Stacey A. Shannon is a freelance journalist and blogger who has been published internationally. She's also a Christian, a wife and a mom of two school-aged children. She started Families with Grace in 2019 to encourage Christian moms as they create homes filled with grace, love and faith.
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I love encouraging and uplifting quotes. Recently, I also love motivational quotes for kids that I can send in their lunchboxes.
Each Monday I send a “Monday Motivation” quote for my kids’ lunchbox notes. These are short, inspirational quotes for kids in school from mom — a.k.a me!
You can use these quotes for your own lunchbox notes or however works best for inspiring your children!
Short motivational quotes for kids
“Try to be a rainbow in someone else’s cloud.” — Maya Angelou
“People see God every day; they just don’t recognize Him.” — Pearl Bailey
“No one is perfect — that’s why pencils have erasers.” — Wolfgang Reibe
“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” — Mahatma Gandhi
“If you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours.” — Dolly Parton
“It doesn’t matter how slow you go as long as you don’t stop.” — Confucius
“Never give up on what you really want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than one with all the facts.” — Albert Einstein
“Learn from yesterday. Live for today. Hope for tomorrow.” — Albert Einstein
“Showing gratitude is one of the simplest yet most powerful things humans can do for each other.” — Randy Pausch
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’” – Mr. Fred Rogers
“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” — Theodore Roosevelt
“Be silly. Be honest. Be Kind.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
“In a gentle way, you can shake the world.” — Mahatma Gandhi
“God loves each of us as if there were only one of us.” — Augustine
“Don’t just read the easy stuff. You may be entertained by it, but you will never grow from it.” — Jim Rohn
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing. The worst thing you can do is nothing.” – Theodore Roosevelt
“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matter.” — Epictetus
“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” — Aesop
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” — Oscar Wilde
“If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way.” — Martin Luther King, Jr.
How to maintain your confidence when life goes sideways
About three years ago, I met some friends from college for lunch. All four of us knew each other when we were young adults ready to make our mark on the world. We each went on to get post-graduate degrees in our fields.
In the time since college, we also each started families and made lives for ourselves. While we had kept in touch in various ways and levels since college, this lunch was one of the first times we had all four been together in quite a few years.
As we chatted and ate pasta, we talked about what was going on in our lives. At the time, my youngest was a preschooler who was only away from me for a couple of hours three times a week. I was also dealing with an ongoing health flare. As the conversation turned to professional endeavors, I didn’t have much to add.
The other three ladies all worked full-time outside the home. They were all making their marks in their fields. I, on the other hand, spent maybe 40 hours a YEAR working as a freelance journalist. Having babies and having health problems had made my career take a definite break.
While my friends weren’t dismissive of me in any way, shape or form and while we had plenty of other conversation that I was very engaged in, I still left the meeting feeling like a failure. I remember pulling out of the parking lot, calling my husband and talking to him about it.
He was incredibly encouraging and gave me a much needed reality check. He reminded me that often I was over-sensitive to being left out and chances are I had perceived part of our lunch conversation as me being left out. He wasn’t wrong.
And we also talked about how I was doing what was best for our family and for me. Basically, he reminded me that I’m way more than my career or lack thereof. He continued and talked me down from thinking since I was having a health flare that it would always be that way. (He is such a good and patient man!)
I’d like to say that I never had those same feelings again or even that I hadn’t had them before, but I’d be lying! I have felt insecure in my identity more times than I could ever begin to count. If I was really honest with myself, I’ve probably felt insecure with who I am more than I have felt secure with who I am!
I’m pretty great at being awkward and unsure of myself. As I’ve gotten back to work more since my son started kindergarten last year, I’ve struggled to find my mojo and confidence again. I’ve had to sit and intentionally think about how I would describe my job to other people. I’m still working on it!
Along the way, though, I’ve learned a few things when I start to get down on myself and berate myself for all the things I should be doing or should have accomplished and haven’t. And, I can promise you that I am still working on this very strongly.
1. Know where you identity truly comes from.
For a few years, I have been reminding my children when they get frustrated with themselves that God doesn’t make junk. And since He made them, they aren’t junk. While my lips have been saying that for years, my head just got the message in the last couple of years. One day it hit me that what I was saying to my children is true for them AND for me.
God doesn’t make junk. So whatever failure I perceive myself as having or whatever issue I have, I’m still not junk. I am still worthy. I have worth just for being one of God’s creations.
It sounds so simple, yet it is also so profound. You have worth simply because of Who made you. People pay huge amounts of money for artwork because it was made by a master artist. And none of those artists hold a candle to the true Master Artist. His creations are priceless, and we are His most prized creations.
The Bible tells us that before we were even in our mother’s womb God knew us and had a plan for us (Jeremiah 1:5). His plan for us has nothing to do with our worldly success. It doesn’t have anything to do with how much money we make, how many degrees we have or what profession we are in. His plan has everything to do with us and who we are.
I have also learned that when I keep my focus on Him and doing what He has called me to do then I don’t care so much about the identity I have in the world. I can get sidetracked and distracted, but when I take time to talk to God about it and focus on Him, I gain perspective. Because the little stuff really doesn’t matter so much when I remember Whose I am.
2. Grieve for what wasn’t.
The plan I had for my life when I was 18 looked different than the reality of my life now that I’m 40. Some things are as expected: I married my high school sweetheart, have two kiddos and have a job as a writer. None of those things happened how I thought they would and a whole slew of other things didn’t happen at all.
When I graduated with my master’s degree in journalism, I was ready to get a job with a magazine and work full-time for a few years until we were ready to start our family. I felt that God had led me to go into journalism, so this was the plan. I never anticipated He’d have a different plan for me.
A few months before the end of graduate school, a bladder condition I thought had gone away for good turned out to only be in remission. It hit me hard. I couldn’t have held down a full-time job even if I had gotten one. I had to let go of the dreams I had and grieve for them before I could truly embrace the new path I was on and be able to move forward.
Sometimes life goes completely different than what we though it would — whether by our choices, someone else’s choice or just randomness. It’s OK to acknowledge the hurt of lost dreams. It’s OK to grieve for what isn’t to be.
3. Accept that life isn’t like you planned.
Just like with any kind of grief, in order to move forward, you have to accept the loss. It’s not easy and it can take different amounts of time, but at some point you have to acknowledge that life didn’t turn out how you planned. You aren’t doing what you thought you’d be doing. And then be OK enough with it to move on.
One of the things we talk about in the chronic illness world is a “new normal.” When life doesn’t go like you plan, you get a new normal. What you thought was reality has shifted and you have to shift with it until it becomes your normal. Sometimes new normals are crummy. Other times, new normals end up being blessings. Either way, when life shifts, you have to also or you’ll be miserable.
Along with accepting life isn’t like you planned, you have to also let go of unrealistic expectations and adjust those as well. Chronic illness has also taught me a lot about this as well. I have expectations for what I can and should be able to do. My body doesn’t always agree, and I have learned to accept that. Because if I don’t accept it, then I get angry, frustrated and sad. And that doesn’t help anybody.
4. Acknowledge your accomplishments.
When we feel insecure about who we are (preaching to myself here!), we start focusing on where we fall short and where we are failing or not doing what we thought we would be doing or what we think we should be doing. None of those things are good for our mental health!
Of course, you should assess if you can make changes for the better, but also don’t get so focused on what you perceive as wrong that you miss the good stuff. That day I left my friends from lunch, I ran an errand and then went back home to be with my kiddos. They couldn’t have cared less what my professional career was doing. They weren’t bothered that my health made us doing things like going on family bike rides impossible. They just cared that I was there, that I was loving them and that I was meeting their needs.
Those are big accomplishments. I’ve learned that in times when I can’t do even basic things that I need to appreciate when I can. I’ve also learned that my true accomplishments have nothing to do with what I do professionally and everything to do with honoring God in whatever it is I’m doing (Colossians 3:23).
The people around you may not understand the changes going on in your life. They may not see all of your accomplishments that really matter. Yet, you need to acknowledge them. You aren’t a failure. You are doing what God made you to do, even if it looks different than what you thought you would or different than what the world defines as success.
I challenge you to sit down and think of five things you’ve accomplished each week. I’d bet you can come up with more than that. Include everything from finishing the laundry to feeding the kids to finishing a new project for work to making an overdue doctor’s appointment.
5. Give yourself grace.
Think about what you would say to a friend of yours going through the same scenario. Would you beat her up and point out her faults? Would you remind her that while everyone else was working to get ahead in their careers she was at home changing diapers? Would you point out that she is doing work that she didn’t even get a degree in and that doesn’t make sense?
No. You’d encourage her. You’d reassure her that she was doing what God was leading her to do. You’d remind her that her identity doesn’t come from her work or bank account or health or whatever she is struggling with. You’d point out the things she’s accomplished that really matter. You’d give her grace and compassion.
Do the same for yourself. You’re not going to get it right every moment of every day. You’re still going to have times you get frustrated and want to give up because everything is sideways. Don’t beat yourself up for those feelings. Feel them. Deal with them. Then move on from them.
Not a one of us is perfect. None of us get it right all the time or always have it together no matter how it may look to the outside world. Inside, every person is struggling with some kind of insecurity and some kind of shift in how they thought life would be. We all need grace for each other and for ourselves.
A commonsense approach to handling social media as a parent
Social media is everywhere. According to Pew Research Center, 72% of Americans use some type of social media in 2019. Even more remarkable is that number was only 5% in 2005!
To say that social media has grown by leaps and bounds is an understatement. And my generation of parents is the first to deal with social media from the time our babies were first starting to grow in our bellies and onward.
Social media is its own beast to conquer as a parent guiding our children. It has become so prevalent in our culture that even toddlers will reference posting something on Facebook, Instagram or YouTube. I’d daresay my kids’ generation should be rightly called the YouTube generation for their love of it!
While many parenting decisions lend themselves to looking at those who have gone before us and how they handled things, social media doesn’t fall into that category. I can’t tell you how my parents handled social media with me as a child, because social media wasn’t around. We are blazing a parenting trail and we need to be aware of where the trail is leading.
I don’t think social media is a big, bad evil. I use social media for my work, for my blog and for my personal life. But I do think it needs to be approached with caution and practicality. While we may fire off a post without thinking or upload a picture without a second thought, we need to be a bit more intentional.
What is coming on the blog
With all of that in mind, over the next couple of months, we are going to explore a few different topics relating to social media and parenting:
Because we are all in this together, I’d love to hear from you about your experiences with social media and parenting. Whether you’ve done something that worked or something that failed, I’d love to hear from you to potentially incorporate your experiences into the series. I’m happy to use a pseudonym if you prefer.
You can contact me by clicking the “Contact” tab at the top of each page or by sending me a direct message through the Families with Grace Facebook page.
And if you are a fellow blogger who is interested in writing a guest post on any of the above topics (or have an additional idea that is related), please contact me as well. I’m happy to chat about how you can get involved with the series and link to your own blog.
This easy recipe is a hit for an appetizer or for dinner!
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If you know anything about me from the recipes I share on here, you know I like recipes that are easy and go over well with my family. I first came across this recipe for BLT pizza years ago.
I’ve put my own twist on it, and it has recently made a comeback in our house. BLT pizza is great for busy nights when you don’t have a lot of time and don’t want to make a mess of your kitchen.
Also, it combines both bacon and pizza. I’m not sure it gets much better than that!
Look at all that yumminess!
In order to make my life easier, I use some easy ingredients like precooked bacon and pre-shredded lettuce for this BLT pizza. You can most definitely fry your own bacon and shred your own lettuce to make this recipe. I’m just sharing it the way I make it.
This BLT pizza recipe can also be halved if you’re just serving a couple of people or using it as an appetizer. I’m giving you the recipe as I make it now, which feeds my entire family of two adults and two children for dinner.
Using some pre-made ingredients plus parchment paper ensure BLT Pizza is easy to make and clean up!
Start with preheating your oven according to the directions on the crescent rolls. Then open the two cans of crescent rolls and spread them out into one large rectangle onto a cookie sheet covered with parchment paper.
(For years I have used the Air Bake cookie sheets from T-Fal. They are hands-down my favorites for baking cookies and anything else I need a cookie sheet for!)
The parchment paper is not completely necessary, but it makes cooling and cutting it later easier. And it definitely also makes clean-up way easier!
You could probably use a rolling pin to get the dough rolled more smoothly and all creases gone, but they don’t show once the food is made, so I just use my clean fingers to smoosh them all together to look like this:
Once the oven is preheated, put the crescent roll crust into the oven and set the timer. I start with the suggested time on the package and check it. I’ve found that it tends to need a few extra minutes to get nice and brown all the way through. (It could be my oven.) You want it to be this color when it comes out:
While the crescent crust is baking about (10-14 minutes for me), I make the precooked bacon in the microwave. I usually cook it longer on a lower percentage of cook power in order to help it get super crispy. It needs time to cool off before you break it up, so do this as soon as you can.
Also while the crust is baking, prepare your other ingredients. If you need to shred or tear up your lettuce, do that now as well.
Once the crust is finished cooking, pull it out of the oven and let it set for about 3-5 minutes. Then, gently slide your parchment paper onto a large cutting board. I love the flexible cutting mats best for their size, ease of use and ease of fitting in my dishwasher and kitchen cabinets! (Also, for $6.99, you can get three!)
When the crust is not piping hot, put the mayonnaise and honey mustard on the top of it. You can measure this out with the measurements below or just squirt it on well enough to cover the dough. If you like lots, put on extra. If you like less, put on less. It’s all about preference!
I drizzle it on like this:
Then I use a spatula and smear it around like this:
The honey mustard gives the mayo a little extra tanginess that works really well with these flavors. In fact, I use it like that on my turkey sandwiches for the same reason!
Once the mayo layer is finished, spread the shredded lettuce over the top. Then add the shredded cheese. While all of these things can be measured, I really don’t measure them. (And I’m a big believer in measuring things when I cook; this recipe just doesn’t need much measuring!)
I crumble the crispy bacon on top of that. If you notice, my BLT pizza is minus the “T.” My husband and son don’t like tomatoes; my daughter and I do. I don’t always have tomatoes on hand when I make this, but when I do, I dice them up and put them on the side. Then my daughter and I can add tomatoes on our own pieces. Easy peasy! Chopped green onions also work well on this pizza, but I almost never have those on hand, so I don’t usually use them.
Since your pizza is already on the cutting board, it’s easy to slice through it with a pizza cutter then serve and enjoy! (My husband loves a pizza blade while I usually prefer a roller-style pizza cutter, so we have both!) The nice thing with this pizza is that it’s good at room temperature or cold.
It’s so yummy! For us, it’s usually our main dish. I pair it with some chips and fresh veggies. Delicious!
Preheat the oven according to the temperature directions on the crescent roll packages.
Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper, if desired. (The parchment paper will make it easier to clean up and to cut when it's completed, but it isn't necessary.)
Open the crescent rolls and spread them out onto the cookie sheet. Use your fingers or rolling pin to press the seams together and make one large sheet of crescent roll dough.
Bake the crescent roll dough in the oven according to the directions on the packages or until light golden brown. (Usually it takes mine a few extra minutes than what the packages say, but I always check them at the package time to be sure.)
While the dough is baking, prepare your bacon by cooking it until nice and crispy.
Shred your lettuce if it isn't already.
When the crescent crust is finished baking, remove it from the oven and let it cool on the pan for 3 to 5 minutes. After that, gently pull it on the parchment paper over to a flat cutting board.
Spread the mayonnaise and honey mustard evenly over the crust. (Use more or less to your own taste.)
Top with the shredded lettuce, shredded cheese, crumbled bacon and diced tomato.
Use a pizza cutter to cut into slices and serve.
Join the Families with Grace Acts of Grace challenge and receive a FREE devotion book today! In just a few minutes each day for seven days, you can focus on what giving grace looks like and how to put that grace into action.
These toasted pizza subs are easy to make and customize for your family
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I love recipes that are easy to make and please my whole family; this pizza sub recipe does just that.
Both my son and husband love anything pizza. I mean, I do, too. What’s not to love? The sauce. The cheese. The toppings. The crust. Mmmm. However, we like to shake things up, and this pizza sub recipe is great for that. Plus it’s easy, which makes it even better!
My mom first got this recipe from another mom when I was a teenager. She made the pizza subs with pizza sauce, shaved ham and cheese. They were delicious!
My husband and son, who are particular eaters, don’t eat ham, so I tend to go a bit more traditional pizza toppings with our pizza subs. However, they are completely customizable to what your family likes and even what individual members of your family like.
In fact, when I make this pizza sub recipe, I make each one slightly different for each person in my family!
Look at that yummy pizza goodness!
The first thing that a good sub needs is toasted, crunchy bread. So I toast the bread before I put on toppings. I used to toast by spraying it with margarine spray or brushing melted margarine or butter on the bread. Now I just use some non-stick cooking spray spritzed on the top of the bread.
After setting my oven to 450-degrees, I open up the sub buns onto a cookie sheet covered with my beloved Reynolds Non-stick Aluminum foil, which makes clean up so much easier. Then I spritz them generously with non-stick cooking spray.
The buns then go into the preheated oven for about 5 minutes. Keep check on them to make sure they don’t get too done. You want them to be lightly browned around the edges. Once they are, then pull them out and add the toppings, starting with pizza sauce.
Next up add your toppings. I usually put a bit of Parmesan cheese on top of the sauce then add Italian blend or mozzarella cheese. My husband doesn’t like much cheese on his, so I go light cheese for him. My kids are sort of average on cheese, and I love it, so I cheese up the bread accordingly.
Then go the other toppings. For my guys, that means pepperoni. This time around I added some diced onion to my husband’s pizza subs as well. My daughter doesn’t like pepperoni so much so I thawed a small amount of cooked, chopped hamburger for hers and also added diced onion. I like all of the above, so I did some pepperoni, a small amount of hamburger and onion on my own.
But, you can totally use whatever pizza toppings you and your family like best: green peppers, mushrooms, sausage, bacon, ham, pineapple, chicken, etc. You could even switch up the sauce and use barbeque sauce or ranch dressing.
After the toppings are on, the pizza subs go back into the hot oven for about 8 to 10 minutes until the cheese is melted. Sometimes for the last minute or two, I turn the broiler on low to get them good and toasting on top, but the pizza sub recipe works just fine without using the broiler as well.
Pull them out of the oven and serve them up! I usually put my pizza sub together like a sandwich while my husband eats his in open-faced sandwich style. Either way works!
Pepperonishaved ham, hamburger, onions, green peppers, mushrooms — whatever you like on pizza
Instructions
Preheat the oven to 450-degrees.
Split the sub buns in half and place them on a cookie sheet. (I line mine with Reynold's non-stick aluminum foil to make clean up easier because I always spill cheese onto the pan.)
Spray the top of the sub buns generously with non-stick cookings spray.
Stick the buns into the preheated oven for about five minutes. The bread should just be starting to be lightly golden around the edges and feel lightly toasted to the touch.
Cover with pizza sauce, cheese and desired toppings.
Put the subs back in the hot oven for 8 to 10 minutes until the cheese is melted. (Sometimes for the last minute or two, I turn the broiler on low to get them good and toasting on top, but the recipe works just fine without using the broiler as well.)
Serve as an open-faced or closed sandwich.
Join the Families with Grace Acts of Grace challenge and receive a FREE devotion book today! In just a few minutes each day for seven days, you can focus on what giving grace looks like and how to put that grace into action.
Back in 2005, we got a Lhasa Apso puppy who we named Buckles. It was the first foray into parenthood of any sort for my husband and me.
One of the things we learned quickly as we were training the puppy is that positive reinforcement was effective. Basically, if you give a puppy a treat when he does something he should be doing then he will quickly learn to keep doing it. It worked well on Buckles. He grew into an incredibly good and well-behaved dog.
The positive reinforcement techniques also worked well for my husband and me in that they were our style anyway. Neither of us are yellers or gruff people. We were firm with Buckles as he was learning, but yelling and terrifying him wasn’t our style.
Applying positive reinforcement to our children
When our daughter was born four years later, we learned positive parenting also worked for toddlers and kiddos. Of course we didn’t give our daughter a treat every time she did something right, but we did do things like gently correct her, redirect her attention and praise her when she did something she was supposed to be doing. We continued with the same strategy for our son, who was born three years later.
Again, positive parenting fit our personalities and it worked for our kids. Just like with the dog, we were firm but focused on positive reinforcement of good habits rather than misbehavior.
Now our children are 6 and 9, and they aren’t perfect, but they are both well behaved. They both get many compliments from their teachers and other adults on their behavior. I’m thankful for that.
I won’t pretend like we are always positive, never raise our voices or get frustrated. We 100 percent do. After adding a new puppy into the mix of our family life last month, we are running a bit shorter on energy and patience around here.
But, we do our best to continue with positive parenting of both our kids and our new puppy. We strive to tell our kids what they’re doing well along with what they need to work on. We compliment them. We thank them. We recognize them.
We all love to be recognized for what we’re doing and what we’re doing well. Our kids aren’t any different. My job isn’t to make everything in my children’s lives positive or gush on with them about how awesome they are and not correct them when they need to be. But my job also isn’t to break their spirits, shame them or discourage them.
Teaching our kids about positive reinforcement
Now we are going through the puppy training stuff all over again with our puppy, Pixel. Our children are getting to see a bit of the other side of the situation. They are learning to correct, redirect and praise progress.
They’re caring, loving kids as they are helping train the puppy. Did positive reinforcement make them that way? Maybe. It certainly didn’t hurt. They have a lot left to learn. My husband and I have a lot left to teach them, but I hope they can always know we are their biggest cheerleaders, their life coaches and want them to grow into the people God created them to be!
What the past 20 years as a missus have taught me about love and marriage
Last week, my husband and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. I can scarce believe it’s been two decades of marriage! We married young. I was 20 and only halfway through undergrad. He was 22 and had just gotten a full-time job while going to school part-time.
A lot has changed since we first said “I do,” and yet a lot has remained the same as well. We have grown and changed together. We have learned so much about what love and marriage really mean.
1. Being married doesn’t mean losing yourself.
Since we got married young, we were both still figuring out our place in the world. We knew some of who we were, but we hadn’t had a huge amount of life lived to really refine and define us. We just knew we loved each other and God — and that was enough.
Through the years, we also learned that being married as one didn’t make each of us any less of who we were individually. In fact, being together brought out the best of our individual selves. I am a better person today because of my husband. And sometimes it’s OK to do things apart from one another. Even as husband and wife, you still need your own space.
2. Marriage is a team sport.
I probably say this more than anything else when I talk about marriage and relationships. We are a team. Though neither one of us are sports fans, we learned early on to be a team and have a team mentality in our relationship.
Our goal above all is to support one another and be on the same side. My husband and I do best when we approach life as a team working together instead of as opponents each looking out for ourselves. Nobody else has my back more than my husband and the same is true in reverse. We are each other’s biggest cheerleaders and are the safe place for each other to land when life is hard.
3. Laughter and fun are vital to a happy marriage.
We laugh a lot. Life is serious. Sometimes it is hard. Sometimes it brings us to our knees, but any chance we find for humor, we take it. We laugh together as much as we can because taking ourselves too seriously never ends well. Laughter also gives us perspective on whether something is really all that important. We try to adhere to the thought that if we’re going to laugh about it later, why not go ahead and laugh about it now?!
And my husband 100 percent gets my quirky, punny sense of humor and exploits it often. I’m not sure I should be as old as I am and still giggle, but he still makes me giggle. For that, I am thankful!
We also have fun together playing games. Gaming was his hobby when we first got married. Through the years I have evolved from a gamer’s wife into a gaming wife, and I’m so glad I did. We have such a good time together when we get a chance to play together!
4. Marriage is made for giving grace.
My husband has taught me so much about grace just by giving it to me. Sometimes I get snippy with my husband because I’m having a bad day or a bad moment, and he will respond with love instead of irritation. I’ve done the same for him. Grace isn’t an excuse to treat each other badly. It just means that when one of us is having a bad moment, the other one recognizes it and doesn’t respond with anger or irritation and escalate the situation.
We also don’t partake in the blame game when someone messes up. We learned that the second day we were married when we ran out of gas on our way to our honeymoon. We were both so excited to be married and going somewhere together that neither of us remembered to get gas on the way. Instead of blaming one or the other of us, we both realized it was a mistake and figured out how to fix it while also having a great story to tell for years to come.
5. You’ve got to make each other a priority.
My husband and I both work from home. While I’ve worked from home since 2003, he has only worked from home the last few years. For the last year or so, we’ve shared a home office. So, we are together a lot. In fact, we’re together more than we’re not.
Yet, we still have to make connecting with each other a priority. Because life gets in the way. While we work side-by-side, we have different jobs. Add in house stuff and the kids, and actually connecting can be challenging. We’ve found that making time to have a meal just the two of us or chatting once the kids are in bed is important for our relationship.
6. Being married means being your true self with someone else.
I think one of the best ways to know if you really, truly love someone is how comfortable you feel being yourself with them — being your true self that comes out when you’re at home and nobody is watching. My husband and I have that comfort with each other. He has seen me at both my best and worst and loves me still. I have seen him at his best and worst and still love him. I am thankful we can be comfortable with each other.
7. Spouses aren’t mind readers.
While my husband knows me better than anyone else, he still can’t read my mind. Early on in our marriage, I learned that communicating well is important. If there is something I want or need my husband to do, I ask politely.
My husband is highly annoyed by passive aggressive behavior. (Really, who isn’t?!) We have learned to cut it out of our interactions. It’s nice because we know what we say is what we mean. The only games being played around our house are of the video, board or role playing variety — not in our relationship.
8. Poking fun at each other isn’t a good idea.
We don’t make fun of each other. It’s another lesson learned early on that poking fun or joking at the other person’s expense can lead to hurt feelings and undermine our relationship. We do joke with each other and can poke fun at ourselves. But we definitely know the limits.
9. Keeping God in your marriage is important.
From the beginning of our relationship, my husband and I strived to honor God with our choices. When we got engaged, that only became more important and more serious. Our engagement in the middle of college caused some friction, and we found ourselves in prayer and Bible study to determine whether we had heard God correctly or not.
Our marriage spiritual walk has changed and grown as we have. We did a pre-marital Bible study together. We’ve done couples’ devotion books together. We now do a family devotion together with our kids each evening. I’ve learned that my husband has some awesome spiritual insight and thoughts that haven’t occurred to me. He is one of the only people I feel comfortable with getting into the really meaty struggles of faith and my relationship with God because I know I can trust him fully.
We have kept each other accountable. We have encouraged each other in our faith walks. We have grown spiritually together. We have joint stories of God’s work, goodness, grace and mercy that we can share. I’ve also learned that when my relationship with God is on track and growing then my relationship with my husband is even better.
10. Talking negatively about your spouse to others isn’t helpful.
When we were first married, we had some friends who were also newlyweds and would gripe about their spouses. We made a deal that if we had a problem with each other, we would address it with the other and not complain about it to our friends.
That policy has served us well. First of all, we don’t want to focus on the things that can drive us crazy about our spouse, which is what happens with griping. Second, it keeps us communicating and fixing issues, which is healthy. And third, our friends will remember negative gripes we’ve had about our spouse long after we have forgiven them and moved on.
11. Bragging on your spouse is always permitted.
Everybody loves compliments. The more you can brag on your spouse about what they are good at or do well, the better you feel about him and the better he feels about him and you as a result.
Nothing feels better than being recognized for what you do or what you do well. So many life experiences go against positivity. Any time you can be positive about your spouse, do so!
12. Being best friends with your spouse is awesome.
While I do have other friends, my husband is by far my best friend. He’s the person I go to first with good news or bad news. He’s the person I laugh with the most and genuinely want to hang out with the most.
As an introvert who needs alone and downtime, I can enjoy the company of friends but still feel a bit drained as a result. That isn’t true with my husband. He sees the real me and is still my best friend. I am so thankful for that!
13. Sometimes you just have to trust your spouse’s knowledge.
One of the things that drew me to my husband way back when we were in high school was how intelligent he is. He is a smart guy. He thinks outside the box. He comes up with efficient ways to accomplish tasks. He can visualize things that I cannot.
Long ago, I learned to trust his knowledge when it is superior to mine. When we were looking for a new house a decade ago, we had a discussion as to whether the dining room set we had would fit in one of the houses we were looking at. I wasn’t sure. My husband said yes. I conceded he knew best because I really can’t visualize well and know he can. Our realtor was shocked. But it just makes sense. He has strengths. I have strengths. It makes sense to use those strengths instead of fight against them.
14. Romance changes as you go.
One time when my husband and I were dating, he gave me a small teddy bear holding a pair of earrings. Another time, I left him a note on his car while he was inside his work. Those were sweet and romantic gestures, but they were nothing compared to the romantic gestures of love that come with being married for so long.
For example, he’s driven me out of state for doctor appointments many times to allow me to see a specialist for my chronic health issues. While that may not scream romance as we see it in movies and on television, it does to me. He has given up his own time and comfort because he loves me and wants me to feel better. He has worked late to be able to take off and go with me. He hasn’t complained when I wasn’t up to even help with driving. That is romance and love beyond anything a flower or card could say.
15. Traditional romantic gestures are still nice and appreciated!
While number 14 is 100 percent true, we do also still appreciate traditional romantic gestures. Nice meals out just the two of us are priceless. A card left with words of love is sweet. Surprise flowers or flowers for an occasion are precious.
On our anniversary last week, for example, I spent the afternoon with both kids swimming on their last day of summer break. I came home worn out and found a beautiful bouquet of flowers, a nice card and my favorite candy waiting for me from my husband. It was unexpected, and I looked a frightful mess. I also loved every moment of it!
16. Good life experiences are even better when shared with someone you love.
I love being a mama. But I love more sharing the parenthood journey with my husband. I love sharing all my journeys with him. We can share a quick look and know what the other is thinking. No one else finds our children so adorable, smart, charming, precious and hilarious as we do.
No one else understands the small victories (or big ones) we have quite as much as each other. We’ve celebrated together over things that don’t make much sense to anyone else, which is exactly how it should be!
17. Marriage is made for inside jokes.
I’ve struggled many times throughout my life with feeling left out, whether legitimately or perceived. If there were inside jokes, I often wasn’t included.
However, that’s not true with my husband. And in 25 years of being together, we have plenty to go around. There are things that happened a decade or more ago that still can come up randomly and make us laugh together. Inside jokes are a pretty precious gift, even (and maybe especially) when no one else would find them remotely funny.
18. Take and print photos.
When my husband and I first got married, it was before digital cameras were common and way before phone cameras were around. In fact, a video from the day of our wedding includes a friend of ours talking about his new digital camera and how it holds six pictures!
In our early days we used film cameras. I started a photo album tradition for each year we were married of putting together photos for that year with captions. That meant having the photos printed, the typing, printing and cutting out the captions before putting them together into albums.
While my process has changed, thanks to online photo sites, I still make an album for each year with photos and caption info. I’ve found these to be priceless even after only 20 years. Having recently gone through photos of my parents for their 50th wedding anniversary, I can only say they’ll get more precious with time. I hope one day our kids will be glad to have them, too.
Taking photos of each other and together even when you aren’t social media ready is important. And I’d daresay it’s also important to have some cherished photos just for you and not just to post on social media.
19. Marriage means having a built-in sounding board.
I enjoy being able to bounce ideas off my husband, and he enjoys the same in reverse. Sometimes making both large and small decisions is just easier when you have someone to talk it through with.
We have talked together through major life decisions like having babies and moving. And we regularly talk through very minor decisions like what home project to work on next or what after-school activities our kids can participate in.
20. Marriage gives you a permanent sidekick.
This is one of my favorite parts of marriage. I’ve got a person by my side for always. Sometimes that looks like my husband going with me to a friend’s wedding or me going with him to a family reunion. Other times it looks like him taking over with the kids so I can go to dinner with a friend or I take over so he can play games with friends.
We’ve each gone to events for one another that we didn’t really want to, but it’s always been better being together than apart. We learned early on in our marriage to discern and communicate what activities are important to have each other there and what ones are OK to give a pass. Being honest with each other about what is most important to us has helped us know how to best be there for each other and be able to rely on each other to come along when we ask them to.
At the end of next week, my kids head back to school. I’m not ready for it. I never am.
This year I have a 1st and 4th grader, which seems impossible since they were just born a few months ago. But alas, here we are.
The joys of summer
I really do enjoy having them home for the summer. Yes, there are times that they bicker and it drives me nutty. And other times I long to eat my lunch and read my book in peace for 10 minutes.
But there are also extra snuggle times and belly laughs as they play. There are smiles as they show me what they learned in swimming lessons.
The truth is, I had babies because I wanted them. God blessed me with these two precious lives and has entrusted me to care for them. My children aren’t a burden or annoyance; they are my greatest masterpiece. And I will miss them when school starts.
The good parts of the school year
I will also be glad to get back to a schedule and routine a bit because that’s how my personality is. I know it will be easier to get work done once they aren’t interrupting me. But I still will miss them.
However, another big part of parenthood is putting your children’s needs before your own. In my head, I’d love to just have them home all the time and hang out — and not in a homeschool kind of way. More in a summer-break-we-aren’t-doing-much-productive-many-days kind of way.
That wouldn’t be best for them, though. They are so smart and know so much, yet, they have so very much left to learn. I don’t want to rob them of that.
They love being together and with my husband and me, but they also love being with their friends. They are learning how to navigate friendships, which is important. I don’t want to rob them of that either.
I know I can love on them and pour into them completely, but I also know they are at an awesome school full of adults trained to pour into them in ways I can’t. I don’t want to rob them of that chance to have role models and be challenged by adults other than my husband and me.
How I handle the first day
So that’s why the end of next week, I will put on my excited face, take photos and walk them into school with a grin. I want to give them the world. I want them to learn and grow and continue to make the world a better place in bigger and bigger ways.
I will pray for a sunny day so my sunglasses can hide my watery eyes. I will wave and give hugs and wish them the very best of days. And I will mean every part of it, even as I continue to let them go more and more each year.
They are my heart. They are my babies. And I will miss them when they head back to school, but I also know that’s what is best for them. What’s best for them is what I want most.
Covering them in prayer
I also know I am not leaving them alone. I will cover them in prayer for the new school year. I pray they make and grow friends who are both good to the and good for them. I pray they learn and grow. I pray that they are surrounded by adults who care about them. I pray they are able to navigate friendship issues and handle any stress that comes their way.
I pray that they remember they are never alone and God is always with them. I pray that they proceed with the confidence that comes from being loved so completely by their parents and by God. I pray that they are kind to those around them. I pray that they make good choices and stand up for what they know to be right, even if it isn’t popular.
And, of course, I always pray that God protects them physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually everywhere they are.
It’s easier to send them off when I know they aren’t going alone. It’s easier when I know they are covered in prayer. I will still miss them. But I know back to school is good for them.
I am so proud of the people they are continuing to grow into. Sending them back to school is bittersweet like so many things in parenthood. I will miss them and am overwhelmed by how much they are growing up, but I also can’t wait to see what the year has in store, what they’ll learn and more of who they are outside of being my babies.
Part of being a parent is teaching our children. And on days like tomorrow, when we celebrate the 243rd birthday of the United States, I think about what I am teaching my kids about being an American.
Through my years as a mom, I’ve learned that some lessons come through example rather than words. For instance, when we are out and the national anthem, my children see my husband and me stand and put our hands over our hearts. They do the same. It shows respect for our country, flag and all the men and women who have sacrificed so much for our freedom.
Teaching about the sacrifices made for freedom
I will continue to tell them about those men and women. They know that their Poppy got sent to a jungle when he was just out of high school. He went and did his duty and our family is so proud. They will learn even more what all of that means as they get older and learn more about that war.
I have also shared how their great-grandpas, both of whom passed away before my kids were born, served in World War II — one as a solider and one as a medic. We’ve also talked about how their Great-Great-Uncle David gave his life in World War II. They understand this as much as they can at 6 and 9 right now. One day they will understand even more. And I hope that it will continue to make them proud to be Americans, just like has does me.
In school, my children will learn about the Revolutionary and Civil Wars and this country’s history. They’ll learn of the dark things that our country has done as well as the victories. They will eventually learn about how terrorists attacked our country on Sept. 11, 2001. My husband and I will tell them what we were doing and what we remember of that day. And our kids will start to understand why security is so tight at airports and sporting events. They won’t know anything different.
Teaching the good things about America
But, I also want my children to learn more than just war and sacrifice and fear. I want them to learn about all the good things in this country. I want them to understand and appreciate that we have the freedom to say what we want to say, live how we want to live and serve God openly. And I want them to know that it’s OK to not always agree with government leaders (it’s a wonderful freedom) but at the same time, it’s important to always respect the positions they hold.
I want my kiddos to know that they have great opportunities in this country. They can chose to be whatever they want to be when they grow up. They’re not limited by government or societal restrictions.
Teaching them civic duty
I want them to learn the importance of having a voice in the way the country runs through voting. I will continue to tell them the stories of those who fought for the right to vote so they understand the progress that’s been made and needs to be maintained.
They have learned as well that people have been treated poorly in our country based solely on their gender or the color of their skin. We talk about these stories and the importance of remembering that all people are the same and should be treated well no matter what.
I want my children to learn that along with the opportunities and freedoms they have as Americans they also have a responsibility to leave this world a better place than they found it. They have both already made my world better just by existing, but they are also slowly working to improve the world around them as they get older. I want to do everything I can to foster that growth. I know there is so much more they’ll do as they grow up.
Teaching them faith
Above all, I want my kids to thank God for all of these blessings of being an American and all that comes with it. I want them to continue to learn they can also affect change through prayer. If God can move mountains, He can certainly move governments.
We’ve made a start on teaching our kids what it means to be an American and will continue to do so. For this Independence Day, they’ll both dress in red, white and blue. We’ll celebrate by hosting our first gathering at our new house as we cook out for our parents.
We’ll take the kiddos to see fireworks after spraying them down with bug spray and letting them wear glow-in-the-dark bracelets and necklaces. We have a lot for which to be thankful.
Social media can be a breeding ground for mompetition and complaining
The average internet user spends about 2 hours and 22 minutes each day interacting with social media, according to a report on Digital Information World in January 2019. That equals equals 16 hours and 36 minutes each week and nearly 800 hours per year!
That’s a lot of time on social media. It’s definitely a newer frontier considering that Facebook wasn’t even created until 2004 (MySpace was created the year before). Twitter came along in 2006 and Instagram and Pinterest both debuted in 2010.
Social media and mompetition
While social media has a variety of pros and cons, one of the issues it’s definitely enhanced is mompetition — mom competition. When I was a kid back in the 1980s and 1990s, my mom’s biggest source of mompetition came primarily from the moms of other kids in our school.
Now, we moms compete with moms everywhere. We log onto Facebook and see how someone we’ve never met across the country has a toddler who can ride a unicycle while our toddler trips walking to her tricycle.
Or we fire up Instagram and see the happy beach family vacation a mom a state away is on while we blow up a small kiddie pool and wrangle arguing children who are trying to walk through the house dripping wet.
And don’t even get me started with Pinterest. I love Pinterest, but it can definitely be a huge pressure cooker for moms. You don’t have to be on it long to learn that every other mom on the planet has a picture perfect clean house that only takes 5 seconds a day to maintain and children who spend their summers doing intense housework, extensive schoolwork and hours of community service before spending only 15 minutes of screen time a week on educational apps.
Of course I’m exaggerating — a little. But, mompetition certainly has grown with the use of social media. Even if we spend much less time on social media than the average user, it’s easy to get sucked into the comparison game. It’s easy to feel mompetition. And it’s even easier to throw our own highlight reel up on social media and feed the fire.
Social media and complaining
Then there’s the other side of social media. There are the posts that are perpetually negative. There are the posts that poke fun at other parents or even children. Sarcasm is found in abundance on social media. Snarkiness abounds.
While I do appreciate jokes about the challenges of parenthood, some can go too far. They can keep us focusing on what’s hard about motherhood and not all the loads and loads of good stuff. They can make us feel irritated and frustrated instead of uplifted and encouraged.
The purpose of Families with Grace
And all of this is part of why I created Families with Grace. I want the FWG blog, social media outlets and general community to be a safe place to be honest about struggles. My goal is to be real. However, you also won’t find posts about how frustrating my children are or how much my husband annoys me.
Because while those feelings are real sometimes, they aren’t the feelings I have the vast majority of the time, and I don’t want to dwell on them. I also, though, don’t want to give the impression that I know everything and my family is perfect. I don’t want you to think that I always talk to my husband and children with grace and patience. I don’t. I fall short.
I do keep trying, though. That’s the journey I want us to take together. Let’s try together to be better and do better for our families — not just try impress one another. Let’s find ways to keep our priorities in the correct order: God, spouse, children.
Because no matter what someone posts on their highlight reel of social media, the real issue is whether they are doing their best for their family. If I try to deceive you into thinking my children, home, marriage and even Christian walk are perfect, I’m only fanning the flames of mompetition. I’m only working to make you feel worse.
If I try to commiserate with you about how awful everything is in my life, I’m only fanning the flames of griping. And I’m making you feel worse.
But if I share with you the lessons I’m learning through my mess and imperfections, then maybe you’ll remember that not all of us are perfect. Maybe then you’ll give yourself some grace and get some ideas for what could work in your own family. My prayer is that God will use some of my words to work in your heart.
Learning to be more like God
I love what I do. I love writing. I love being a mom. I love being a wife. I definitely love Jesus and His redeeming love. But, aside from Jesus, I don’t fully love all of those things all the time. I’m doing my best. When I fail and fall as I do, God gives me grace and pulls me up and dusts me off.
He doesn’t roll His eyes. He doesn’t post on Facebook about how annoying I am. (Can you imagine if God was on social media?!) God just loves me and gives me all the grace I need.
His example is I want to draw from in my own life as a wife and mom. That’s the image I want to portray in my life and on social media. Life isn’t perfect. It’s messy and scary. It’s beautiful and good. And it is so very much more than what shows up in our social media news feeds.
Join me on the journey to creating homes filled with grace, love and faith. Come along and learn from the mistakes I make and lessons I learn. I can’t promise you that I’ll be perfect, but I know the One who is. God never fails, He always loves and I want nothing more than to honor Him in my words whether they are coming out of my mouth, posted on my blog and typed into my social media accounts.
