Beyond the vows: For better or for worse

“Beyond the vows” is a new series about what marriage relationships actually look like once the wedding is over and life happens. Learn more about the series and how you can share your own story here!

Melissa, from Momma Melissa’s Musings, is sharing her story of being married for better or for worse for the “Beyond the vows” series. You’re going to be inspired by her story!

When my husband and I got married we had the dreams that most newly married couples do, I guess. We wanted it to just be the two of us for a little while and then we would start our family. I wanted five kids, and he was willing to give me what I wanted. Then we would raise our children and grow old together as we served the Lord in the ministry. 

Little did we know the trouble that we would have along the way. When you are planning and envisioning your life, you don’t really envision the rough times. You think everything will go just like you plan it. When we said “for better or for worse,” I am not sure we were picturing what it would actually take to see our plans come to fruition, but God knew. God knew what we would go through and everything happens for a reason and in God’s timing. 

About a year and a half to two years into our marriage, we decided that we wanted to start a family. Well, months went by with no pregnancy and we both started to get discouraged so I went to the doctor. Turns out I have polycystic ovarian syndrome and a thyroid disorder, so I was put on the proper medication and told we could keep trying. As each month passed, hope faded. We dealt with a lot of anxiety and worry that it would never happen.

Finally, after nearly two years of trying, we found out in November 2010 that I was expecting our first baby. We imagined all the things that parents-to-be imagine. We dreamed about what that child would do, who they would be and what kind of impact they would have on our lives. We planned out the perfect way to tell our parents and extended family. Everyone was so overjoyed and celebrated with us and dreamed those dreams with us.

That is when it happened. That is when we experienced “for worse.” The loss I felt was so great. The loss of a child, the loss of the hopes and dreams, the loss of memories that we would have made. I kind of collapsed into myself a bit, but my husband wouldn’t let me collapse too far. He wouldn’t let me cry by myself. He didn’t want me feeling alone, even though sometimes I felt alone when I was with an entire group of people.

I went through times of depression, anxiety and worry that we would not conceive again and we would never be able to realize our dream of being parents. My husband encouraged me to talk these feelings over with him and let him grieve with me. He was my rock. Even though this was definitely “for worse,” keeping God at the center of our marriage, we were able to become stronger together. We clung to His promise in His word that He would not leave us or forsake us and the hope we had of one day seeing that baby.

As more months went by and our due date came and went, the hope of a new pregnancy was fading. I had nearly given up on God when a visiting preacher preached a message on the persistent prayer. I was so convicted that I began praying anew and with a new spirit, all the while understanding that I don’t know the mind of God. His answer could be “no,” but it could also be “not now.”

Two weeks later we found out we were expecting our Rainbow baby. That pregnancy was filled with anxiety and worry and many ultrasounds and checking on the baby. We clung to each other for strength as we both clung to the Savior. The moment we welcomed our first child into the world was definitely “for better.”

The Lord has blessed us with three miracle babies that the doctors weren’t sure we would ever have, but God knew. He knew all the “for better” and the “for worse” that we would ever have and ever will have. I am sure there will be many more of these times in our lives, but with the Lord’s help we can make it through them all together!

Melissa is a stay at home wife to a husband who is in full time ministry. She has three beautiful children who are 6, 4 and 3 years old. In her free time, if she gets any, she loves to craft, shop and spend time with her family. You can find more about Melissa on her blog, Momma Melissa’s Musings.

Learn more about the “Beyond the vows” series and how you can share your own story here!

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