Posts in the Parenting category offer a realistic and honest look at parenting with a positive attitude. Freelance journalist and blogger Stacey A. Shannon shares what she’s learning from raising two children. You’ll find helpful, practical, funny and encouraging topics for parents. Above all, Parenting posts equip families to create homes filled with grace, love and faith.
This blog post about how to keep your family organized comes from Charlotte Walker of HomeSafetyHub.com. Charlotte has some great insights for busy parents who feel overwhelmed. She has been passionate about safety her whole life and enjoys writing about topics related to homes and home life.
According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, about 93% of fathers and 71% of mothers have jobs. These working parents must find spare minutes to complete household chores while carving out time for their families. This balancing act isn’t easy, but keeping an organized home may help. If you’re unsure where to start, here are a few tips.
Hire a professional organizer
If you don’t have time to overhaul your home or the project is too overwhelming to do alone, hire a professional organizer to help. These experts can help you with decluttering, consolidating and storing. The assistance of a team also means a quicker, easier process.
Create a routine
Routine is vital for everyone, but children experience the benefits more intensely. Not only does a familiar routine provide a sense of security, but it can also help kids stay organized without prompting. Sticking with a routine can be difficult if you have a large, active family, but small efforts, such as having dinner together at the same time every day, are a great place to start.
Decluttering can vastly improve your home’s organization. When you get rid of everything you don’t need, you discover you have a lot more room and don’t have to clean as often. You don’t have to declutter your entire house if you don’t have time; instead, concentrate on the biggest sources of clutter such as:
Bathrooms
Junk drawers
Closets
Paper is a common clutter culprit, so try moving to a digital filing system. There are many apps and inexpensive scanners you can use to digitize documents that you can’t get electronically. And if you find there are files you have questions about, then you can try using this free editing tool to add questions and notes before forwarding the file onto your partner or even the sending party (like a doctor’s office or utility company). The tool is easy to use and allows you to keep track of comments without adding to your paper clutter.
Grocery shopping and cooking are time-consuming, but you can minimize inconvenience with meal planning. This approach to cooking reduces kitchen waste and meal preparation time, making it an excellent option for environmentally conscious and busy parents. The following tips can help you get started:
A family calendar ensures everyone knows what’s going on each day. Ideally, the calendar should be in an accessible space, such as the kitchen or living room. You can use a paper calendar or a whiteboard — the latter may be a better option if you need to make changes frequently.
If your kids are a little older, you can also consider a calendar app. For example, Google allows you to share an online calendar with multiple people. That way, your family can consult their schedules anytime, anywhere.
One of the best ways to prevent clutter is to have a place for every belonging. Installing storage solutions ensures you have enough space to do so. Examples include:
Once you’ve organized your home, keep it neat with good habits. For example, carefully consider furniture purchases to determine if you have enough room. You can help your kids develop these habits by asking them to think of a designated space for a toy before buying it.
Finding ways to keep your family organized as a parent takes a massive effort, but a few tricks can make the process easier. Once your home is tidy, you can relax and enjoy time with your loved ones.
Ways you can teach little ones the real Easter story
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As a Christian mom teaching my children the real Easter story has always been important to me. But, it’s not always easy to teach kids about Easter when they are young. The story is quite disheartening and even gruesome for young minds. However, the message is the same, no matter how many details we share or don’t.
Easter is about celebrating how much God loves us.
That’s the message I most want my children to know. And that’s the message I shared with them most when they were toddlers and preschoolers. Between having my own two children and teaching a Sunday School class for children ages 4 through 2nd grade, I’ve thought about this a lot and figured out some good, age appropriate ways to share the story of Jesus’ Crucifixion with little ones.
The right words to teach kids about Easter
Before we get into any specific ideas, we need to figure out the general words we’re going to use as we teach our kids about Easter. Deciding what words to use to talk about Jesus’ death and resurrection with your children really does depend on their ages. Here is what works best for my family.
Toddlers:
Keep your language very simple. The biggest message to convey when children are 1 to 3 is that Easter is about celebrating how much God loves us. This is the main point of the events and the simplest way to state it for toddlers.
Preschool through early elementary:
Children ages 4 to 7 are able to start grasping what happened during the Easter story. The best way I’ve found to describe Jesus’ sacrifice is to put it in their terms. So to talk about how Jesus took on and died for our sins, I compare it to someone taking all their timeouts and punishments. That’s more relatable for little ones.
I do share more details about the Easter story at these ages without getting too graphic.
Upper elementary and beyond:
This is the phase I’m currently in with children who are 10 and 13. Now we do talk about a few more details about Jesus’ death and how nail pierced through His skin. We talk about how Jesus was willing to sacrifice Himself to save everyone — even those who were killing Him! As kids get older and know the facts of the Easter story, it’s a great time to delve into what that means for our lives now.
Resurrection eggs to teach kids about Easter
Resurrection eggs are a great tool to teach kids about Easter. However, I found that using 12 eggs was a bit too much when my children were little. Instead, I opted for six eggs. So, starting six days before Easter, your children open one egg each day. Inside is a Bible verse about the Easter story along with something tangible to go with the verse: bread, rocks, etc.
This is an incredibly simple way to focus on the real Easter story in shorts amount of time for busy families or young minds. You can download a free version here or find a more detailed paid version here.
Use books to teach kids about Easter
Obviously the Bible is the best source to find the Easter story, but when kids are younger, they won’t understand more adult translations of the Bible so well. There are a few versions of the Bible that Christian moms and dads can use to teach their children about God. These work well for the Easter story. My all-time favorite is The Jesus Storybook Bible from Sally Lloyd-Jones.
Not only is this Bible great overall, it also tells the story of Jesus’ death and resurrection in a straightforward, simple way that focuses on God’s love. It is perfect for preschool through early elementary. Honestly, it’s even perfect beyond that. As an adult I am moved each time I read this version.
Another great book for teaching your kiddos about the Easter story is “God Gave Us Easter” by Lisa Tawn Bergren. Bergren has a whole series of “God Gave Us” books that are incredibly great. We started with “God Gave Us You” with our daughter and then “God Gave Us Two” when we were expecting my son. We got more after that. These are great picture books for sharing about God with our children.
Easter story activity and color pages
You can find a variety of activity and color pages about the Easter story. These can be a great way to teach kids about Easter. Not only can they learn from the pages themselves, but while they are coloring or doing the activities, you have the opportunity to talk with them about the pages and the Easter story.
Having something to do with their hands — like coloring — can help children settle in and actually listen for longer. This printable activity pack comes with eight pages you print at home and can use right away.
You can also find activity and coloring books to order and have shipped to you within a couple of days.
Crafts to teach kids about Easter
Just like with coloring and activity pages, crafts can also be a good way to reinforce the true meaning of Easter with your children in a fun way. And also like with coloring and activity pages, you can find options to download and use immediately.
Easter snacks
What kiddo doesn’t love snacks? (Um, what adult doesn’t love snacks either?!) There are some fun and simple Easter-themed snacks that can help teach kids about Easter. One of my favorite is the Resurrection rolls. Not only are the cinnamon-y goodness, but they’re also easy. And, even better, the kids can help make them and see that the roll is empty after it bakes — just like Jesus’ tomb!
I also really like this clever Easter snack mix. It would be very easy to make and each item included in the mix represents part of the Easter story.
Summing it all up
No matter their ages, you can teach kids about Easter. Before the Easter season begins, think about how you’re going to approach the topic with your kids — especially if they are new to the story. Pray and ask God for His guidance as you go.
I’m good at messing up, but God is good at having my back through it all. I’ve learned many times through the years that sometimes I just have to trust that He’ll help me when I need it, because He always does. He wants your kiddos to know the real Easter story even more than you do. He will help guide you as you teach them.
Join in discussion with other moms about teaching your kids about Easter and Christian mom life in general in the Moms with Grace private Facebook group!
Tips for Christian moms with a good dose of encouragement
Affiliate links are used in this post, if you make a qualifying purchase via my link, I receive a small percentage of the sale at no additional cost to you. I only recommend products and services I use and love. It helps support my blog, so thank you for your support! Read my full disclosure here.
The “Moms with Grace” series takes a look at modern Christian moms and how they handle daily life with raising children. You’ll find monthly posts from moms with older kids, younger kids and all those in between. Let real-life moms encourage and uplift you!
Today is the kick-off for the “Moms with Grace” series. Mandy Farmer is the featured Mom with Grace this month. Mandy has a blog, “Mandy and Michele,” for which I have shared guests posts a few times. I am thrilled to share her story with you.
Mandy is a 62-year-old mom to four children ranging from 26 to 48. The oldest two belong to her husband from a previous marriage, but Mandy has raised them completely since they were 9 and 14 and lost both their mom and sister in a car accident.
Her experiences as a mom and stepmom (though she says they never use the term “step”) are uplifting to those of us still in the thick of everyday life with kids. Mandy has survived the young years and is now reaping the benefits in her relationship with her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren!
Please share a little bit about your background. Are you married? If so, for how long? What is your occupation?
I was born near Canton, Ohio, and raised on the family dairy farm. At the age of 13, we moved, cows and all, to Wisconsin where I graduated from a small high school. I acquired a B.A. in computer science at Asbury University outside of Lexington, KY and went to work in Columbia South Carolina for about five years.
At that point, my pastor’s wife introduced me to Michael Farmer, a pastor in her hometown of Barnesville, Ga. Michael had recently lost his wife and daughter in a fatal car accident. He had two boys, 9 and 14 at the time. She had been after me for months to go to Georgia with her and meet Michael. I didn’t think I was interested in a pastor with two boys but I finally went…just to get her to quit bothering me about it.
Four months later, we were married! Now 32 years married!
Fun note: I said I didn’t want to be a farmer’s wife or a pastor’s wife…I married Pastor Farmer!
We added another boy and girl to the mix and continue pastoring around Georgia and for six years in Milwaukee, Wis. – my home state.
I never worked outside the home or church after marriage and my degree quickly became obsolete, but my education was well worth it.
I jumped full-time into my love of children’s ministry. Homeschooled our two youngest and founded a homeschool co-op. In between that, sometimes I served as Michael’s secretary.
In 2011, I was struck with chronic pain. This changed a lot. Our daughter was 15. She became chief cook and bottle washer, making most meals, doing the laundry, keeping the house. She also, became my chauffeur! In 2016, we retired and moved to Savannah, Ga., and I began writing.
At first, I wrote about chronic pain and then I moved into writing Bible Studies for our denomination and an online group called Gracefully Truthful. Last year I decided to try to publish a book of devotions. That is still in the works, but in the learning process I wrote a children’s picture book about milk cows: Holly the Holstein Talks About Milk Cows. I will publish another picture book about a family whose mommy has Fibromyalgia. You can follow me at my writing website to keep abreast of my publishing.
How have you changed from the beginning of your mom journey until now?
Another piece of my backstory is that I was number three of six children growing up. My youngest brother was 12 years behind me. My mom had a bookstore, so I did a lot of caring for him. This gave me a great deal of knowledge about childcare. I loved being a mom, and I can hardly wait to have grandchildren. (Our oldest has children and grands, but they have always lived far away.)
Our children are all grown now. We live in the same city. Two kids are married. They all pop in all the time to check on us. Our oldest has two grown sons and a daughter. And we have six great-grandchildren!
What are some challenges you’ve faced as a mother? How have you worked to overcome them?
My initiation into motherhood started right off with a preteen and teenager. One got the chicken pox while Michael and I were on our honeymoon, and the other got them when we arrived home!
My husband and I sat down with them before we married and talked about things. They wanted me to adopt them but because of moving several times it never happened. Michael told them that I would end up being their mother longer than their biological mother. And we decided they would call me “Mom.”
Michael said he would always back me up when it came to discipline, and they were not to try to play us against one another. What I said would be “law” and if I dealt out a punishment, only I could change it. We had some of the typical teenager-mom issues. But really not many big issues that all moms don’t have.
I love them like my own, and they love me the same. As a matter of fact, one of them sends me flowers every year on the anniversary of their mother’s death. The card always reads, “Thanks for being my mom.”
In what ways have you and do you share your faith with your children?
It’s a lifestyle. Everything seems to have something to do with faith in our lives. We have had many discussions around the dinner table. (Dinner table: what an important routine for the family!)
Being a pastoral family, our kids were saturated in our faith. I wanted to have a family devotion time, but my husband felt that they got so much from being at the church A LOT that he didn’t want to do it. I did get them to have Advent devotions with me most years. We also homeschooled our children, and they received Bible training through that. Our church had children’s and teen’s Bible quizzing, and we were deeply involved in quizzing.
Once they were old enough, they were involved in any special programs we had at church. They enjoyed every minute…well, maybe not every minute. 😊
Pray for and with your children. After the car accident, going to school was very traumatic for Brian. He was dropped to his school that day and the accident happened on the way to the high school. We ALWAYS prayed with him before he got out of the car. ALWAYS.
What are some of your favorite parts of motherhood?
I loved it all. From as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a mom. I was involved in their lives and they in mine. I loved cooking and baking with them from an early age. Also, I taught them music, and we played and sang together often. Homeschooling was wonderful. I was nervous about it at first. But my sister was doing it, and so I tried kindergarten (which wasn’t required) and we enjoyed it. That was the year my daughter was born and it gave Brett and me bonding time. If Mikaela was fussy, she was in a snuggly around me which left my hands free to teach. I think she learned a lot that way, school came easier for her. We considered every year what we would like to do the next year. Every year the kids chose to homeschool.
How does grace play a role in your daily life? Do you have any tips or advice for how moms can show more grace to their families?
Oh, goodness! Grace. Grace is the central theme. There are always mistakes made. On my side and theirs. Apologies and forgiveness are vital in a good family relationship.
When discipline is necessary, it’s a good time to talk about the forgiveness of God. Be sure to tell your child how much you love them and that discipline is for teaching. Never discipline when you are angry. Always pray with your child after discipline.
What are you most proud of as a mom?
”I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.” – 3 John 1:4 (NIV)
All four of my children are serving the Lord in some capacity. Daniel is on the church board and serves in so many basic ways. He does a lot of those things that no one notices – lawn care, general checking on the building, usher. Brian served as a pastor in a small church for about 10 years until his health failed. Brett is the tech guy. He runs the sound and live stream at church. Mikaela and her husband serve as youth ministers and are both on the worship team.
Do you have any resources that help you be a mom with grace?
You have to have a strong marriage to have a strong family.
Everything James Dobson has written is worth the read. Check out his ministry, Focus on the Family, and its numerous resources including radio and email.
My blog partner, Michele Bruxvoort, is raising her grandchild. She will start writing about raising grandchildren, homeschooling, reviewing books this year on our blog, Mandy and Michele.
Do you have anything else to add that we haven’t talked about?
Prayer is a big key. Pray for guidance and wisdom. Pray for your children and their future spouses. Be specific as much as you can. Pray more than “Be with my child today.” Ask for wisdom and knowledge and protection. If they are attending public school, pray even harder.
Make sure your children know that their parents love each other. Yeah, they might get disgusted, but let them see you hugging and kissing occasionally. This makes your child feel safe.
Tell them you love them every day! Hug them even when your teenager doesn’t want you too.
Have rules and abide by them. Children need boundaries. Back each other up.
Connect with other Christian moms for support and encouragement in the private Facebook group, Moms with Grace!
You don’t have to leave home for spring break fun!
Though spring break can be a time to travel, it can also be fun at home. Whether you’re staying home by choice or for budgetary reasons this year, these spring break activities will keep your family entertained and making memories. No need to pack a suitcase!
Before you start
The first rule is you have to treat spring break at home like a vacation. That means no chores! OK. You are going to have to do some basic chores like dealing with dirty dishes and preparing food. You may even have to do some laundry. But do your best to treat the time like you would if you weren’t home.
You also can designate your staycation days if you aren’t able to take the entire week off. Just plan for your spring break activities on Monday through Wednesday or whatever works best for your family. Whatever you pick, communicate about it so you, your spouse and your kids are on the same pages and know what to expect.
Another neat idea that we’ve done in the past and are doing again this year is a combination vacation and staycation. We’ll spend a couple of nights away on a family trip and then a few days at home for spring break. It’s the best of both worlds and, quite literally, what my children opted to do this year when we gave them choices.
Our family does like to have a meeting ahead of time to talk about what we’d most like to do. This helps us to prioritize our time and our budget for spring break activities. You can give your kids a list to pick from or just ask them for their ideas or both.
Finally, remember simple activities can be just as fun as more complicated ones. My kids’ biggest requests for the staycation part of our spring break this year were going to eat hibachi for lunch and playing games together.
1. Go see a movie.
We love movies in my family. Whether you go to the theater or watch something at home, a good movie is a great spring break activity. Find a movie you’ll all enjoy, have snacks at the ready and enjoy!
2. Check out local exhibits.
My family lives in a mid-sized Midwestern city. We’re not overwhelmed with choices of exhibits to visit, but there are always a few things going on. In fact, we have one art exhibit we’ve been talking about checking out and haven’t found time for. Spring break is a great time to make that happen.
3. Explore other nearby cities.
Because we do live in a city that’s not so big, exploring nearby bigger cities is a good option. We can drive an hour north or south and be in bigger cities that have more activities and things to do. Then, we come back home and sleep in our own cozy beds. Where you go will depend on what you do, but think about children’s museums, zoos, aquariums and any other family friendly venue.
4. Eat out.
Thanks to meal planning, preference and time constraints, my family only eats out on Sundays after church. Some weeks we have another meal out as well, but we don’t eat out very much these days. When we travel, though, we definitely eat out more often. So, another great spring break idea for at home is going out to eat. Go somewhere special or different. Or try a new restaurant.
5. Have a board game day, afternoon or evening.
We love playing games in our family. They can be a great way to pass the time and make some great family memories. Use games you already have, buy a new one or make one up.
If you’re staying home this year, these spring break activities will keep your family entertained and making memories. No suitcase needed! #springbreak #staycation #familyactivities #familyfun
7. Set up an obstacle course.
During remote learning, we had a gym assignment to set up an obstacle course at home. It was easier than I’d expected and we had way more fun with it than anticipated. Since then, we’ve done this a couple of other times. Use your chairs, pillows and whatever you have around to make a simple obstacle course. If you want, time each other to see who can do it fastest.
8. Have an indoor campout.
If you live somewhere warm, you can have an outdoor campout if you want. But for those of us in colder weather, an indoor campout is a much better spring break activity. Pull out sleeping bags, air mattresses or whatever works and sleep in the same room together. We used to campout in our living room, but now we campout in our bedroom.
9. Buy some “souvenirs.”
Our kids love buying souvenirs when we travel. They don’t have to be big purchases, but just something. Make souvenirs a part of spring break at home. Hit up the Dollar Tree and let them pick something. Or budget a set amount of money for souvenirs and head to their favorite store(s). Don’t forget a little something for yourself and your spouse, too!
10. Go to the playground.
Going to the playground can be a great spring break activity to help burn off some energy. Keep a check on the weather and pick a good time to go. Let your kids pick which playground they want to go to and plan to spend an hour letting them have fun. Be sure to get involved with them. (Personally, I love swinging with my kids!)
11. Play video games together.
If you’re a video gaming family, play together. Recently, my son was so excited to play Minecraft with both my husband and me. It was a treat for him to share that with us, and we all had fun with it.
Another great video game option is to have one person be in charge of the controller and everyone helps decide what he or she does. For example, we once had a blast playing Monopoly on the Xbox. My husband had the controller and we played against computer players. Our whole family talked strategies and made decisions for what to do in the game. It was incredibly fun!
12. Go to the library.
Libraries are awesome resources and can be great fun, even over spring break. If your town or city is small enough, chances are the library probably has some spring break activities of their own planned with extra story times and crafts. Check out those events or even just go and get some books to read together or individually (or both!) over break.
My kids always liked to play at the library when they were smaller. Our libraries offer a variety of toys and imaginative play items that are a hit. Explore the toys the library as well.
13. Try geocaching.
Geocaching was super popular a few years ago, but it still around now. We’ve had some fun with geocaching as a family. (It can also be a great date idea for parents!) Download a geocaching app and find locations around you. We’ve been surprised at the places we’ve found items. Our kids really enjoy it.
14. Get crafty.
Crafts aren’t really my jam, but small art projects together as a family can be fun. Color together at the kitchen table, use some of the craft kits you inevitably have stockpiled in your house, make cards or sweet crafts to send to grandparents or whatever you enjoy.
15. Volunteer.
Spending time together helping others is a great spring break activity. Not only do you get a chance to impact your community, but you show your kids the importance of helping others and get that warm. fuzzy feeling as a result.
16. Have a family yes day.
Having a family yes day can be great fun for kids and adults alike. Pick a day where you say yes to whatever your kids ask to do. We’ve done this a few times and do have some rules. For example, the kids can’t ask us to travel out of town or spend more than a set amount of money on something. We’ve been pleasantly surprised, though, at how well they work together and the fun activities they come up with. (Read more about how to have a family yes day.)
17. Make videos.
Speaking of family yes days, during our most recent one, we made movies together. My daughter and I paired up and my husband and son paired up. Each pair picked a song for the other to lip sync and make a video to. We had so much fun making the videos and then watching them together!
18. Have a cake decorating contest.
Our family enjoys watching baking shows on television. (Well, my son doesn’t so much if I’m being honest!) Seeing contestants bake and decorate cakes is especially fun. So we tried our hand at it. I baked a cake in two pans like it would be two layers. Each pair got a cake and a bowl of homemade buttercream icing. We picked a design to copy (a cartoon bear) and got to work. Without telling them who decorated which cake, we sent photos of the final versions to my parents and my husband’s parents to pick the winner. But, you don’t have to pick a winner.
And you can use store-bought cake, cupcakes or cookies along with canned icing to make it even easier. No matter what, it’s a great spring break activity that results in having some sweet treats!
19. Plan intentional one-on-one time.
When our two children were really young, we started having what we called “one-on-one playtime.” We’d set a timer for 30 minutes and separate so each child got one parent for a half hour. Then we’d switch kids and parents. During their 30 minutes with each parent, our children got to pick what we played. It’s a bit different now that they’re 10 and 13, but they both still enjoy having us to themselves. Spend the time talking, playing, reading or whatever you like to do to connect with each other.
20. Be lazy.
We all need downtime. Some of my favorite memories with my kids come when we are being lazy together. Put down electronic devices and see what you come up with wanting to do. Maybe you talk or make silly jokes. Maybe you put on a talent show or have a dance party. Unstructured time with our kids can result in the most awesome moments!
Ideas for mompreneurs to get started while welcoming a baby
I’m excited to share this blog post about how to start a new business as a new parent. Charlotte Walker of HomeSafetyHub.com has some great insights for mompreneurs to get started in a business or side hustle. Charlotte herself has been passionate about safety her whole life and enjoys writing about topics related to homes and home life.
When you make the decision to start or grow your family, you have so many exciting milestones to look forward to. At the same time, though, it can be a period of overwhelming responsibilities. To meet your evolving financial goals, you might come to the decision to start a new business. While doing so can make this period of your life even more turbulent, it is a challenge worth undertaking for the sake of your family’s well-being. By keeping a few helpful tips in mind along the way, you can lay a strong foundation of support that will help keep your new child happy and healthy for years to come.
Start with a great business plan
You can reduce the stress you place on yourself during this hectic time by having an actionable business plan that removes some of the uncertainty from the situation. A well-written plan outlines the goal of your business, as well as the processes you will follow to attain that goal and the funding options available to you.
Your business plan should also describe the structure you will choose for your enterprise. For example, you might decide to establish a limited liability company or LLC to protect yourself from potential litigation issues and excessive tax obligations.
Develop Marketing Strategies
In outlining a successful marketing plan as you start a new business, consider both long and short term goals, analyze current market trends, set a budget and define a target audience. You’ll want to identify what platforms you will use to reach potential customers and develop an argument that creates conversions by emphasizing the value of your product or service.
Content marketing entails creating and sharing meaningful content that resonates with the target audience of that business. With a well-thought-out strategy, an effective content marketing program can generate more leads and establish trust with potential customers while helping a new business develop its brand image. Content creation is essential when you start a new business.
Prioritize Work-Life Balance
Mental health experts claim that as many as one in four Americans feel the stresses of a poor work-life balance. The ability to strike this balance should be a given, not a luxury. As a parent welcoming a new baby, finding that work-life balance is a necessity for ensuring your family gets the attention they need.
The best way to find a healthy balance is by building out a schedule or routine that accounts for all of your responsibilities while also being sustainable for your own wellness. As another idea, consider setting up a space for your new baby close to your home office so you can respond quickly when parental action is required.
Invest in Comfortable Clothing
New moms need comfortable clothing that can easily transition from a busy day of running their new business, to feeding a baby and then to some much-needed rest and relaxation. Finding clothing that is both stylish and supportive isn’t always easy, but with the right combination of items it is definitely possible! Look for relaxed fits like ultra-soft T-shirts, tunic tops, easy pants, and drapey yoga sets that provide plenty of air ventilation and don’t cling in any areas.
Save Time With Efficient Business Practices
Using the best tools and methods available will help you cut down on your daily workload, giving you more time to spend with your family. Premium accounting software and other examples of cutting-edge tech may seem like unnecessary investments at first, but the amount of time and money you can save in the long run can make these solutions absolutely necessary.
Another way to save yourself some precious time is by implementing a thorough document management system. This is especially important if you need to share files with clients, employees or collaborators. Keep in mind that PDFs are often the preferred file format. A PDF converter will allow you to streamline your filing and recordkeeping by converting files that are in different formats.
Find Help When You Need It
If you find yourself in a situation where you simply cannot give your young children the attention they deserve, it may be time to seek outside help. Hiring a reputable babysitter or childcare service can give you peace of mind in knowing your child is safe and cared for at all times.
There are few things as fulfilling as starting a business or becoming a parent. Experiencing both at the same time can be uniquely challenging but also unparalleled in creating a sense of accomplishment. Write a business and marketing plan, purchase some comfortable clothing, prioritize work-life balance, learn about efficient business practices and find childcare help to become a successful mompreneur.
Looking for more resources to start a new business as a mom? Join me this year at the Monetizing Mompreneurs Summit!
Affiliate links are used in this post, if you make a qualifying purchase via my link, I receive a small percentage of the sale at no additional cost to you. I only recommend products and services I use and love. It helps support my blog, so thank you for your support! Read my full disclosure here.
When I think about whether I’d go back and tell my younger self anything if I could, sometimes I think I would. Other times, I think I wouldn’t. After all, the life I’ve lived has formed me into who I am today. However, as my daughter is officially in the teen years, I have been thinking more of advice to my younger self.
These nuggets of wisdom garnered over four decades of life have been hard-earned and oftentimes hard-learned. I want to pass along words of wisdom as much as I can to my children. I know they won’t always listen. Some lessons they’ll have to learn the hard way. And they’ll learn lessons that weren’t even relevant to me as a teen, especially as it relates to social media. As a xennial, social media wasn’t on the scene for me in middle or high school.
I also realize that neither of my children are replicas of me. I see parts of myself in both of them, but they are fully and uniquely their own people. So in thinking of advice to my younger self, I stayed away from specifics. Instead, I came up with 10 main points I wish all tweens and teens could embrace and take in.
1. Don’t take everything so personally.
Honestly, at the root of not taking everything so personally is more this message: Not everything is about you. Here’s what I mean. If you have a friend who isn’t as talkative one day, chances are he or she probably isn’t mad at your. Most likely your friend is tired or having an otherwise off day. If your mom snaps at your for something small, she is most likely just juggling multiple things or having a rough day. It doesn’t mean you’re awful.
I’ve always been incredibly good at taking things personally. I see the same attribute in one of my children, especially. But really and truly I’ve learned at least 90% of the time, the action or words I take so personally don’t really have anything to do with me specifically. I wish I would have learned that sooner. I could have saved myself a lot of grief and anxiety.
2. Learn to speak up for yourself.
It took me into adulthood to find my voice. And even now, I still struggle to speak up for myself. Advocating for yourself is important. If someone is treating you poorly, speak up for yourself and let them know it’s not OK before it’s too late.
In fact, I had a friend I was close with through middle school and most of high school. She would often say hurtful things that I let slide. And then one day, I’d had enough. I decided we were done. Our friendship ended (for this and other reasons) when it might not have had I spoken up for myself and worked out the issues sooner. Being a people pleaser never leads anywhere good. You can’t make everyone happy all the time. Don’t be afraid to respectfully speak up for yourself and your needs. And remember nobody can read your mind. If you have an issue with someone, talk to them plainly instead of passive aggressively.
3. Know you’ll find your people.
Some people make lifelong friends early on in life. My husband, for example, has a great friend who he met in fifth grade, and they have been friends ever since. But not all of us are those kind of people. When it comes to friend “luck,” in fact, I’ve struck out more often than not. If I were to give advice to my younger self, I’d tell her to hang in there.
During the tween and teens years, you’re mostly just with the kids you know from school. Maybe you’ve found your people during these years — and that’s awesome. But maybe you haven’t. Or maybe they are sort of your people but not quite. Know you will eventually find your people who “get” you and accept you for who you are. As you get older and into college and work, you’ll meet more people. Some will be part of your life for a season; others will remain for a lifetime. Don’t worry if you’ve not found your lifetime friends, yet. You still have plenty of time.
4. Stick with friends who stand by you.
Friendships are constantly shifting and changing when we’re in middle and high school. I have a plethora of stories just from my own middle and high school days! But, if you find a friend who sticks with you during hard times, keep them.
I will never forget the day in my senior year of high school when a group of “friends” spent the entire lunchtime talking negatively about me. One of my friends got up and left the table. She didn’t engage in the conversation and came to find me instead. She gave me support and encouragement. To this day, she is still one of the only people from high school I see on a regular basis. When you identify your true friends, hang on tight.
5. Ignore other people’s opinions of you.
During middle and high school, I was very aware of other people’s opinions of me. I think that’s pretty normal. But sometimes we need to just ignore what other people think and live our lives. Don’t be so busy worrying about what other people think of you that you let it shape the decisions you make. I know that can be easier said than done. I wish I would have learned sooner to not care about other’s opinions too much, though.
A great piece of advice I see floating around online is to not take criticism from people who you wouldn’t go to for advice.
6. Remember everyone has a story and a struggle.
To some degree, I think we all are aware everyone has more going on than we know about. Yet, we can easily forget that in the midst of dealing with our own challenges. In giving advice to my younger self, I’d remind her she doesn’t know everyone’s story. Some people need more grace than anyone gives them. Some people need to be loved. Others need someone to call them on their actions.
Remember if you’re going through a difficult time, it doesn’t mean your friends aren’t. We can be very good at acting like everything is fine when it isn’t. Sometimes the people who seem the happiest and most bubbly at school are the ones who cry themselves to sleep each night. Give grace, compassion and love to the people around you. Do they always deserve it? Nope. But, that’s what grace is – giving someone something they don’t deserve.
7. Don’t be so stressed about academics.
Growing up, I put so much pressure on myself to do well in school. I have theories about why I did this, but they don’t matter. What I’ve learned is nobody in my life as an adult cares what my high school GPA was. Did having a great GPA help me land a full scholarship to college? Absolutely. But, did I need to stress as much as I did over it? Definitely not.
My advice to my younger self would be to just let it go sometimes. To do well, do her best and get good grades, but don’t make that such an important part of life. I completely missed my 16th birthday because I had a band concert that night. My band director threatened to dock my grade to a “C” if I didn’t go to the concert. So instead of celebrating with my family as planned (and as I wanted to), I went to the concert. I didn’t want to risk my GPA. Looking back, I should have just stayed home and celebrated. And that leads to…
8. Relax and enjoy life.
I know life seems stressful and busy when you’re a tween and teen. I do remember that, but I can also promise you are in a phase when you can choose to just enjoy life. You have some responsibilities, sure. However, you aren’t in charge of everything in your life. While that is sometimes frustrating, it’s also freeing.
Middle and high school are the perfect times to enjoy life. Try new things. Take up a new hobby and see what you think. Spend a Saturday reading through an entire novel. Don’t get so caught up in the stress of life that you forget to also enjoy it!
9. Life will never go according to plan.
Poor younger me. She was a planner. In fact, I still am a planner. I love to have a plan and to-do lists. They make my heart sing. But my best advice to my younger self is to know that life won’t go according to plan, and that’s OK. Your tween and teen years are a great time to learn to embrace the unpredictability of life. Get upset about the change in what you had planned if you need to. However, don’t get stuck there. Move forward into a plan B, C, D or however many letters it takes!
One day, you’ll look back and understand why your original plan not working out was for the best. Or at the very least, you’ll see lessons you learned as a result. And more times than you would guess, you’ll be thankful your original plan fell through because the alternative was so much better. Make plans, but know they won’t always turn out exactly as you envisioned, and it really is OK.
10. Give yourself grace.
Yep. I do harp on this a lot, but it’s something I wish my younger self knew sooner. I’ve spent a lifetime excelling at being hard on myself. I’m nice to people around me. In fact, I love encouraging other people and always have, even as a tween and teen. But, whew! I am mean to myself. My inner voice says awful things and has no patience for mistakes.
I’m continually learning to quiet this voice and remind myself I’m doing the best I can. I truly wish I had learned this lesson from a younger age. It would have saved me from so many negative feelings and given me self-confidence.
Thanks to Sarah Bull from EconomyMom.com for sharing this guest post about becoming a mompreneur with Families with Grace! Sarah is a single mom of two, an entrepreneur and a penny pincher. She created her blog to share what she’s learned about growing a home-based business and making money online all while raising two awesome kids. Through her site, she hopes to inspire readers, especially fellow moms, to take their earning destinies into their own hands using her career and money-making advice. Be prepared to be inspired!
As a stay-at-home mom, you might not work a nine-to-five, but you certainly spend the day working. Household chores and childcare are enough to fill your time, but perhaps you have an entrepreneurial itch and you want to start your own business. If you aspire to join the ranks of successful mompreneurs,these six essential skills can help you succeed.
1. Business initiative
The most important skill of all is a sense of initiative. Even if you have a stellar business idea and a fully fleshed-out plan, you’re the only person who can make that plan a reality. Mompreneurs need to have the confidence and determination to start your business — and keep it going when challenges inevitably arise.
2. Ability to plan ahead
Planning ahead is another vital skill that entrepreneurs — and parents — must have, and you can plan ahead for your business by starting a limited liability company. An LLC can minimize the amount of taxes that you owe and protect your personal assets, and it may also reduce the volume of paperwork you have to complete.
Another great way to plan for your business’s future is by going back to school for a degree in Information Technology. And if you’re open to online learning platforms, you should consider this option which allows you to learn at your own pace as well as gain skills like networking and data management that are vital to modern businesses.
3. Knowledge of digital records
Successful mompreneurs need to know how to run a business efficiently — and maintaining digital records is a huge part of that. Digitizing paper files will save space, and it also allows you to save documents on your tablet or phone in a PDF format.
Keep important documents readily available when you’re on the go. PDFs are great because they can be accessed on a mobile device even if you can’t connect to WiFi. They’re also great for sharing documents without worrying about editing permissions.
4. Social media marketing savvy
Social media is a vital tool for connecting with your target customers and marketing to them directly. In order to take advantage of this potential, you need to learn how social media algorithms work. You also need an eye for aesthetics if you plan on creating marketing graphics to use on social media.
According to statistics, members of Facebook spend an average of 19.6 hours on the site each month. Using a Facebook ad maker can simplify the process of marketing to these users. It’s easy to edit a template with your own photos, fonts and other details. Download it immediately once your design is done.
5. Marketing smarts
Social media isn’t the only marketing tool you need to master. You should also familiarize yourself with local print advertising opportunities and other marketing channels that may be effective.
6. Balance between work and kids
Achieving work-life balance is a skill some people spend their whole life chasing. If you plan to be a stay-at-home mom and a small business owner, though, you need to master it sooner rather than later. You can start by clearly designating your time and splitting it between your business and your kids.
Moms make great business owners
Moms are some of the hardest-working people on the planet. If you’re ready to start making a profit from your work, starting a business could be the right path. Your business will benefit from forming an LLC, going back to school and devising a solid social media marketing scheme. Being a mompreneur can be your path to the successful work-life balance you want.
Families With Grace invites you to join in the journey to create a home filled with grace, love and faith. Questions? We’d love to hear from you!
Affiliate links are used in this post, if you make a qualifying purchase via my link, I receive a small percentage of the sale at no additional cost to you. I only recommend products and services I use and love. It helps support my blog, so thank you for your support! Read my full disclosure here.
I originally wrote this post back in April of 2011 when I had only one child who was 1-1/2 at the time. While I did some updating to refresh it, I still feel compelled to give advice for moms to be when I see them out and about. For now, I am still able to resist!
I’ve always been a quiet person. I’ve never had a need to give random advice to others (especially strangers). That is until I became a mother. Now it sort of makes sense to me why mothers dole out advice — both wanted and unwanted — to their kids and random strangers. It is just in you.
When I’m shopping at Target and see a woman with a big belly perusing the baby department with a scan gun for her registry, I want to stop her and chat. Anywhere I go and see a couple who is pregnant with their first child, I feel the urge to tell them things. When I read status updates on Facebook of friends or family who are expecting their first child, I fight the urge to type all sorts of thoughts and advice. And even when childless friends talk to me about wanting to start a family someday, I have to stomp down my urge to overshare.
I do manage to keep my mouth shut with complete strangers. And I try to take it easy on my friends and family. Hopefully, I succeed. But, I want to somehow explain to them that they really don’t know what they’re in for. Having a child is so much harder and so much more wonderful than you can ever expect. Becoming a parent changes your world completely.
Practical advice for moms to be
I definitely have practical advice for moms to be. I would share what to really expect from labor and delivery — the things no one tells you, not even in the birthing class at the hospital. For instance, you will be amazed at how little you care about lack of modesty during the birthing process and even learning to nurse if you go that route.
Moms to be also need to know to buy plenty of feminine hygiene products. Get the largest pads made, and buy twice as many as you think you’ll need. Consider getting at least one package of adult diapers, which are also great for postpartum moms.
I’d share things like which infant tub is best because it will work for newborns to toddlers. We had a few styles and found this one worked best.
Also, I’d tell her which big toys really come in handy and which take up more space than they are worth. A baby play mat is awesome. And my daughter spent a lot of time hanging out in her bouncy seat. It saved my sanity to know she was strapped in somewhere safe.
I’d let her know that big swings aren’t worth it for the cost and space they take up. Not all babies like swings, my daughter didn’t care for the swing so much. If your baby does like to swing, though, having a portable swing takes up less space and lets you move it around the house with you. [I had to add in the portable swing, because my second child loved swinging and the portable swing was a lifesaver!]
I’d tell both parents to be to take time to shower and relax in those first few months whenever they had a chance. I’d tell them to ask for help and let a trusted person (grandparents are ideal) watch the baby for a bit even just so they could nap, run errands or (dare I say it) see a movie.
Emotional advice for moms to be
And there are more abstract tips and ideas I’d share. I’d tell them how the baby will take all of your energy and just when you’ve about had enough he or she will give you a smile for the first time. Suddenly your energy renews and your heart melts, even if it is 3 a.m. and you’re up for the third time since going to bed at 10 p.m.
I’d share that it might take time, but you will eventually adjust to living life completely for someone else. Eventually you will be able to find pieces of your identity again and remember sometimes that you are more than just a mom.
For sure I’d get advice to moms to be to worry less and enjoy more. For the first couple of months, I lived in fear every time I put my daughter down at night to sleep that she wouldn’t wake up in the morning. She’s a happy, healthy almost 19-month-old now. [And now a 13-year-old!]
I worried that if she saw a television show for even one minute she’d have ADD. She couldn’t care less about TV, and she’s as smart as can be. [She’s tested as high ability from kindergarten on.]
So many times I worried that I wouldn’t produce enough milk, and then I ended up with a chest freezer full. All that worrying for nothing. When we’re new moms we can put so much pressure on ourselves and worry about every little thing. Do your best to remind yourself that humans have been surviving for thousands of years. You can do this!
The truth about becoming a mom
You see, all this advice (and more!) bubbles up within me as I encounter new moms. I have lots to say. Instead, I smile. Or I say “Congratulations” if I know them. Internally, I want to warn them. I want to prepare them. But, I also know that no one can prepare you. It just isn’t possible. I thought I was prepared and knew what I was in for. I didn’t and, frankly, I couldn’t have.
Then again, I guess that’s part of the whole parenthood experience. And so you’re left with lots of advice. I’m sure there is untold advice around me from parents of older children about what will be coming my way. On the other hand, I’m not sure I want to know, yet. I’m also pretty sure that I won’t really get it until I experience it for myself. That’s just the way life is.
Tips to stay safe online from a cyber security expert
As a child in the 1980s, I didn’t do much at all with technology. That’s not at all true for my own kiddos. They’ve been using tablets and computers since preschool. And that’s just at school. Unlike other parenting strategies my husband and I can draw from our own childhood experiences, online safety is all new. Parents like us have to figure out how to keep our kiddos safe online and navigate the challenges that come with technology. Knowing some cyber safety tips can help.
Let’s go a step further than basic cyber safety tips. Instead let’s take a deeper look into how to keep our kids safe online. I recently sat down with my husband, a cybersecurity expert who is a certified ethical hacker, and talked with him about cyber safety for families. These 15 cyber safety tips come through him and what works for our own family.
1. Be aware of what you post about your children.
We parents get the blame for everything. But the truth is when it comes to cyber safety, we have to be just as careful as our children. While social media may be your outlet, be aware that what you post about your kids can impact them and affect their safety. Gulp.
I have some strict rules in place for my family that we all adhere to. For example, I don’t share on any public platform our specific location, the name of my children’s school or even the full names of my children. I’m very protective of their information and their photographs. I try to always consider how what I post could impact my kids if the wrong person got that information. And I assume the wrong person will get any information I post publicly in order to keep myself on track.
2. Set up their email accounts to go to yours as well.
One of the settings offered in Gmail (and pretty much any email service you use) is mail forwarding. Our daughter, who is 13, has been using her email address for the past two years. The rule from the beginning has been that all messages are forwarded to her dad’s email address. She doesn’t get anything that he doesn’t get as well. While we trust her, we also want to be aware of what she’s doing and with whom she is interacting. The biggest thing we’ve found with getting her emails is what kinds of things she’s signing up for online, which is important.
While teens still email, they do much more when it comes to direct messaging. For any account our daughter has, she has to give us her username and password so that we can check in on it. Right now the only social media she has and uses is Pinterest. She and I are connected so I can see her boards, but I can also log in and check her stuff.
For a while, especially during quarantine, she was really into a writing app that I didn’t use. I had the app on my phone and set up with her account so any time she got a notification, I did, too.
4. Utilize YouTube Kids.
Kids love videos, and YouTube Kids is a great way to let them have access to videos without worrying as much. We started both of our children with YouTube Kids and only in the past two years let our daughter have access to regular YouTube. While it isn’t completely locked down, it does keep the content mostly child friendly and help keep your kids from accidentally (or intentionally) getting onto a video that is inappropriate.
Whether they are on YouTube Kids or the regular version, periodically check their search history and the videos they are watching. Last year, my daughter was talking about a pastor she really enjoyed watching on YouTube. I checked out the videos to make sure they were solid and was pleased that they were. In fact, when Sarah Jakes Roberts came to a city near us earlier this year, I got tickets and the two of us went to see her in person. But it could have been a different story if the “pastor” wasn’t Biblically sound or was otherwise a negative influence
5. Know their passwords.
Anything that requires a login and password is something that our kids are required to give to us as well. If there is ever a question, problem, issue or a need to do a random check, we are able to do so. The same is true for their devices. If they have a lock-screen, we have to know the passcode to get in. We haven’t had an issue with our kiddos (really just our 13-year-old right now) not sharing this information or keeping us updated, but if we did, the consequence is loss of technology.
When it comes to cyber safety tips, one of the most important things for both adults and kiddos is to keep passwords protected. Find a system that works for you. My husband trusts Bitwarden to manage passwords, so I use it as well. I like that I can have it installed as an extension on my laptop and on my phone, so I always have log-in information and passwords easily accessible. Consider using a password manager to more easily keep track of your kids’ passwords (and your own!).
6. Pick the correct usernames.
Usernames for apps and games are public. Help your kids choose an appropriate username that doesn’t reveal personal information. Our rule is that usernames can’t include their real name. My daughter uses favorite fictional characters to comprise her usernames. We have also used variations of favorite animals. Regardless, definitely don’t allow usernames that include their name or their full name for games, apps or social media.
7. Approve of their profile photos.
Many apps and programs require a profile photo, even if it isn’t social media. Be sure to approve of your child’s profile photo for apps before they post them. Our rule is photos of themselves are typically not allowed. There are so many fun alternatives they can use instead. In fact, my daughter’s Pinterest profile picture is a funny meme.
8. Talk about liars online.
A huge cyber safety tip for parents is to talk about online stranger danger. Most adults these days know to be cautious on who you trust online, because people aren’t necessarily who they say they are. But, kids don’t know that as well. Our 13-year-old has gotten tired of hearing it, but we still remind her that you never know who you’re talking to in many situations. Just because someone seems like a fellow fan of a book who is also in school doesn’t mean they are. Instead of being a 13-year-old girl, the person could be a 30-year-old man looking for an inappropriate relationship.
9. Remind them of the permanence of online content.
Just like we talked about in what we post about our kiddos, we all need to know that what we post is always online, even if we delete it. Someone can access it. My husband’s online philosophy is that he assumes anything he posts will eventually become public, even if he is sharing it to only friends on social media. Chances are that won’t actually happen, but it’s a good rule of thumb to make sure that you aren’t oversharing or posting inappropriate things. Our kiddos also need this information and reminder.
10. Utilize filters and device managers.
Figuring out what to use for filters and device managers can be a challenge. I’m fortunate in that my cybersecurity husband is on it. I can’t tell you what’s best, but I can tell you what works really well for us and both are free. Our kids’ computers have Microsoft Family Safety installed on them that filters internet content and generates reports.
What we use the absolute most, though, is Google Family Link. It works on both Apple and Android devices, including Chromebooks. This allows us to see what our kids are doing on their device, set time limits and prohibit them from installing apps (even free ones) without password-protected permission from us. The time limits include being able to set times that their device shuts down. For example, our son’s tablet is set so that he can’t use it before 7 a.m. or after 7:30 p.m. We can go in and modify that for one-time or ongoing instances.
11. Don’t allow them to install apps without permission.
I trust my kiddos. Neither of them have given me a reason to not trust them with technology, but for right now, neither of them are allowed to install apps on their devices without permission from us. Through Google Family Link (see the previous point), their devices are set so any app installed on their phone requires password-protected permission from us.
The biggest reason we’ve instated this policy is to keep them from installing apps that will fill up their devices or are otherwise spam-y. But it also serves to make sure they aren’t able to install nefarious apps to hide things. I know there will come a point at which they are allowed to be responsible for their own app management, but right now they are 9 and 13. I don’t see that happening any time soon.
12. Keep passwords and passcodes secret.
Our kids want to be good friends and trust their friends. And they should be able to, but they also need to understand that sharing passwords and passcodes is not OK. In order to stay safe online, our kids’ devices and accounts need to be controlled by them (and us). Allowing anyone else access to them is asking for trouble.
13. Don’t let friends have free reign on devices.
This goes right along with protecting passwords. Nobody else should have free reign on our kiddos’ devices. Again, friends should be trustworthy, but not everyone has the same rules and standards for cyber safety.
For example, a couple of years ago, a friend of my daughter’s nabbed her tablet and starting messaging with someone on a writing app my daughter was using. Our rule was that our daughter couldn’t use her real name on the app at all, even in private messages. Her friend started to send a message to someone that mentioned her real name. There wasn’t an issue in the end, but even just those sorts of things can happen without malintent.
14. Talk about what information is OK to share and what isn’t.
When it comes to cyber safety tips, this is sort of a no-brainer. We all know we shouldn’t share personal information online. But our kids don’t have those years of experience or even always think about how what they are sharing could be used against them. In our family, our kiddos aren’t allowed to share where they live any more detailed than the geographic region of the country. They also cannot share their school name or their real names. Those are our rules for their protection.
15. Keep lines of communication open.
Being able to talk with your kiddos about what they’re doing online and any issues they encounter is important. We want our kids to come to us with questions. We also talk with them about various situations and how to be safe online. Technology is part of their world, and we can’t pretend it isn’t.
My husband and I are doing our best to help our kids navigate technology and the internet in safe ways. That means giving them chances to use technology and not forbidding it. It means trusting them, but arming them with information about how to stay safe. And it also means having consequences in place for breaking our technology rules.
One of the other things we do in communicating with our kids about cyber safety is to be sure to praise them when they make the right choices. I’ve seen my oldest handle direct messages with well when the sender seemed suspicious or was telling her something required more help than she could give. I complimented her for her responses to highlight to her what she did well. Giving praise is just as important as doling out criticism and advice.
How privately breastfeeding my children is the right choice for us
I wrote these words originally back in April of 2013 when my youngest was a couple of months old and my oldest was 3. This is part of my story of breastfeeding and what worked best for my children and me.
Sometimes I read something that really irks me. This was the case last week when I came across a link to an article titled “If you don’t support breastfeeding in public, you don’t support breastfeeding” on Huffington Post. It made me roll my eyes. And it made my blood pressure rise a notch or two. Let me explain.
First, I’m proud that nursing is working for my son and me. I had to exclusively pump milk for my now 3-year-old and that left me with many mixed emotions. Forming a working nursing relationship with my son has been precious to me, even during the times when I’m exhausted and seriously doubting my decision to nurse. (I’d wager every nursing mother has had those moments and powered through them.)
However, I don’t feel like I have to nurse my son in front of everyone to be proud that nursing is working for us. It’s our own private journey we’ve taken together. Sure, at home I nurse him in front of my 3-year-old and my husband. I’ve nursed discreetly a couple of times in front of my mom, but that’s where I draw the line. If anyone else is at our house I go to another room with the door closed.
The main reason I breastfeed in private has to do with myself.
Here’s the important message why: I do this for my own comfort. My OWN comfort. I think my extended family would be supportive should I stay near them and nurse my son. However, I’m not comfortable that way, even with a nursing cover. For now, at just over two months in, I find the nursing cover almost creates more trouble than help. I still need to see him and what he’s doing. I would be too uncomfortable to nurse sans cover in front of others for my own modesty reasons and just plain comfort. (Just so you know, my own modesty includes not showing my breasts, cleavage or even bare belly.) And so, my boy and I head off on our own during feeding times.
Not everyone needs to be part of my breastfeeding journey.
Second, random strangers are not invited to be part of my breastfeeding experience. I long ago had to get over the judging looks I’d sometimes get in public when I gave my daughter a bottle. At first I wanted to scream at those people that I was giving her breastmilk. I wanted to scream even louder that they should mind their own business and just be happy I’m feeding my child. Please know that I have no problem with formula-feeding moms. We all do what is best for our babies. Keeping them fed is most important no matter how we do it. I worked through those feelings last time and I refuse to let them they creep up this time. My choice is to either nurse in the car, which I’ve done a couple of times, or to pump and take milk with me.
And I know that pumping and taking a bottle gets some moms in a tizzy. They decry the torture of the breast pump. As someone who has logged hours upon hours upon hours upon hours hooked to a breast pump, I can say I’ve never found it torturous. In fact, the pump has been kinder to me than my baby. It never turns its head away while still attached to me. It never gets mad and bites down. My breast pump just stays attached and keeps a steady rhythm.
They also decry supply issues. These are the same kind of women who would say that you can’t build and maintain a milk supply with a breast pump. They irritated me last time around, too. I have the proof that’s possible since my daughter got breast milk from me via a pump and bottle for her entire first year and just beyond. Yes. It can be done.
I know that right now my milk supply isn’t completely established, so I have to be careful. Supply is established at 12 weeks; I’ll hit 10 weeks tomorrow. I know these things even more so based on my previous experience. Because of that, I’m careful about pumping and making sure that if I miss a feeding from the tap with my little man that I’m pumping enough around that feeding time so my supply doesn’t suffer.
Just last week, for example, my husband and I had a chance to go to dinner and a movie. I took my pump along with the car adapter. We parked behind the movie theater so I could pump before we went in since my son was getting a bottle at home from my mom. This time around I’ve pumped extra milk to have a bit of a stash built up. So I’d daresay that pumping has actually helped me build and increase my supply in conjunction with nursing. And it gives me a bit of a cushion to know I have milk for my son in case something happens and we need it in a pinch.
My baby drinks faster from a bottle.
The other benefit to giving my son a bottle is that feeding him goes faster. He takes a bottle in 10 minutes. With nursing, he takes twice that or more by taking at least 10 minutes per side. Having 20 minutes to sit anywhere in public is often a challenge. So, I’m more comfortable with a bottle. Thus far he’s had a bottle at church, two restaurants and two doctor’s appointments. He’s not minded. He’s had a chance to actually get his fill before we had to switch activities, and I’ve pumped within an hour at most of each of these bottles. We’re both happier.
Most importantly, this makes me most comfortable and at ease so it benefits my baby the most. We’re both more relaxed. I know how I’d feel nursing in public. The thought of it makes me feel antsy. That’s never a good feeling to associate with nursing. And it’s sure not helpful to my son who picks up on my emotions and reacts to them.
Breastfeeding in public doesn’t change anyone’s mind.
To say that I don’t support breastfeeding because I don’t nurse in public is offensive and downright incorrect. I have proven that I support breastfeeding by tying myself to a pump for a year to make sure my daughter got breastmilk. I have proven it by allowing my son to latch on and use my breasts for sustenance when, quite frankly, sometimes I’d rather be doing something else — like sleeping. It’s not about me, though. It’s about my children getting breastmilk. I’m happy to provide that for them.
What I support most is feeding babies however works best and is most comfortable for them and their mommies. For some that’s with formula. For some it’s with pumped milk through a bottle. Others nurse directly at the breast. Still others use a combination of methods. For me, I am most comfortable giving a bottle in public or going to the car. If a nursing mama is comfortable nursing in public, she should go for it. I don’t have an issue with anyone else nursing in public. I just know that it’s not for me and I don’t feel I should be chastised for that.
And I am not keeping nursing on the back burner by not nursing in public. Seeing me nurse in the middle of the mall is not going to change anyone’s mind about breastfeeding just as seeing political posts on my Facebook News Feed is not going to change my mind about my own political views. I don’t owe it to society to nurse in public. It’s not going to further advance breastfeeding. I only owe it to my baby to make sure he’s fed. And I will choose to do that in a way that feels most comfortable to me.
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