How I stopped being a people pleaser

Tips to stop sacrificing your happiness for others

Making people happy is something I tried to do for years. Now, making people happy isn’t a bad thing to do. However, I used to try to make EVERYONE happy. I was a people pleaser. And I was miserable in the process.

Due to this, I got really, really bad anxiety over almost anything and everything. Like, to the point I had to take multiple days off purely because I was nervous enough to feel like puking. I was just in first grade… But it was seriously bad enough I nearly had to go to a therapist.

I learned how to do a few things that helped me: use logic/common sense, assess the worst case scenario, seriously just not care and stop trying to make EVERYONE happy (because, honestly, it isn’t going to do anything.)

Caring what others think

My friend and I were talking the other day. At some point she was telling me about being nervous about getting something wrong due to people expecting her to do it correctly. My response to her is something everyone should know. Because, listen, you need to stop caring what everyone thinks. Why exactly do you care anyway? I mean, what exactly is the point? They don’t affect you.

Also, if people decide to sit there and take time out of their day just to think about you doing something wrong, then honestly, it’s their loss. I mean, instead of thinking about you being late to class or whatever, they technically could have been doing something much more enjoyable like eating ice cream! And instead of worrying about what they think, you could be eating ice cream, too. That’s much more fun than being a people pleaser!

Because lovelies, listen (well read, but whatever), closely. Who the heck are they to judge you? In the end you are all going to end up 6 feet under. Dead, non-important souls whom people on Mars will never take time to morn. We are all human, and none of us are perfect. Therefore, if I find myself face-to-face with a quite literally perfect human being who has never done anything wrong ever in their entire life and is without flaws, then I will allow myself to care about their judgement because it must be God. And then, if this person (God) is perfect, then He isn’t going to judge me mercilessly and will love me regardless because that is the perfect thing to do.

So, I stopped caring, because if I’m happy and am doing God’s will, then it’s OK. Well, as long as it legal.

Common sense and worst case scenario

Using common sense is important as well. For example, you have to think about how or if you can change the situation. Like if a friend of a cousin isn’t happy with your friend, but your friend is fine, there’s no need to go out of your way to make them happy. You have to let it go and stop the urge to be a people pleaser.

What is going to be the worst scenario if you don’t please them? In some cases, it may be a not-so-great thing, but I’m willing to bet it won’t kill you. Maybe that one friend might get mad at you for a day or two, but that’s probably about it. Is it worth my happiness to please this person, or is it OK if they’re upset for about a day? I’ve learned in cases like this to put my happiness first.

People are ALWAYS going to be upset. It is quite literally humanly impossible to make everyone in existence happy at once. Live your own life, do what’s right, but at least someone is going to hate you for it, so I suggest you stop negotiating with them to please them. It’s simple. They get on board, or get out of the way. You just keep fighting the good fight and don’t give up to make some idiots happy, OK? ( I may be a little in love with “Young Justice,” so excuse the reference! Everything I said was pretty true.)

Girls with Grace, a tween blog written by a tween girl, has new posts on Tuesdays two to four times a month. Find out more about Girls with Grace:

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