Families With Grace

Helping Christian moms create homes filled with grace, love & faith

Tag: Moms

Moms with Grace: Mandy Farmer

Posted on by Stacey A. Shannon

Tips for Christian moms with a good dose of encouragement

Affiliate links are used in this post, if you make a qualifying purchase via my link, I receive a small percentage of the sale at no additional cost to you. I only recommend products and services I use and love. It helps support my blog, so thank you for your support! Read my full disclosure here.

The “Moms with Grace” series takes a look at modern Christian moms and how they handle daily life with raising children. You’ll find monthly posts from moms with older kids, younger kids and all those in between. Let real-life moms encourage and uplift you!

Today is the kick-off for the “Moms with Grace” series. Mandy Farmer is the featured Mom with Grace this month. Mandy has a blog, “Mandy and Michele,” for which I have shared guests posts a few times. I am thrilled to share her story with you.

Mandy is a 62-year-old mom to four children ranging from 26 to 48. The oldest two belong to her husband from a previous marriage, but Mandy has raised them completely since they were 9 and 14 and lost both their mom and sister in a car accident.

Her experiences as a mom and stepmom (though she says they never use the term “step”) are uplifting to those of us still in the thick of everyday life with kids. Mandy has survived the young years and is now reaping the benefits in her relationship with her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren!

Please share a little bit about your background. Are you married? If so, for how long? What is your occupation? 

I was born near Canton, Ohio, and raised on the family dairy farm. At the age of 13, we moved, cows and all, to Wisconsin where I graduated from a small high school. I acquired a B.A. in computer science at Asbury University outside of Lexington, KY and went to work in Columbia South Carolina for about five years.  

At that point, my pastor’s wife introduced me to Michael Farmer, a pastor in her hometown of Barnesville, Ga. Michael had recently lost his wife and daughter in a fatal car accident. He had two boys, 9 and 14 at the time. She had been after me for months to go to Georgia with her and meet Michael. I didn’t think I was interested in a pastor with two boys but I finally went…just to get her to quit bothering me about it. 

Four months later, we were married! Now 32 years married!  

Fun note: I said I didn’t want to be a farmer’s wife or a pastor’s wife…I married Pastor Farmer! 

We added another boy and girl to the mix and continue pastoring around Georgia and for six years in Milwaukee, Wis. – my home state. 

I never worked outside the home or church after marriage and my degree quickly became obsolete, but my education was well worth it. 

I jumped full-time into my love of children’s ministry. Homeschooled our two youngest and founded a homeschool co-op. In between that, sometimes I served as Michael’s secretary. 

In 2011, I was struck with chronic pain. This changed a lot. Our daughter was 15. She became chief cook and bottle washer, making most meals, doing the laundry, keeping the house. She also, became my chauffeur! In 2016, we retired and moved to Savannah, Ga., and I began writing.

At first, I wrote about chronic pain and then I moved into writing Bible Studies for our denomination and an online group called Gracefully Truthful. Last year I decided to try to publish a book of devotions. That is still in the works, but in the learning process I wrote a children’s picture book about milk cows: Holly the Holstein Talks About Milk Cows.  I will publish another picture book about a family whose mommy has Fibromyalgia. You can follow me at my writing website to keep abreast of my publishing. 

How have you changed from the beginning of your mom journey until now? 

Another piece of my backstory is that I was number three of six children growing up. My youngest brother was 12 years behind me. My mom had a bookstore, so I did a lot of caring for him. This gave me a great deal of knowledge about childcare. I loved being a mom, and I can hardly wait to have grandchildren. (Our oldest has children and grands, but they have always lived far away.) 

Our children are all grown now. We live in the same city. Two kids are married. They all pop in all the time to check on us. Our oldest has two grown sons and a daughter. And we have six great-grandchildren! 

What are some challenges you’ve faced as a mother? How have you worked to overcome them? 

My initiation into motherhood started right off with a preteen and teenager. One got the chicken pox while Michael and I were on our honeymoon, and the other got them when we arrived home!  

My husband and I sat down with them before we married and talked about things. They wanted me to adopt them but because of moving several times it never happened. Michael told them that I would end up being their mother longer than their biological mother. And we decided they would call me “Mom.”  

Michael said he would always back me up when it came to discipline, and they were not to try to play us against one another. What I said would be “law” and if I dealt out a punishment, only I could change it. We had some of the typical teenager-mom issues. But really not many big issues that all moms don’t have.  

I love them like my own, and they love me the same. As a matter of fact, one of them sends me flowers every year on the anniversary of their mother’s death. The card always reads, “Thanks for being my mom.”

In what ways have you and do you share your faith with your children?

It’s a lifestyle. Everything seems to have something to do with faith in our lives. We have had many discussions around the dinner table. (Dinner table: what an important routine for the family!) 

Being a pastoral family, our kids were saturated in our faith. I wanted to have a family devotion time, but my husband felt that they got so much from being at the church A LOT that he didn’t want to do it. I did get them to have Advent devotions with me most years. We also homeschooled our children, and they received Bible training through that. Our church had children’s and teen’s Bible quizzing, and we were deeply involved in quizzing. 

Once they were old enough, they were involved in any special programs we had at church. They enjoyed every minute…well, maybe not every minute. 😊 

Pray for and with your children. After the car accident, going to school was very traumatic for Brian. He was dropped to his school that day and the accident happened on the way to the high school. We ALWAYS prayed with him before he got out of the car. ALWAYS.  

What are some of your favorite parts of motherhood? 

I loved it all. From as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a mom. I was involved in their lives and they in mine. I loved cooking and baking with them from an early age. Also, I taught them music, and we played and sang together often. Homeschooling was wonderful. I was nervous about it at first. But my sister was doing it, and so I tried kindergarten (which wasn’t required) and we enjoyed it. That was the year my daughter was born and it gave Brett and me bonding time. If Mikaela was fussy, she was in a snuggly around me which left my hands free to teach. I think she learned a lot that way, school came easier for her. We considered every year what we would like to do the next year. Every year the kids chose to homeschool. 

How does grace play a role in your daily life? Do you have any tips or advice for how moms can show more grace to their families? 

3 John 1:4 image

Oh, goodness! Grace. Grace is the central theme. There are always mistakes made. On my side and theirs. Apologies and forgiveness are vital in a good family relationship. 

When discipline is necessary, it’s a good time to talk about the forgiveness of God. Be sure to tell your child how much you love them and that discipline is for teaching. Never discipline when you are angry. Always pray with your child after discipline. 

 What are you most proud of as a mom? 

 ”I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.” – 3 John 1:4 (NIV)

All four of my children are serving the Lord in some capacity. Daniel is on the church board and serves in so many basic ways. He does a lot of those things that no one notices – lawn care, general checking on the building, usher. Brian served as a pastor in a small church for about 10 years until his health failed. Brett is the tech guy. He runs the sound and live stream at church. Mikaela and her husband serve as youth ministers and are both on the worship team. 

Do you have any resources that help you be a mom with grace?

You have to have a strong marriage to have a strong family. 

These are some of the parenting books I highly recommend:

Do you have anything else to add that we haven’t talked about? 

Prayer is a big key. Pray for guidance and wisdom. Pray for your children and their future spouses. Be specific as much as you can. Pray more than “Be with my child today.” Ask for wisdom and knowledge and protection. If they are attending public school, pray even harder. 

Make sure your children know that their parents love each other. Yeah, they might get disgusted, but let them see you hugging and kissing occasionally. This makes your child feel safe.  

Tell them you love them every day! Hug them even when your teenager doesn’t want you too. 

Have rules and abide by them. Children need boundaries. Back each other up. 

Connect with other Christian moms for support and encouragement in the private Facebook group, Moms with Grace!

Advice for moms to be

Posted on by Stacey A. Shannon

Some words of wisdom for first time mamas

Affiliate links are used in this post, if you make a qualifying purchase via my link, I receive a small percentage of the sale at no additional cost to you. I only recommend products and services I use and love. It helps support my blog, so thank you for your support! Read my full disclosure here.

I originally wrote this post back in April of 2011 when I had only one child who was 1-1/2 at the time. While I did some updating to refresh it, I still feel compelled to give advice for moms to be when I see them out and about. For now, I am still able to resist!

I’ve always been a quiet person. I’ve never had a need to give random advice to others (especially strangers). That is until I became a mother. Now it sort of makes sense to me why mothers dole out advice — both wanted and unwanted — to their kids and random strangers. It is just in you.

When I’m shopping at Target and see a woman with a big belly perusing the baby department with a scan gun for her registry, I want to stop her and chat. Anywhere I go and see a couple who is pregnant with their first child, I feel the urge to tell them things. When I read status updates on Facebook of friends or family who are expecting their first child, I fight the urge to type all sorts of thoughts and advice. And even when childless friends talk to me about wanting to start a family someday, I have to stomp down my urge to overshare.

Advise for moms to be Pinterest image

I do manage to keep my mouth shut with complete strangers. And I try to take it easy on my friends and family. Hopefully, I succeed. But, I want to somehow explain to them that they really don’t know what they’re in for. Having a child is so much harder and so much more wonderful than you can ever expect. Becoming a parent changes your world completely.

Practical advice for moms to be

I definitely have practical advice for moms to be. I would share what to really expect from labor and delivery — the things no one tells you, not even in the birthing class at the hospital. For instance, you will be amazed at how little you care about lack of modesty during the birthing process and even learning to nurse if you go that route.

Moms to be also need to know to buy plenty of feminine hygiene products. Get the largest pads made, and buy twice as many as you think you’ll need. Consider getting at least one package of adult diapers, which are also great for postpartum moms.

I’d share things like which infant tub is best because it will work for newborns to toddlers. We had a few styles and found this one worked best.

Also, I’d tell her which big toys really come in handy and which take up more space than they are worth. A baby play mat is awesome. And my daughter spent a lot of time hanging out in her bouncy seat. It saved my sanity to know she was strapped in somewhere safe.

I’d let her know that big swings aren’t worth it for the cost and space they take up. Not all babies like swings, my daughter didn’t care for the swing so much. If your baby does like to swing, though, having a portable swing takes up less space and lets you move it around the house with you. [I had to add in the portable swing, because my second child loved swinging and the portable swing was a lifesaver!]

I’d tell both parents to be to take time to shower and relax in those first few months whenever they had a chance. I’d tell them to ask for help and let a trusted person (grandparents are ideal) watch the baby for a bit even just so they could nap, run errands or (dare I say it) see a movie.

Emotional advice for moms to be

And there are more abstract tips and ideas I’d share. I’d tell them how the baby will take all of your energy and just when you’ve about had enough he or she will give you a smile for the first time. Suddenly your energy renews and your heart melts, even if it is 3 a.m. and you’re up for the third time since going to bed at 10 p.m.

I’d share that it might take time, but you will eventually adjust to living life completely for someone else. Eventually you will be able to find pieces of your identity again and remember sometimes that you are more than just a mom.

For sure I’d get advice to moms to be to worry less and enjoy more. For the first couple of months, I lived in fear every time I put my daughter down at night to sleep that she wouldn’t wake up in the morning. She’s a happy, healthy almost 19-month-old now. [And now a 13-year-old!]

I worried that if she saw a television show for even one minute she’d have ADD. She couldn’t care less about TV, and she’s as smart as can be. [She’s tested as high ability from kindergarten on.]

So many times I worried that I wouldn’t produce enough milk, and then I ended up with a chest freezer full. All that worrying for nothing. When we’re new moms we can put so much pressure on ourselves and worry about every little thing. Do your best to remind yourself that humans have been surviving for thousands of years. You can do this!

The truth about becoming a mom

You see, all this advice (and more!) bubbles up within me as I encounter new moms. I have lots to say. Instead, I smile. Or I say “Congratulations” if I know them. Internally, I want to warn them. I want to prepare them. But, I also know that no one can prepare you. It just isn’t possible. I thought I was prepared and knew what I was in for. I didn’t and, frankly, I couldn’t have.

Then again, I guess that’s part of the whole parenthood experience. And so you’re left with lots of advice. I’m sure there is untold advice around me from parents of older children about what will be coming my way. On the other hand, I’m not sure I want to know, yet. I’m also pretty sure that I won’t really get it until I experience it for myself. That’s just the way life is.

How Christian moms can teach their children about God

Posted on by Stacey A. Shannon

7 Simple ways Christian moms can help grow their children’s faith

Affiliate links are used in this post, if you make a qualifying purchase via my link, I receive a small percentage of the sale at no additional cost to you. I only recommend products and services I use and love. It helps support my blog, so thank you for your support! Read my full disclosure here.

For us Christian moms, finding ways to teach our children about God is important. More than anything, I want to help my children learn about and know God in a personal way. I love them so completely and fully. Yet, I also know I can’t be there for them every moment. It’s neither possible nor feasible. But, God can. And He knows what the future holds for them. He loves them even more than I do.

While we want to be intentional as Christian moms to teach our children about God, we also need to find the best ways to do so. Long theological lectures aren’t going to convince a 6-year-old that she needs to ask God into her heart. Trite, vague answers aren’t going to convince a 16-year-old that he needs to follow God.

7 Simple ways Christian moms can teach their children about God

It’s certainly a precarious balance and one that my husband and I continue to work on as we are raising our kiddos. Just as I want to teach my children how to take care of themselves physically, I also want to teach them how to take care of themselves spiritually.

I’m still learning and growing on my journey as a Christian mom, but over the past 13 years of motherhood, I have found a few things that work for us.

Pray.

Praying for our children is important. Praying for ourselves as Christian moms is equally important. I pray daily that I’ll be the kind of my mom my children need to raise them according to God’s will and plan for their lives. I also pray in the moment. When my kiddos are asking me questions about God, the Bible or anything faith-related, I silently pray things like, “God, give me the right words.”

Faith questions are difficult and even with kids who are only 9 and 13, we’ve already been asked some deep questions. Turning to God to help us answer is my first stop. I’ve been surprised by answers that have come to me as a result and discussions I’ve been able to have with my children. And I know that wouldn’t have happened without God’s help.

Praying with our children is also incredibly important. Each evening before bedtime, our family has prayer time together. This has a been a great time to teach our kids what praying to God can be like. We talk about prayer requests and remind them they can talk to God just like they do anyone else. They don’t need to recite memorized prayers but can really talk to Him.

Be honest.

In order to keep lines of communication wide open, I think honesty with our kids is important. My husband and I have a policy with our children that if they ask us a question, we will answer them honestly. We have adhered to that policy while also keeping their ages in mind. This is true with faith. If our kids ask us something we don’t know, we’re honest about that. We’ve told them that if we don’t know the answer, we will help them find it. We’ll turn to the Bible and our pastor to get a good answer for them.

We are also honest that some topics are debated in Christian circles. So we share our own experiences and interpretations as well as some differing views. But, we also always get back to the fact that no matter what disagreements there are, the most important thing is knowing Jesus died for our sins and wants a relationship with us.

Talk about your faith.

This might seem like a no-brainer to us Christian moms, but I think it can be easier to talk to our kids in more abstract ways about God and less about how He is working in and through our own lives. I have shared stories with my kids that happened recently and in the past of how God has helped me through situations or ways I’ve seen Him work.

You don’t have to get a 20-minute testimony to your children, but taking a minute to point out how God answered your prayer is powerful. It helps our kids realize God is still working and impacting lives today. And it shows them what a daily walk with God looks like. My hope is that it also helps them be able to see Him at work more easily in their own lives.

Listen to Christian music.

Christian music is another subtle way Christian moms can help teach their kiddos about God. I love music and have it on in the car, while I’m working and often in the kitchen as well. My kids notice it in the car the most. Without necessarily realizing it, Christian music lets them soak up the message and promise God’s love and faithfulness.

Christian radio is a great source, but I also love having my own playlist with a wide variety of Christian music. You can find the Families with Grace Playlist on Spotify with nearly 11 hours of contemporary Christian music. I keep adding to it, because it’s the playlist I listen to most often myself!

Get into God’s Word together.

Spending time together in God’s Word is important. I know my own faith walk is strongest when I’m in God’s Word. You can do this in a variety of ways. Of course, you can read the Bible together. Here are some of our favorites:

“The Jesus Storybook Bible” by Sally Lloyd-Jones is our favorite from when our kids were younger. It’s perfect for preschoolers through early elementary, but it also speaks to my heart just as much as it does to the kiddos!

The Jesus Storybook Bible is great for Christian moms to use for their preschool through early elementary children.

“The Action Bible: God’s Redemptive Story” is a comic book style Bible. It is perfect for more visual kiddos or those who love graphic novels. This Bible works really well for my 9-year-old who is dyslexic and prefers the shorter lines of text in graphic novels.

A comic book style illustrated Bible can be a great option for children who enjoy graphic novels.

“Hands-On Bible” is a great option for third grade to fifth graders. It’s the New Living Translation, but it also has lots of additional content designed to engage kiddos as they are reading.

The Hands-On Bible is a great option for upper elementary kiddos.

“NIV True Images: The Bible for Teen Girls” is the Bible my daughter is currently using and enjoying. She’s now 13, but she got this Bible when she was 12. It’s an NIV Bible with various pull-outs of text targeted to teen girls to help them go deeper.

The True Images Bible for Teen Girls is a

Because my son is only 9, I don’t have a favorite for teen boys or a gender neutral version. However, this “NIV Bible for Teen Guys” looks really similar to what my daughter has, just geared more for males. There is also the gender neutral “NIV Teen Study Bible.”

Along with reading the Bible together, take time to talk about what you’ve read. Mention relevant Bible lessons when your kiddos are struggling with something. For example, if one of my kids is afraid and stressed out at bedtime, I often remind them of my favorite Bible verse from Isaiah 41:10 (NIV), “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” I have shared with both of my kiddos stories of how this verse has gotten me through various situations in life.

Try a devotion book.

This goes right along with being in God’s word together. There are a couple of ways this can work. You can read through a devotion book together as a family or read through a book separately and discuss it. Even if this isn’t something you do every day, give it a try.

We always go through a family devotion book together at Christmastime. We use “A Family Christmas,” which is a series of two five-minute Christmas devotion books for busy families I wrote because I couldn’t find one I liked very much for our family. “A Family Christmas Volume One” is ideal for families with preschool through early elementary children. “A Family Christmas Volume Two” works well for families with upper elementary through teens.

"A Family Christmas" devotion book volume 1 is ideal for families with children in preschool through early elementary.
A Family Christmas devotion book, volume 2, is ideal for families with upper elementary through teenage kiddos.

Try a journal and devotion book combo that get you into and talking about God’s Word through writing. My daughter and I published a faith-based mother and daughter shared journal last year called “Connecting with Grace.” It’s great for moms and daughters to get to know each other even better and share about everything from boys to school to faith and more.

Connecting with grace is a faith-based mother and daughter shared journal.

Another great option for moms and daughters is a devotion book from Stacey Pardoe and her tween daughter Bekah. “Girl to Girl” has 60 mother and daughter devotions designed to help moms and daughters deepen their faith and grow their relationships.

Girl to Girl is a devotion book for Christian moms and daughters to use together.

Go to church.

I know there can be many feelings around going to church. Unfortunately, some Christians don’t show the love of God as they are supposed to. But, being at church is important. The Bible tells us to meet together with fellow believers. Find a Bible-believing and preaching church for your entire family to get involved and grow in your spiritual walks together.

My husband and I pour so much into our children; however, having other Christians who pour into them as well is important. They hear other perspectives besides our own. And sometimes kiddos listen better to people other than their parents.

Bad moments don’t make you a bad mom

Posted on by Stacey A. Shannon

Encouragement for moms

Affiliate links are used in this post, if you make a qualifying purchase via my link, I receive a small percentage of the sale at no additional cost to you. I only recommend products and services I use and love. It helps support my blog, so thank you for your support! Read my full disclosure here.

I wrote this post as encouragement for moms back in 2012 before my youngest child was even born. It may be 10 years later, but I still need this reminder just as much!

Encouragement for moms: Bad moments don't make you a bad mom

I’d guess that ever since Eve, moms have been questioning themselves and feeling like bad mothers when things go awry. My daughter was less than a couple of days old before I felt like a bad mom. It was so intense that my husband even suggested I talk with my own mother about whether it got better. My baby was crying all the time and nothing I did seemed to help. I cried. She cried. We saw a different pediatrician when ours was out who further laid the blame on me. I climbed into the backseat with my baby on the way home and cried some more. It was awful feeling so much love and so much helplessness. I felt like the world’s worst mom and I had barely even been a mom.

The end of the first week, my husband figured out the problem. The kiddo didn’t know what to do with her tongue to suck milk effectively. She was constantly hungry as a result. Once we knew the problem and were able to work on it by having me exclusively pump and then negotiate the bottle just so in her mouth, things got a lot better. I didn’t immediately feel like a great mom. I did at least feel better that my baby was happier.

Every mom has a different story, but we’ve all had those moments where we feel just awful. I’ve had many more moments since then like when my baby rolled off my bed, found a pair of scissors to play with, skinned her knee to pieces when she fell WHILE I was holding her hand and so much more. I have often said to my husband, “I’m such a bad mom,” and then lurched into a story about why.

Words of encouragement

Yesterday, though, a friend shared a quote on Pinterest that stopped me in my tracks a minute and got me thinking. It’s from “Unglued” by Lysa Terkeurst: “Bad moments don’t make bad mamas.” I like that way of thinking. Aside from needing to cut myself some slack (I have a lifetime of practice of being too hard on myself), I also need to change my way of thinking.

Instead of thinking, “I’m such a bad mom for losing my patience with her when she wanted to play,” I need to think, “That was a bad moment.” And then assess how I can fix it the next time that situation arises. We all have bad moments whether it’s in parenthood, at work, at home, wherever. They just happen. Life is far from perfect all the time. Life is far from happy all the time. But, bad moments really don’t make us bad people.

I suppose bad mothers exist, but the majority of us are doing the best with what we have. My own mom wasn’t perfect, but she was perfect for me. I have to believe the same is true for my children. I’m not a perfect person. I’m not a perfect mother. We’re going to have bad moments. But, I’m not a bad mother. Bad mothers don’t try. They don’t care. I try very much and care about being a mom above almost everything else. I’m hopeful that one day my children will be able to look back and know that I did my very best for them and, above all, loved them unconditionally with my whole heart.

I’m hopeful that one day my children will be able to look back and know that I did my very best for them and, above all, loved them unconditionally with my whole heart.

And one of these days, I hope we can sit around together and laugh at some of the bad moments. Sometimes in hindsight things are much more humorous than they feel at the time they happen. I still haven’t been able to always employ a college professor’s theory of, “If you’re going to laugh at it later, you might as well laugh at it now.” But, I do see humor in some things now that weren’t one bit funny at the time they happened.

Maybe one day I’ll sit and joke with my daughter about how she had to figure out eating from the start. Or maybe we’ll joke about the time she rolled off the bed and survived to tell the tale. I’m guessing, though, that there are lots more bad moments that will happen between now and her adulthood that we’ll have to joke about. That’s a part of life, I suppose. And it will be all right. We’ll survive together. As long as I keep trying and keep loving her (and soon her brother), I’m pretty sure I can’t go all that wrong.

The power of smiling

Posted on by Stacey A. Shannon

Plus 10 quotes about the power of smiling

The first part of this post is one I wrote back in 2014 when my kids were very small. Eight years later, I still understand the power of smiling and do my best to use that power wisely — just like my own mama has!

My mom has a beautiful smile that comes easily. When I was growing up, I even had friends remark about how it seemed like my mom was always smiling. Truthfully, there were times in my grumpy adolescence where it annoyed me. But then again, there were times in my adolescence when everything annoyed me no matter what. (Man, I dread that stage with my kiddos.)

My mom’s smile was always there. It still is. I didn’t give it a second thought as a kid. Now as a mom myself, I’ve been thinking about the power of a smile in the lives of my children. When I smile at them, they smile back. When I smile at them, I’m communicating happiness. And when I smile at them, I’m letting them know they aren’t a bother or a burden. That is exactly what I want them to know.

Smiling through the work of motherhood

My children aren’t a bother or a burden. Changing countless diapers throughout the day, wiping noses, making food, playing pretend games, reading books, driving to preschool and back, giving baths, removing fuzz from baby mouths and so much more isn’t a burden. Well, it shouldn’t be. Sometimes I get caught up in myself. Sometimes I get caught up in what I’d really like to be doing like napping, reading a grown-up book or watching a show not on Disney Junior. Other times, I get caught up in the chores I’d like to be able to do in peace from unloading the dishwasher without the baby trying to help or finishing the laundry (which is in the garage) without worrying what the baby is getting into inside. Then I get grumpy. I start to think of my motherhood tasks of burdensome. I stop smiling.

That’s not the kind of mom I want to be. I don’t want to be sighing every time my children ask me for something with words or actions. I don’t want to be rolling my eyes all the time that they need one more thing in my already busy day. Certainly, I don’t want to huff around the house irritated because I’m not getting done what I wanted to get done. I want to be the happy, smiling mom who makes her kids feel secure that they can ask for help when they need it because she will always be there. The power of smiling is great and I want to wield it wisely. I want my children to know the treasures they are to me. I want to honor the role of motherhood that God has blessed me with.

And so I smile. I don’t know if this is why my mom smiled. I think partly she inherited her easy smile and gentle attitude from my grandpa who was such a loving, kind-hearted man with a terrific smile. And I think partly she enjoyed being a mom. I see the light that sparks in her even now when she’s with her grandchildren. She gets excited to give them baths or change their diapers. I’m not at that level, yet, and probably won’t be until I’m a grandma myself.

But, I do want to be the smiling mom for my children. I have learned that smiling, even when I don’t always feel like it, often lifts my spirits. That’s the power of smiling. Sometimes being the smiling mom on the outside allows me to become the smiling mom on the inside. You know on those days when everybody has needed something all day and you were up multiple times the night before with different kiddos at different times for different reasons. That’s when I need the power of smiling to lift my spirits and remind me that this really is a blessed task I have been given. And that it is a task I will one day miss.

For now I’m just going to keep smiling, even and maybe especially at times I don’t really feel like it. Maybe one day my kids’ friends will comment about it. They’ll probably roll their eyes, but that’s OK. In spite of themselves, they’ll at least know how loved they are.

Quotes about the power of smiling

“The world always looks brighter from behind a smile.” — Unknown

“Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.” — Mother Teresa

“A warm smile is the universal language of kindness.” – William Arthur Ward

¨Use your smile to change the world but don’t let the world change your smile.¨ — Unknown

¨A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.¨- Phyllis Diller

¨If we are not able to smile, then the world will not have peace.¨- Thich Nhat Hanh

“You don’t have to be happy to smile.” — Daniel Willey

¨What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but scattered along life’s pathway, the good they do is inconceivable.¨- Joseph Addison

¨I have many problems in life. But my lips don’t know that. They always smile.¨- Charlie Chaplin

“Smiling doesn’t necessarily mean you’re happy. Sometimes it just means you’re strong.” — Unknown

10 Kitchen tools to make mealtime prep easier

Posted on by Stacey A. Shannon

Enjoy easier mealtime prep with these kitchen tools

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Every single night my family wants to eat dinner — and breakfast, lunch and maybe snacks. Like many moms, I spend quite a bit of time in the kitchen so any time I find kitchen tools that make mealtime prep easier, I fall in love. Sometimes it’s the simplest things that make me happiest.

I decided to share 10 of my favorite kitchen tools that make for easier mealtime prep in my own kitchen. While I wasn’t sure if I could come up with 10, once I started thinking about it, I came up with more than 10. So, for this week’s Tasty Tuesday post, I’ve pared the list down to the 10 best that I use often. Many of these I use multiple times a week, and all of them I use at least a couple of times a month!

1. Collapsible strainers

This sounds crazy, but I’ve looked at collapsible strainers for years and never got them. I mentioned it to my husband and within a couple of days, this two-pack showed up from Amazon. You guys, I fell in love. The collapsible strainers make for easier mealtime prep, because they don’t take up much space in my dishwasher, so I don’t resist using them. That was exactly what I did with my old hard plastic strainer. Who knew they’d make me so happy?!

2. A stand mixer

I’m in love with my stand mixer. In fact, I have named her Dorothy because she is ruby red like the slippers in “The Wizard of Oz” movie. Dorothy and I have been together for a while. I suppose I could live without her, but I’m glad I don’t have to! In having fibromyalgia, my arms often ache, so letting Dorothy do the work saves me many times. And it’s thanks to her that I tried making yeast rolls and breads. I’ve talked about her many times on the blog, but I couldn’t leave her off of this list!

3. Ceramic knives

I’ve got only two ceramic knives, but they are hands-down my favorite. I use them all the time. They stay sharp and don’t need to be sharpened. They are dishwasher safe and don’t stain. I love, love, love them!

4. Food processor

If you have picky particular eaters in your family like I do in mine, then a food processor can definitely help you have easier meal time prep. Whether I’m pureeing bananas for banana bread or tomatoes for salsa or potato chili, my food processor makes life easier a least a couple of times a month. (And since our blender broke, my daughter uses it for smoothies!)

5. 4-slice toaster

The toaster in my house gets used multiple times a week. While I don’t necessarily use it that often for dinnertime meal prep, it definitely makes other meal prep easier. My son has had a recent obsession with plain bagels smeared with peanut butter. And my daughter went through a phase of making garlic toast a few times a week. Then, of course, there’s regular toast as well. Anyway, a simple 4-slice toaster truly makes my life easier!

6. Measuring cup with a push-up bottom

Years ago I went to an in-home cookware party. I bought a measuring cup with a push-up bottom and I LOVE it. I still use it regularly. It’s terrific for measuring peanut butter, honey and other sticky things. With the ways it’s made, you just push the ingredient out rather than having to try and scrape it out. It does need to be hand-washed, but that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make for how useful this measuring cup is. While I have a brand name one, I would opt now to pay half the price for a different brand like this one:

7. Rachael Ray cook- and bakeware

You don’t have to hang out long on my blog to know I absolutely love Rachael cookware and bakeware. I first got the bakeware from my mother-in-law as a gift. My mom used my pans and got her own. I’ve purchased additional Rachael Ray bakeware as well. I got the muffin pan, mini-muffin pan and an extra loaf pan. During COVID shutdown my mom ordered Rachael Ray cookware and loved it so much that she ordered me a set for a random gift. All of the Rachael cook- and bakeware washes up so well (I hand-wash them per the directions). And they really are nonstick.

8. Parchment paper

About four years ago, I first discovered the modern marvel of parchment paper. I’m not sure how I didn’t know about it before, but it definitely makes for easier mealtime prep and cleanup! I bake pretty much everything with parchment paper nowadays.

9. Air fryer

I love my air fryer. It’s great for making things like french fries and chicken nuggets, but it’s also great for heating up certain leftovers. I make mozzarella cheese sticks and frozen eggrolls in the air fryer as well. In fact, I have two air fryers. They are the same brand, Power XL, but different sizes. I can use both at the same time! And we can’t forget the delicious air fryer doughnuts that make me practically drool on my keyboard!

10. Apron

Do aprons count as kitchen tools? I’m not sure, but they do to me. I got an apron a lot like this one years ago (my actual apron is no longer available) and just keep washing and using it. When I’m baking something messy or cooking some that might splash on me, my apron make mealtime prep easier by keeping me clean. That, in turn, makes my laundry easier. So, it’s a win all around!

Finding myself again after having a baby

Posted on by Stacey A. Shannon

Motherhood changes everything, even your identity

I originally wrote these words in May of 2013 when my son was 4 months old and my daughter was 3 years old. Having a baby changes everything and finding myself again after having a baby was challenging. Even now that my kids are 9 and 12, I still have trouble with loses my unique identity in the busyness of motherhood.

When my daughter was born 3-1/2 years ago, I remember once the fog lifted a bit, I wondered when or if I’d ever feel like myself again. In a way, I mourned the Stacey I once was. I didn’t know if I’d ever feel anything like her again. I was both OK with that and sad about that. But I had to wonder whether if finding myself again would ever happen.

I remember the first day I returned to my home office to work for a couple of hours while my mom watched my baby girl. Even though my breast pump came with me and I did a pumping session whilst typing away, I felt for those couple of hours like the me I used to be and it was glorious. 

During her lifetime, I’ve found a way to sort of balance it all out. I’ve gotten breaks and chances to be a journalist. I’ve gotten breaks and chances to be a wife. And I’ve gotten breaks and chances to be more than a mom. Because, if all of us moms are honest, sometimes we need to be someone other than mommy. Sometimes we need to be more than a kleenex, jungle gym, dairy cow, bottom wiper, clothes changer, laundry doer and food maker. Sometimes we need to be a woman. We need moments to just be silent. And we need to have a moment to think in peace.

Losing myself again with a second baby

I knew I’d deal with these feelings again when I had a second baby. And I have. I love my son just as completely as I love my daughter, even when he’s being high maintenance as he sometimes is. I love him even now when he’s kicking me in the arm while I’m trying to type this blog post as my daughter is distracted working on a bracelet (and never you mind that they’re both still in their pajamas and it’s almost 11 a.m.). I’m now getting just enough sleep and have been in this mom-of-a-baby phase long enough that I’ve started on the journey of finding myself again. Or trying to.

Last week I had a chance to be in the car by myself for a few minutes while my children were at my parents’ house before our birthday celebration. It was just a few minutes. I realized I could not only listen to the music of my choosing but I could turn it up. I could sing along at the top of my lungs and not have to try and have an ongoing conversation with a constantly chatting 3-year-old. For those few minutes I realized that I was still me. And I also realized the old, old Stacey is gone. I am now Mom Stacey. Somehow I’m OK with it.

Finding myself in a new way

Though being a mom drains me sometimes. Though it sucks my energy and occasionally makes me want to run away screaming, it also makes me who I am now. And it makes me happy. I’d be lying if I told you I was happy every single moment of motherhood. I’m not. But at my very core, being a mother is now who I am.

Being with my children can also re-energize me. Looking at their faces and meeting their needs sometimes keeps me going and moving on days when I otherwise would want to just crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head. When I act strong and calm for them when I’m frustrated, I actually feel stronger and calmer. It turns out that if you fake it long enough, it rubs off on you. I want them to see me smile. So, I keep smiling even when I don’t feel like it. And I end up being happier in the end. It could have to do with their sweet smiles back at me.

This time around, I know there is no going back. I’ll never be the Stacey I was before having children. Being a mom changes you forever. And I will forever be their mother, no matter what. This time around I’m not longing for that old Stacey. I do still sometimes crave alone time. I do still need time alone with my husband. But, I also realize that when we are all together I feel the happiest and most complete. This is my family. We’re continuing the journey my husband and I started when we got married.

Just as I adjusted to the title and role of wife, I have now adjusted to the title and role of mother. It is my identity. It won’t ever be my complete identity, but it’s a big part of me. Right now Mommy is 95 percent of who I am and what I do. But there’s still 5 percent reserved for just Stacey. That percentage will wax and wane in the years to come, I’m sure. I’m sure I’ll have times of finding myself all over again. That’s how life works. For now, I’m fully embracing my role as mother. Now it makes me who I am.

How to be a calmer parent

Posted on by Stacey A. Shannon

8 tried-and-true strategies for being a calm parent

Nobody goes into parenthood thinking how irritated and grumpy they’ll be. We have visions of being a calm parent. But then the baby is born. You add up no sleep, a huge adjustment to taking complete care of another person and the pressure you feel on all sides and all calmness goes flying right out the window. And that’s just the early days! Parenthood is a hard gig. If anyone tells you it isn’t, they either aren’t a parent or they’re flat-out lying!

Being a calm parent is challenging, even for naturally calm folks. I think I’m a pretty naturally calm person. I don’t get angry easily. My husband is the same way. But parenthood definitely puts that to the test. We’ve failed and messed up. However, in the past 12-1/2 years of parenting, I’ve learned a few strategies that help me be a calmer parent.

1. Pray about it.

Everything starts with prayer, right? Well, at least it should. Sometimes we get off track and try to do things on our own first. It never works out so well. Even being a calm parent is something we can ask God to help us with. He blessed us with these children. He knows their hearts and our hearts. Our Father knows our challenges and struggles. He is just waiting to help us!

You can literally pray before you start the day for God to help you be a calm parent that day. I pray that God helps me to be the mom my children need each day. Calmness is included in there!

Praying in the moment is also important. I can’t say that I do this every time my irritation starts forming, but I try to pray in the moment as often as possible. Sometimes it’s just a short, “God help me to deal with this,” prayer. A bonus to that is in the time it takes me to pause for a few seconds to pray, it also breaks the momentum of my irritation.

2. Listen to the right music.

Music is powerful. I’ve shared a few times the difference that music makes in my life. The right music helps me to be a calm parent. That might sound a bit lame, but it’s true! My go-to music is contemporary Christian music. (If that’s your jam, too, check out the free Families with Grace playlist on Spotify.) Or maybe you enjoy hymns. Maybe country gospel music speaks to your heart. (I truly love all three types of music I’ve mentioned!) Whatever it is, listen to something that calms you and helps you focus on God.

In the car after school, I usually have Air1 Radio or The Message on Sirius XM playing. My kids can sing along to almost every song that comes on. When they were younger, I’d leave the kitchen radio turned on almost all the time to Christian radio. It’s really difficult to yell at or lose patience with your children when you are singing or humming along to Christian music.

Even now, I listen to it while I work most of the time. (For articles that require more concentration, I usually switch to classical.) Then even when I’m not listening to music, the songs are still running through my head. It helps me be a calmer parent.

3. Remind yourself how old your kids are.

Have your ever gotten mad at your child for acting their age? I sure have! We definitely have to teach our children how to grow and behave, but we also need to understand what they are truly capable of. For example, I’d love to tell my 9-year-old to go organize his room. But he still needs some guidance. He knows toys can’t be all over the floor and that dirty clothes go to the laundry room. However, he is 9. He also needs specific instructions for where to put some toys or reminders of the organization we helped him create for them.

My 12-year-old is mature for her age and always has been. Sometimes I have moments that I start to get irritated with her for doing something irresponsible and then I remember, she’s 12. It calms me down. I know that she is still learning. Expecting our children to act more responsible than they are able to be is only asking for trouble. We can remain a calm parent when we stop before we snap at them and remember their age.

Remembering their age helps me switch from anger and irritation to teaching mode. That’s what my kids need most anyway. Our kids need us to take time to teach them rather than just get upset with them for not doing something correctly.

4. Set reasonable expectations for your children.

I get frustrated by people who don’t do their jobs well. We’ve all had times when we had to do a task we shouldn’t have had to do because someone slacked off. When someone doesn’t do the job we expect them to do, it is incredibly frustrating.

The same is true with our kids. When we set expectations for what we’ve asked them to do, we get frustrated when they don’t follow through. Sometimes it is completely their fault, and they didn’t do what they are fully capable of doing. Those times, they need to have consequences. Other times, though, we expect them to do a better job than they are able to do. Before we start getting upset we need to be sure we have reasonable expectations for what our children can and should be able to do.

Over the weekend, my kids were working together to clean up after dinner like I had asked them to. My youngest didn’t complete his task completely. My daughter started to just sigh and do it for him. I stopped her and we showed him how to complete the task. It was a win-win, because now he knows how to do the task and we can expect he can do it in the future. And nobody got upset in the process.

5. Take a breather.

It’d be nice to say that if you use these strategies you will always be a calm parent. But that’s not true, because you’re human and so are your children. Some days are hard when you’re exhausted and your children seem to find every button you have and push it over and over and over and over. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is take a breather.

If your children are babies or toddlers, this may mean just putting them in their crib for 5 minutes while you go to another room and just pause. (Been there, done that!) If you have preschoolers, this may mean you sit them down with a 20-minute show and you don’t interact. For older kids, you can send them to their rooms or tell them you need time alone for a few minutes.

I’ve sometimes taken an extra couple of minutes switching out or hanging up laundry just for a breather. Taking a couple of minutes away from the moment can help you calm down. Add in some deep breathing and prayer time and it works even better.

6. Ask for help.

You weren’t made to parent alone. Asking for help is OK. I was fortunate when my children were small that both my parents and in-laws lived within a few minutes of us and loved having time with grandkids. I utilized that help. If you don’t have that, maybe you have a friend you could trade off babysitting with.

Don’t forget to ask your spouse for help as well. Nope. It shouldn’t be the case that one of you is “helping” the other when you’re both in this together. But at the same time, your spouse doesn’t know what you need without you asking. Sometimes my husband has noticed my need for time away before I have. He’ll encourage me to go to our room or leave the house or whatever I need to do to regroup. Other times, I ask him to take over so I can have a minute. The same has been true in reverse.

Sometimes to be a calm parent, you have to ask for help and get away from it all — even just for 20 minutes in the shower alone. Other times to be a calm parent, you need someone to take items off your to-do list and fold the two loads of laundry sitting by the dryer. Just ask!

7. Try to embrace an attitude of gratitude.

Nothing impedes our calmness like getting angry with our family. Sometimes we get angry because of all we have to do for them that they don’t seem to appreciate. I’ve struggled with this before and still do from time to time. Have you ever had a thought starting with “Why does nobody else around here ever….?” Then you know what I’m talking about.

Yes, our families need to pull their weight. We shouldn’t let chores go undone or do them all ourselves. However, shifting our perspective helps alleviate anger and, in turn, makes us a calmer parent. For example, as you’re conquering that ever-growing pile or laundry, take a moment to thank God for the family you have who wear those clothes. Start adding in other things, too, like thanking Him for the clothes themselves and the ability to wash them in a washing machine.

It may be cliché, but once we start counting our blessings, we calm down. Our attitude shifts and we are more at peace.

8. Apologize when you lose your cool.

Chances are really good that you aren’t going to be a calm parent all the time. I’m certainly not. Sometimes our children need us to not be calm to get a point across. Other times, they don’t deserve our wrath. And it’s those times that we need to go back to our children and apologize. It’s a learning moment for our kids and helps us remember the lesson we learned as well.

Our children learn nobody is perfect, how to apologize when we mess up and that love covers it all. We have a memorable moment in feeling bad about acting out of anger so we are more likely to stop ourselves before doing so again. Simply saying “I’m sorry for how I reacted” goes a long way.

Find more resources to help you be a calm parent in these posts as well:

What I learned from being pregnant at Christmas

Posted on by Stacey A. Shannon

Being pregnant at Christmas gives a whole new perspective on the birth of Jesus

I wrote these words about being pregnant at Christmas in 2012 when I was a month and a half away from the birth of my youngest child. I had been on modified bedrest since the beginning of November and had a lot of pain in my final trimester of my pregnancy. Being pregnant at Christmas gave me a perspective on the birth of Jesus I haven’t forgotten.

Christmas is my favorite holiday. I love the lights and the sparkle. I love the food and family time. Most of all, I love the meaning of the season. Once I became a mother, I learned even more about the meaning of Christmas as I cared for a baby, much like Mary cared for baby Jesus all those years ago. 

This year, Mary is on my mind again as my belly is swollen with my one and only son squirming around waiting to make his debut in a month and a half. And, I am most definitely thankful not to have to take any donkey rides to other towns right now. I’ve got some extra misery going on right now, but even just “regular” pregnancy misery would have had to made the donkey ride super miserable for Mary.

Mary’s attitude versus mine

I wonder if Mary complained to Joseph. She surely had a few complaints. I’d like to think, though, that overall she maintained a good attitude. She knew the child she carried was a special gift for the world. She couldn’t have known how precious that gift would be and how He would change the world forever, but she knew He was special. So I’d like to think that in spite of her misery, she was at peace and happy.

And it makes me check my own attitude. The busyness of life, the challenges I’m dealing with that have resulted in modified bedrest and the activity of caring for a 3-year-old keep me occupied. If I’m completely honest with you, I’ll fully admit that our nursery isn’t ready. In fact, we haven’t really even started. I don’t usually operate last-minute. I’d have loved to have it all finished by now, but that’s just not reality.  

In the midst of it all, though, I’m working to make sure my attitude is in check and I just enjoy the privilege of carrying this little guy. Pregnancy is such a short time period overall in life. I don’t want to be so busy or so miserable that I forget that and take it for granted or don’t notice the blessing it is. I want to be like I think Mary was: miserable but so incredibly blessed and thankful.

Getting through misery

There are so many situations where this has applied in my life. Sometimes I can catastrophize and get mopey. A few years ago, I learned to embrace my feelings and understand that it’s OK to be sad or angry or upset — as long as I don’t get stuck there. I’ve gotten stuck in these feelings that lead to misery and bitterness before. I know quite a few folks who exist like this at all times. And they aren’t happy folks. 

So, I sometimes make a rule when something happens that upsets me. I set a time limit (maybe 20 minutes) for being upset, then I make myself move on and figure out a game plan. My goal is to move forward and past the event. I pray about it. And so, I don’t get stuck in bitterness and pessimism.

I’m most definitely not perfect at this and still struggle with my attitude. I am better than I was, though. And that’s progress. I’m embracing the same philosophies in my current situation. Yes, we have things to do before the baby comes that are more challenging right now. But, I have the loving support of my husband, daughter and our extended family. 

And I know it will all come together. Worst case scenario, we at least have the infant car seat down from the attic and the pack-and-play with its bassinet down in the closet so that we can bring the baby home and have somewhere to put him. After all, the biggest things he’ll need is our love and help. And we can do that even if in an undecorated nursery!

Surviving bring pregnant at Christmas

As for me, I will survive. In fact, at least once a day, I sing “I Will Survive” in my head. I know I will survive. I’m not the first woman to be pregnant with challenges. I won’t be the last. I do get frustrated sometimes. Last night, for example, I made frozen waffles for dinner for our family. Frustratingly, I couldn’t make something more substantial because I couldn’t be on my feet that long. However, then I realized that not having to spend much time making dinner meant I got to read extra books and have more play time with my daughter. That’s never a bad thing, especially since she still got fed and was happy with her waffle, grapes and cup of milk.

I hope whatever circumstances you find yourself in this holiday season — whether happy and on top of the world, dealing with challenges and misery or somewhere in between — that you take a moment to be thankful for all the good of life. I pray we can all be like my picture of Mary when challenges come: miserable, but thankful.

The life of a mother

Posted on by Stacey A. Shannon

From messy to together, the life of a mother has it all!

I’ve been a mom for nearly 12 years now. I’ve certainly learned about the life of a mother by living it. Motherhood is filled with so many bittersweet moments, contradictions, challenges and love. And that’s what this is all about.

Sometimes and other times in the life of a mother

Sometimes I wash, dry, fold and put away laundry all in the same day.
Other times, the laundry stays in the dryer for three days before I get it out to fold.

Sometimes I prepare homemade, balanced meals to feed my family.
Other times, I order pizza or go through a fast food drive-thru.

Sometimes I have an abundance of patience for my children.
Other times, I hide in the bathroom with the door locked to regain my composure.

Sometimes I plan fun activities for our family to do.
Other times, we sit on the couch and watch YouTube videos.

Sometimes I empty the dishwasher while the dishes are still hot.
Other times, I plan lunch around disposable dishes so I don’t have to empty the dishwasher.

Sometimes I’m perfectly content as I do the same tasks over and over and over again.
Other times, I long for something different in my daily routines.

Sometimes I plan our meals for the entire week.
Other times, I have no idea what we’ll have for dinner until a half hour before dinnertime.

Sometimes I take my kids to the park or splash pad.
Other times, I struggle to be motivated to turn on the sprinkler in the backyard.

Sometimes I have my kids’ drawers organized with only clothes that fit.
Other times, we sort through stacks of too-small clothes in their drawers to find the ones that work.

Sometimes I think I’m the only one who sees a house full of chores to do.
Other times, I notice the chores my family does and appreciate them.

Sometimes I question whether I can ever be a good enough mama.
Other times, I feel like I’m rocking my motherhood journey.

Sometimes I worry I discipline too much.
Other times, I worry I don’t discipline enough.

All the time in the life of a mother

But then, there are the constants in the life of a mother.

All the time, I love my children more than the air I breathe.

All the time, I want the best for my children.

All the time, I need Jesus to give me strength.

All the time, I try my hardest, even when it may not look like it.

All the time, I want to be better and do better.

All the time, I want to be patient.

All the time, I want my children to know they are loved.

All the time, I think first of my family before myself.

All the time, I thank God for the blessing of my husband and children.

And never ever do I regret becoming a mama.

So many things at so many times

The days may be long and the years be short, but I am thankful for the mundane and hard. I’m thankful for the stressful and overwhelming. I’m thankful for the joy, the love and the sweet moments.

I cannot imagine a different life now that I have this one.

The life of a mother is so many things at so many times. I pray that I somehow enjoy the ride and have enough energy left to get through each moment and recognize it for its preciousness.

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