am keeping track of in my head. I don’t believe the lie any longer that I’ll remember something.

18. Don’t get so caught up in big moments that you miss the little ones.

Some of the best memories I’ve made in my entire life have been in the small moments. The big moments are great, and I’m thankful for them. I’ve also had big moments go horribly awry. But I can’t even begin to count the small moments that have made my heart swell.

19. No matter how much time you get with a loved one, it’s never enough.

I haven’t lost a loved one, yet, who I thought I had had enough time with. I don’t think it’s possible. And that makes me want to spend time with my loved ones even more, because I have learned how fleeting life can be.

20. Dogs and children are good for your soul.

Some of my worst moments were made better by the love and companionship of a furry friend and/or my children. They have brought me joy and made me smile when I didn’t think it was possible.

21. Take photos and videos of everyday moments.

I love having a chance to go back and watch my kids as babies or see photos of good times in the past. Sometimes they are bittersweet with loved ones who have passed away, but that makes me all the more thankful for the photo or video.

22. Music makes a difference in my attitude.

I kind of harp on this, but it’s so true for me. I have loved music my whole life. I play three instruments and competed with two of them throughout high school and a bit in college. I have performed countless times, but the real story of music for me is the daily one. If I’m listening to the right kind of music, I keep my focus where it needs to be. The power of Christian music is strong.

23. Change can be hard, but you have to embrace it.

I don’t like change all that much, whether it’s positive, negative or neutral. But, it’s a normal part of life and I’ve found I’ll make myself miserable if I cling too hard to the way things used to be – even when that means embracing a new normal that I don’t want or ask for.

24. If you need to make small talk, ask people about themselves.

Early in my career as a journalist, I learned that people like to talk about themselves. And they like when someone really listens to them. I applied these lessons to making small talk and have made good connections with others that way. I’ve also just survived social situations that had me feeling awkward that way!

25. Everybody has a story – and a struggle.

In my youth, when I was going through something difficult, I’d think nobody understood or people around me weren’t struggling with anything. It didn’t take me long to realize how wrong that is. Everybody has a story and a struggle. And that goes back to number 12 about giving other people grace.

26. The best way to get through something hard is to get out of yourself.

During some of my most challenging days, I’ve been able to feel better (even momentarily) by doing something for someone else. Sometimes we need that reminder that other people have needs too, so we can stop wallowing in self-pity. But…

27. Sometimes you just have to feel all the feels.

I can be pretty good at denial. Shove those emotions down. Ignore the ache. It will go away. That’s never how it works. So sometimes I just have to feel the feels, so the speak. I’ve learned that feeling those feelings are all a part of healing.

28. Chocolate may not be a cure for everything, but it’s pretty close.

I don’t think I can add anything to that statement!

29. Life is filled with unexpected stuff.

We don’t expect some of the challenges we face. Yet, they happen. We get other surprises as well. I expected that both of my kids would have dark hair like my husband and me and dark eyes like me. Those are dominant features. My first child has red hair and blue eyes. I always say that her looks were unexpected, but we love them. And it’s true! Now if only I could always embrace unexpected stuff with that attitude.

30. Like what you like because you like it. Don’t worry about what other people think.

I totally geek out over certain things like new Drizzt novels, Marvel movies and anything related to “Beauty and the Beast” or “Wicked.” I have a canvas painting of Drizzt hanging in my living room. I don’t really care if it isn’t anyone else’s cup of tea. I love it and so does my husband. You do you when it comes to fandom!

31. Everybody is as clueless about adulthood as I am.

This year I have had moments of telling myself, “You are almost 40 years old. Why are you still acting so insecure?” Fair point. However, I’ve also learned that we are all just kind of faking our way through adulthood. Nobody really knows what they’re doing or feels confident about it.

32. Puns and corny jokes make me laugh.

I just saw a meme about white boards saying they are remarkable. That stuff gets me every time!

33. Having kids has taught me more about God’s love than I ever expected.

First, I can’t imagine how He could love us more than I love my children. It seems quite impossible. And second, I see how they mess up and make mistakes and know that doesn’t change how much I love them one bit, just like God does with us. Third, I fully understand that discipline is necessary to help them learn how to be better people, just like God disciplines and teaches us.

34. Having kids has also taught me how much more I need to appreciate my parents.

I’ve always appreciated my parents and had a good relationship with them. But, having kids has taught me how much they handled behind the scenes or how much they did that I didn’t even think of from making my food to doing my laundry to dealing with finances.

35. Carry a smaller purse. It’s OK.

Maybe this isn’t true for everyone, but I’ve learned that I don’t need to carry everything and the kitchen sink with me when I leave the house. Part of that is necessity because my shoulders and back protest a lot these days. But, I have pared down what I carry and diminished my purse size, and I’m not going back!

36. Contrary to popular belief, you can be a good mom without wine or coffee.

I’ve never had either and won’t. And I think I’m doing OK at this mom business. So far, I’ve kept my kids alive for 6 and 9-1/2 years. Neither one of these substances make you a good mom. That’s all you — and God!

37. When you’ve figured a budget for vacation, add an extra $100 or so onto what you think you need.

It just disappears. And if you come home with extra money, save it for the next trip!

38. Nobody is better than anybody else.

This has two sides to it. First, don’t ever think you’re better than someone else, because you’re not. I look at the world around me and see people messing up. And all I can think is there but for the grace of God go I. Second, don’t ever think someone is better than you. Like my dad always says, everybody puts on their pants one leg at a time. At the end of the day, we’re all human and that’s what matters most. Don’t judge people based solely on their worst moment – or their best!

39. Put down your phone and/or social media and just be.

Electronic distractions are everywhere. My favorite gas station has screens on each pump blaring information at me. I am not against electronics at all. I’m married to a technophile. But I also know I need to set limits so that I’m not always on a screen. I don’t want to miss moments because I’m busy being “connected.”

40. Practice gratitude.

This is perhaps the biggest lesson of all. Gratitude. If you focus on being grateful for what you have instead of resentful for what you don’t, you will be so much happier. It really does take practice! The times I get in the biggest funks are usually when I’m thinking more about what I can’t do or don’t have. Being grateful leads to being content which leads to being happier.

Finding God when life is scary

A few months back, I shared this on Facebook. I decided to share it on the blog as well thanks to the overwhelming response I got from it.

Last night, my 8-year-old daughter came into my room at 2 a.m. I knew something was afoot, because she is my good sleeper. She had had a bad dream and needed some comfort. Of course, I obliged. We chatted and snuggled a bit. I prayed for her silently and eventually sent her back to bed.

Within 10 minutes, she was back and needed me to be in her room with her. Previously I’ve sat on her bed and put my hand on her back to soothe her, but now she has a loft bed and that’s not possible. So instead, I pulled her desk chair to the middle of the room and took a seat. I prayed for her again and told her about it this time. We talked very briefly about how to stop thinking about her dream. Within 15 minutes, she was settled in enough to fall back asleep. My presence in her room made her relax and let her worry go.

As I sat there quietly, trying to stay awake, I thought about what a demonstration it was. What she didn’t know was that in between her visits to my room, my prayers continued for her and for her 5-year-old brother. Earlier that day, her brother got into water over his head and was unable to keep his head above water. Thanks to some quick action from my dad and husband, he was saved, but I’ve read about secondary drowning. And I was anxious. He had absolutely no sign of it. And he was totally fine for hours. This had happened before lunchtime even. But still, I worried. It’s what we moms do. However, as I prayed I gave my worry to God. I felt peace that He was in charge, so I could rest.

That’s exactly what my daughter needed. She needed to know someone was in charge, someone was right there for her so that she could rest. Oh how many times I need that! And my Heavenly Father is always there if I only think to talk to Him. Because sometimes I just worry on my own. Sometimes I don’t think to talk to Him about it. Sometimes I battle my anxiety on my own. It never goes well.

I headed back to bed (after double-checking that both kids were sound asleep — and my son was breathing) and fell fast asleep after once again giving my worry to God. The thing is with the way my daughter’s bed is raised and where I was able to sit, there was no way she could see me, but she knew I was there and just my presence was enough. I can’t see God, but I can feel Him. And His presence is always enough if I just open myself up to Him.

Whatever you have going on right now, know that God is there. He will sit up all night in your bedroom in a small desk chair because He loves you so completely and fully. He will take your worries and fears and give you His peace. He may not fix everything the way you want, but He will be there through it all and is willing to hold you close if only you cling to Him. I can think of no greater love and no greater reassurance.

Being left out hurts, but God never overlooks us

Most of my life, I’ve struggled with feeling left out. Sometimes I was intentionally left out or excluded. Other times I was just overlooked. And sometimes I just perceived it that way. It’s happened a lot.

When you’re a quiet person, it’s easy to be overlooked. You’d think that would make me more talkative or strive to include myself in things. It works almost exactly the opposite. Once I start feeling the pinprick of being left out, I tend to shut down even more. It’s a vicious cycle that continues over and over.

Growing up

As a kid, I was the youngest and quietest. My older brother was (and still is!) more vocal than I was and my older cousin, who we spent a lot of time with, was the same. The two of them were boys and closer in age than I was to them. They paired off many times while I flew solo. I didn’t always mind, but sometimes I did. I felt unheard many times, because it’s very easy for my voice to get lost in boisterous conversations.

It was outside of family that I struggled the most. Again, being quiet worked against me in being included. I also seemed to have a knack for picking friends who wouldn’t stay friends with me. There was the girl in fifth grade who told me in a catty tone about how she was having a Halloween party and inviting everyone in the class except me. (Later she was working at a retail store with which I had an issue and she had to treat me with respect and kindness. The adult me high-fived the fifth grade me over that!)

We will just skip over middle school because middle school stinks all around. I think that’s true for everyone! High school brought its own challenges. I had three really close friends turn their backs on me at different times throughout those four years of high school. It smarted a lot.

One of them went to my church and not only turned her back on me but took the rest of the youth group with her. That was hard. Fortunately, I was dating my husband by then and he was able to come to some of our youth group outings, which made them much easier. But it was difficult. I’m not a person who looks back fondly at memories of church youth group.

As an adult

As an adult, I’ve continued to struggle with this feeling for all those same reasons yet again. I am almost 40 years old, and I STILL struggle. I’ve learned to talk about it with my husband; he’s a great gauge to see if I’m really being left out or if I’m just being oversensitive. I’m thankful to have him around to help me out, because I truly need it.

And all of this is why God embracing me means so very much to me. He never leaves me out. He is never snarky. God doesn’t get his friends to all stop talking to me. He doesn’t overlook me because I’m quiet. My Father doesn’t talk over me. He opens His arms, invites me in and holds me close as we chat.

I cannot think of anything greater than that. There are innumerable songs about this very thing, but lately I have been loving Hillsong’s “Who you say I am.” I love the following part in particular:

“In my Father’s house
There’s a place for me
I’m a child of God
Yes I am
I am chosen
Not forsaken”

Finding a place with God

I cling to that promise on the days and times when I’m feeling out of sorts. My Father has a place for me. He hasn’t forgotten me or excluded me. He’s got a place for me in His house — both on earth and in heaven. And His house on earth doesn’t mean just the church. Like most Christians, I have been hurt by the church. I have been left out by the church at all ages of my life and different churches, because churches are filled with people. People aren’t perfect.

But, God is. I can fellowship with Him on earth any time I want. He is my friend when I feel friendless. He never leaves me out when I feel forgotten. I am chosen and have never been forsaken by Him. And neither have you!

Whether you’ve struggled with feeling left out your whole life like I have or whether you’ve struggled with something else, God loves you, has a place for you and calls you His child. He hasn’t forsaken you, no matter how far you’ve fallen or how hard life has smacked you. He is right there, holding on to you and longing to fellowship with you.

I’ve got to say that as someone who continues to fight this battle of feeling left out, there is no greater reassurance than knowing that my Heavenly Father always has a place for me. Always. Not just when it’s convenient. Not just when I remind Him. And not just when He happens to look my way and notice me. Always. Always! Praise God that He loves us so very much!

God is faithful even when life hurts

Last April we moved into our new house with a wood-burning fireplace in the living room. By the time we were settled enough to use it, it was too warm to think of building a fire. However, over these last few weeks that has changed. This past weekend we had incredibly frigid weather and my husband built a fire for us three days in a row. We loved the heat and warmth and coziness of it.

Today I was walking through the living room and noticed that the fireplace is no longer clean. Until recently, the brick inside the fireplace looked pretty much the same as the brick around the fireplace. It wasn’t marred. It was clean. Now, though, it has black soot in spots and has ashes in the bottom. It’s lost its pristine state. I didn’t notice those blemishes so much when it was burning bright with fire and warmth. I was too busy enjoying it.

Now I see them. I could say the fireplace is no longer as beautiful as it once was. But the fireplace got those marks from fulfilling its purpose, and is there anything more beautiful than that? After all, we didn’t plan for a wood-burning fireplace for it to just be an unused showpiece. We looked forward to the extra warmth it would bring our family on cold winter days and evenings. It couldn’t provide any of those things without getting dirty and scarred.

We are so much the same way! In a few months, I’m hitting a milestone birthday and turning 40. I haven’t lived through 40 years of life without scars and blemishes. Some of them you can see like the scar on my knee from a cut I had as a child. I’ve got freckles on my skin from being out in the sun. My abdomen has scars from numerous surgeries. I’ve also gotten unseen scars through the years. I hesitate to open myself up to new people, because I have scars reminding me of the pain the happens when trust is betrayed. I’ve got the scars left from losing loved ones to death, even when I know they are in a better place. And I have scars of fear for how my health is going to be each and every day.

I’m not pristine by any stretch of the imagination. But I don’t want to be scarred and blemished just for the sake of being scarred and blemished. Just like I didn’t throw dirt into my fireplace to make it dirty for no reason, so I don’t want to do that in life. I want my scars and blemishes to be used for my God-given purpose in life. I want to use them to honor Him. Those scars from my surgeries are times I can praise God that He brought me through safely and helped me recover each and every time in spite of the challenges that came my way as a result. They are reminders of His faithfulness and because I have them, I can better minister to those facing surgery or health issues. I can pray for them in more personal ways.

And those emotional scars of being betrayed by someone I thought was a friend serve to remind me that I have a Friend who will never betray me. Those scars of losing loved ones remind me how very precious life is. I still struggle with grief because my most recent loss was only three months ago. These last few years have been a season of loss for my family and those scars ache. But I remember lives lived fully. I remember God’s faithfulness, strength and peace even when my heart has been broken into pieces. Those scars allow me to minister to those dealing with loss more empathetically.

I want to live my life scarred and blemished but still praising God. He didn’t create me to sit on a shelf and not get messy. He could have made life without pain, but then how would we ever really know we needed Him? We appreciate the light so much more once we have been in the darkness. I want to be used up. Am I excited and wanting more hurt and hard times? Not especially. However, I know they will come. Life works that way. It is filled with highs and lows. But my scars remind me that no matter the high or the low, God is good and He is ever faithful. He holds me close and has scars of His own to prove how much He loves me.

I want to be burned up like my fireplace. I want to serve my purpose. I don’t want to be so afraid of getting dirty and scarred that I stop trying. I don’t want to let emotional scars keep me from making new friends. I don’t want to let physical scars keep me from trying new activities. I want to remember the lessons I’ve learned, share them as much as I can and know that through it all — every bump, bruise and cut — God is always faithful. He sees the beauty in my brokenness and in my scars.

Encouragement for hard times

For two nights in a row now, I’ve ended up sleeping on the couch half the night with my son who has been sick. The first night didn’t involve much sleeping because he was up sick every 20 or 30 minutes. Last night, he was no longer getting sick, but I couldn’t find a comfortable position and fall asleep until about 30 minutes before my alarm went off.

As I reclined last night, tossing and turning in my head (my body couldn’t move much because there was a little boy snuggled against it), I couldn’t help but think back to the same little guy’s first three months of life.

Remembering the past

For his first three months we spent every night on the couch. I had the recliner on my end to lean back in, but we were up most of the night. He had reflux and wasn’t a fan of sleeping. He’d nurse off and on. He’d cry. Then he’d eventually fall asleep on his Boppy beside me about two hours before his preschool-aged sister would wake up for the day.

They were long months. I remember once lying on the living room floor just to remember what it felt like to lie down. It sounds dramatic, but it was legitimate.

We’ve come a long way in almost six years. Those newborn days with my son were rough. Newborn days are exhausting in general. Some are more exhausting than others. My daughter, for example, settled into a routine after a couple of weeks and would at least let me sleep three hours or so at a time. 

Parenthood totally pushes you to your limits. It starts right off the bat in the newborn days and continues through each phase. Sometimes it’s easier and sometimes it’s incredibly difficult. We very much need encouragement for hard times.

That year with my newborn son, I ended up with shingles as a result of the strain. I also had numerous other sicknesses and major surgery when he was 8 months old. It was a difficult year, to say the least.

Applying it to life

The older I get, the more I realize life is like that. We encounter one event after another and wonder how we are ever going to survive it and have the strength to keep going. We think this will do us in.

I remember during those three months with my son that some nights, we would both just sit and cry together. He couldn’t be soothed, and I was beyond weary. I wasn’t sure I could keep going night after night, but I did because I had to. I had a little baby depending on me for his survival. And I made it. 

There have been many other situations I’ve faced that are just as wearisome, if not more so. Each time I’m left wondering if I’ll make it through. Each time, I do. I don’t, however, make it through on my own.

I’m not so strong by myself. Most of my closest encounters with God have come at times when I was at the very end of myself and unsure I could keep moving one foot in front of the other.

Because just like I didn’t abandon my son when he was a newborn who needed me or a sick 5-year-old who needed me, so has God never abandoned me. He’s been right there through the thick of it all, carrying me, loving me and giving me strength. Day by day and sometimes minute by minute. 

He will do the same for you. In fact, He longs to. Just like when my kids are sick and I long to be with them and help them, so He longs to be with and help us when we are struggling. We just have to ask Him. If my kids hid away quietly in their rooms suffering, I’d not know they needed me. But they trust me to take are of them. They trust that when they call out for me in need, I will answer.

How much more we can trust God to do the same! He never gets weary or complains to himself about the hard work. God just shows up, loves us and takes care of us. He will provide us the encouragement for hard times that we need. All we have to do is call out and He’ll come running to wrap His arms around us. He is so, so good!